"Udlame ukuhlwithwa kwamandla"

E-Russia, umsebenzi wesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo awugunyaziwe. Ngokombono, noma yimuphi umuntu othweswe iziqu esikhungweni esikhethekile senyuvesi angazibiza ngesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo futhi asebenze nabantu. Ngokomthetho eRussian Federation ayikho imfihlo yesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, njengemfihlo yezokwelapha noma yommeli, ayikho ikhodi yokuziphatha eyodwa.

Ngokuzenzakalelayo izikole nezindlela ezihlukene ze-psychotherapeutic zakha amakomiti azo okuziphatha, kodwa, njengomthetho, zibandakanya ochwepheshe asebevele benesikhundla esisebenzayo sokuziphatha, becabanga ngendima yabo kulo msebenzi kanye nendima yochwepheshe bezengqondo empilweni yamakhasimende kanye nomphakathi.

Kuvele isimo lapho izinga lesayensi likachwepheshe osizayo, noma amashumi eminyaka okuhlangenwe nakho okungokoqobo, noma umsebenzi, ngisho nasemanyuvesi akhethekile ezwe, akuqinisekisi umamukeli wosizo lwezengqondo ukuthi isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo siyobona izinto azithandayo kanye nekhodi yokuziphatha.

Kodwa noma kunjalo, kwakunzima ukucabanga ukuthi ukusiza ochwepheshe, izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo, abantu abalalela umbono wabo njengochwepheshe, bazojoyina ukumangalelwa kwabahlanganyeli be-flash mobs ngokumelene nobudlova (isibonelo, #Angesabi ukusho) amanga, ukukhombisa, isifiso sodumo kanye «nemibukiso yengqondo». Lokhu kusenza singacabangi nje kuphela ngokungabikho kwenkambu evamile yokuziphatha, kodwa futhi mayelana nokungabikho kokuzindla kochwepheshe ngendlela yokwelashwa komuntu siqu kanye nokuqondisa.

Uyini umnyombo wodlame?

Udlame, ngeshwa, lungokwemvelo kunoma yimuphi umphakathi. Kodwa ukusabela komphakathi kukho kuyehluka. Siphila ezweni eline "isiko lodlame" eligqugquzelwa yimibono yobulili, izinganekwane kanye nendabuko yokusola isisulu kanye nokuthethelela abanamandla. Singasho ukuthi lokhu kuyindlela yomphakathi ye-"Stockholm syndrome" edume kabi, lapho isisulu sihlotshaniswa nomdlwenguli, ukuze singazizwa sisengozini, ukuze singabi phakathi kwalabo abangahlaziswa futhi banyathelwe.

Ngokwezibalo, eRussia njalo ngemizuzu engu-20 othile uba isisulu sobudlova basekhaya. Emacaleni angu-10 odlame locansi, yi-10-12% kuphela yezisulu eziphendukela emaphoyiseni, kanti iphoyisa elilodwa kuphela kwamahlanu elamukela isitatimende.¹. Umdlwenguli kaningi akanawo umthwalo wemfanelo. Izisulu ziphila iminyaka ngokuthula nokwesaba.

Ubudlova akuwona umthelela womzimba kuphela. Lesi yisikhundla lapho umuntu oyedwa ethi komunye: "Nginelungelo lokwenza okuthile nawe, ngingayinaki intando yakho." Lona umlayezo othi: “Awunamuntu, futhi indlela ozizwa ngayo nalokho okufunayo ayibalulekile.”

Ubudlova abukho nje ngokomzimba (ukushaya), kodwa futhi ngokomzwelo (ukuhlambalaza, ukuhlukunyezwa ngamazwi) kanye nezomnotho: isibonelo, uma uphoqa umuntu onomlutha ukuba acele imali ngisho nangezinto ezidingekayo kakhulu.

Ukuhlukumeza ngokocansi kuvame ukumbozwa ngeveli yothando, lapho isisulu kuthiwa sikhangwa ngokweqile ngokocansi, kanti umenzi wobubi uwukuqubuka kwenkanuko emangalisayo. Kodwa akukhona ngentshiseko, kodwa ngamandla omuntu phezu komunye. Udlame kungukwaneliseka kwezidingo zomdlwenguli, ukuhlwithwa kwamandla.

Udlame lwenza lowo ohlukunyeziwe angabi ngumuntu. Umuntu uzizwa eyinto, into, into. Uphucwa intando yakhe, amandla okulawula umzimba wakhe, ukuphila kwakhe. Udlame luyamnqamula lowo ohlukunyeziwe emhlabeni lusale luphela ngoba kulukhuni ukusho izinto ezinjena kodwa kuyethusa ukumtshela ungahlulelwa.

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kufanele siphendule kanjani endabeni yesisulu?

Uma isisulu sobudlova sinquma ukukhuluma ngalokho okwenzeka ekuqokweni kwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, khona-ke ukulahla, ukungakholelwa, noma ukuthi: “Ungizwise ubuhlungu ngendaba yakho” kuwubugebengu, ngoba kungaletha umonakalo ngisho nangokwengeziwe. Uma isisulu sodlame sinquma ukukhuluma endaweni yomphakathi, okudinga isibindi, khona-ke ukumbeka icala lokuphupha kanye namanga noma ukumesabisa ngokumhlukumeza akuwona umsebenzi.

Nansi eminye imibono echaza ukuziphatha okunekhono kochwepheshe osizayo esimweni esinjalo.

1. Uyakholelwa kulowo ohlukunyeziwe. Akazenzi uchwepheshe empilweni yomunye umuntu, iNkosi uNkulunkulu, umseshi, umhloli, umsebenzi wakhe awuhambisani nalokho. Ukuvumelana nokuzwakala kwendaba yomhlukunyezwa kuyindaba yophenyo, ukushushiswa kanye nokuzivikela. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo senza okuthile okungenzeka ukuthi ngisho nabantu abasondelene nesisulu abakwenzanga: ukholelwa ngokushesha futhi ngaphandle kwemibandela. Isekela ngokushesha futhi ngaphandle kwemibandela. Lends a help help — ngokushesha.

2. Akasoli. Akayona iNkantolo Yamacala Ezihlubuki Engcwele, ukuziphatha komuntu ohlukunyeziwe akuyona indaba yakhe. Imikhuba yakhe, ukukhetha kwakhe ukuphila, indlela yokugqoka nokukhetha abangani akuyona into yakhe. Umsebenzi wakhe ukusekela. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo akufanele nanini sisakaze isisulu: "unecala."

3. Akanqotshwa ukwesaba. Ungalifihli ikhanda lakho esihlabathini. Akasivikeli isithombe sakhe "somhlaba onobulungiswa", esola futhi ehlisa isithunzi isisulu sodlame nalokho okwenzeka kuye. Futhi akaweli ekuhlukumezekeni kwakhe, ngoba iklayenti cishe selivele lihlangabezane nomuntu omdala ongenakuzisiza owayethuswe yilokho elikuzwile kangangokuthi wakhetha ukungakukholelwa.

4. Uyasihlonipha isinqumo somuntu ohlukunyeziwe sokukhuluma. Akamtsheli isisulu ukuthi indaba yakhe ingcole kangangokuthi unelungelo lokulalelwa kuphela ngaphansi kwezimo eziyinyumba zehhovisi elizimele. Akamnqumeli ukuthi angakwandisa kangakanani ukuhlukumezeka kwakhe ngokukhuluma ngakho. Akwenzi isisulu sibe necala ngokuphatheka kabi kwabanye abazothola kunzima noma kunzima ukuzwa noma ukufunda indaba yakhe. Lokhu sekumethusile umdlwenguli wakhe. Lokhu kanye neqiniso lokuthi uzolahlekelwa inhlonipho yabanye uma esho. Noma babazwise ubuhlungu.

5. Akabozi izinga lokuhlupheka kwalowo ohlukunyeziwe. Ubukhulu bokushaywa noma inani leziqephu zodlame kuyilungelo lomseshi. Kusazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, okubalulekile kuphela okuhlangenwe nakho komuntu ohlukunyeziwe, ukuhlolwa kwakhe siqu.

6. Akafoni uhlushwa isisulu sobudlova basekhaya egameni lezinkolelo zenkolo noma umqondo wokulondoloza umndeni, akaphoqi intando yakhe futhi akanikezi iseluleko, okuyinto engenacala, kodwa isisulu sobudlova.

7. Akanikezi izindlela zokupheka zokugwema udlame. Akanelisi ilukuluku lakhe lokungenzi lutho ngokuthola ulwazi olungadingeki neze ukuze anikeze usizo. Akanikezi isisulu ukuthi sihlukanise ukuziphatha kwakhe emathanjeni, ukuze lokhu kungenzeki kuye futhi. Ayimkhuthazi isisulu ngombono futhi ayisekeli okunjalo, uma isisulu sinakho, ukuthi ukuziphatha komdlwenguli kuncike kuye.

Ayibhekiseli ebuntwaneni bakhe obunzima noma inhlangano engokomoya ecashile. Ngokushiyeka kwemfundo noma ithonya eliyingozi lendawo ezungezile. Umuntu ohlukunyeziwe akufanele athwale icala kumhlukumezi. Yinye kuphela indlela yokugwema udlame: ukumisa umdlwenguli ngokwakhe.

8. Ukhumbula lokho umsebenzi omphoqayo ukuba akwenze. Kulindeleke ukuthi asize futhi abe nolwazi oluchwepheshile. Uyaqonda ukuthi izwi lakhe, alikhulumi ngisho nangaphakathi kwezindonga zehhovisi, kodwa endaweni yomphakathi, lithinta kokubili izisulu zobudlova nalabo abafuna ukuvala amehlo abo, bavale izindlebe zabo futhi bakholelwe ukuthi izisulu zenze konke, ukuthi bona ngokwabo banecala.

Uma i-psychotherapist ivumela ukuthi ithathe isikhundla "sokuzisola", wephula ikhodi yokuziphatha. Uma udokotela wokusebenza kwengqondo ezibamba kwelinye lamaphuzu angenhla, udinga ukwelashwa komuntu siqu kanye / noma ukugadwa. Ngaphezu kwalokho, uma lokhu kwenzeka, kuhlambalaza zonke izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo futhi kubukela phansi izisekelo zomsebenzi. Lokhu kuyinto okungafanele ibe njalo.

¹ Ulwazi oluvela ku-Isikhungo Esizimele Sosizo Sosizo Kwabasinde Odlameni Locansi «Sisters», sisters-help.ru.