Ukubonakala kwemizwa yesisa, ukukhangwa ngokobulili ekusondeleni, nakuba okungelona igazi, isihlobo, umfowethu noma udadewabo, kuzodida noma ubani. Ungabhekana kanjani nemizwa yakho? Umbono we-psychotherapist u-Ekaterina Mikhailova.
"Mhlawumbe ufuna indawo ephephile"
U-Ekaterina Mikhailova, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo:
Ubhala ukuthi wena nodadewenu ninabazali abahlukene futhi anisona izihlobo zegazi, kodwa ezindimeni zenu zakini nisengubhuti nodade. Ukuzwa ukukhangwa kocansi kwakha, udidekile, usaba futhi unamahloni ukuthi usesimweni esingaqondakali esinjalo. Ukube bekungengenxa yalokhu kucaciswa — «sister», yini ebingakukhathaza ke?
Kodwa ngicabanga ukuthi le ndaba iyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu. Ngingathanda kakhulu ukubuza lo mbuzo ngesikhathi sokubonisana ubuso nobuso: ubenza kanjani ubudlelwano nabantu ongabazi? Ngezwe langaphandle lilonke? Ngoba, ukuqondisa ukukhanga noma ukuthandana nomuntu othandekayo: umakhelwane, umfundi ofunda naye, umuntu esimazi cishe ukuphila, esakhula naye ndawonye, siphendukela ezweni langaphandle siye ekamelweni elijwayelekile, ekamelweni. Lokhu ngokuvamile kusho ukufuna indawo ephephile, isidingo sokukhosela.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, uthando lwe-canonical lusho ibanga elithile, elikuvumela ukuba wenze kahle into yothando, ucabange ngakho. Khona-ke, vele, i-gilding iyancipha, kodwa lowo omunye umbuzo.
Isimo esichaziwe singamelwa kanje. Umuntu ozizwa engazethembi kakhulu ezweni langaphandle, wesaba ukwenqatshwa noma ukuhlekwa, ngesinye isikhathi uyaziqinisekisa: akekho ongithakaselayo lapho, ngithanda umakhelwane noma intombazane ebengihlezi nayo edeskini. iminyaka eyishumi. Kungani izinkathazo nezigigaba ezingalindelekile, lapho ungathandana kanje - ngokuzola futhi ngaphandle kokumangala?
Ukungabaza kwakho kubonisa ukuthi unethuba lokufunda okuthile okusha ngawe.
Yebo, angikuvimbeli uthando olukhulu ngempela phakathi kwabantu abakhule ndawonye. Futhi uma, ngenxa yezizathu zofuzo, kungavinjelwanga ukuba baphenduke umbhangqwana, angisiboni isizathu sokugwema ubudlelwano obunjalo. Kodwa umbuzo oyinhloko uhlukile: ingabe ngempela ukukhetha kwakho okuqaphelayo, imizwa yakho yangempela, noma uzama ukucasha ngemuva kwalobu budlelwano? Kodwa ungazi kanjani uma uneminyaka engu-19 ube ungakazami lutho olunye?
Thatha ikhefu: ungajahi ukwenza, ungathathi izinqumo ngokuxhamazela. Maningi amathuba okuthi emva kwesikhashana isimo sizozixazulula. Okwamanje Sicela uzame ukuphendula le mibuzo emithathu ngokwethembeka:
- Ingabe uzama ukufaka indawo yokuzilibazisa, ukuya emhlabeni ngokuthile okuvamile nokuphephile? Ingabe kukhona ukwesaba ukulahlwa yilelizwe ngemva kwalokhu kukhetha?
- Yini ehambisana nalezo zindaba ezivusa inkanuko ozizwayo? Ingabe uzwa ukukhathazeka, amahloni, ukwesaba? Sibaluleke kangakanani lesi sihloko sokwephula isiyaluyalu sobudlelwane phakathi komndeni, “ukulalana kwezihlobo ezingokomfanekiso”, kuwena, futhi ubhekana kanjani nakho?
- Sonke singaba nemizwa ehlukahlukene, kuhlanganise neyenqatshelwe: ukuhlukumeza ingane encane, ukujabula ngokuthi kukhona okungahambanga kahle kubazali bethu ekuphileni. Angikhulumi ngemizwa yocansi maqondana nento engafanele ngokuphelele. Okungukuthi, singathola noma yini ekujuleni kwemiphefumulo yethu. Imizwa yethu ivamise ukungahambisani nendlela esikhuliswe ngayo. Umbuzo uthi: yini phakathi kwalokho ohlangabezana nakho nendlela owenza ngayo?
Ngicabanga ukuthi ukungabaza kwakho kubonisa ukuthi unethuba lokufunda okuthile okusha ngawe. Ukuguqula imizwa ibe yizinto zokuzibheka nokuzihlola mhlawumbe kuwumsebenzi oyinhloko okufanele wenziwe kulesi simo. Futhi yisiphi isinqumo osithathayo asibalulekile kangako. Ekugcineni, konke ukukhetha esikwenzayo kunenani lako.