“Ubaba uyashada”, “umama usenomngane” … Okuningi kuncike ekutheni ingane yenza ubungane yini nabasanda kukhethwa abazali. Ungasikhetha kanjani isikhathi sokuhlangana nokubamba umhlangano ngendlela efanele ngangokunokwenzeka? Umelaphi womndeni uLea Liz unikeza izimpendulo ezinemininingwane kule mibuzo neminye.
Isehlukaniso sesiphelile, okusho ukuthi ngokushesha noma kamuva, cishe, ubuhlobo obusha buzoqala. Abazali abaningi bakhathazekile ngalo mbuzo: indlela yokwethula umlingani omusha enganeni. Ungayenza kanjani indodana noma indodakazi yakho ukuba imamukele?
Udokotela wengqondo kanye nomelaphi womndeni u-Lea Liz uhlanganise uhlu lwemibuzo evamile amakhasimende ayibuza yona kulezi zimo:
- Ingabe kufanele ngibize umlingani wami omusha ngokuthi “umngane wami” noma “intombi yami”?
- Kunini lapho kufaneleka khona ukumethula ezinganeni?
- Ingabe ngidinga ukusho ukuthi lobu ubuhlobo bami obusha, okungenzeka bungaphumeleli?
- Ingabe kufanele silinde uxhumano olusha ukuze sime uvivinyo lwesikhathi uma siye ukuphola izinyanga ezimbalwa futhi yonke into sina?
Uma umzali, noma engasahlali nengane, ematasa ekukhuliseni kwakhe, ngeke kube lula ukufihla ukuthi unomuntu. Nokho, kunezingozi ekuletheni omunye umuntu omdala ekuphileni kwezingane. Kungaba usizo enganeni ukuba yandise ama-horizons ayo futhi ibone izibonelo ezingaphandle kobudlelwane bomndeni, kodwa kusabalulekile ukucabangela ukuthi ukujwayelana okusha kungaholela ekuthuthukisweni kokunamathela, okusho ukuthi ukuhlukana okungenzeka nomlingani omusha kuyokwenza. akuthinti thina kuphela, kodwa nezingane.
Kunokuba athukuthelele uyise ngobuhlobo obusha, uBarry wathukuthela unina futhi waqala ukumshaya.
U-Liz unikeza isibonelo ngomkhuba wakhe. Umfana oneminyaka engu-XNUMX uBarry wavele wathola ukuthi uyise unentombi. Ngobusuku bangaphambi kwempelasonto, okwakufanele ayichithe nobaba wakhe, wafona wathi kuzoba khona “intokazi enhle” endlini nabo. Abazali bakaBarry babengahlali ndawonye, kodwa baxoxa ngokubuyelana. Ngezinye izikhathi babechitha ubusuku ndawonye esidlweni sakusihlwa nasemidlalweni, futhi umfana wayekujabulela ngokusuka enhliziyweni.
Ingane yacasuka kakhulu lapho izwa ukuthi kukhona omunye wesifazane empilweni kayise. “Manje uhlezi esihlalweni engisithandayo. Muhle, kodwa akafani nonina." Lapho uBarry etshela unina ngentombi entsha kayise, wathukuthela wagana unwabu. Wayengazi ukuthi ubuhlobo bakhe bothando nomyeni wakhe sebuphelile futhi wayesethandana nomunye umuntu.
Kwaba nempi phakathi kwabazali, futhi uBarry waba ufakazi wayo. Kamuva, esikhundleni sokuthukuthela uyise ngobuhlobo obusha, uBarry wathukuthela unina futhi waqala ukumshaya. Naye akakwazanga ukuchaza ukuthi kungani intukuthelo yakhe yayibhekiswe kunina uma uyise wayeyimbangela yokungqubuzana. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, wakwazi ukuzizwa njengesisulu kabili - okokuqala ngenxa yokukhashelwa komyeni wakhe wangaphambili, futhi ngenxa yokuhlukunyezwa kwendodana yakhe.
Imithetho elula
Izincomo zikaLiz zingasiza abazali abahlukanisile esimweni esinzima sokwethula ingane kumlingani omusha.
1. Qiniseka ukuthi ubudlelwano bude ngokwanele futhi buzinzilengaphambi kokwengeza ingane kuzibalo zakho. Ungajahi ukukhuluma ngalokho okwenzekayo uze uqiniseke ukuthi ukufanele, unikezwe ingqondo futhi ukulungele ukuthatha indima yobuzali okungenani ngezinga elithile.
2. Hlonipha imingcele. Uma ingane ikubuza umbuzo oqondile, njengokuthi ulala nothile, ungaphendula: “Lesi sihloko sithinta mina kuphela. Ngingumuntu omdala futhi nginelungelo lokuba nemfihlo."
3. Ungayenzi ingane yakho isifuba sakho. Inkinga enkulu kunazo zonke isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Lea Liz abhekene nayo ukuhlehliswa kwendima. Uma umzali eqala ukubuza ingane ukuthi izogqokani ngosuku oluthile, noma ixoxe ngokuthi kuhambe kanjani, ingane isuke isiba umuntu omdala. Lokhu akugcini nje ngokubukela phansi igunya likamama noma likababa, kodwa futhi kungadida ingane.
4. Ungamniki umsebenzi wokuba yisithunywa. UDiana Adams, ummeli womndeni, uphikisa ngokuthi isimo lapho izingane zidlulisela imiyalezo esuka kubaba iye kumama noma okuphambene nalokho senza izinto zibe nzima ngesehlukaniso.
Ukuba nomunye umzali omunye umumo ngokuvamile kuhle ngisho
5. Ungalali embhedeni owodwa nezingane. Lokhu kuphazamisa ukusondelana kwabazali, nokuphila kwabo kobulili okunempilo, okuthinta isimo sengqondo nokunethezeka kwengqondo, ekugcineni kuzuzisa izingane ngokwazo. Uma ingane isetshenziselwa ukulala embhedeni kamama noma ubaba, ukubonakala komlingani omusha kuzobangela imizwelo eminingi engalungile.
6. Yethula ingane yakho kumlingani omusha kancane kancane futhi endaweni engathathi hlangothi. Ngokufanelekile, imihlangano kufanele isekelwe emisebenzini ehlanganyelwe. Hlela umsebenzi owabiwe ojabulisayo ofana ne-ice skating noma ukuvakashela i-zoo. Misa isikhathi somhlangano ukuze ingane ibe nesikhathi sokugaya okuvelayo.
7. Mnikeze umuzwa wokulawula isimo. Uma imihlangano iba ekhaya, kubalulekile ukuba ungaphazamisi isimiso esivamile futhi uvumele indodana noma indodakazi ukuba ibe nengxenye ekukhulumeni. Isibonelo, umlingani omusha angase abuze izingane ukuthi zihlale kuphi noma abuze ngemisebenzi eziyithandayo.
8. Ungamhleli umuntu omaziyo ngesikhathi senhlekelele noma ukuhlukumezeka emoyeni. Kubalulekile ukuthi ingane ingahlukumezeki, ngaphandle kwalokho umhlangano ungase umlimaze ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
“Ukuba nomunye umzali oyedwa kuhle, ngokuvamile, kuhle,” kufingqa uLea Liz. “Ukulandela iziqondiso ezilula kuzosiza ingane yakho ukuthi yamukele kalula ushintsho.”
Mayelana nombhali: U-Lea Liz ungudokotela wengqondo kanye nomelaphi womndeni.