"Mama, ngikhathele!" - ibinzana elingabangela ukwethuka kubazali abaningi. Ngesizathu esithile, kubonakala ngathi ingane enesithukuthezi ifakazela ngokucacile ukwehluleka kwethu kwabazali, ukungakwazi ukudala izimo ezifanele zokuthuthukiswa. Akehle, ochwepheshe bayeluleka: isithukuthezi sinobuhle baso obungenakuqhathaniswa.
Abazali abaningi bavame ukupenda iholide lehlobo lengane yabo ngokoqobo ngehora. Hlela yonke into ukuze kungabikho iviki elilodwa elichithwayo, ngaphandle kohambo olusha nokuvelayo, ngaphandle kwemidlalo ethakazelisayo nemisebenzi ewusizo. Sesaba ngisho ukucabanga ukuthi ingane izovuka ekuseni futhi ingazi ukuthi yenzeni.
“Ungesabi isithukuthezi futhi ugcwalise izingane ehlobo, kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo yezingane uLyn Fry, uchwepheshe wezemfundo. - Uma usuku lonke lomntwana lugcwele imisebenzi ehlelwe abantu abadala, lokhu kumvimbela ukuba athole okuthile okungokwakhe, ukuqonda ukuthi yini enesithakazelo ngempela. Umsebenzi wabazali ukusiza indodana yabo (indodakazi) ukuthola indawo yabo. emphakathini, ube umuntu omdala. Futhi ukuba umuntu omdala kusho ukukwazi ukuzigcina simatasa futhi sithole izinto esizenzayo nezinto zokuzilibazisa ezisilethela injabulo. Uma abazali benikela ngaso sonke isikhathi sabo ukuhlela isikhathi esikhululekile somntwana wabo, khona-ke akasoze afunda ukukwenza ngokwakhe.
Isithukuthezi sisinikeza isisusa sangaphakathi sokuqamba.
"Kungenxa yesithukuthezi ukuthi sikhuthazeke ngaphakathi ukuba sibe nobuciko," kuqinisekisa uTeresa Belton, uchwepheshe wezokuthuthukiswa eNyuvesi yase-East Anglia. “Ukungabikho kwamakilasi kusikhuthaza ukuthi sizame ukwenza into entsha, engajwayelekile, ukuze siqhamuke nokusebenzisa umqondo othile.” Futhi nakuba amathuba ethu okushiywa kithi aye ancipha ngokuphawulekayo ngokuthuthukiswa kobuchwepheshe be-inthanethi, kufanelekile ukulalela amazwi ochwepheshe abebelokhu bekhuluma ngokubaluleka “kokungenzi lutho” ekukhuleni kwengane amashumi eminyaka ambalwa. Ngo-1993, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Adam Phillips sabhala ukuthi ikhono lokubekezelela isithukuthezi lingaba impumelelo ebalulekile ekukhuleni kwengane: "Isithukuthezi siyithuba lethu lokucabanga ngokuphila kunokugijima ngakho."1.
Ngokubona kwakhe, enye yezidingo ezicindezela kakhulu zabantu abadala enganeni ukuthi kufanele ibe matasa ngokuthile okuthakazelisayo ngisho nangaphambi kokuba ithole ithuba lokuqonda ukuthi yini, empeleni, ayithakaselayo. Kodwa ukuze ikuqonde lokhu, ingane idinga isikhathi esingenakho okunye.
Thola okuthakaselayo ngempela
ULyn Fry umema abazali ukuba bahlale phansi nezingane zabo ekuqaleni kwehlobo futhi ndawonye benze uhlu lwezinto ingane engajabulela ukuzenza phakathi namaholide. Kungase kube khona imisebenzi evamile njengokudlala amakhadi, ukufunda izincwadi, ukugibela ibhayisikili. Kodwa kungase kube nemibono eyinkimbinkimbi, yokuqala, njengokupheka isidlo sakusihlwa, ukwenza umdlalo, noma ukuthatha izithombe.
Futhi uma ingane iza kuwe ngelinye ihlobo ikhononda ngesithukuthezi, mtshele ukuthi abheke ohlwini. Ngakho umnika ilungelo lokuzinqumela ukuthi yiliphi ibhizinisi azolikhetha nokuthi angawachitha kanjani amahora amahhala. Noma engayitholi. ukuthi enzeni, akunankinga ukuthi uzomope. Into eyinhloko ukuqonda ukuthi lokhu akukhona ukuchitha isikhathi.
Ekuqaleni kwehlobo, yenza uhlu lwezinto nezingane zakho ezingajabulela ukuzenza ngesikhathi samaholide.
“Ngicabanga ukuthi izingane kufanele zifunde ukuba nesithukuthezi ukuze zizishukumisele ekwenzeni umsebenzi othile futhi zifinyelele imigomo yazo siqu,” kuchaza uLin Fry. “Ukuvumela ingane ukuthi ibhoreke kungenye yezindlela zokuyifundisa ukuzimela futhi ithembele kuyena.”
Inkolelo-mbono efanayo yathuthukiswa ngo-1930 isazi sefilosofi uBertrand Russell, esanikeza isahluko sencazelo yesithukuthezi encwadini yaso ethi The Conquest of Happiness. “Ukucabanga kanye nekhono lokubhekana nesithukuthezi kumelwe kuqeqeshwe ebuntwaneni,” kubhala isazi sefilosofi. “Ingane ikhula kahle kakhulu lapho, njengesitshalo esincane, ishiywa ingaphazanyiswa enhlabathini efanayo. Ukuhamba okuningi, okuhlangenwe nakho okuhlukahlukene kakhulu, akusilungele isidalwa esincane, njengoba sikhula simenza angakwazi ukubekezelela i-monotony enezithelo.2.
Funda kabanzi I-Quartz.
1 A. Phillips «Ekuqabuleni, Ukukitaza, kanye nokuba Nesithukuthezi: I-Psychoanalytic Essays on the Unexamined Life» (Harvard University Press, 1993).
2 B. Russell "Ukunqotshwa Kwenjabulo" (Liveright, 2013).