Izingane ezindala zihlanganyela okuhlangenwe nakho kwazo nabangane ngokuzithandela kakhulu kunakubazali bazo. Lokhu kungokwemvelo, ngoba ontanga baqondana kangcono. Njengomthetho, intsha enozwela kakhulu futhi enozwela iyavolontiya ukuze ibe «ama-psychotherapists», kodwa lo msebenzi uvame ukuba yingozi, kuchaza uprofesa wezifo zengqondo u-Eugene Berezin.
Ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo "kuyabancane" nsuku zonke. Ngokusho kocwaningo lwakamuva, amacala okuba nesizungu esingapheli, ukucindezeleka, ukukhathazeka nokuzibulala sekuvame kakhulu phakathi kwentsha. Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi iningi lentsha lixoxa ngokukhululekile ngezinkinga ezingokomzwelo nezokuziphatha.
Nokho, abaningi basangabaza ukufuna ukwelulekwa ngokochwepheshe ngenxa yokucwasa emphakathini, amahloni, nobunzima bokuthola umelaphi.
Abafana namantombazane babheka abangane njengabayinhloko futhi ngokuvamile okuwukuphela kokusekela. Kwabasha kanye nentsha, lokhu kunengqondo futhi kungokwemvelo: ngubani, uma engeyena umngane, ozonikeza iseluleko nokusekelwa kokuziphatha? Phela, abatsheli wonke umuntu ngenkinga: udinga umuntu ozwelayo, olalelayo, osabelayo nothembekile. Futhi kunikezwe izithiyo ezivimbela ukufinyelela kochwepheshe bezengqondo, akumangazi ukuthi indima yabasindisi ivame ukudlalwa ontanga.
Kodwa nakhu okubambekayo: ukuba ukuphela kosekelo lomngane akulula. Kuyinto eyodwa ukukusiza ukuthi udlule ebunzimeni besikhashana bempilo - ikhefu elinzima, iseshini ekhungathekile, izinkinga zomndeni. Kodwa uma kuziwa ekuphazamisekeni kwengqondo okungathi sína okungenakunqotshwa ngokwakhe, umsindisi uzizwa engenakuzisiza futhi ugcina umngane wakhe entanta ngamandla akhe okugcina. Ukumshiya nakho akuyona inketho.
Ngokusobala, intsha ingena ezimweni ezinjalo ngokuzithandela kwayo. Bachayeka kalula ezinhlungwini zabanye kangangokuthi basheshe bathathe izimpawu zokucindezeleka futhi babe ngabokuqala abaphuthuma ukuyosiza. Izimfanelo zomuntu siqu ezisindisa abanye ziyabavukela futhi zibavimbele ekubekeni imingcele. Aphenduke amavesti ezinyembezi.
Kunjani ukuba "i-vest yezinyembezi"
Ngenkathi sisiza abanye, sizitholela izinzuzo ezithile ezingezona izinto ezibonakalayo, kodwa usizo olunjalo luphinde lube nezingozi ezithile. Abazali kanye nentsha ngokwabo kudingeka baqonde ukuthi yini ebalindele.
Zuza
- Ukusiza abanye kukwenza ube ngcono. Umngane weqiniso yisiqu esiphezulu nesihloniphekile esikhuluma ngesizotha nokwethembeka kwethu. Lokhu kukhulisa ukuzethemba.
- Ngokusekela umngane, ufunda isihe. Lowo owazi ukunikela, hhayi nje ukuthatha, uyakwazi ukulalela, ukuqonda, inhlonipho nokuzwela.
- Ukulalela ubuhlungu bomunye umuntu, uqala ukuthatha izinkinga ezingokwengqondo ngokungathí sina. Ukusekela abanye, asigcini nje ngokuzama ukuqonda isimo sabo, kodwa futhi nokuzazi thina. Ngenxa yalokho, ukuqwashisa komphakathi kuyanda, futhi ngemva kwalokho - ukuzinza ngokomzwelo.
- Ukukhuluma nomngane kungasindisa ngempela. Ngezinye izikhathi ingxoxo nomngane ithatha indawo yeseluleko sikachwepheshe. Ngakho-ke, ezinye izinhlangano ezikhuthaza ukuthuthukiswa kwamaqembu okusekela ngokwengqondo yesikole zize zinikeze ukuqondisa kochwepheshe entsheni ekulungele ukwenza lokhu.
Izingozi
- Ukwandisa amazinga okucindezeleka. Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo nodokotela bengqondo bayakwazi ukulawula imizwa lapho bekhuluma neziguli, kodwa abantu abaningi abaqeqeshiwe kulokhu. Umuntu osekela umngane onezinkinga ezinkulu ezingokwengqondo ngokuvamile uba «umqaphi ocingweni», ohlala ehlushwa ukukhathazeka nokukhathazeka.
- Izinkinga zabanye abantu ziphenduka umthwalo ongabekezeleleki. Okunye ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo, okunjengokucindezeleka okungapheli, ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo, i-PTSD, ukulutheka, ukuphazamiseka kwemikhuba yokudla, kubi kakhulu ukuba ungancika osizweni lomngane. Intsha ayinawo amakhono e-psychotherapist. Abangane akufanele bathathe indima yochwepheshe. Akukhona nje ukuthi lokhu kuyasabisa futhi kuyacindezela, kodwa kungase kube yingozi.
- Kuyesabeka ukucela usizo kubantu abadala. Kwesinye isikhathi umngane ukuncenga ukuthi ungatsheli muntu. Kuyenzeka futhi ukuthi ucingo kubazali, uthisha noma isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kuqhathaniswa nokukhashelwa kanye nengozi yokulahlekelwa umngane. Eqinisweni, ukuphendukela kubantu abadala abasesimweni esingase sibe yingozi kuwuphawu lokukhathalela kwangempela ngomngane. Kungcono ukucela ukwesekwa kunokulinda aze azilimaze bese ezisola.
- Ukuzizwa unecala ngenhlalakahle yakho. Ukuziqhathanisa nabanye kungokwemvelo. Lapho umngane engenzi kahle futhi wenza kahle, akuvamile ukuba uzizwe unecala ngokuthi awukaze uhlangabezane nezinselele ezinkulu ekuphileni.
Amathiphu abazali
Intsha ivame ukufihlela abazali bayo ukuthi abangane bayo basenkingeni. Ikakhulukazi ngenxa yokuthi abafuni ukusebenzisa kabi ukwethenjwa abanye abantu noma besaba ukuthi abantu abadala bazotshela abangane babo ngakho konke. Ngaphezu kwalokho, izingane eziningi esezikhulile ziyalivikela ngomona ilungelo lazo lokuba ziyimfihlo futhi zikholelwa ukuthi zingaphila ngaphandle kwakho.
Nokho, ungakwazi ukusekela ingane othathe indima «ivest».
1. Qala Izingxoxo Eziqotho kusenesikhathi
Izingane zizimisele kakhulu ukukhuluma ngengozi engase ibe khona uma uke waxoxa ngokuphindaphindiwe ngobuhlobo nabangane nabo ngaphambili. Uma bekubona njengomngane okulungele ukulalela nokunikeza iseluleko esinengqondo, khona-ke ngokuqinisekile bayokuxoxa ngezinto ezibakhathazayo futhi beze bezodinga usizo izikhathi ezingaphezu kwesisodwa.
2. Yiba nesithakazelo kulokho abakuphilayo
Kuhlale kuwusizo ukubuza izingane ukuthi ziqhuba kanjani: nabangani, esikoleni, esigabeni sezemidlalo, njalonjalo. Zilungiselele ukuquleka ngezikhathi ezithile, kodwa uma ubonisa isithakazelo njalo, uyokwabelwa abasondelene kakhulu.
3. Nikeza ukusekela
Uma utshelwe ukuthi umngane unezinkinga, buza ingane yakho imibuzo evulekile mayelana nendlela ezizwa ngayo ngaphandle kokungena emininingwaneni ngomngane. Nakulokhu, qinisekisa ukuthi ungahlala ucela iseluleko. Gcina umnyango uvule futhi uzofika lapho eselungile.
Uma ucabanga ukuthi ingane yakho kufanele ikhulume nomunye umuntu, phakamisa ukufinyelela kumndeni noma umngane omethembayo. Uma izingane zimanqikanqika ukukuvulela isifuba noma abanye abantu abadala, zicele ukuthi zifunde ukusikisela okungezansi njengesiqondiso sokuzisiza.
Amathiphu entsheni
Uma unikeza ukusekelwa kokuziphatha kumngane obhekene nezinkinga ezingokwengqondo, lawa macebiso azosiza ukugcina isimo silawulwa.
1. Chaza Indima Yakho, Imigomo, Namathuba Asengaphambili
Cabanga ngokuthi ukulungele yini ngokwesimiso ukusekela ontanga. Kunzima ukwenqaba, kodwa ukukhetha kwakho. Uma uvuma ukusiza, ngisho nasezintweni ezincane, kubalulekile ukuxoxa ngokushesha ngalokho ongakwazi ukukwenza nongakwazi ukukwenza.
Yisho ukuthi uyakujabulela ukulalela, ukusekela nokusiza ngezeluleko. Kodwa abangani kufanele baqonde: awuyena isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, ngakho-ke awunalo ilungelo lokunikeza izincomo ezimweni ezidinga ukuqeqeshwa kochwepheshe. Awukwazi ukuba uwena kuphela umsindisi ngoba umthwalo wemfanelo mkhulu kakhulu kumuntu oyedwa.
Futhi ekugcineni, into ebaluleke kakhulu: uma umngane esengozini, kungase kudingeke usizo lwabazali, uthisha, udokotela. Awukwazi ukuthembisa ukugcinwa kuyimfihlo okuphelele. Kudingeka amalungiselelo angaphambili. Bavimbela ukungezwani nokusolwa ngokukhaphela. Uma kufanele uhilele omunye umuntu, unembeza wakho uzokhululeka.
2. Ungabi wedwa
Nakuba abangani bengase bagcizelele ukuthi akekho omunye ngaphandle kwakho okufanele azi ukuthi kwenzekani kubo, lokhu ngeke kusize muntu: umthwalo wokusekela ukuziphatha unzima kakhulu kumuntu. Ngokushesha buza ukuthi ubani omunye ongamshayela ukuze uthole usizo. Lokhu kungaba umngane, uthisha, umzali, noma isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo. Ukwakha iqembu elincane kuyindlela yokugwema ukuzwa sengathi wonke umthwalo osemahlombe akho.
I-3. Zinakekele
Khumbula umthetho wendiza: gqoka imaski ye-oxygen kuqala kuwena, bese ufaka kumakhelwane wakho. Singasiza abanye kuphela uma thina ngokwethu siphilile ngokomzwelo futhi sicabanga kahle.
Yiqiniso, isifiso sokusiza abangani abasenkingeni sihle. Kodwa-ke, uma kuziwa ekusekelweni kokuziphatha, ukuhlela ngokucophelela, imingcele enempilo, kanye nezenzo ezinengqondo kuzokwenza umsebenzi wakho ube lula kakhulu.
Mayelana Nombhali: U-Eugene Berezin unguSolwazi Wezengqondo eNyuvesi yase-Harvard kanye no-CEO we-Youth Mental Health Centre e-Massachusetts General Hospital.