Okuqukethwe
Abelaphi bomndeni bathi ibinzana elilodwa elifushane lingaqeda ukucasukelana futhi liguqule ingxabano ibe ingxoxo eyakhayo. Iyini le nkulumo futhi ingasiza kanjani phakathi nokungqubuzana nomlingani?
"Ungakhohlwa ukuthi sisohlangothini olulodwa"
Iminyaka eyishumi yomshado, intatheli u-Ashley Innes sekuyisikhathi eside ejwayele ukukhuluma ngamathoni aphakanyisiwe. Ngezikhathi ezithile kwakuphindaphindwa into efanayo: izingxabano zaphakama ngenxa yokuthi bobabili abashadile basebenza kanzima, bebhekene nokucindezeleka okukhulu, futhi babengenaso isikhathi namandla omndeni.
“Okokugcina, ingxoxo emayelana namathuba emisebenzi eyengeziwe yaphetha ngengxabano. Saphinde saba nokungavumelani ngendlela umsebenzi usithinta ngayo thina nezingane, ukuthi singakanani isikhathi esisichitha nomkhaya, ubani onesibopho semisebenzi yasekhaya. Ngesinye isikhathi, ngabona ukuthi sasithethisana futhi sisolana,” kukhumbula u-Innes. Kodwa wabe esesebenzisa "isikhali esiyimfihlo" sakhe - inkulumo evumela ukuthi uqede noma yikuphi ukuxabana.
“Ngatshela umyeni wami, ‘Ungakhohlwa ukuthi sisohlangothini olulodwa. Ngemva kokukhuluma la mazwi, sikhumbula ngokushesha ukuthi umuntu ophambi kwethu akasona isitha sethu futhi asikho isizathu sokuxabana naye. Futhi esikhundleni sokuthukana, siqala ukulalelana, sibheke ukuyekethisa kanye nezixazululo zezinkinga, "uqinisekile.
Umshado wumdlalo weqembu
Abelaphi bomndeni abaningi bayavumelana no-Innes, naye ophikisa ngokuthi indlela esheshayo yokunciphisa ingxoxo iwukusho umusho olula othi “sisohlangothini olufanayo” noma “siseqenjini elifanayo.”
Uma ingahlukunyezwa (nokho, uma uphinda lawa magama izikhathi eziningana ngosuku, azoyeka ngokushesha ukuba nomphumela), le nkulumo ingakwazi ukuguqula noma yikuphi ukungqubuzana kube inkhulumomphendvulwano eyakhayo mayelana nendlela yokuxazulula inkinga. Phakathi nengxabano, lapho usulungele ukubambana ngokoqobo emphinjeni, bakusiza ukhumbule ukuthi umshado "umdlalo weqembu" futhi indlela eqinisekile yokulahlekelwa ukuzama "ukushaya" omunye nomunye.
“Ngokuthi ‘siseqenjini elilodwa’ ubeka ngokusobala ukuthi nakuba ungasithandi lesi simo esikusona kanye nokungezwani esikubangele, kodwa usafuna ukuba ndawonye futhi ubonge ubudlelwano. Lokhu kusiza kokubili ukuthi bayeke ukuzivikela futhi baqale ukuxazulula inkinga, ”kuchaza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uMarie Land.
Okungcono nakakhulu, le nqubo iqala ukusebenza kahle ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Uma wazi ukuthi esikhathini esidlule amagama athi "sisohlangothini olufanayo" asize ukuzola futhi uqale ukucabanga ngokunengqondo, khona-ke lapho uzwa futhi, khumbula ngokushesha ukuthi ukwazile kanjani ukufika ekuvumelaneni nokuqondana esikhathini esidlule. .
“I-One Team Technique iyasebenza ngoba ithwebula izici ezibalulekile zezingxoxo ezithinta inhliziyo njengezingxabano nokulwa,” kusho umelaphi womndeni u-Jennifer Chappel Marsh. Ingxoxo yethu phakathi nengxabano yenzeka emazingeni amabili: isihloko sengxoxo (lokho esiphikisana ngakho) kanye nenqubo yengxoxo ngokwayo (indlela esiphikisana ngayo). “Ngokuvamile, ingxoxo evamile iphenduka ingxabano ngokuqondile ngenxa yendlela eqhutshwa ngayo,” kuchaza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo.
Ingxoxo eqhutshwa esikhundleni sokuthi "mina ngokumelene nawe" ayihambi kahle kusukela ekuqaleni. Ungase ukwazi ukunqoba ingxabano ngokuphoqa umlingani ukuba avume, kodwa lokhu kusho ukuthi usukhohliwe umgomo wakho wangempela: isitha sangempela yinkinga evele ebudlelwaneni, futhi kufanele ixazululwe ndawonye, ndawonye, njenge iqembu.
“Ngokusho umusho ohlelwe kusengaphambili njengokuthi “siseqenjini elilodwa,” siyavuma ukuthi sinqotshwe imizwa futhi siyeka ukuzama “ukushaya” uzakwethu,” uqinisekile u-Chappel Marsh.
Win Noma Buyisanani?
Isixazululo silula kangangokuthi sikwenza ucabange: kungani silwela ukunqoba ingxabano? Ingabe kunzima ngempela ukukhumbula kusukela ekuqaleni ukuthi sisohlangothini olulodwa nozakwethu?
“Ngezinye izikhathi isidingo sethu sokulalelwa, ukwazisa, ukunakwa sigcina sibaluleke ngaphezu kwezithakazelo ezifanayo zombhangqwana. Ngokwezinga elingokomzwelo, ukunqoba ingxabano kuthathwa njengobufakazi bokuthi sithathwa ngokungathi sína. Kunikeza umuzwa wokulondeka,” kuchaza uJennifer Chappel Marsh.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukulahlekelwa ingxabano nomlingani kungabangela ukwesaba, ukudumazeka, nomuzwa wokunqotshwa. Ulahlekelwa ukuzethemba futhi uzizwa usongelwa, okubangela impendulo ezenzakalelayo yokulwa noma yokundiza. Ukuze uvimbele lokhu, "ulwa", uzama "ukunqoba". “Baningi abantu abaziphatha ngendlela enolaka esikhundleni sokubambisana nabalingani,” kusho lo dokotela.
Lokhu kusabela okungokwemvelo kungenza kube nzima ngathi ukwamukela ngempela umqondo “weqembu elilodwa.”
Umqeqeshi nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emshadweni uTrey Morgan useshade iminyaka engama-31. Usenesikhathi eside esebenzisa le ndlela futhi uqinisekisa ukusebenza kwayo. Nokho, ekuqaleni kwakungelula kuye ukwamukela lo mbono.
“Lapho sixabana nomkami, ngamunye wethu wayefuna ukuba neqiniso. Futhi, uma ngikhuluma iqiniso ngokuphelele, ngangifuna ukuthi enye ibe nephutha. Kwaze kwaba ngemva kweminyaka embalwa lapho sabona khona ukuthi «sasidlalela” iqembu elifanayo. Ekugcineni sabona ukuthi siwina futhi sihlulwe ndawonye kuphela, ”kukhumbula uMorgan. Ngemva kokuqaphela lokhu, ubuhlobo babo nomkakhe baba ngcono kakhulu. "Uma uwamukela ngempela lo mbono, kuyasiza kakhulu ukwehlisa umoya."
Indlela yokuqhuba inkhulumomphendvulwano ngemuva kokuthi "amagama omlingo" akhulunywa? “Zama ukubuza umlingani wakho imibuzo ezokusiza uqonde kangcono umbono wakhe. Isibonelo: "Yini ebaluleke kakhulu kuwe lapha?", "Yini ekucasulayo?". Lokhu kukhiqiza kakhulu kunokuphinda uveze esakho isikhundla, ”kweluleka umelaphi womndeni uWinifred Reilly.
Uma usuqala ukucabanga ngendlela yokuthi «siyiqembu elilodwa,» zama ukukusebenzisa ekuhlanganyeleni kwakho kwansuku zonke nozakwenu. “Kuhlale kuhle ukukhumbula ukuthi uma omunye wenu ewina bese omunye ehluliwe, empeleni nobabili nihluliwe. Noma ukwazile ukuthola okufunayo manje, kuzoba ngcono kakhulu ebudlelwaneni ngokuhamba kwesikhathi uma ungathola izixazululo zokuyekethisa ezicabangela izifiso zabo bobabili, ”Kufingqa uWinifred Reilly.