Uvelaphi lo muzwa — «Angifanele ukuphila okuhle / uthando lweqiniso / inhlalakahle»? Noma inkolelo eqinile yokuthi “anginalo ilungelo lokujabula, kuphela ukuhlupheka nokuba nomona kwabanye”? Futhi kungenzeka yini ukuguqula le nkolelo futhi ufunde ukujabulela okwenzekayo? Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uRobert Taibbi sikhuluma ngalokhu.
Akuwona wonke umuntu olungele ukuvuma ngokuqondile ukuthi ulahle isifiso sokujabula. Futhi nakakhulu, akuwona wonke umuntu ozosho usuku oluqondile okwenzeka ngalo. Laba bantu bafana ne-agent ye-Secret Service eneshwa, okwathi ngemva kweminyaka engu-40 kubulawe uJohn F. Kennedy, engxoxweni, wavuma ukuthi akasoze azithethelela ngokubambezeleka, ngokubona kwakhe, okwaholela enhlekeleleni.
Inkolelo yokuthi umuntu akakufanelekeli ukujabula ngokuvamile ingena ngomshoshaphansi futhi ibhidlize ngenkani yonke imizamo yokujabulela ukuphila. Umuntu onjalo uhlala nokulinganisela, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo ukucindezeleka okungapheli, akudluli usuku lokuqala ebuhlotsheni, futhi uma enesithakazelo nokuzilibazisa, akazami ngisho nokuzibona ngempela.
Cishe, uzizwa ekhathazekile, kodwa akakwazi ukukhomba umthombo wako. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umuntu onjalo uyakwazi okwenzekayo noma cha, umphumela uyafana - kukhona ukuguguleka kokuphila okuhamba kancane kodwa okungenakulungiseka.
Imithombo ejwayelekile yokuzilimaza
Izono zesikhathi esedlule
Uma ebheka emuva ekuphileni kwakhe, umuntu ubona kuphela lokho akwenzile okubi nabantu abazwise ubuhlungu. Ukuphila kwakhe kuwumlando wokubhujiswa nosizi. Icala kanye nokuzisola yimizwa yakhe eyinhloko. Ishwa liyisigwebo sikadilikajele azikhethele ukusithwala.
Icala Lowasinda
Iwele lika-Elvis Presley lashona ngemva nje kokuzalwa kwakhe, kanti u-Elvis kuthiwa wayehlale ehlushwa umuzwa wecala ngokusinda kuyilapho iwele lakhe lingazange liphile. Icala lalo muntu osindile cishe lihlupha lowo menzeli weSecret Service uKennedy, nalabo abasinde ezingozini zendiza, nalabo dokotela, abatakuli, izicishamlilo ezikholelwa ukuthi abenzanga okwanele ukusindisa isisulu. Icala livame ukuhambisana ne-PTSD.
Ukulimala
Abesifazane abahlukunyezwa ngokocansi beseyizingane baphila nomuzwa ophikelelayo wokuthi «bangcolile». Bazibona bengakufanelekele ukuthola abantwana. Ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni akushiyi nje kuphela izibazi ezingokomzwelo, kudala isithombe esihlanekezelwe somuntu siqu enganeni. Uphila nomuzwa wecala, enovalo lokuthi udlame luzophinde lwenzeke, ubona umhlaba njengongaphephile, oqeda ngisho nokubona kancane injabulo.
ukukhathazeka kwabazali
Umzali ujabule njengengane yakhe engajabule kakhulu. Abaningi baye bafunda lokhu kokuhlangenwe nakho. Isici sabazali asikhubazekile ngosuku ingane ephenduka ngayo iminyaka engu-18. Ngakho-ke, ukukhathazeka kwethu, ngezinye izikhathi imizwa yecala nokungabi namandla kungaba isizinda esihlala njalo, umthwalo ekuphileni kwansuku zonke.
Isithombe somuntu siqu esibucayi
Labo abahlale bezigxeka bangabantu abathanda ukuphelela. Ngokuvamile babhekana nokuhlukunyezwa besebancane futhi bathola impendulo engeyinhle kakhulu evela kubazali babo, futhi njengabantu abadala, babambeke phansi emthonjeni futhi abakwazi ukuphuma lapho. Kodwa uma injabulo isekelwe kulokho oyikho, nokuthi ungubani kusekelwe kulokho okwenzayo, futhi ukwenze ngokuphelele, khona-ke ukuphila okujabulisayo akunakufinyelelwa kuwe.
Ngezinye izikhathi uyaphumelela ekufinyeleleni umgomo wakho, kodwa ezikhathini eziningi awukwenzi lokho. Osekusele nje yizwi elithukuthele ekhanda lakho likukhumbuza ukuthi uphindile futhi, ukuthi uyisehluleki futhi ngeke ulunge ngokwanele. Ukuphelela okunjalo kuyindlela ephelele yokungajabuli okungapheli.
Ukuzizwa unecala ngokujabula
“Ngizizwa nginecala ngokuhleka nokuba sesimweni esikahle. Sekuyisikhathi eside ngicindezelekile futhi manje nginovalo lokuthi labo engisondelene nabo bazongaqondi uma bebona ukuthi ngenza kahle - bazocabanga ukuthi ngibakhohlisile, ”abantu abaningi bacabanga kanjalo.
Uma ukungajabuli sekuyinto evamile kuwe, uma uzibona futhi uzibeka phambi kwabanye njengomuntu ongajabuli, khona-ke ngisho nomuzwa wesikhashana wokuchuma nokujabula kungabangela ukukhathazeka nokungakhululeki. Kufana nokuthi awukwazi ukujabulela izikhathi zenjabulo ngoba ngokuzenzakalelayo uqala ukuzizwa unecala nokukhathazeka.
Injabulo Efanelwe
Nawa amanye amathiphu okuthi ungawudedela kanjani umthwalo wesikhathi esedlule futhi uvumele injabulo empilweni yakho:
lungisa
Ingabe unokuphoqeleka ukuzisola, umuzwa wecala, noma ubuhlungu obukugcina ungazizwa ujabule futhi ufune ukuthola indlela yokukuqeda? Thumela incwadi kumuntu ozizwa ucasulwe nguwe futhi uxolise ngephutha. Uma oxhumene naye elahlekile noma umuntu engatholakali, bhala incwadi noma kunjalo. Yiba nomcimbi wokuvala, isenzo sokuzisola, ukuvuma ngomlomo lokho okwenzekile. Lokhu kuzokuvumela ukuthi uqede futhi uqinisekise ukuthi konke sekuphelile manje.
Qaphela ukuthi wenze konke obungakwenza
Yebo, lona umsebenzi onzima. Impela kungenxa yokuthi unomuzwa wokuthi awukwenzanga obungakwenza—esikhathini esidlule noma ebuhlotsheni nezingane—manje uzwa ubuhlungu. Nakuba ungeke ukwazi ukushintsha imizwa yakho, ungayishintsha imicabango yakho. Futhi lona umsebenzi oyinhloko. Cabanga ukuthi wenze konke okusemandleni akho. Bheka okwedlule nge-lens yamanje.
Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi ngaleso sikhathi ubuwenza konke ongakwenza, ngokusekelwe eminyakeni yakho, isipiliyoni kanye namakhono okubhekana nesimo. Le nqubo izothatha isikhathi. Kodwa ungahlehli. Zitshele ukuthi ufuna ukucabanga kanjalo. Cha, ngeke uzizwe ungcono ngaso leso sikhathi, kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi uzoqala ukushintsha indaba osunesikhathi eside uzitshela yona.
Qalisa ngokuhlukumezeka
Kungaba nzima kakhulu ukufika emcimbini oyinhloko ohlukumezayo ngokwakho, futhi lapha kuyasiza ukuhlangana nomelaphi ozokusiza ukuthi udlule inqubo yokuphulukisa futhi umelane nemiphumela yayo.
Sebenza ngokuzigxeka
Izwi elingaphakathi lilokhu liphindaphinda ukuthi lokho okwenzile noma ongakwenzile kuyinkinga enkulu, futhi okuwukuphela kwendlela yokuyixazulula iwukuba wenze umzamo owengeziwe. Kodwa inkinga yangempela ayikho ezenzweni zakho, kodwa ekuzihlukumezeni okubhubhisa ukuphila. Lapha, njengokuhlukumezeka, ukusebenza nomelaphi kuzokufundisa ukuthi ungawafaka kanjani kabusha amaphethini akho okucabanga.
Sebenza ngokukhathazeka kanye/noma nokucindezeleka
Inkinga yaphakade: yini eza kuqala? Ukucindezeleka okujulile kanye / noma ukwanda kokukhathazeka kubangela ngokuzenzakalelayo ubuchopho ukudlala "okurekhodiwe" endala? Noma ingabe ucindezelekile futhi ukhathazekile ngenxa yokuthi awukwazi ukususa imicabango engalungile? Lokhu akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukukuqonda. Uma imicabango yakho mayelana nemicimbi edlule iza iphinde ihambe, ungahlola ukuthi yini eyibangelayo phakathi nosuku.
I-reflections iphenduka uhlobo lwamafulegi abomvu akwenza kucace ukuthi yini okufanele inakwe. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma imicabango nemizwa enjalo kuhambisana nokucindezeleka okuphikelelayo noma ukukhathazeka, lokhu kungase kube uphawu lokuphazamiseka okuthile. Kufanele ukhulume nodokotela wakho mayelana nokwelashwa okungenzeka futhi ubone ukuthi kuyithinta kanjani imicabango yakho nesimo sakho sengqondo.
Okuhlangenwe nakho kwekusasa
Okufana ngayo yonke le mithombo ukuthi ibambekile - esikhathini esedlule, esikhathini samanje. Ukubhajwa emizweni nasezindleleni zokucabanga. Ukushintsha imiqondo, ukubhekana nokuhlukumezeka, ukudedela umuzwa wecala konke kungasiza ekwakheni kabusha amaphethini amadala. Ungathola nezindlela ezintsha zokuziphatha. Kuyenzeka, isibonelo, ukuthi izisulu zodlame ziqale ukusebenza ngezimali ezisiza ezinye izisulu zodlame.
Abanye bashintsha ngokuqaphela izindinganiso zabo nezinto eziza kuqala kubo ukuze bakhe ubudlelwano obunozwelo obuningi nabo kanye nabanye. Nawe, futhi, ungashintsha izenzo nezinkolelo zakho. Ikakhulukazi, mayelana neqiniso lokuthi awufanelwe injabulo. Injabulo ingumkhiqizo wempilo eyanelisayo yokuzinakekela kanye nokuthethelela eqala ngezinhloso nezenzo zamabomu. Phela, uma kungenjalo manje, nini?
Mayelana Nombhali: U-Robert Taibbi ungusonhlalakahle osemtholampilo oneminyaka engama-42 yesipiliyoni njengomphathi wezempilo. Uhlinzeka ngoqeqesho ekwelashweni kwemibhangqwana, ukwelashwa komndeni, ukwelapha okufushane kanye nokugadwa komtholampilo. Umbhali wezincwadi eziyi-11 ezikhuluma ngokululekwa ngokwengqondo.