Abantu abaningi bafuna ukwakha ubudlelwano obuvumelanayo, kodwa bahlala bekhetha abalingani abalimazayo. Yiziphi izindlela ze-psyche ezinquma ukukhetha kwethu nokuthi singazishintsha kanjani, kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emitholampilo.
Cishe uzwile ngabantu abahlale behlangana nabalingani abafanayo. Kunomuzwa wokuthi abafundi “emaphutheni esikhathi esidlule.” Kungani kunjalo?
Kunomthetho olula ekukhetheni umlingani: ubuchopho bakho «izaziso» kuphela lokho «okwaziyo», lokho osekujwayele kakade. Awufuni ukuphila umuzwa ongazwakali njengekhaya. Ngakho-ke, ngeke uthethelele isidakwa uma kungekho muntu emndenini wakho owenze lokhu. Futhi ngokuphambene nalokho: uma, isibonelo, umama wakho esebudlelwaneni obunobuthi futhi "wasinda" ngesikhathi esifanayo, khona-ke ingane yakhe izokopisha le ndlela yokuziphatha futhi cishe izozithola isesimweni esifanayo.
Njengoba siqhubeka nokuphindaphinda izifundo zesikhathi esidlule, sikhetha abathandi abafana nophizi ababili ku-pod.
Kuzwakala sengathi
Senza ukukhetha okubulalayo sivuna ozakwethu ukuziphatha kwabo okuqondakalayo futhi esikujwayele. Singakwazi ukuthatha izimpawu eziyingozi ngokungazi: isibonelo, ukuzwa sengathi indoda inolaka njengoyise. Noma othambekele ekusetshenzisweni, njengomama. Ngakho-ke, "siwela" kubalingani abangafaneleki kithi - "sibambelela", ngezinye izikhathi ngokungazi, emzweni ongaqondakali wokuthi ufana kakhulu nomama noma uyise ...
Ngakho-ke izindlela ezakhelwe ngaphakathi ze-psyche yethu azinqumi kuphela isitayela sempilo yethu, kodwa futhi nokukhetha komlingani wesikhathi esizayo. Ukweqa "imivimbo yokuzivikela" yokucabanga ekwenza ukhethe njalo ozakwethu abafanayo kungaba nzima uwedwa. Phela bafola phakathi kwethu iminyaka.
Imibuzo emibili ezosiza ukushiya "i-rake"
- Zama ukuphendula ngesiphawulo esisodwa umbuzo othi: «Ngiyini uma ngingekho ebudlelwaneni?». Yisho igama elisuka endaweni ethinta imizwa edlulisa imizwa, isibonelo: ebudlelwaneni, ngijabule, ngivaliwe, nganelisekile, nginovalo ... wena. Isibonelo, uma unothile, uzizwa uthembele noma uzwa sengathi uyeka ukukhula. Lesi isimo esingakhululekile, ngakho ungase ugweme ubudlelwano ngokungazi noma uthole ozakwethu okungenakwenzeka ukwakha ubuhlobo besikhathi eside nabo.
- Manje zibuze omunye umbuzo: “Ngifunde kubani ukuba sebudlelwaneni ngale ndlela?” Isithombe somuntu othile sizovela ekhanda lami: umama, ubaba, ubabekazi, ugogo, umkhulu, noma iqhawe lefilimu elicwile emphefumulweni. Ngemva kokuqonda umthombo wesimo sakho sengqondo (“Ngisebudlelwaneni obunje nanje, futhi ngifunde lokhu ku-…”), uzokukhipha endaweni equlekile, unikeze igama nencazelo. Manje usuyakwazi «ukubuyisela» lolu lwazi kubantu abalufake kuwe. Futhi ngokwenza lokhu, uzokwazi ukufaka esikhundleni sokufakwa okungadingekile kwakudala ngokusha, ngophawu lokuhlanganisa. Isibonelo, esikhundleni sokuthi "ebudlelwaneni, ngiyakhashelwa futhi ngilahliwe," ungazitshela, "ebudlelwaneni, ngijabule futhi ngiphefumulelwe." Ngale ndlela, singazimisa ukuthi singabheki lokho esikujwayele (nokuthi yini engasibhubhisa futhi isicasule), kodwa lokho okuzosilethela injabulo nogqozi.
Lapho sibona futhi sisebenza ngezimo zengqondo ezingezinhle, sikhululiwe emthwalweni wesikhathi esidlule, siyakhululeka, sifunda ukwethemba umhlaba. Sisondela ngesinyathelo esisodwa ephusheni lethu (kanye nezinyathelo eziyinkulungwane ukusuka erekini, esinyathele kulo ngomdlandla kwaze kwaba muva nje).