Okuqukethwe
Wake waba nomuzwa wokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle ebudlelwaneni bakho nomlingani wakho, kodwa awukwazi ukusho kahle ukuthi kuyini? Izimpawu zenkinga azihlali zisobala - ngaphandle uma, kunjalo, sikhuluma ngokuvukela umbuso noma udlame lomzimba. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Harriet Pappenheim ngezimpawu ezinhlanu ubudlelwano abufanele ukubugcina.
Ngingumelaphi wezithandani ngibone ziningi izinkinga ebudlelwaneni. Yiqiniso, abalingani bangashintsha, futhi ukwelashwa kwengqondo kungabasiza. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi alikho ithemba loshintsho. Nazi izimpawu ezinhlanu ezibonisa ukuthi kunezinkinga ezinkulu ebudlelwaneni obungeke buziqedele.
1. Izindinganiso zokuphila ezihlukene
Akukho lutho olungalungile ngokungafani kozakwethu: izinhlobo ezahlukene zobuntu zivame ukuphelelisana. Singafunda okuthile okusha kumuntu onombono ohlukile ngokuphila. Kodwa kukhona okuhlukile: uma ozakwethu bengabelani ngezindinganiso zokuphila ezibalulekile, lokhu kuwuphawu olubi.
Uyawazi amanani akho asemqoka, ungawabhala? Zama ukuphendula imibuzo elandelayo: Ubaluleke kangakanani umsebenzi wakho kuwe? Ingabe ufuna izingane? Ingabe uyikholwa? Ukwazisa kangakanani ukusungula noma ukusebenza kanzima? Izindinganiso zokuphila zabalingani azilokothi zihambisane namaphesenti angu-100, kodwa uma zihluke ngokuyisisekelo futhi akekho olungele ukuyekethisa, kuzovela izingxabano ngalesi sisekelo.
2. Ukwehluleka ukuxolisa
Ikhono lokuthanda lihlanganisa ikhono lokwamukela ukushiyeka kothandekayo, futhi wonke umuntu unawo. Kodwa lokho akusho ukuthi ozakwethu akufanele baxolise. Ukuthi "uxolo", sibonisa ukuthi asilungile ngaso sonke isikhathi, sibonisa ukuthi sikulungele ukuxazulula izingxabano ngendlela ephucuzekile.
Yiqiniso, abaningi bakuthola kunzima ukucindezela ukuqhosha kwabo futhi baziphoqelele ukuba baxolise. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kungase kuphenduke inkinga: abanye baqala ukuqongelela ukucasukela umuntu ongakwazi ukucela intethelelo.
Umuntu omdala uyawaqonda amaphutha akhe, uyawabona futhi asebenze ukuwaqeda. Uma lokhu kungeke kushiwo ngomlingani wakho, lokhu kuyimbangela yokukhathazeka. Lokhu kungase kusho ukuthi akazi ukuthi angazixazulula kanjani izinkinga eziphakamayo noma akakuhloniphi. Zombili ziyisizathu sokucabanga ngekusasa lobudlelwano.
3. Umlando wobudlelwane obuhlulekile
Uma umlingani ehlala enezinkinga ekugcineni ubudlelwano obuphumelelayo banoma yiluphi uhlobo (uthando, umndeni, ubungane) - lokhu kuwuphawu olushaqisayo.
4. Ukungamethembi
Ukwethembana okuphelele akuveli ngokushesha, kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi kuba isixhumanisi esibaluleke kakhulu phakathi kwabo. Uma uqhubeka nokuqaphela othandekayo wakho, cabangela ukuthi kungani. Mhlawumbe unomuzwa wokuthi kukhona akufihlela kona, noma awazi okuningi ngaye, kodwa akakakulungeli ukukusho. Uma umlingani wakho engathembi noma etshela lonke iqiniso ngawe, noma ungazizwa ulungele ukumethemba, leli ifulegi elibomvu.
5. Udlame, imizamo yokulawula, ukuba nempahla
Udlame lungaziveza ngezindlela ezahlukene. Kungabandakanya noma yimiphi imizamo yokulawula ngokuqinile uzakwethu, isibonelo, lapho:
- ufuna ukuthi ukhulume kancane nabangane nezihlobo,
- ayihloniphi imingcele yakho siqu,
- kudinga ukuthi uyeke umsebenzi wakho, izifundo, izinto ozithandayo,
- ikubeka icala lokungathembeki noma ifuna ukwazi njalo ukuthi ukuphi,
- ithatha imali yakho noma ingene esikweletini ekhadini lakho lesikweletu,
- ehlala ekugxeka noma ethi akekho osakudinga.
Lesi yisizathu sokuqeda ubudlelwano ngokushesha.
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Izimo zengqondo ezingenampilo komunye nomunye zingazibonakalisa ngezindlela eziningi futhi ngokuvamile ziholela ekubhidlikeni kobudlelwane. Kodwa ezimweni eziningi, umuntu angashintsha, ngakho-ke kungcono ukukhomba izinkinga ezingase zibe khona kusenesikhathi futhi uxoxisane ngokukhululekile nomlingani.
Ngitshele ukuthi yini ekuhluphayo. Zama ukwenza ngaphandle kokuqagela kanye nokuqagela: bhala ukuthi imaphi amagama nezenzo ocabanga ukuthi azifanelekile, chaza ukuthi zikwenza uzizwe kanjani, futhi ulalele ngokucophelela impendulo. Uma ungakwazi ukuthola ukuyekethisa, kungase kudingeke ukuthi uxhumane nodokotela wengqondo, angasiza ekuxazululeni izinkinga futhi alondoloze ubuhlobo.