Okuqukethwe
Indlela yokugwema izingxabano emndenini, lapho wonke umuntu enobuntu bakhe, izidingo kanye nokulindela? Indlela yokwakha ubudlelwano nabanye uma ungumuntu ongenalwazi futhi ungaqondi kahle? Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uStephanie Gentile sinikeza izinyathelo eziyisi-6 zokuqonda, ezivivinywe nguye kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe.
Kunoma yimuphi umndeni noma iqembu, kuba khona ukungqubuzana kwezinhlamvu. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uStephanie Gentile sivame ukuzwa ngezingxabano ezinjalo kumakhasimende. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bayayazi imiqondo yesingeniso kanye ne-extraversion, noma izinhlobo zobuntu zika-Myers-Briggs, abantu bazi kahle uma abanye bengahlangabezani nezidingo zabo.
Lokhu kungaholela emizweni yokukhungatheka nokungahlangani. Kodwa ukuxhumana nabanye kubaluleke kakhulu enhlalakahleni yethu, ngisho noma singama-introverts. UStephanie Gentile uxhumana nabantu abaningi abakholelwa ukuthi ubuhlobo babo ngeke busabuyiselwa. Ikakhulukazi, ama-introverts avame ukuzwa sengathi izidingo zabo azihlangabezwa futhi izwi labo alizwakali.
Umelaphi ubala umndeni wakhe njengesibonelo, lapho yena, udadewabo, nabazali bakhe bengabezinhlobo zobuntu ezihluke ngokuphelele. “Eqinisweni into esihlanganisayo wukuthanda ukuba sodwa. Ngaphandle kwalokho, izindlela zethu zokuphila zihluke kakhulu, futhi ukungqubuzana akunakugwenywa. Ungacabanga ngezingxabano nokukhungatheka ukungezwani kwethu okubangele eminyakeni edlule. "
Ubudlelwano nabantu buyinkimbinkimbi, kubo kufanele uhlale uwena futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo ukhule ... ubheke komunye nomunye. Esebenzisa izibonelo zokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe, uStephanie unikeza izinyathelo eziyisithupha kumakhasimende angethukile ukuze axazulule izingxabano phakathi kwabantu.
1. Thola ukuthi yini oyidingayo ebudlelwaneni
Ngezinye izikhathi siyazibuza: “Sizoqala ngaphi?” Okokuqala nje, kufanelekile ukunquma ukuthi yini esiyidingayo ebuhlotsheni. Lokhu kungaba umsebenzi onzima ngoba abaningi bethu baye bafundiswa ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zabanye kuyilapho bengazinaki ezethu. Kodwa uma singazizwa izidingo zethu, ukuxhumana kwethu nabanye abantu kuzoba nomkhawulo noma kungabi nhlobo.
Ngaphambili, ngangizabalaza nalokhu ngokwami, ngazihlukanisa nabantu engibathandayo, ngikholelwa ukuthi abangiqondi. Kwakuyisikhathi esibuhlungu ngendlela emangalisayo empilweni yami. Futhi, nakuba sisenezikhathi zokungaqondi, manje sengikwazi kangcono engikudingayo ebuhlotsheni.
Ukunquma izidingo zami kungivumela ukuthi ngikwazi ukuxhumana kalula nabangane, engisebenza nabo noma abantu engibathandayo abangahlanganyeli ngezintandokazi zami. Angikwazi ukuqinisekisa ukuthi othile uzohlangabezana nezidingo zami, kodwa manje ngiyaziqonda izizathu zokungqubuzana kwezintshisekelo.
2. Buza imibuzo
Izinyathelo ezichazwe lapha zingase zibonakale zilula, kodwa futhi ngezinye izikhathi zinzima kwabaningi bethu "abathulile" ngabanye. Mina, njengomuntu ogwema izingxabano, nokho ngafunda ukubuza imibuzo, nakuba lokhu kungase kube nzima. Ngokubuza imibuzo, sizisiza thina nothandekayo ukuba silungise isimo esaholela ekungqubuzaneni nomuzwa wokuhlukana.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, kuyasisiza sobabili ukuba siziveze komunye nomunye njengoba sinjalo. Ngokwesibonelo, umngane ukhuluma amazwi anolaka mayelana nesidingo sethu sobumfihlo. Sinomuzwa wokuthi asiqondwa futhi asicasukile - uma siphendula siyacasulwa, futhi lokhu kungaholela ekungqubuzaneni.
Kunalokho, ungabuza lo mbuzo: “Uzizwa kanjani lapho ngibonisa ukuthi ngidinga ukuba ngedwa?” Ngakho sinakekela imizwa yomlingani, singakhohlwa izidingo zethu. Lokhu kuthuthukisa ukuqondana futhi kunikeza ithuba lengxoxo lapho bobabili bengathola ukuvumelana okunempilo.
3. Cela impendulo
Kuye kwavela umkhuba emphakathini: othile uzibiza ngendelelo nohlobo lobuntu bakhe futhi ulindele ukuba abanye bamjabulise. Kodwa ekukhulumeni nabanye, kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi ngomqondo othile, «ubuntu» yigama nje, igama iqoqo amakhono esawafunda ebuntwaneni ukuhlangabezana nezidingo zethu.
Lapho sicela impendulo kwabanye, sibacela ukuthi basitshele ukuthi basibheka kanjani. Kungaba nzima futhi kube buhlungu, ngakho-ke kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuzinakekela ngenkathi ukwenza. Isibonelo, ungase ubuze, “Ngifuna ukuqonda ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukuba umngane/umyeni/uzakwethu. Imiphi imizwa onayo eduze kwami? Uyaluzwa uthando lwami, ukunakekelwa, ukwamukelwa?
Kubalulekile ukugcizelela ukuthi impendulo kufanele ifunwe kuphela kubathandekayo abathembekile. Nasemsebenzini, kuzakwethu noma umphathi osibonise imfudumalo nozwelo. Abakushoyo kungaba nzima ukukuzwa. Kodwa kithina, leli yithuba elihle lokuqonda ukuthi sisebenzisana kanjani nomhlaba futhi ekugcineni sixazulule izingxabano.
4. Thola ukuthi yiziphi izici zobuntu ezikuvikelayo
Kuyafaneleka ukubuza ukuthi hlobo luni lobuntu esinalo, ukwazi amandla ethu. Esikhundleni sokuthi, “Nginje, yingakho ngingakwazi…ngingakwazi ukumelana…” nokunye, singazijwayeza imishwana efana nokuthi, “Ngivame ukwenza ngendlela engenza ngizizwe ngibalulekile, ngidingekile, eyaziswayo, noma evikelayo.” kusuka emizweni yokuba sengozini, amahloni. Lokhu kubalulekile ngoba kuzokusiza ukwazi ukubona nokuqonda okwenzeka ngaphakathi ngesikhathi sokungqubuzana nabanye abantu.
5. Yamukela iqiniso lokuthi awukwazi ukushintsha abanye.
Yebo, wonke umuntu wezwa ukuthi abantu abashintshi. Njengomuntu obelokhu ezama ukuguqula nokusindisa abanye iminyaka engaphezu kwamashumi amabili, ngingafakaza ukuthi lokhu kuyiqiniso. Ukuzama ukwenza lokhu kuzokuholela emuzweni wesiphithiphithi sangaphakathi. Kungase kube usizo ukucabanga emuva ezikhathini lapho, njengezingane, sasinomuzwa wokuthi abazali bethu babezama ukusiphoqa ukuba senze umfanekiso abawakhile. Noma lapho uzakwethu engakwazi ukwamukela ukuziphatha noma izinkolelo zethu.
Ngamunye wethu ufanelwe ukuxhumana kweqiniso, okujulile nabanye, kanye nokwaneliseka kwezidingo zethu.
Sazizwa kanjani-ke? Izinkumbulo ezinjalo ziyosivumela ukuba samukele abanye lokho abayikho. Ungakwazi futhi ukuzijwayeza ukuzizwela. Zikhumbuze ukuthi kunzima kangakanani ukwenza ushintsho oluhle, oluhlala njalo empilweni yakho. Ngakho sizoqala ukuphatha ukushiyeka kwabanye abantu ngokuqonda. Ngeke kwenzeke ngokuphazima kweso, kodwa lo mkhuba ungaholela ekwamukelweni okukhulu.
6. Beka imingcele enempilo
Kunezinkulumo eziningi mayelana nemingcele, kodwa hhayi mayelana nendlela yokuyibeka. Kungani imingcele enempilo ibaluleke kangaka? Bakuvumela ukuthi uzwe ububele obuningi kwabanye. Ngokubamba imingcele yethu, sinquma, isibonelo, ukungazibandakanyi ezingxoxweni ezinobuthi noma ubudlelwano obungenampilo. Lokhu kuhlobene eduze nokuzimisela kwethu ukwamukela abanye ngalokho abayikho, hhayi ngendlela ebesingathanda ukuba babe ngayo.
Lezi zinyathelo zizokusiza ukuthi ubeke imingcele enempilo. UStephanie Gentile ugcizelela ukuthi lezi zincomo azinikezwa njengeresiphi yendawo yonke yokuxazulula noma yiziphi izingxabano phakathi kwabantu. Isibonelo, kunobudlelwano obungenampilo okufanele uhlukane nabo. Uma imingcele nomuntu omthandayo ibekiwe kodwa yephulwa njalo, kungase kube isikhathi sokumazisa ukuthi ubuhlobo abunakwenzeka.
“Lezi zinyathelo ziwumphumela wokuhlangenwe nakho kwami siqu,” kubhala abeZizwe. — Kuze kube manje, ngezinye izikhathi ngizizwa ngidumele lapho ngikhuluma nabantu engibathandayo. Kodwa ukuqonda umehluko phakathi kwezici zethu zobuntu kungilethela impumuzo. Manje sengiyazi ukuthi kungani besabela ngendlela ethile kimi, futhi angibambi iqhaza ezimweni zokungqubuzana.”
Lona umsebenzi onzima, okungenzeka ekuqaleni ubonakale ungenamsebenzi. Kodwa ekugcineni, kuyisipho sakho. Ngamunye wethu ufanelwe ukuxhumana kweqiniso, okujulile nabanye, kanye nokuhlangatshezwa nezidingo zethu. Ukuziqonda kangcono thina kanye nemvelo yethu kungasiza ukwakha uhlobo lobudlelwano esibudingayo.