Noma yikuphi ukukhetha kuwukwehluleka, ukwehluleka, ukuwa kwamanye amathuba. Ukuphila kwethu kuqukethe uchungechunge lokwehluleka okunjalo. Bese siyafa. Khona-ke yini ebaluleke kakhulu? Intatheli u-Oliver Burkeman yacelwa ukuba iphendule umhlaziyi weJungian uJames Hollis.
Ukukhuluma iqiniso, nginamahloni okuvuma ukuthi enye yezincwadi eziyinhloko kimi yincwadi kaJames Hollis "Entweni ebaluleke kakhulu." Kucatshangwa ukuthi abafundi abathuthukile bathola izinguquko ngaphansi kwethonya lezindlela ezicashile, amanoveli nezinkondlo ezingakhulumi izifiso zabo ngezinguquko zokuphila kusukela embundwini. Kodwa angicabangi ukuthi isihloko sale ncwadi ehlakaniphile kufanele sithathwe njengesici sakudala sezincwadi zokuzisiza. Kunalokho, iwukukhuluma ngendlela eqondile eqabulayo. “Ukuphila kugcwele izinkinga,” kubhala isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJames Hollis. Ngokuvamile, ungumuntu ongenathemba ongavamile: ukubuyekezwa okuningi okungalungile kwezincwadi zakhe kubhalwe ngabantu abacasulwa ukwenqaba kwakhe ukusijabulisa ngamandla noma ukunikeza iresiphi yendawo yonke yenjabulo.
Ukube ngisemusha, noma okungenani ngimncane, ngangizocasulwa nalokhu kukhwifa. Kodwa ngifunde uHollis ngesikhathi esifanele, eminyakeni embalwa edlule, futhi amazwi akhe abe yishawa elibandayo, impama edabukisayo, i-alamu—ngikhethele noma yisiphi isingathekiso. Yilokho kanye engangikudinga kakhulu.
UJames Hollis, njengomlandeli kaCarl Jung, ukholelwa ukuthi "Mina" - lelo zwi elisekhanda lethu esizicabangela thina - empeleni liyingxenye encane yalo lonke. Yiqiniso, "I" yethu inezinhlelo eziningi, ngokombono wakhe, zizosiholela enjabulweni kanye nomuzwa wokulondeka, okuvame ukusho iholo elikhulu, ukuqashelwa komphakathi, umlingani ophelele kanye nezingane ezifanele. Kodwa empeleni, "I", njengoba uHollis ephikisana, "iyipuleti elincane lokwazi elintanta olwandle olucwebezelayo olubizwa ngokuthi umphefumulo." Amandla anamandla okuquleka anezinhlelo zawo ngamunye wethu. Futhi umsebenzi wethu uwukuthola ukuthi singobani, bese-ke silalela lolubizo, futhi singamelani nalo.
Imibono yethu ngalokho esikufunayo ekuphileni cishe ayifani nalokho okufunwa ukuphila kithi.
Lokhu kuwukuqonda okukhulu kakhulu futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo okuthobekile kwemisebenzi ye-psychology. Kusho ukuthi imibono yethu ngalokho esikufunayo ekuphileni cishe ayifani nalokho okufunwa ukuphila kithi. Futhi kusho ukuthi ekuphileni ukuphila okunenjongo, kungenzeka sephule zonke izinhlelo zethu, kuzodingeka sishiye indawo yokuzethemba nenduduzo futhi singene endaweni yokuhlupheka nokungaziwa. Iziguli zikaJames Hollis zilandisa ukuthi ekugcineni zaqaphela kanjani phakathi nokuphila ukuthi kwase kuyiminyaka zilandela imiyalelo nezinhlelo zabanye abantu, umphakathi noma abazali babo siqu, futhi ngenxa yalokho, unyaka nonyaka ukuphila kwabo kwaba ngamanga kakhulu. Kunesilingo sokuzwelana nabo uze ubone ukuthi sinjalo sonke.
Esikhathini esidlule, okungenani kulokhu, kwakulula esintwini, u-Hollis ukholelwa ukuthi, ngokulandela uJung: izinganekwane, izinkolelo kanye nemikhuba yanikeza abantu ukufinyelela okuqondile okuqondile endaweni yokuphila kwengqondo. Namuhla sizama ukungalinaki leli zinga elijulile, kodwa uma licindezelwa, ligcina lidlulele phezulu endaweni ethile ngendlela yokucindezeleka, ukuqwasha noma amaphupho amabi. "Lapho silahlekelwe indlela yethu, umphefumulo uyabhikisha."
Kodwa asikho isiqiniseko sokuthi sizoluzwa nhlobo lolu cingo. Abaningi bamane bayiphindaphinda imizamo yabo yokuthola injabulo emikhondweni endala, eshayiwe. Umphefumulo uyababiza ukuba bahlangabezane nokuphila—kodwa, kubhala uHollis, futhi lamazwi anencazelo ekabili kumelaphi osebenzayo, “abaningi, ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwami, abafiki ekuqokweni kwabo.”
Kuzo zonke izimpambano ezinkulu ekuphileni, zibuze, “Ingabe lokhu kukhetha kuzongenza ngibe mkhulu noma ngibe mncane?”
Kulungile, ithini-ke impendulo? Yini ngempela ebaluleke kakhulu? Ungalindi ukuthi uHollis asho. Kunalokho ukusikisela. Kuzo zonke izindlela ezibalulekile ekuphileni, usimema ukuba sizibuze: "Ingabe lokhu kukhetha kungenza ngibe mkhulu noma ngibe mncane?" Kukhona into engachazeki ngalo mbuzo, kodwa ungisize ukuthi ngidlule ezinkingeni zempilo ezimbalwa. Ngokuvamile siyazibuza: “Ingabe ngizojabula ngokwengeziwe?” Kodwa, eqinisweni, bambalwa abantu abanombono omuhle walokho okuyoletha injabulo kithi noma kwabathandekayo bethu.
Kodwa uma uzibuza ukuthi uzokwehla yini noma uzokwanda ngenxa yokukhetha kwakho, khona-ke impendulo ivame ukubonakala ngokumangalisayo. Ukukhetha ngakunye, ngokukaHollis, owenqaba ngenkani ukuba nethemba, kuba uhlobo lokufa kithi. Ngakho-ke, lapho sisondela emfolokoni, kungcono ukukhetha uhlobo lokufa olusiphakamisayo, hhayi lokho okuzothi ngemva kwalokho sibambelele endaweni.
Futhi noma kunjalo, ngubani owathi «injabulo» iyinto engenalutho, engacacile futhi umqondo we-narcissistic - isilinganiso esingcono kakhulu sokulinganisa impilo yomuntu? U-Hollis ucaphuna amazwibela ekhathuni lapho umelapha ekhuluma neklayenti: “Bheka, akubuzwa ukuthi uthola injabulo. Kodwa ngingakunikeza indaba ekhuthazayo ngezinkinga zakho.” Ngingavumelana nale nketho. Uma umphumela uwukuphila okunengqondo, akukhona ngisho nokuyekethisa.
1 J. Hollis "Yini Okubaluleke Kakhulu: Ukuphila Ukuphila Okucatshangelwayo" (Avery, 2009).
Umthombo: The Guardian