Okuqukethwe
"Ingane idinga ubaba", "owesifazane onabantwana akadonsi amadoda" - emphakathini bajwayele ukuhawukela ngesikhathi esifanayo futhi balahle omama abangabodwa. Ubandlululo oludala alulahlekelwa ukubaluleka kwalo ngisho namanje. Ungazivumeli kanjani izinkolelo-ze zonakalise ukuphila kwakho, kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo.
Emhlabeni, isibalo sabesifazane abakhulisa izingane bodwa sikhula kancane kancane. Kwabanye, lokhu kuwumphumela wokusukela kwabo siqu kanye nokukhetha kwabo ngokuqaphela, kwabanye - inhlanganisela yezimo ezingezinhle: isehlukaniso, ukukhulelwa okungahlelelwe ... Kodwa kubo bobabili, lokhu akusona isivivinyo esilula. Ake siqonde ukuthi kungani lokhu kunjalo.
Inombolo yenkinga 1. Ingcindezi yomphakathi
Ukucaciswa kwesimo sethu sengqondo kusikisela ukuthi ingane kufanele ibe nabo bobabili umama noyise. Uma ubaba engekho ngesizathu esithile, umphakathi uyashesha ukudabukela ingane kusengaphambili: "izingane ezivela emindenini enomzali oyedwa azikwazi ukujabula", "umfana udinga ubaba, ngaphandle kwalokho ngeke akhule aze ube yindoda yangempela.”
Uma isinyathelo sokukhulisa umntwana yedwa sivela kowesifazane ngokwakhe, abanye baqala ukucasuka: “ngenxa yabantwana, umuntu angabekezela,” “amadoda awabadingi abantwana babanye abantu,” “owesifazane ohlukanisile nomkakhe. izingane ngeke zaneliseke ngokuphila kwakhe siqu.”
Owesifazane uzithola eyedwa nengcindezi yabanye, okumenza abeke izaba futhi azizwe enephutha. Lokhu kuyamphoqa ukuthi azivalele futhi agweme ukuxhumana nezwe langaphandle. Ingcindezi icindezela owesifazane ekucindezelekeni, uhlobo olubi lwengcindezi, futhi iqhubekisela phambili isimo sakhe sengqondo esibucayi kakade.
Okufanele ngikwenze?
Okokuqala, susa ukukhohlisa okuholela ekuthembeleni embonweni womunye umuntu. Ngokwesibonelo:
- Abantu abangizungezile bahlala bengihlola kanye nezenzo zami, baqaphele ukushiyeka.
- Uthando lwabanye kufanele luzuzwe, ngakho-ke kuyadingeka ukujabulisa wonke umuntu.
- Umbono wabanye ulungile kakhulu, njengoba ubonakala ngaphandle.
Ukucwasa okunjalo kwenza kube nzima ukuhlobana ngokwanele nombono womunye umuntu - nakuba lokhu kungomunye wemibono, futhi kungeyona inhloso ngaso sonke isikhathi. Umuntu ngamunye ubona iqiniso ngokusekelwe ekuqageleni kwakhe umhlaba. Futhi kukuwe ukuthi unqume ukuthi umbono womuntu uwusizo yini kuwe, ukuthi uzowusebenzisa yini ukuthuthukisa impilo yakho.
Zithembe wena, umbono wakho kanye nezenzo zakho ngaphezulu. Ziqhathanise nabanye kancane. Zizungeze nalabo abangakufaki ingcindezi, futhi uhlukanise izifiso zakho kulokho okulindele kwabanye, ngaphandle kwalokho ubeka impilo yakho kanye nezingane zakho engozini.
Inkinga inombolo 2. Isizungu
Isizungu singenye yezinkinga eziyinhloko ezifaka ushevu empilweni kamama ongayedwa, kokubili lapho kwenzeka isehlukaniso esiphoqelelwe futhi esimweni sesinqumo esinengqondo sokukhulisa izingane ngaphandle komyeni. Ngokwemvelo, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi owesifazane azungezwe abantu abaseduze, abathandekayo. Ufuna ukwakha iziko, ukuqoqa abantu abathandayo eduze kwayo. Lapho lokhu kugxila kwehla ngenxa yesizathu esithile, owesifazane ulahlekelwa unyawo lwakhe.
Umama ongayedwa akanakho ukusekelwa ngokokuziphatha nangokomzimba, umuzwa wehlombe lendoda. I-banal, kodwa imikhuba edingekayo yokuxhumana kwansuku zonke nomlingani ayifinyeleleki kuye: ithuba lokuhlanganyela izindaba zosuku oludlule, ukuxoxa ngebhizinisi emsebenzini, ukubonisana ngezinkinga zezingane, ukukhuluma ngemicabango nemizwa yakho. Lokhu kumlimaza kakhulu owesifazane futhi kumngenise esimweni sokucindezeleka.
Izimo ezimkhumbuza ngesimo sakhe sokuthi "ukuba yedwa" ziyabhebhethekisa futhi ziqinise isipiliyoni. Ngokwesibonelo, kusihlwa, lapho izingane zilele futhi imisebenzi yasendlini yenziwa kabusha, izinkumbulo ziqhubeka ngamandla avuselelwe futhi isizungu sizwakala kakhulu. Noma ngezimpelasonto, lapho udinga ukuhamba nezingane “ohambweni uwedwa” ezitolo noma kumabhayisikobho.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, abangani nabajwayelene nabo bangaphambili, "umndeni" womphakathi ngokuzumayo bayayeka ukubiza nokumema izivakashi. Lokhu kwenzeka ngezizathu ezihlukahlukene, kodwa ngokuvamile imvelo yangaphambili imane ingakwazi ukusabela ngokuhlukana kombhangqwana oshadile, ngakho-ke, ngokuvamile imisa noma yikuphi ukuxhumana.
Okufanele ngikwenze?
Isinyathelo sokuqala akukona ukubalekela inkinga. "Lokhu akwenzeki kimi" ukuphika kuzokwenza izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu. Yamukela ngomoya ophansi isizungu esiphoqelelwe njengesimo sesikhashana ohlose ukusisebenzisela inzuzo yakho.
Isinyathelo sesibili ukuthola okuhle ngokuba wedwa. Ukuba wedwa kwesikhashana, ithuba lokudala, inkululeko yokungazivumelani nezifiso zomlingani. Yini enye? Yenza uhlu lwezinto eziyi-10. Kubalulekile ukufunda ukubona esimweni sakho hhayi kuphela okungalungile, kodwa futhi nezinhlangothi ezinhle.
Isinyathelo sesithathu isenzo esisebenzayo. Ukwesaba kumisa isenzo, isenzo simisa ukwesaba. Khumbula lo mthetho futhi usebenze. Abantu abasha obajwayele, izinto ezintsha zokungcebeleka, into entsha yokuzilibazisa, isilwane esifuywayo esisha - noma yimuphi umsebenzi ozokusiza ukuthi ungazizwa unesizungu futhi ugcwalise isikhala esikuzungezile ngabantu nemisebenzi ethokozisayo.
Inombolo yenkinga 3. Icala phambi kwengane
“Ukuphucwa ingane kayise”, “ayikwazanga ukusindisa umndeni,” “kwagwebela ingane ukuphila okuphansi” — lokhu kuyingxenye encane yalokho owesifazane azisole ngakho.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, nsuku zonke ubhekene nezimo ezihlukahlukene zansuku zonke ezimenza azizwe enecala nakakhulu: akakwazanga ukuthengela ingane yakhe ithoyizi ngoba akazange athole imali eyanele, noma akazange ayithathe enkulisa ngesikhathi, ngoba wayesaba ukuphinde aphume emsebenzini kusesekuseni .
Icala liyanqwabelana, owesifazane uba novalo nakakhulu futhi ancibilike. Ungaphezu kokudingekile, ukhathazekile ngomntwana, uhlala emnakekela, uzama ukumvikela kuzo zonke izinkathazo futhi uzama ukufeza zonke izifiso zakhe.
Ngenxa yalokho, lokhu kuholela eqinisweni lokuthi ingane ikhula isola ngokweqile, incike futhi igxile kuye. Ngaphezu kwalokho, uyawabona ngokushesha «amaphuzu obuhlungu» kamama futhi uqala ukuwasebenzisa ngokungazi ukuze asebenzise izingane zakhe.
Okufanele ngikwenze?
Kubalulekile ukuqaphela amandla abhubhisayo wecala. Owesifazane ngokuvamile akaqondi ukuthi inkinga ayikho lapho engekho ubaba futhi hhayi kulokho aphuce ingane, kodwa esimweni sakhe sengqondo: emuzweni wecala nokuzisola abhekana nakho kulesi simo.
Angajabula kanjani indoda echotshozwe umuzwa wecala? Vele akunjalo. Ingabe umama ongajabule angaba nezingane ezijabulayo? Vele akunjalo. Ezama ukuhlawulela icala, lona wesifazane uqala ukunikela ngokuphila kwakhe ngenxa yomntwana. Futhi emva kwalokho, lezi zisulu zethulwa kuye njenge-invoyisi yokukhokha.
Lilungise icala lakho. Zibuze imibuzo: "Iyini iphutha lami kulesi simo?", "Ngingakwazi yini ukulungisa isimo?", "Ngingalungisa kanjani?". Bhala futhi ufunde izimpendulo zakho. Cabanga ukuthi umuzwa wakho wecala ulungisiswa kanjani, ungokoqobo kangakanani futhi ulingana nesimo samanje?
Mhlawumbe ngaphansi kokuzizwa unecala ufihla ukucasuka okungashiwongo nolaka? Noma uyazijezisa ngalokho okwenzekile? Noma udinga iwayini ngokunye? Ngokulungisa icala lakho, uzokwazi ukubona futhi uqede umnyombo wokwenzeka kwawo.
Inkinga # 4
Enye inkinga ebhekene omama abangabodwana ukuthi ubuntu bomntwana bakheka kuphela ngenxa yohlobo lokukhuliswa kowesifazane. Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi uma ubaba engahileleki nhlobo ekuphileni komntwana.
Ngempela, ukuze ikhule ibe ubuntu obuvumelanayo, kuyafiseleka ukuba ingane ifunde kokubili izinhlobo zokuziphatha zabesifazane nabesilisa. Ukuchema okucacile ohlangothini olulodwa kuphela kugcwele ubunzima ngokuzihlonza kwakho okwengeziwe.
Okufanele ngikwenze?
Bandakanya izihlobo zesilisa, abangani, nabantu obaziyo ohlelweni lokukhulisa izingane. Ukuya kumamuvi nomkhulu, ukwenza umsebenzi wesikole nomalume, ukuya ekampini nabangane kungamathuba amahle okuba ingane ifunde izinhlobo ezahlukene zokuziphatha kwamadoda. Uma kungenzeka ukuthi okungenani ufake uyise wengane noma izihlobo zakhe kancane ekukhuliseni ingane, ungakushayi indiva lokhu, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi icala lakho likhulu kangakanani.
Inombolo yenkinga 5. Impilo yomuntu siqu ngokushesha
Isimo sikamama ongayedwana singase sivuse owesifazane ezenzweni zokuxhamazela nokuxhamazela. Emzamweni wokuqeda ngokushesha «inhlamba» kanye nokuhlushwa icala phambi kwengane, owesifazane uvame ukungena ebuhlotsheni angabuthandi noma angakakulungeli ngabo.
Kubaluleke kakhulu kuye ukuthi kube khona omunye eduze kwakhe, nokuthi ingane ibe noyise. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, izimfanelo zomuntu zomlingani omusha zivame ukufiphala ngemuva.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, owesifazane uzinikela ngokuphelele ekukhuliseni ingane futhi uqeda ukuphila kwakhe siqu. Ukwesaba ukuthi insizwa entsha ngeke imamukele ingane yayo, ngeke imthande njengeyakhe, noma ingane icabange ukuthi unina useyishintshile “ngomalume omusha”, kungaholela owesifazane ukuba ayeke ukuzama ukwakha umuntu siqu. ukuphila ngokuphelele.
Kuzo zombili izimo zokuqala nezesibili, owesifazane uyazidela futhi ekugcineni uhlala engajabule.
Kokubili esimweni sokuqala nesesibili, umntwana uzohlupheka. Okokuqala, ngoba uzobona ukuhlupheka kukamama eduze komuntu ongalungile. Okwesibili - ngoba uzobona ukuhlupheka kukanina enesizungu futhi azisole ngakho.
Okufanele ngikwenze?
Zinike isikhathi. Ungajahi ukuyofuna ingane ubaba omusha noma uzame umqhele wokungashadi. Ziqaphele. Hlaziya ukuthi ubulungele ubudlelwano obusha? Cabanga ukuthi kungani ufuna ubuhlobo obusha, yini ekushayela: umuzwa wecala, isizungu noma isifiso sokujabula?
Uma, ngokuphambene nalokho, uyeka ukuzama ukuhlela impilo yomuntu siqu, cabanga ngalokho okuphusha kulesi sinqumo. Ukwesaba ukuvusa umona wengane noma ukwesaba ukudumazeka kwakho? Noma ingabe okuhlangenwe nakho okungekuhle kwangaphambilini kukwenza ugweme ukuphinda lesi simo ngazo zonke izindlela? Noma ingabe isinqumo sakho esinengqondo nesilinganiselayo?
Thembeka kuwe ngokwakho futhi lapho wenza isinqumo, qondiswa umthetho oyinhloko: «Umama ojabulayo ungumntwana ojabulayo.»