Okuqukethwe
Umyalo wezinsuku zethu uthi “Bheka yonke into ngethemba!”. Ukugula kuyisizathu sokuba nomndeni wakho futhi uzwe ukusekelwa obathandayo, ukuxoshwa kuyithuba lokufunda okukhethekile okusha ... ?
Imoto iphukile? Kungcono kakhulu: ngenkathi ngisalinde iloli elidonsayo, nginesikhathi sami. Ukuphihliza esitimeleni? Ngikufisela inhlanhla, bengikukhumbule kakhulu ukusondelana kwabantu. Kunabantu abamangalisayo ababona yonke into kahle. Njengokungathi kukhona okuhle kuzo zonke izinkinga, futhi ngemuva kwayo yonke idrama kunesifundo sokuhlakanipha. Laba bantu abamangalisayo, "abakhokhisiwe" benethemba, bachaza, ngezinye izikhathi ngokumamatheka okungavamile, ukuthi uzojabula kakhulu uma ubona kuphela uhlangothi oluhle lwakho konke. Ingabe kunjalo ngempela?
Amaphutha ayafundisa
“Umphakathi wethu oqhudelanayo uyasiphoqa ukuthi sisebenze kahle kuzo zonke izici zokuphila. Kumelwe uhlobise ngisho nencwadi yakho kabusha ukuze ibonise umnyakazo oqhubekayo oya empumelelweni,” kusho isazi sefilosofi nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uMonique David-Ménard. Kodwa ingcindezi inamandla kangangokuthi ukwelulekwa kuvame ukuvela kubantu «ababunjwe umqondo wempumelelo ephelele» lapho izimpilo zabo ziwa ngokuzumayo ngenxa yokwehluleka.
Ubunzima nokwehluleka kwethu kusitshela okuningi ngathi.
Kuwo wonke umbono wabo omuhle, abafundanga ukuba nezikhathi zokudabuka futhi bangene esimweni sokudangala. “Kuyadabukisa, ngoba ubunzima bethu nokwehluleka kwethu kusitshela okuningi ngathi,” kuqhuba yena. Isibonelo, ukuhlukana nobudlelwano kusikhombisa ukuthi sasitshalwe kakhulu kulobo budlelwano, noma mhlawumbe sasizimisele ukuhluleka. Sibonga uFreud, manje sesiyazi ukuthi ama-impulses aphikisayo - ekuphileni nasekufeni, ama-eros nama-thanatos - enza ukunotha nobunkimbinkimbi bomphefumulo wethu. Ukunaka lokho okungahambanga kahle kuwukuzindla ngamaphutha ethu, ubuthakathaka bethu nokwesaba, zonke lezo zici ezakha ubuntu bethu. “Kunokuthile komuntu siqu mayelana nokuthi sizithola kanjani sisesimweni esifanayo futhi,” kuqinisekisa uMonique David-Ménard. - Futhi kulokhu kulele inkululeko yethu, "ngoba ekunqotshweni sithola izinto zokwakha impumelelo yethu."
Imizwa yenza umqondo
Iyini imizwa nemizwa? Lawa amasignali emiqondweni yethu, athi kukhona okwenzekayo kithi,” kuchaza umelaphi wamaGestalt u-Elena Shuvarikova. “Lapho sisengozini, sizwa ukwesaba; lapho silahlekelwa, sizwa usizi. Futhi ngokuzenqabela ukuzwa noma yini, asitholi ulwazi olubalulekile oluvela emzimbeni. Futhi ngaleyo ndlela silahlekelwa amathuba okukhula kwethu, silahlekelwa ukuxhumana nathi ngokwethu. Umsebenzi we-psychotherapy ukunikeza iklayenti ithuba lokubona ukuthi lithinteke kanjani kulo mcimbi, futhi lokho ekuphenduleni kwakhe kubhekisela esimweni esidlule, ukuze amfundise ukuphendula ngokunembile umzuzu wamanje.
“Ukucabanga okuhle kakhulu kusivimbela ukuba sizivumelanise nesimo samanje”, - U-Elena Shuvarikova uqinisekile. Ukuze singabhekane nezinto ezisisongelayo noma ezisethusayo, siyenqaba ukubona ukuthi yini ngempela esikhathazayo. Sithambisa isimo ukuze sehlise umoya okwesikhashana, kodwa empeleni sibheke enhlekeleleni. Phela noma ungazitshela kangakanani ukuthi umgwaqo uqondile, uma kukhona ijika uzondiza uphumele eceleni komgwaqo. Noma, njengoba umfundisi waseNdiya uSwami Prajnanpad afundisa, isenzo esifanele “ukuthi yebo kulokho okukhona.” Ikhono lokubona isimo njengoba sinjalo likuvumela ukuthi uthole izinsiza ezifanele futhi wenze ukukhetha okufanele.
Ikhono lokubona isimo njengoba sinjalo likuvumela ukuthi uthole izinsiza ezifanele futhi wenze ukukhetha okufanele.
“Imicabango emihle, njengemicabango ephambene, iyindlela ezimbili eziyingozi, ezingenazithelo, uMonique David-Ménard uyabonisa. "Ngenxa yangaphambili, sizibheka njengabanamandla onke, sibona impilo inemibala egqamile, sikholelwa ukuthi konke kungenzeka, futhi lokhu okulandelayo kusenza sibe buthaka futhi kusibekele ukwehluleka." Kuzo zombili lezi zimo, asikwenzi lutho, asidali noma asidali lutho, asiziniki amandla okwenza umhlaba osizungezile. Asiyilaleli imizwelo yethu, futhi lona kanye igama elithi «umzwelo» libuyela ku-Latin exmovere — «ukubeka phambili, ukujabulisa»: yilokhu okusigqugquzelayo, kusiphushela esenzweni.
I-Ambivalence ikwenza ukhule
Ngezinye izikhathi imfuneko yesimanje ukuzenza sengathi konke kuhamba kahle isetshenziselwa «ukungathathi hlangothi» interlocutor engxoxweni iba esishubile. Kukhona inkulumo edumile ethi "Ungangitsheli ngenkinga, kodwa unikeze isisombululo kuyo", ngeshwa, abaphathi abaningi bathanda ukuphinda kakhulu.
Inkinga iwukuthi, kunesihlamba ngemuva kwayo: yenza umzamo, usebenze kahle, uguquguquke, futhi uphile! U-Boris, 45, oyisisebenzi esithengisayo, ucasukile: “Umphathi wethu usitshele izindaba “ezinhle”: ngeke kube khona ukudilizwa ... inqobo nje uma sivuma ukuncishiselwa iholo. Bekufanele sijabule.” Labo ababelokotha basho ukungabi nabulungisa babesolwa ngokululaza umoya weqembu. Isimo sijwayelekile. Ukucabanga okuhle kuphika izinqubo zokucabanga eziyinkimbinkimbi. Uma sicabanga ukuthi kuyinkimbinkimbi, sicabangela izici eziphikisanayo futhi sisesimweni sokulingana okungazinzile, lapho ukukhetha kuhlale kuhlobene futhi kuncike kumongo. Futhi azikho izimpendulo ezilungile.
Ukugwema ubunzima, ukubheka izinto kuphela ohlangothini oluhle - isikhundla sezingane
"Ukugwema ubunzima, ukubuka izinto kuphela ohlangothini oluhle kuyisimo sezingane," ukholelwa u-Elena Shuvarikova. - Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zibiza izinyembezi nosizi ngokuthi “amavithamini okukhula.” Sivame ukutshela amaklayenti: akunakwenzeka ukuba umuntu omdala ngaphandle kokuqaphela ukuthi yini, ngaphandle kokuhlukana nento, ngaphandle kokukhala ngokwakho. Futhi uma sifuna ukuthuthukisa, ukuzazi thina, ngeke sikugweme ukuhlangabezana nokulahlekelwa nobuhlungu. Yiqiniso, kunzima, kodwa akunakugwenywa futhi kuyadingeka. Asikwazi ukuqonda konke ukuhlukahluka komhlaba ngaphandle kokuvumelana nokubili kwawo: unokuhle nokubi.
Kungokwemvelo ukukhathazeka
“Ukucabanga okuhle kungaletha induduzo engokwengqondo, inqobo nje uma singakusebenzisi njalo,” kusho uMonique David-Menard. - Ezikhathini zobunzima bomnotho, sidinga ithemba elithe xaxa. Kuyasiza ukumelana nokukhathazeka. Kodwa umbono omuhle wesimo ungase ungafaneleki ngokuphelele, isibonelo, lapho singafuni ukuzwa izikhalazo. Ayikho into ecasula umngani ophatheke kabi njengocingo lokubona okuhle empilweni.
Ngezinye izikhathi kudingeka uvumele isifiso sokungajabuli sihambe sisodwa. Ngokuzulazula phakathi kokuhle kokusebenza kahle kanye nokwesaba ukwehluleka, singakha imodeli yempumelelo evumela ukwehluleka okuthile.