Sikholelwa ukuthi ubudlelwano buyosenza sijabule, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo sikulungele ukubekezelela ukuhlupheka okulethwayo. Ivelaphi lendida? Isazi sefilosofi u-Alain de Botton sichaza ukuthi lokho esikufuna ngokungazi ebudlelwaneni akuyona injabulo nhlobo.
“Konke kwakukuhle kakhulu: wayemnene, enakisisa, ngemva kwakhe ngangizizwa sengathi ngisemva kodonga lwamatshe. Ukwazile nini ukuphenduka inunu engangivumeli ngiphile, unomona ngento yonke encane avale umlomo?
Izikhalazo ezinjalo zivame ukuzwakala engxoxweni nomngane noma uchwepheshe, zifundwe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Kodwa ingabe likhona iphuzu lokuzibeka icala ngobumpumputhe noma i-myopia? Senza ukukhetha okungalungile, hhayi ngoba sinephutha kumuntu, kodwa ngenxa yokuthi singanakile sikhangwa ngokunembile kulezo zimfanelo ezibangela ukuhlupheka.
Ukuphindaphinda kudluliselwe
UTolstoy wabhala: "Yonke imindeni ijabule ngendlela efanayo, kodwa umndeni ngamunye awujabule ngendlela yawo." Kungenzeka ukuthi wayeqinisile, kodwa ubudlelwano obungajabulisi bunokuthile okufanayo. Cabanga emuva kobunye ubudlelwano bakho bangaphambilini. Ungase uqaphele izici ezivelayo.
Ebudlelwaneni, sithembele kulokho esikujwayele, esesivele sahlangana nakho emndenini. Asibheke injabulo, kodwa imizwa evamile
Isibonelo, uwela ukukhwabanisa okufanayo ngokuphindaphindiwe, thethelela ukukhashelwa, zama ukufinyelela kumlingani wakho, kodwa ubonakala engemuva kodonga lwengilazi olungazwakali. Kwabaningi, umuzwa wokuphelelwa ithemba okuba yisizathu sekhefu lokugcina. Futhi kukhona incazelo yalokhu.
Empilweni yethu, okuningi kunqunywa imikhuba, ezinye zazo esizihlakulelayo, ezinye zivele ngokuzenzekelayo, ngoba kulula kakhulu. Imikhuba ivikela ekukhathazekeni, ikuphoqe ukuthi ufinyelele kulabo obaziyo. Lokhu kuhlobana kanjani nobudlelwano? Kuzo, siphinde sithembele kulokho esikujwayele, esesivele sihlangane nakho emndenini. Ngokusho kwesazi sefilosofi u-Alain de Botton, asibheke injabulo ebuhlotsheni, kodwa imizwa evamile.
Abangane abangakhululekile bothando
Ukunamathela kwethu kwasekuqaleni—kubazali noma omunye umuntu onegunya—kumisa inkundla yobudlelwano besikhathi esizayo nabanye abantu. Sithemba ukuthi sizodala kabusha ebudlelwaneni babantu abadala leyo mizwa esiyijwayele. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngokubheka umama nobaba, sifunda ukuthi ubudlelwano busebenza kanjani (noma kufanele busebenze).
Kodwa inkinga iwukuthi uthando lwabazali luphenduka luxhunywe eduze neminye, imizwa ebuhlungu: ukungazethembi nokwesaba ukulahlekelwa umusa wabo, ukungakhululeki ngezifiso zethu "ezingavamile". Ngenxa yalokho, asikwazi ukubona uthando ngaphandle kwabangane balo baphakade - ukuhlupheka, ihlazo noma icala.
Njengabantu abadala siyabenqaba abafake izicelo zothando lwethu, hhayi ngoba sibona into embi kubo, kodwa ngoba belunge kakhulu kithi. Sizizwa sengathi asikufanele. Sifuna imizwa enodlame hhayi ngoba izokwenza izimpilo zethu zibe ngcono futhi zikhanye, kodwa ngoba ihambisana nesimo esijwayelekile.
Siphila ngemikhuba, kodwa inamandla phezu kwethu inqobo nje uma singanakile.
Ngemva kokuhlangana nomuntu "ofanayo", "owethu", cishe ngeke sicabange ukuthi sithande ukudelela kwakhe, ukungabi naluzwela noma ukuzicabangela yena yedwa. Sizotusa ukunquma kwakhe nokuzola, futhi sizobheka i-narcissism yakhe njengophawu lwempumelelo. Kodwa ukungazi lutho kuqokomisa into eyaziwayo futhi ngenxa yalokho ekhangayo ekubukeni kokhethiwe. Akubalulekile kakhulu kuye ukuthi sizohlupheka noma sijabule, into eyinhloko ukuthi sizophinde sithole «ekhaya», lapho konke kubikezelwa khona.
Ngenxa yalokho, asigcini nje ukukhetha umuntu njengozakwethu ngokusekelwe ekuhlangenwe nakho kobudlelwane obudlule, kodwa siqhubeka nokudlala naye ngokuvumelana nemithetho eyasungulwa emndenini wethu. Mhlawumbe abazali bethu abazange basinake, futhi sivumela umngane wethu ukuba angazinaki izidingo zethu. Abazali basisola ngezinkinga zabo - sibekezelela ukuthukwa okufanayo okuvela kumlingani.
Indlela eya enkululekweni
Isithombe sibonakala sifiphele. Uma singakhulelanga emndenini wabantu abanothando olungapheli, abajabulayo nabazethembayo, singathemba yini ukuhlangana nabangane abanjalo ekuphileni kwethu? Phela noma zingavela emkhathizwe ngeke sikwazi ukuzihlola.
Lokhu akulona iqiniso ngokuphelele. Siyaphila imikhuba, kodwa inamandla phezu kwethu kuphela inqobo nje uma singayiqapheli. Zama ukubheka ukusabela kwakho futhi uthole ukufana kukho nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kwasebuntwaneni. Uzizwa kanjani (noma uke wazizwa ebudlelwaneni obudlule) lapho umlingani wakho esusa imizwa yakho? Uma uzwa ngaye ukuthi kufanele umeseke kukho konke, ngisho noma kubonakala sengathi unephutha? Kunini ekusola ngokukhaphela uma ugxeka indlela aphila ngayo?
Manje dala engqondweni yakho isithombe somuntu onamandla, ovuthiwe onokuzethemba okukhulu. Bhala phansi ukuthi umbona kanjani, bese uzama le ndima kuwe. Zama ukudlala izinkinga zakho. Awukweleti muntu, futhi akekho okukweleta okuthile, akudingekile ukuthi usindise noma ubani noma udele okuthile ngenxa yabanye. Uzoziphatha kanjani manje?
Ungase ungakwazi ukugqashula ekuthunjweni yimikhuba yobuntwana zisuka nje. Ungase udinge ukwesekwa kochwepheshe. Kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uzofunda ukubona izimpawu eziyingozi ekuziphatheni kwakho. Enqubweni yokusebenza ngokwakho, kungase kubonakale sengathi ubuhlobo obukhona buholela ekugcineni. Mhlawumbe umphumela uzoba ukuhlukana. Ungase futhi uzizwe unesifiso esivamile sokuqhubekela phambili, okuzoba isisekelo sobuhlobo obusha, obunempilo.
Mayelana nombhali: U-Alain de Botton ungumbhali, isazi sefilosofi, umbhali wezincwadi nezindatshana ezikhuluma ngothando, kanye nomsunguli weSikole Sokuphila, esikhuthaza indlela entsha yemfundo ehambisana nefilosofi yezikole zaseGreece lasendulo.