Okuqukethwe
Ukuthola ukuthi othandekayo ushintshile kuyigalelo elibuhlungu. Kungani lokhu kuqhekeka kuvela ebudlelwaneni? Nakuba indaba yombhangqwana ngamunye ihlale ihlukile, umqeqeshi u-Arden Mullen ubonisa ngezizathu ezingabonakali zokungathembeki komlingani.
I-Biological predisposition
Ingabe umbono ovamile wokuthi ukuziphatha okuxekethile kwabesilisa kusekelwe ezakhini zofuzo futhi kuvinjelwe izindinganiso zokuziphatha kuphela unobufakazi obungokwesayensi? Isifiso sethu sobulili sincike kakhulu ekusebenzeni kwamahomoni athile. Nokho, ukubusa kwabo akuhlotshaniswa ngaso sonke isikhathi nobulili.
Ngokwesibonelo, isakhi sofuzo esibhekele ukukhiqizwa kwe-dopamine (“i-hormone yenjabulo”) sidlala indima ekuziphatheni okuxekethile kokubili kwabesilisa nabesifazane. Lapho ebusa kakhulu ngenkuthalo, maningi amathuba okuba umuntu abe nezidingo zobulili eziphakeme futhi, mhlawumbe, ngeke akhawulelwe kumlingani oyedwa wocansi. I-Dopamine ikhiqizwa ngenxa yemizwa ejabulisayo ye-physiologically, ikakhulukazi, ucansi olunikezayo.
Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi amaphesenti angaphezu kwamashumi amahlanu amadoda nabesifazane abaphethe lesi sakhi sofuzo abagcini nje ngokuthambekela ezenzweni eziyingozi, kodwa futhi bakhohlisa abalingani kaningi kunalabo abanesakhi sofuzo esivezwe buthaka.
I-hormone vasopressin, enesibopho sokukwazi ukunamathisela nokuzwelana, ibuye ihlotshaniswe nokulawulwa komsebenzi wocansi. Kunjalo uma ubulili bubalulekile - ubukhali bala mahomoni emadodeni buchaza ukuthambekela kwawo okukhulu kokwethembeka kumlingani.
Ingabe lokhu kusho ukuthi umuntu oneqoqo elithile lezakhi zofuzo angase akukopele? Vele akunjalo. Lokhu kusho ukuthi angase athambekele kakhulu kukho, noma kunjalo, ukuziphatha kwakhe akunqunywa kuphela ngezakhi zofuzo. Okokuqala, izimfanelo zomuntu siqu ezingokwengqondo kanye nokujula kobudlelwane bakho kubalulekile.
ukungalingani ngokwezimali
Ucwaningo luveza ukuthi imibhangqwana enezinga elifanayo lemali engenayo mancane amathuba okuthi ikopelane. Phakathi naleso sikhathi, amadoda ashadile ahola kakhulu kunomkawo asengozini enkulu yokungathembeki kuwo. Ucwaningo olwenziwa isazi sezokuhlalisana kwabantu uChristian Munsch (University of Connecticut) lubonisa ukuthi omama bamakhaya bathola abathandana nabo izikhathi ezi-5%. Kodwa-ke, uma isinqumo sokuphatha umuzi nokunakekela izingane senziwa yindoda, amathuba okungethembeki kwakhe angama-15%.
Izingxabano ezingaxazululiwe nabazali
Okuhlangenwe nakho okusihlupha kusukela ebuntwaneni kungaba nomthelela eqinisweni lokuthi ebuhlotsheni nomlingani siphinda isimo esibi. Uma abazali bebengakwazi ukuxazulula izinkinga zomndeni futhi ngokuvamile bexabana, khona-ke izingane zithwala le modeli yobudlelwane zibe abantu abadala. Ukungathembeki kumlingani kuba yindlela yokugwema ingxoxo evulekile nethembekile.
Abazali abadelelayo, abalawula ngokweqile ngokuvamile bayisizathu sokuthi kungani ngaphandle kokubhikisha sijezise uzakwethu ohlotshaniswa nomama noma ubaba ngokungathembeki. Eqinisweni, intukuthelo nokucasuka kuqondiswe kumzali, esiqhubeka nokuba nengxoxo yangaphakathi naye.
Ubudlelwano nozakwethu wangaphambili
Uma okhethiwe esagcwele ukushisa, ngisho nemizwa engemihle kumlingani wangaphambili, kungenzeka ukuthi ngolunye usuku uzobuyela endabeni edlule. Uzodinga ukuthi ekugcineni akuthole: qedela noma uqhubeke.
Sivame ukuchaza kabi inkulumo ethi "I hate my ex". Lokhu akusho ukuthi ubuhlobo buphelile, ngokuphambene nalokho, inzondo ingumzwelo onamandla ogcina ukuxhumana kwangaphakathi nomuntu. Ezimweni ezithile, lokhu kungaholela ebuhlotsheni obuvuselelwe.
Kungaba nezizathu eziningi ezingase ziphushe umlingani ukuthi akhohlise. Kodwa-ke, kukhona njalo ukukhetha kwangaphakathi - ukuya ukukhohlisa othandekayo noma cha. Futhi wonke umuntu unesibopho salokhu kukhetha.
Mayelana nejaji: U-Arden Mullen ungumqeqeshi, i-blogger.