Isandla esiqinile, ama-hedgehogs, isiyalo sensimbi… Yimaphi amaphutha esivame ukuwenza lapho sikhulisa amadoda angempela kubafana?
Lapho indodana yami isencane futhi sihamba ezinkundleni zokudlala, umfana onezihlathi ezicishe zibe yisikhombisa wayevame ukungikhanga, engazibiza ngokuthi uKolya Bulochka. Cishe zonke izinsuku wayebonakala ebhentshini eduze kukagogo wakhe. Ngokuvamile ezandleni zakhe wayephethe i-sugar bun enkulu noma isikhwama sembewu. Ngendlela yakhe yokuzehlisa yokuqalaza nokuma kwakhe, wayefana kakhulu nogogo wakhe.
Isalukazi esasingamamatheki sabonisa ukuziqhenya ngomzukulu waso kanye nokudelela "izinyembezi". Ngempela, uKolya akazange agijimele endaweni, ephakamisa amafu esihlabathi. Wayengenaso nhlobo isithakazelo ezintini - ithuluzi elihlukumezayo elibangela ukwesaba okungenabuntu kubazali kuyo yonke indawo ye-post-Soviet. Akazange asunduze ezinye izingane, akazange amemeze, akazange adabule izingubo zakhe zibe yizicucu emahlathini e-dogwood, ngokulalela egqoke isigqoko ngoMeyi futhi ngokuqinisekile wayengumfundi ongcono kakhulu. Noma okungenani omuhle.
Wayengumntwana ophelele owayehlezi ethule, edla kahle futhi elalela lokho okushiwo kuye. Wayefuna ukugqama kwabanye abafana "ababi" kangangokuthi wayeseyijwayele ngokuphelele indima. Kwakungekho ngisho nokunyakaza kwesifiso sokugxuma nokugijima ngemva kwebhola ebusweni bakhe obuyindilinga. Nokho, ugogo wayevame ukumbamba isandla futhi wayezomisa lokhu kungenela.
Amaphutha okukhulisa abafana akhula emicabangweni ephikisanayo ngobudoda
Lokhu "castrating" ukukhuliswa kuyinto eyeqisayo evamile. Lapho abafana abaningi bakhuliswa «imibhangqwana yobulili obufanayo» - umama nogogo - kuba isilinganiso esidingekayo, indlela yokulondoloza izinzwa zomuntu, ukudala inkohliso yokuphepha. Akubalulekile ukuthi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi lo mfana "okhululekile" akhule abe i-bum evilaphayo enesifiso esihle kakhulu sokudla, ozokwazi ngenkathi engekho esofeni phambi kwe-TV noma ngemuva kwethebhulethi. Kodwa ngeke aye ndawo, ngeke axhumane nenkampani embi futhi ngeke aye "endaweni eshisayo" ...
Ngokumangalisayo, bona labo mama kanye nogogo ezinhliziyweni zabo bajabulela isithombe esihluke ngokuphelele ... Owesilisa oqinile, ongenaso isithunzi, onamandla, okwazi ukuthwala umthwalo wemfanelo futhi axazulule ngokushesha izinkinga zabanye abantu. Kodwa ngesizathu esithile “abaqophi” kanjalo. Bese kuthi omunye umalokazana oqanjiwe athole umklomelo onjalo!
Okunye okweqisayo kwezemfundo inkolelo yokuthi umfana ngokuqinisekile uzodinga isandla sowesilisa esiqinile kanye nokuzimela ngaphambi kwesikhathi (“Indoda iyakhula!”). Ezimeni ezithuthukile, kusetshenziswa imijovo ephuthumayo yalobu budoda - njengenanela yemikhuba yokuqala yokuqala. Ungavula kanjani futhi nini imodi "yesandla esiqinile", abazali bahumusha ngendlela yabo. Ngokwesibonelo, usingababa womngane wakhe wamyisa kudokotela wezengqondo ngesizathu sokuthi indodana yakhe yokutholwa yayingathandi ukudlala egcekeni nabafana futhi izonda amakilasi emfundo engokomzimba, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo wachitha isikhathi esiningi ekhaya edweba amahlaya.
Njengesijeziso sokweba izinto ezincane, umama ongayedwana wathatha omunye umngane wakhe wayisa iphoyisa ukuze limvalele umfundi webanga lokuqala imizuzu eyishumi esitokisini esingenalutho. Owesithathu, insizwa ethambile futhi ephuphayo, yathunyelwa eSikoleni saseSuvorov ukuvimbela izibhelu zentsha. Wadliswa ushevu ngamanye ama-cadet, kamuva akakwazanga ukuthethelela abazali bakhe ngalokhu okuhlangenwe nakho kokukhula futhi wahlukana nabo ...
Ingane yesine, eyake yagula, uyise wezempi wavuka ngehora lesihlanu ekuseni egijima futhi wamphoqa ukuba azithele ngamanzi abandayo, waze waya esibhedlela ephethwe inyumoniya futhi unina waguqa phambi komyeni wakhe, emncenga ukuba aphume esibhedlela. umuntu ompofu yedwa.
Amaphutha ekukhulisweni kwabafana akhula emicabangweni engqubuzanayo ngobudoda, okuba umbhede weProcrustean womlingiswa ongakashintshi. Abafana abahlukumezi bayesaba kokubili esikoleni nasekhaya: intukuthelo yabo engaguquki, enzima, ehlangene namandla angokomzimba, okusolakala ukuthi "baprofetha" ikusasa lobugebengu, ukunyakaza okwehlayo.
Abangahlaliseki, abakhuthele, abangenangqondo baba izimbuzi kanye "namahloni emndenini." Ziyafundiswa, zisetshenzwe futhi zenqatshwe, ngoba indoda yangempela kufanele ibe nengqondo futhi izimisele. Abanamahloni, abasengozini futhi abanamahloni bazama ukumpompa i-testosterone ngezigaba ezingapheli nemikhankaso ... Incazelo yegolide? Kodwa kanjani ukuyithola?
Kuphakathi kokuthi omashiqela abangenamphefumulo noma abadlali abalalelayo bakhula entanjeni eqinile
EFinland, emiphakathini eminingi, abafana namantombazane abancane bagqoke ngendlela efanayo, ngaphandle kokuwahlukanisa ngobulili. Izingane ezinkulisa zidlala ngamathoyizi afanayo, "angenabulili". AmaFinns anamuhla akholelwa ukuthi ubudoda, njengobufazi, buzozibonakalisa njengoba ingane ikhula futhi ngendlela ayidingayo.
Kodwa emphakathini wethu, lo mkhuba uvusa ukwesaba okujulile kwethemba lezindima zobulili ezingapheli - zobulili ngokwazo, okungagcini nje ngokunikezwa kwezinto eziphilayo, kodwa futhi nokwakhiwa komphakathi okungazinzile kakhulu.
Ocwaningweni lwakhe, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Alice Miller wafakazela ukuthi ukukhuliswa kanzima kwabafana baseJalimane kwaholela ekuveleni kwe-fascism nempi yezwe eyaphumela ezigidini zezisulu. Omashiqela abangenamphefumulo noma abadlali abalalelayo abakwazi ukulandela ngokungenangqondo i-Fuhrer bakhule ekubambeni okuqinile.
Umngane wami, unina wezingane ezine, ababili kubo okungabafana, lapho ebuzwa ukuthi bazobakhulisa kanjani, wathi: “Okokuthi thina besifazane esingakwenza nje ukuzama ukungalimazi. Ngingangeza ukuthi kungenzeka kuphela ukungenzi umonakalo uma sibona ingane yobulili obuhlukile njengomuntu onezici zomuntu ngamunye kanye nokuthambekela, amandla nobuthakathaka, hhayi njengento engokoqobo engaqondakali futhi enenzondo kuwe. Kunzima kakhulu, kodwa ngithemba ukuthi kungenzeka.