Indoda kufanele ibe namandla, ingathinteki, ingumnqobi, umnqobi wezindawo ezintsha ... Siyoqonda nini ukuthi lezi mibono engokwemfundo ikhubaza kanjani ingqondo yabafana? Udokotela wezengqondo uKelly Flanagan uyabonisa.
Sifundisa amadodana ethu ukuthi abafana abakhali. Funda ukufihla nokucindezela imizwa, ungayinaki imizwa yakho futhi ungalokothi ube buthakathaka. Futhi uma siphumelela ekukhulisweni okunjalo, bazokhula babe “amadoda angempela” … nokho, bengajabulile.
Ngibhala lokhu ngihlezi enkundleni yokudlala engenalutho ngaphandle kwesikole samabanga aphansi lapho amadodana ami efunda khona. Manje, ezinsukwini zokugcina zehlobo, kuzolile futhi kuthule lapha. Kodwa ngesonto, lapho izifundo ziqala, isikole sizogcwala amandla asebenzayo ezingane zami kanye nabafunda nabo ekilasini. Futhi, imiyalezo. Yimiphi imilayezo abazoyithola esikoleni mayelana nokuthi kusho ukuthini ukuba abafana nokuba amadoda?
Muva nje, kuqhume ipayipi elineminyaka engu-93 ubudala eLos Angeles. amalitha ayizigidi ezingama-90 amanzi achitheke emigwaqweni yedolobha kanye nekhempasi yeNyuvesi yaseCalifornia. Kungani kwaqhuma ipayipi? Ngoba iLos Angeles iyakha, yayigqiba, futhi yayifaka ohlelweni lweminyaka eyi-XNUMX lokuthatha indawo yemishini.
Lapho sifundisa abafana ukucindezela imizwelo yabo, silungiselela ukuqhuma.
Izimo ezinjalo azivamile. Isibonelo, ipayipi elihlinzeka ngamanzi engxenyeni enkulu yeWashington labekwa ngaphambi kokuba u-Abraham Lincoln abe umongameli. Futhi isetshenziswe nsuku zonke kusukela ngaleso sikhathi. Cishe ngeke akhunjulwe aze aqhume. Yile ndlela esiphatha ngayo amanzi kampompi: siwagqiba emhlabathini bese sikhohlwa, bese sivuna izinzuzo lapho amapayipi ekugcineni eyeka ukumelana nokucindezela.
Futhi ngaleyo ndlela sikhulisa amadoda ethu.
Siyabatshela abafana ukuthi kumele bagqibe imizwa yabo uma befuna ukuba ngamadoda, babangcwabe bangabe besabanaka baze baqhume. Ngiyazibuza ukuthi amadodana ami azofunda yini lokho abanduleli bawo abaye bakufundisa emakhulwini eminyaka: abafana kufanele balwele ukunakwa, hhayi ukuyekethisa. Baqashelwa ngokunqoba, hhayi imizwa. Abafana kufanele baqine emzimbeni nasemoyeni, bafihle noma yimiphi imizwa yesisa. Abafana abawasebenzisi amagama, basebenzisa izibhakela zabo.
Kazi abafana bami bazofinyelela eziphethweni zabo mayelana nokuthi kusho ukuthini ukuba indoda: amadoda ayalwa, azuze futhi awine. Balawula yonke into, kuhlanganise nabo. Banamandla futhi bayakwazi ukuwasebenzisa. Abesilisa bangabaholi abangenabungozi. Abanayo imizwa, ngoba imizwa ibuthakathaka. Abangabazi ngoba abawenzi amaphutha. Futhi uma, naphezu kwakho konke lokhu, umuntu enesizungu, akufanele asungule ukuxhumana okusha, kodwa athathe amazwe amasha ...
Okuwukuphela kwemfuneko okufanele kuhlangatshezwane nayo ekhaya ukuba umuntu
Ngesonto eledlule ngisebenze ekhaya, amadodana ami nabangane babedlala egcekeni lakithi. Ngathi ngilunguza efasiteleni, ngabona ukuthi omunye wabafana wayewise indodana yami phansi wayishaya. Ngehla ngezitebhisi kuhle kwe- meteor, ngaphusha isicabha sangaphambili, futhi ngathuka isigebengu, “Suka lapha manje! Goduka!"
Ngokushesha umfana waphuthuma ebhayisikilini, kodwa ngaphambi kokuba afulathele, ngabona ukwesaba emehlweni akhe. Wayengesaba. Ngavimba ulaka lwakhe ngolwami, intukuthelo yakhe yaphela kweyami, ukufutheka kwakhe ngokomzwelo kwamminyanisa komunye umuntu. Ngamfundisa ukuba yindoda… Ngambiza futhi, ngamcela ukuba abheke emehlweni ami futhi ngathi: “Akekho okushushisayo, kodwa uma ucasulwa okuthile, ungaphindisi ukucasula abanye. Kungcono usitshele ukuthi kwenzekeni."
Kwabe sekuqhuma "amanzi" akhe, futhi ngamandla kangangokuthi kwangimangaza ngisho nami, i-psychotherapist enolwazi. Zigeleze izinyembezi. Imizwa yokulahlwa nesizungu yagcwala ebusweni bakhe nasegcekeni lami. Njengoba amanzi amaningi athinta imizwa egeleza emapayipini ethu futhi kuthiwa asiwagqibe ajule, sigcina siphukile. Lapho sifundisa abafana ukucindezela imizwelo yabo, sibeka ukuqhuma.
Ngesonto elizayo, inkundla yokudlala ngaphandle kwesikole samabanga aphansi samadodana ami izogcwala imilayezo. Asikwazi ukushintsha okuqukethwe kwabo. Kodwa ngemva kwesikole, abafana babuyela ekhaya, kanti abanye, izigijimi zethu zizozwakala lapho. Singabathembisa ukuthi:
- ekhaya, awudingi ukulwa nokunakwa komuntu futhi ugcine ubuso bakho;
- ungaba abangani nathi futhi uxhumane kanjalo nje, ngaphandle kokuncintisana;
- lapha bazolalela usizi nokwesaba;
- okuwukuphela kwemfuneko okufanele ihlangatshezwe ekhaya ukuba umuntu;
- lapha bazokwenza amaphutha, kodwa nathi sizokwenza amaphutha;
- kulungile ukukhala ngamaphutha, sizothola indlela yokuthi "Ngiyaxolisa" futhi "Uthethelelwe";
- ngesinye isikhathi sizozephula zonke lezi zithembiso.
Futhi siyathembisa ukuthi uma kwenzeka, sizokuthatha ngomoya ophansi. Ake siqale phansi.
Asithumelele abafana bethu umlayezo onjalo. Umbuzo awukona ukuthi uzoba yindoda noma cha. Umbuzo uzwakala wehlukile: uzoba yindoda enjani? Ingabe uzoyingcwaba ngokujulile imizwa yakho futhi ukhukhule labo abaseduze kwakho lapho kuqhuma amapayipi? Noma uzohlala ungubani? Kudingeka izithako ezimbili kuphela: wena—imizwa yakho, ukwesaba, amaphupho, amathemba, amandla, ubuthakathaka, injabulo, usizi—kanye nesikhathi esincane samahomoni asiza umzimba wakho ukuba ukhule. Okokugcina, bafana, siyanithanda futhi sifuna niveze ngokugcwele, ningafihli lutho.
Mayelana Nombhali: U-Kelly Flanagan uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sasemtholampilo futhi ungubaba wezingane ezintathu.