Imishwana eyi-3 okungafanele uyisho kumlingani wakho

Amazwi angase angabi yingozi njengoba ebonakala. Izinto eziningi ezishiwo ngesikhathi kushisa zingalimaza ubudlelwano. Nansi imishwana emithathu eyingozi kakhulu:

1. “Wena kuze kube phakade…” noma “Awusoze…”

Ibinzana elibulala ukuxhumana okusebenzayo. Ayikho into ekwazi ukucasula uzakwethu njengokujwayelekile kwalolu hlobo. Ekushiseni kwengxabano, kulula kakhulu ukuphonsa into enjalo ngaphandle kokucabanga, futhi umlingani uzozwa enye into: "Awunamsebenzi. Ungiphoxa njalo." Ngisho noma kukhulunywa ngezinto ezincane njengokugeza izitsha.

Mhlawumbe awujabuli futhi ufuna ukukubonisa umlingani wakho, kodwa ubona lokhu njengokugxeka ubuntu bakhe, futhi lokhu kubuhlungu. Uzakwethu uyeka ngokushesha ukulalela lokho ofuna ukumtshela kona, futhi uqala ukuzivikela ngobudlova. Ukugxekwa okunjalo kuzokwehlukanisa kuphela nomuntu omthandayo futhi ngeke kukusize ukufeza lokho okudingayo.

Yini ongayisho esikhundleni salokho?

“Ngizwa u-X uma wenza/ungenzi u-Y. Singaluxazulula kanjani lolu daba?”, “Ngikwazisa kakhulu uma wenza “Y”. Kufanelekile ukuqala umusho hhayi ngokuthi “wena”, kodwa ngo “mina” noma “mina”. Ngakho, esikhundleni sokusola umlingani wakho, ummemela engxoxweni eklanyelwe ukuxazulula izingxabano.

2. "Anginendaba", "anginendaba"

Ubudlelwano busekelwe eqinisweni lokuthi abalingani abanandaba nomunye nomunye, kungani bebhubhisa ngemishwana enjalo engalungile? Ngokuwasho kunoma isiphi isimo (“Anginandaba nokuthi sizodlani,” “Anginandaba noma izingane zilwa,” “Anginendaba ukuthi siyaphi namuhla kusihlwa”), ubonisa umlingani wakho ukuthi awunandaba nokuhlala ndawonye.

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJohn Gottman ukholelwa ukuthi isibonakaliso esiyinhloko sobudlelwane besikhathi eside isimo sengqondo esinomusa komunye nomunye, ngisho nasezintweni ezincane, ikakhulukazi, isithakazelo kulokho umlingani afuna ukukusho. Uma efuna ukuthi umnake, futhi ukwenze kucace ukuthi awunasithakazelo, lokhu kuyalimaza.

Yini ongayisho esikhundleni salokho?

Akunandaba ukuthi uthini, into esemqoka ukukhombisa ukuthi uyathanda ukulalela.

3. "Yebo, akunandaba"

Amazwi anjalo asho ukuthi wenqaba konke okushiwo umlingani wakho. Zizwakala zingenangqondo-nolaka, njengokungathi ufuna ukusikisela ukuthi awukuthandi ukuziphatha kwakhe (yakhe) noma iphimbo, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo gwema ingxoxo evulekile.

Yini ongayisho esikhundleni salokho?

“Ngingathanda ngempela ukuzwa umbono wakho ngo-X. «Nginenkinga lapha, ungakwazi ukusiza?” Bese uthi ngiyabonga. Ngokungamangalisi, abalingani abahlale bebongana bazizwa bebalulekile futhi besekelwe, okwenza kube lula ukudlula ezikhathini zokungezwani ebuhlotsheni.

Wonke umuntu unezikhathi lapho uzakwethu ebanga ukucasuka. Kungase kubonakale kuwufanele ukwethembeka nokuzwakalisa ukunganeliseki ngokukhululekile. Kodwa ukwethembeka okunjalo akuzuzisi. Zibuze: “Ingabe lokhu kuyinkinga enkulu ngempela, noma kuyinto encane wonke umuntu azoyikhohlwa ngokushesha?” Uma uqinisekile ukuthi inkinga ibucayi, xoxa ngokuthula nomlingani wakho ngendlela eyakhayo, kuyilapho ugxeka izenzo zomlingani kuphela, hhayi yena, futhi ungaphonsi izinsolo.

Iseluleko akusho ukuthi kufanele ubheke wonke amagama owashoyo, kodwa ukuzwela nokuqapha kungahamba ibanga elide ebudlelwaneni. Zama ukukhombisa uthando kaningi, ungakhohlwa amagama anjengokuthi ngiyabonga noma “ngiyakuthanda”.

Umthombo: Huffington Post