Okuqukethwe
Ungasinda kanjani ekuhlukaneni? Kungenzeka yini ukuthi niqhubeke ningabangane? Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJill Weber sichaza ukuthi kungani kufanele uqede ubuhlobo nomuntu owayekade ethandana naye.
Ukuhlukana nobudlelwano cishe akulula neze. Iqembu elimele licabanga ukuthi, "Lokhu ngeke kwenzeke!"
Ukusesha izindlela zokulungisa yonke into, ukuvuselela noma "ukulungisa" ubudlelwano kuyaqala. Abaningi bafuna imihlangano nomlingani, bezama ukuxoxa ngamathuba okuhlangana kabusha, ukukhanga imizwa edlule nokuthumela ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Sidlala isikhathi, sithole ubudlelwano, kodwa kuba kubi kakhulu. Indlela elula yokubhekana nobuhlungu ukunciphisa ukuxhumana nomlingani wangaphambili kube yize.
Kunzima ukusilandela lesi seluleko. Sakha izikhathi ezintsha zemihlangano - ngokwesibonelo, sinikeza ukubuyisela izinto ezikhohliwe, sishayela futhi sibuze ngempilo yezihlobo zangaphambili, futhi sidlulisa ukuhalalisela ngamaholide. Ngakho sakha inkohliso yempilo yangaphambili, kodwa asiphili.
Okuwukuphela kwesizathu esihle sokuqhubeka nokukhulumisana yizingane ezivamile. Uma kwenzeka isehlukaniso, siyaqhubeka sihlanganyela ukunakekelwa kokukhuliswa kwabo. Kumele sibonane sikhulume ocingweni. Kodwa naphezu kwalokhu, kufanele uzame ukugcina ukukhulumisana okungenani futhi ukhulume kuphela ngezingane.
Nazi izizathu ezine zokunqamula ukuxhumana.
1. Ukuxhumana ne-ex yakho ngeke kukupholise.
Ukuphela kobudlelwane kubuhlungu, kodwa ubuhlungu abukwazi ukuhlala unomphela. Uzoba lusizi, uthukuthele, ucasulwe ukuthi impilo ayinabo ubulungisa. Le mizwa ingokwemvelo futhi iyingxenye yenqubo yokululama, kodwa kancane kancane uzokwamukela okwenzekile.
Ngokuqhubeka nokuxhumana ne-ex yakho, uphazamisa inqubo yokutakula, ukhetha isu elilimazayo lokuphika okusobala. Ukuze uvule impilo entsha futhi uhlele ngokuzethemba ikusasa, kuyadingeka ukwamukela ngokugcwele iqiniso lokuthi ubuhlobo buphelile. Ngokuvuma ukuhlukana kwakho, uyothola impumuzo, futhi ukuphila kwakho kuyoba ezolile.
2. Uzincisha amandla
Ngenkathi uqondisa amandla ekuxhumaneni nomlingani wakho, awunawo amandla anele enjabulo, ukuxhumana nezingane, izinto zokuzilibazisa kanye nobudlelwano obusha.
3. Uphila ezweni lenganekwane
Ubudlelwano buphelile. Yonke into oyicabangayo ngabo iyinkohliso. Ukuxhumana nomlingani akusoze kwafana, futhi iqiniso lokuthi uqhubeka liphakamisa ukuthi uhlala kwelinye iqiniso lakho, lapho nijabula ndawonye. Uyakulangazelela ukuhlangana, nokho, ukuxhumana emhlabeni wangempela, uzizwa ukhungathekile. Uma nje uphila ezweni lenganekwane, uzincisha ukuphila kwangempela.
4. Wenza amaphutha afanayo ngokuphindaphindiwe.
Labo abangakwazi ukukwamukela ukuhlukana bavame ukuzibeka icala ngayo yonke into. Abakholelwa ukuthi ukuhlukana kungaba yithuba lokukhula komuntu siqu. Bazithethisa bona esikhundleni sokushiya lobu budlelwano esikhathini esedlule baqhubeke, bazame ukungaphindi amaphutha abawenzile.
Uma ungakwazi ukwamukela ukuhlukana, impilo yakho iphenduka uSuku Lwezingulube. Uvuka nsuku zonke nokwesaba okufanayo, ukudumazeka nokusolwa. Uboshelwe ebudlelwaneni obungekho: awukwazi ukuba ne-ex yakho, kodwa awukwazi ukunyakaza. Uma usudedele ubudlelwano obudlule, uzozizwa ukhululekile futhi uzimele ezinhlungwini nasekuzisoleni kwayizolo.
Mayelana Nombhali: UJill Weber ungudokotela wezengqondo futhi ungumbhali wencwadi ethi Building Self-Esteem 5 Steps: How to Feel Good Enough.