Ukuhamba, izivivinyo kanye nemihlaba emangalisayo — lezi «ziqephu zamaphupho» zijwayelekile kwabaningi futhi zinganikeza isihluthulelo sokuziqonda wena kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho okuqulekile. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-David Bedrick uchaza incazelo yabo ngezifundo eziyisibonelo.
Nsuku zonke sixhumana nathi, abanye abantu kanye nomhlaba osizungezile. Sizama ukwenza ukukhetha okufanele: yikuphi kokuhlangenwe nakho kwethu nemicabango esingabelana ngayo, nokuthi yikuphi okumele sikufihle. Kubantu abathile, kufanele siqaphele: amazwi nezenzo kungabonisa ubuhlungu bethu noma ukuba sengozini. Akufanele ukhulume ngokulutheka kwakho, ukucasuka noma ukuthukuthelela abanye. Okwesithathu, kufanele siqaphele futhi sifihle imininingwane ngezifo noma ngokwenzeka empilweni yethu engokomoya.
Sikwenza ngesizathu esihle noma ngokwezimo. Nokho, ingxenye enkulu yalezi zinqumo zenziwa ngokungazi—asiqapheli ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuthi imiphi imizwa ejulile, amaphupho, izidingo nezifundo zesikhathi esidlule ezisiqondisayo.
Ungasebenza ngemizwa, imicabango, kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho "okushiywe ngemuva" uma ulandela indlela yokucwaninga amaphupho
Kodwa kwenzekani kukho konke okungakavezwa, kuvezwe, kuzwakale futhi kuqondwe ngokujwayelekile? Ngezinye izikhathi - lutho nhlobo, kodwa eminye imizwelo nemicabango efihliwe isala icindezelwe futhi kamuva ibe imbangela yokuziphatha kwethu okunganele nabanye, izingxabano, ukucindezeleka, ukugula ngokomzimba, intukuthelo kanye neminye imizwa nezenzo ezibonakala zingenakuchazwa.
UDavid Bedrick ugcizelela ukuthi lokhu kujwayelekile impela - lokhu kuyimvelo yethu yobuntu. Kodwa ngalezi «zishiywe ngemuva» imizwa, imicabango, okuhlangenwe nakho, ungakwazi ukusebenza uma ulandela indlela eyaziwa kokubili kumasiko okuqala abomdabu, kanye nesayensi yengqondo yesimanje. Le ndlela iwukuhlola amaphupho ethu. Nazi izindlela ezintathu zokuphupha iningi lethu elihlangabezana nazo ngezikhathi ezithile.
1. Ukungakwazi ukuhamba
“Ngithenge ithikithi lendiza, kodwa ngiphuthelwe indiza yami”, “Ngiphuphe ngithatha uhambo, kodwa angikwazanga ukunquma ukuthi ngizothatha ini emgwaqeni”, “Ephusheni, mina nozakwethu ukuya eholidini, kodwa asikwazanga ukunquma indlela."
Kuwo wonke lawa maphupho, abantu babehamba ohambweni, kodwa bahlangabezana nezingqinamba: abakwazanga ukufika ngesikhathi, bakhohlwa, balala ngokweqile, baphuthelwa isikhathi sokuhamba. Amaphupho anjalo ngokuvamile abonisa ukungabaza, okunamathiselwe noma izinkolelo ezisikhawulela ngandlela thize, azisivumeli ukuthi siqhubekele phambili, sidlulele ngale kwempilo yethu evamile siye kokusha.
Isithiyo singaba isidingo sethu sokulungela uguquko ngokugcwele - njengakulelo phupho lapho umuntu engakwazi ukulungela umgwaqo. Noma ukuguquguquka kobudlelwane bamanje obuphazamisa ukunyakaza kwethu - isibonelo, uma ephusheni sihlangene nengxoxo noma ukungqubuzana, ngenxa yokuthi sephuzile.
Kubalulekile ukuthatha amathemba nezifiso zakho ngokungathi sína futhi ukhathazeke kancane ngokuthi yini elungile ngaphandle kokuzama ukuhlela impilo yakho yonke.
Noma singase sithiywe indima esiyifezayo ekuphileni nangale kwalokho esingeke sikwazi ukudlulela ngalé kwayo—imisebenzi yomzali, ukunakekela othile, isidingo sokungabi nasici, ukuphishekela imali. Noma mhlawumbe kumayelana nezinga eliphelele lomsebenzi ezimpilweni zethu, bese kuthi ephusheni singabhajwa esiminyaminyeni sezimoto.
Uma sinamaphupho anjalo, kufanele sizisekele, siphefumulelwe ukuba "sigxume", sithathe isinyathelo esiwujuqu. Kubalulekile ukuthatha amathemba nezifiso zakho ngokungathi sína futhi ukhathazeke kancane ngokuthi yini elungile ngaphandle kokuzama ukuhlela impilo yakho yonke kusengaphambili.
2. Ukuhlolwa kwehlulekile
“Sekuyiminyaka eminingi nginephupho elifanayo eliphindelelayo. Kufana nokuthi ngibuyele ekolishi, njengoba ngangineminyaka engu-20 edlule. Ngikhohliwe ukuthi bekumele ngiye esifundweni esithile, kwavela ukuthi kusasa kuyisivivinyo. Isiyalo asibalulekile kakhulu - ngokuvamile imfundo yomzimba - kodwa ngidinga ukuthola amamaki, ngakho-ke ngiphelelwe yithemba. Lapho ngilala, ngiba nokukhathazeka okukhulu.”
Abaningi bethu baphupha ngokuthi salala ngokweqile, bakhohlwa ukufunda isifundo, noma baphuthelwe ukuhlolwa. Amaphupho anjalo ahlala egcwele ukukhathazeka futhi avame ukukhomba ukuthi sibheka ibhizinisi elithile empilweni yethu njengelingaqediwe. Ngezinye izikhathi bakhuluma ngalokho esingakholelwa kukho - ngokubaluleka kwethu, emandleni ethu okubhekana nokuthile, ngamandla ethu, amathalenta, namathuba. Kungase futhi kube ngenxa yokungazethembi.
Ukuhlaziywa kokulala kungasisiza sinqume ukuthi ubani osibukela phansi, ongakholelwa emandleni nasekubalulekeni kwethu - thina noma omunye umuntu.
Kodwa-ke, uphawula uDavid Bedrick, abantu abanamaphupho anjalo abakaqapheli ukuthi zonke "izivivinyo" sezivele ziphumelele "ezinhle kakhulu", futhi zona ngokwazo zibalulekile, zilungile, ziyakwazi, njalonjalo. Eqinisweni, iphupho elinjalo lingase libonise ukuthi “sehlulekile” ukuhlolwa ngenxa nje yokuthi akusadingeki sikuthathe.
Ukuhlaziywa kwephupho elinjalo kungasisiza ukuthi sinqume ukuthi ubani osibukela phansi, akakholelwa emandleni ethu nokubaluleka - thina noma othile endaweni yethu. Iklayenti lika-Bedrik, elalinephupho elichazwe ngenhla, lavumelana ngokugcwele nale ncazelo: "Lokhu kuyiqiniso kakhulu, ngoba angikaze ngicabange ukuthi ngilungele okuthile, futhi ngihlala ngihlushwa ukungabaza."
3. Izwe elikude
“Ngaya eGreece futhi ngaba nomuzwa wokuthanda. Angiqondi ukuthi kungani ngiye lapho." “Ekuqaleni ngazama ukuthola ibhayisikili lami enxanxatheleni yezitolo enkulu, futhi lapho ekugcineni selingenile, ngaligibela ngaya olwandle ngahamba ngomkhumbi omkhulu.
Abantu abanamaphupho anjalo abazizwa izithiyo futhi abazizwa bengabalulekile. Ngomqondo othile, kakade sebesithathile igxathu eliya phambili ekuphileni, kodwa abakakuqapheli ngokugcwele lokhu. Ukuhlaziywa kokulala kusiza ukuxhumana naleso simo sengqondo noma umuzwa esingakawuboni, leyo ngxenye yethu efuna ukwazi, ukuqashelwa, ukuphila. Le ngxenye ingase ibonakale "yangaphandle" kithi okwamanje - yile ndlela isithombe saseGrisi, izwe langaphandle, sazalwa ngayo.
Lapho esebenza nowesifazane owachaza iphupho ngeGreece, u-Bedrick wammema ukuba alibone ngeso lengqondo, acabange ngohambo lwakhe lapho futhi acabange imizwa yakhe. Umusho wokugcina wawungenxa yokuthi owesifazane wathola uthando ephusheni. Umelaphi wamsiza ngemibuzo eholayo ukuze angacabangi ngokunengqondo futhi asebenzise izinzwa zakhe ngokwengeziwe. Wambuza ngomculo awuzwa elele, ukunambitheka kokudla kwasendaweni, namaphunga.
Njengezinye izinhlobo zokuhlaziya, ukutadisha amaphupho akuyona yonke indawo futhi kuncike njalo esimweni esithile kanye nobuntu.
U-Bedrick wabe esephakamisa ukuthi owesifazane wayephila ngezinga elithile kulesi sitayela "sesiGreki" - njengokungathi uyayithanda le ndlela yokuphila. “Yebo! Yilokhu kanye engikuzwa ekujuleni kwenhliziyo,” kuvuma iklayenti. Usengakwazi ukudansa, ukucula, ukulalela umculo, noma ukuthatha "uhambo olufushane" ukuya eGreece yakhe engaphakathi.
Yiqiniso, njengezinye izinhlobo zokuhlaziya, ukuxilongwa nokuhumusha, ukutadisha amaphupho akuyona yonke indawo futhi kuxhomeke njalo esimweni esithile kanye nomuntu. Mhlawumbe othile uye waba namaphupho afanayo, kodwa incazelo enikezwe lapha ayihambisani naye. U-David Bedrick uncoma ukuthi wethembe umbono wakho futhi ukhethe kuphela okuzwakalayo ngempela.
Mayelana Nombhali: UDavid Bedrick uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kanye nombhali wencwadi ethi Objecting to Dr. Phil: Alternatives to Popular Psychology.