Okuqukethwe
Ungubani? Uyini? Ungazibonakalisa kanjani uma ungabandakanyi uhlu lwezindima encazelweni: umzali, indodana noma indodakazi, umyeni noma unkosikazi, uchwepheshe emkhakheni othile? Abantu abaningi bakuthola kunzima ukuphendula lo mbuzo. Kungani lokhu kwenzeka futhi ungakwazi ukuzazi?
Njengoba sikhula, sisuka ezinganeni singena eshumini nambili, sithola ulwazi emhlabeni osizungezile futhi sifunde kwabanye abantu. Uma abanye besilalela, siyaqonda ukuthi izidingo zethu zibalulekile futhi nathi ngokwethu sibalulekile. Yile ndlela esifunda ngayo ukuthi singabantu abanemibono yethu kanye nezindlela zokuziphatha. Uma sinenhlanhla ngemvelo, sikhula sibe abantu abadala abanomqondo onempilo wokuzicabangela. Sifunda ukuthi imibono nemicabango yethu ibalulekile, siyazazi ukuthi singobani.
Kodwa thina esakhulela ezindaweni ezingenampilo okungenzeka zazihilela ukuxhashazwa ngokomzimba noma ngokomzwelo, ukunganakwa, noma ukuvikelwa ngokweqile kwakhula ngendlela ehlukile. Uma imizwa nemicabango yethu ishaywe indiva futhi imininingwane yethu ingavunywanga, uma besilokhu siphoqwa ukuzithoba, njengabantu abadala singase sizibuze ukuthi singobani.
Ekukhuleni kwabo, abantu abanjalo bathembela kakhulu emibonweni, emizweni nasemicabangweni yabanye. Balingisa izitayela zabangane, bathenge izimoto ezibhekwa njengemfashini ngesinye isikhathi, benza izinto abangenasithakazelo kuzo ngempela. Vumela abanye bazenzele izinqumo.
Ukwazi esikufunayo, singahamba ngendlela ekhethiwe
Ukwenza lokhu kaningi, umuntu uzizwa ecindezelekile, engabaza ukunemba kokukhetha okuphelele, ukhathazeka ngokuthi impilo yakhe ibe yini. Abantu abanjalo bazizwa bengenamandla, futhi ngezinye izikhathi baze baphelelwe ithemba. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, umuzwa wabo wokuzicabangela uya ngokuya untengantenga, balahlekelwa ukuthintana nabo kakhulu.
Lapho siqonda kahle ukuthi singobani, kuba lula ngathi ukwenza izinqumo futhi siphile ngokujwayelekile. Siheha abangani nozakwethu abanempilo enhle futhi sakhe ubudlelwano obunempilo nabo. Ukufunda nokuqonda ngokwakho kukusiza uzizwe wanelisekile futhi ujabule. Ukwazi esikufunayo, singahamba ngendlela ekhethiwe.
Udokotela wePsychotherapist uDenise Olesky ukhuluma ngendlela yokwazi kabanzi.
1. Zazi wena
Qala ngohlu oluthi "Mayelana nami". Yenza okungenani uhlu oluncane lwalokho okuthandayo. Okokuqala, amaphuzu amahlanu kuya kwayisikhombisa anele: umbala oyintandokazi, ukunambitheka kwe-ayisikhilimu, ifilimu, isidlo, imbali. Yenza uhlu olusha kanye noma kabili ngesonto, kuhlanganise nezinto ezinhlanu kuya kweziyisikhombisa isikhathi ngasinye.
Yenza uhlu lwamaphunga owathandayo, njengamakhukhi enziwe ekhaya noma utshani obusanda kusikwa. Uhlu lwezincwadi ozithandayo noma lezo ofuna ukuzifunda. Uhlu lwemidlalo yevidiyo noma imidlalo yebhodi oyijabulele useyingane. Faka ohlwini amazwe ofuna ukuwavakashela.
Faka kuhlu imibono yakho yezepolitiki, izinto ozilibazisayo, izindlela zomsebenzi ongase ube nazo, nanoma yini enye evusa intshisekelo yakho. Uma uzizwa ubambekile, cela imibono abangani namalungu omndeni. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uzozazi kangcono futhi uqale ukubona kancane ubuwena.
2. Lalela imizwa yakho kanye nemizwa yomzimba wakho
Uma uqala ukuzinaka, imizwa kanye "nezimpawu" zomzimba kuzokusiza uqonde ukuthi yini oyithandayo nokuthi yini ongayifuni.
Imizwa nemizwelo ingasho okuningi ngemicabango nezithakazelo zethu. Uzizwa kanjani lapho udweba, udlala imidlalo, ukhuluma nabanye? Ingabe ujabule futhi ujabule? Ingabe ucindezelekile noma ukhululekile? Yini ekwenza uhleke futhi ukhalelani?
3. Qala ukwenza izinqumo
Ukwenza izinqumo kuyikhono elikhula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Idinga ukumpontshwa njengomsipha ukuze ikhule futhi ihlale isesimweni.
Uma u-oda igrosa yawo wonke umndeni, ungakhohlwa ukuthenga into oyithandayo wena mathupha. Oda isikibha sakho osithandayo esitolo se-inthanethi, noma ungenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi abanye bazokuvumela okukhethile. Uma umngane noma umlingani wakho ekubuza ukuthi ufuna ukuqala ngasiphi isikhathi ukubuka uhlelo, nikeza umbono wakho esikhundleni sokushiyela kuye ukukhetha.
4. Thatha isinyathelo
Uma usuthole ukuthi yini onentshisekelo kukho, qala ukuhlela imisebenzi efanelekile okungenani kanye noma kabili ngeviki. Zibekele usuku ngokuhlela usuku oluhle. Zindla, bukela imuvi entsha, geza uphumule.
Into esemqoka ukwenza. Ekugcineni qala ukwenza okuthandayo, kancane kancane usondele kumuntu wakho wangempela.
Mayelana nombhali: UDenise Oleski uyi-psychotherapist.