Okuqukethwe
Ukuzihlukanisa ngenkani kwaba uvivinyo olunzima emindenini eminingi, ngisho naleyo lapho kubusa ukuzwana nokuqondana. Kodwa kuthiwani ngalabo abazithola bevalelwe bodwa ne-narcissist - ngokwesibonelo, abashade nabo noma umlingani wesikhathi eside? Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uKristin Hammond sichaza ngesibonelo sangempela.
Ngokushesha ngemva komshado, uMaria waqala ukuqaphela ukuthi umyeni wakhe wayengumdlwembe wangempela. Ekuqaleni, wathatha ukuziphatha kwakhe ngenxa yezingane, kodwa ngemva kokuzalwa kwengane, ubudlelwano bomndeni baqala ukushisa. Ubaba osemncane wayengenakho ukunamathela okugcwele emntwaneni, ngenxa yalokho wabe esefuna kakhulu futhi enobugovu. Ngokuvamile kuMariya kwakubonakala sengathi umyeni wakhe nomntwana babeqhudelana ngokunakwa kwakhe.
Uma enaka kakhulu umntwana, okuyinto engokwemvelo, ikakhulukazi ezinyangeni zokuqala ngemva kokuzalwa kwakhe, umyeni wakhe waqala ukucasuka, ukugxeka, ukululaza ngisho nokumhlambalaza. Alukho usizo oluvela kuye endlini, futhi ngaphandle kwalokho, wamvimbela ukuba afinyelele isabelomali somndeni futhi akazange athethelele iphutha elincane.
Lapho kuqala ubhubhane lwe-coronavirus, umyeni kaMaria, njengabanye abaningi, washintshelwa emsebenzini wasekhaya. Ukuba khona njalo komkakhe «eceleni kwakhe» ngokushesha kwaqala ukumcasula, izimfuno kuye zakhula kakhulu: ukumenzela itiye noma ikhofi, ukumangaza ngesitsha esisha sokudla ... UMaria wazizwa evaleleke. Yini engenziwa esimweni esinjalo?
1. Funda ukuqonda ukuziphatha kwe-narcissist
Akwanele ukwazi incazelo yegama elithi "narcissism" - ukuhlala nomuntu onjalo, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi i-psyche yakhe isebenza kanjani. Ukuze wenze lokhu, kuzodingeka uhlale uhlanganyela ekuzifundiseni.
U-Maria kwadingeka afunde ukwenza isikhathi phakathi kokuphakelayo ukuze afunde izindatshana futhi alalele ama-podcasts mayelana ne-narcissism. Lapho eseqala ukuqonda kahle ukuthi kwenzakalani, akabange esaba sengathi uzosangana ezenzweni zomyeni wakhe.
2. Ungalindeli ushintsho
I-narcissist ayikwazi ukuqonda ukuthi uyinkinga (lokhu kungenye yezimpawu eziyinhloko ze-narcissism). Uhlale ezibheka engcono futhi ephakeme kunabanye. Ungathembi ukuthi lokhu kuzoshintsha, ithemba elingamanga lidala izinkinga ezengeziwe.
UMaria wayeka ukulinda umyeni wakhe ukuba aqale ukushintsha, futhi waqala ukumelana naye ngenkuthalo. Ngokwesibonelo, waqala ukumtshela njalo njengesibonelo umyeni okhathalelayo nonothando womngane, indoda yomkhaya eyisibonelo kanye nobaba omangalisayo, evusa umyeni wakhe embangweni.
3. Ungazilahleki
Ama-Narcisists ayakwazi ukuguqula kancane kancane abanye bafane nabo. Banesiqiniseko sokuthi abanye abantu bayophila kangcono kuphela uma bebalingisa. Ukuze ungazilahleki ngaphansi kwengcindezi enjalo, kubalulekile ukuqonda ngokucacile ukuthi kwenzekani. Akulula ukumelana, kodwa kuyenzeka.
UMaria waqaphela ukuthi wayeselahle cishe zonke izici zakhe zobuntu ukuze ajabulise umyeni wakhe. Wanquma ukubuyisela kancane kancane zonke izici zakhe zobuntu ezazicindezelwe.
4. Namathela ezinhlosweni nasezimisweni zakho
Ama-Narcisists alindele ukuthi wonke umuntu oseduze nabo aqagele izifiso zabo ngaphandle kwamagama, ahlala efuna okuthile futhi enze imibono ehlambalazayo. Ukuze usinde esimweni esinjalo, udinga izinhloso zakho, izimiso nezindinganiso, ngaphandle kombono we-narcissist. Ngenxa yabo, uzokwazi ukugcina umbono onempilo empilweni kanye nokuzethemba okwanele, naphezu kwethonya le-narcissist.
5. Beka Imingcele Engacacile
Uma uzama ukumisa imingcele yomuntu siqu eqinile ebuhlotsheni ne-narcissist, uzohlala evivinya amandla abo, ebona njengenselele. Kunalokho, ungabeka imingcele ecacile, njengokuthi: “uma engikhohlisa, ngizomshiya” noma “ngeke ngibubekezelele nhlobo ubudlova obungokomzimba.”
UMaria wazuza ithuba lokunakekela ingane usuku lonke, ethembisa umyeni wakhe ukuthi uzopheka ukudla kanye ngosuku, kusihlwa.
6. Ungakhanyi
I-Gaslighting iwuhlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokwengqondo ama-narcisists athambekele kukho. Baziba iqiniso futhi bachaze inguqulo yabo yezehlakalo eqanjiwe, okusenza sizingabaze thina kanye nombono wethu weqiniso. Ukumelana nalokhu, kuyasiza ukugcina idayari.
Isibonelo, uma i-narcissist yenza ingxabano ngezihlobo "ezingabongiyo" ngesikhathi seholide, ungabhala ngalokho okwenzeka kudayari yakho. Ngokuzayo uma eqala ukusho ukuthi lezi zihlobo yizo ezaqala ukumthuka ngenhlamba uzobe usubhaliwe ubufakazi bezigameko zangempela.
UMaria wayehlola amanothi akhe ngezikhathi ezithile, ezihlola. Lokhu kwamenza waqiniseka ukuthi uzokhuluma nomyeni wakhe.
7. Thola umuntu ozokweseka.
Uma umyeni wakho noma umkakho engumuntu osebenzisa i-narcissist, kubalulekile ukuthi ube nethuba lokuxoxa ngezinkinga zakho zomshado nomunye umuntu. Lokhu kungase kube umngane oseduze noma isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, kodwa hhayi isihlobo. Kubalulekile futhi ukuthi angagcini ukuxhumana nomlingani wakho. UMaria wayenomngane owayehlale ekulungele ukumlalela nokumsekela.
Naphezu kwesimo esishubile ekuqaleni kokuhlukaniswa okuphoqelekile, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uMaria wakwazi ukwakha isigqi sokuphila esimfanelayo. Waqaphela ukuthi lapho ewuqonda kangcono umnyombo we-narcissism yomyeni wakhe, ukubonakaliswa okunjalo komlingiswa wakhe kwenza impilo yakhe ibe nzima.
Mayelana nombhali: uKristin Hammond, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo.