I-Psychology

Ukuthethelela ukukhashelwa komuntu othandekayo - lo msebenzi ubonakala ungenakwenzeka kwabaningi. Ungakubuyisela kanjani ukwethembana ngemva kokuba umlingani eshintshile, kusho udokotela wengqondo.

Ozakwethu bavame ukuba nemibono ehlukene mayelana nokuthi yini ebaluleke njengokukopela. Kwabanye, ubulili obungokoqobo buwukuzijabulisa okungenacala, kwabanye kuwukukhaphela. Kwabanye, ukubukela i-movie yezocansi kuwukubonakaliswa kokungathembeki, futhi ukubhaliswa nokubhalelana endaweni yokuphola ngaphandle kwemihlangano yangempela kungaholela ekuhlukaniseni.

Sekuyisikhathi sokuqeda lokhu kungaqiniseki. Ngiphakamisa incazelo yendawo yonke yokuvukela umbuso.

Ukukopela (ukungathembeki) ukucekelwa phansi kokwethembana ngenxa yokufihlwa ngamabomu kwezikhathi ezibalulekile zokuphila komuntu kumlingani wakhe.

BUYISELA UKUZEthemba

Nginikeze incazelo enjalo ngaphandle kokugcizelela emkhakheni wezocansi ukuze ngigcizelele ukuthi into eyinhloko ekuvukeleni umbuso ukulahlekelwa ukwethenjwa. Lokhu kubalulekile ngoba iqiniso ngokwalo lizokhunjulwa impilo yonke, kodwa ukwethembana kungabuyiselwa.

Isipiliyoni sami seminyaka engu-25 ekwelapheni izinkinga ezingokwengqondo nezocansi ezihlobene nokungathembeki sibonisa ukuthi isixazululo senkinga siqala futhi siphethe ngokubuyiselwa kokwethembana.

Enqubweni yokubuyisela ukwethembana, ozakwethu kudingeka bafunde ukuvuleleka nokwethembeka kukho konke. Akulula. Abakhohlisi abaningi ekwelashweni benza sengathi bazama ukushintsha, kodwa empeleni bayaqhubeka beqamba amanga. Leli qhinga liyasebenza, kodwa ngokushesha noma kamuva, abalingani baphinde babalahle ngecala lokukhohlisa.

Uma uzisola ngempela futhi ufuna ukusindisa ubuhlobo, udinga ukuzama ukwethembeka ngokuphelele.

Ukwethembana akubuyi ngenxa nje yokuthi omunye wozakwethu uyekile ukukopela omunye. Kungabuyiswa kancane kancane uma uzibophezela ukuthi uzokhuluma iqiniso njalo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kubuhlungu kangakanani. Umkhohlisi uyeka ukuba umkhohlisi lapho eqala ukutshela umlingani wakhe ngakho konke: mayelana nezipho zezingane nokuya ejimini, izindleko zezimali nokugunda utshani, futhi-ke, mayelana nakho konke ukuxhumana nabantu, ngisho nalabo abakhethiwe bakhe. akathandi.

AMANGA ESINDISO NAYE ANGAMANGA

Ukwethembeka okuphelele kuyindaba yokuziphatha, hhayi imicabango kanye nemicabango. Uma ungakwazanga ukumelana nokuxhumana ne-ex yakho, udinga ukutshela umlingani wakho ngakho. Kodwa uma ucabanga nje ukuthi kungaba kuhle kanjani ukushayela ucingo noma ukuhlangana nomuntu oshade naye, kodwa ungenzi lutho ngakho, ungatshela umngane noma uchwepheshe ngakho, kodwa hhayi oshade naye.

UStephen Arterburn noJason Martinkus ku-Trustworthy bachaza ukwethembeka okuphelele njengokuthi "Ngingathanda ukulahlekelwa nguwe kunokuba ngikukhohlise." Babhala: “Kudingeka kube noshintsho kumbono wakho wokwethembeka. Iqiniso kufanele libe yizinto eziza kuqala kuwe." Ababhali baphikisa ngokuthi umkhohlisi wangaphambili kufanele akhulume iqiniso ngaso sonke isikhathi: «Uma umkakho ekubuza ukuthi ibhulukwe lakhe alithandayo likhuluphele, kufanele umtshele lokho okucabangayo ngempela.

UKWETHEMBEKA OKUSEBENZAYO

Abakhohlisi kumelwe bafunde ukukhuluma iqiniso ngentshiseko. Uma umlingani wakho efuna ukwazi ngokuthile, kufanele umtshele ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka. Ngaphezu kwalokho, udinga ukulungela iqiniso lokuthi angase athukuthelele iqiniso. Umlingani uzocasuka futhi athukuthele kakhulu uma ethola ukuthi uqambe amanga noma ugodle okuthile.

Abakhohlisi bayizolo bavame ukukhononda ngokuthi, naphezu kokwethembeka kwabo, abangane bomshado ababathembi. Kunzima ukuthi baqonde ukuthi izinyanga neminyaka emva kokukhashelwa, kunzima ukumethemba ngokungenamibandela umuntu okukhohlisile.

Ukubuyisela ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni kuthatha isikhathi nomzamo. Ukwethembeka njalo kuphela okungasheshisa le nqubo. Khuluma iqiniso, hhayi kuphela ngalokho umlingani wakho asekwazi kakade noma lokho aqala ukukuqagela. Thembeka ngezinto ezincane: "S'thandwa, ngikhohlwe ukukhipha udoti namhlanje ekuseni."

IZIGIBE ZABAKHOhlisi

Kunobunzima endleleni yabakhohlisi bangaphambili. Ngisho noma befuna ngobuqotho ukwethembeka, bangawela kwenye yazo.

  • ukwethembeka okungenzi lutho. Uma umlingani ebasola ngokuthile, bangase bavume, kodwa bangakhulumi iqiniso lonke, bekholelwa ukuthi imininingwane ingalimaza ubuhlobo noma ilimaze.
  • Iqiniso elingaphelele. Kulokhu, iqiniso livezwa ngendlela ethambile.
  • Ukudlala indima yengane. Umkhohlisi ulinda umlingani ukuthi «akhiphe» iqiniso kuye. Uma engaphikeli, akasho lutho.
  • Ukubukela phansi. Uzama ukwethembeka, kodwa wehlisela phansi noma ashiye imininingwane ebangela amahloni ukuze angalimazi umlingani wakhe.
  • Ukufakwa kokusabela kokuzivikela noma okuhlaselayo. Umkhohlisi wangaphambili utshela umlingani iqiniso. Uthukuthele futhi uthukuthele. Khona-ke umkhohlisi «uyahlehla» futhi aqale ukubeka izaba noma, ngokuphambene, aphendule ngobudlova futhi aqale ukusola umlingani ngazo zonke izono.
  • Ukulindela ukuxolelwa ngokushesha. Umkhohlisi wangaphambili ukhuluma iqiniso kuphela futhi ufuna umlingani wakhe amthethelele. Nokho, isikhathi ngamunye wethu asidingayo ukuze asinde lapho ekhashelwa umuntu ngamunye.

Ngisho noma ukwethembeka kwakho kuhlulekile ukukholisa umlingani wakho ukuthi ungethenjwa, kusele izinyathelo ezinqala. Ungakwazi ukufaka izinhlelo zokulandela umkhondo ocingweni lwakho: ngale ndlela, umlingani wakho akakwazi nje ukuthola ukuthi ukuphi, kodwa futhi alandelele ukunyakaza kwakho kanye nomsebenzi kuwebhu. Nikeza ukufinyelela kukhompyutha yakho ne-akhawunti yasebhange. Ukungafihli okugcwele kungabuyisela ukwethembana.

Umbhali: URobert Weiss ungudokotela wezengqondo kanye nombhali we-Sex Addiction 101: Umhlahlandlela Wokugcina Wokuqeda Izidakamizwa Zocansi, Zocansi, Nezothando, Phuma Emthunzini: Isinyathelo Ngesinyathelo Umhlahlandlela Wokuhlenga Ubudlelwano Bamadoda Ayekade Ubanjwe Ukukopela.

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