Utshala imali ngomdlandla ebuhlotsheni nomuntu omthandayo, ufuna okuthile okuzomjabulisa, umvikele ebunzimeni nasezingxabanweni, kodwa ngokubuyisela uthola ukubekezelelana nokunganaki okungcono kakhulu, ukunganaki nokwehla kwenani okubi kakhulu. Ungaphuma kanjani ogibeni lothando oluhlangothi olulodwa? Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJill Weber siyachaza.
Ukuxhumana lapho singazizwa sibuyiselwa khona kungaba nemiphumela emangazayo empilweni yethu yengqondo kanye nengokomzimba. Ukungena enhlanganweni enjalo, asikwazi ukuzizwa silondekile ngokomzwelo. Sisebenza ngokuzikhandla ukwenza ubudlelwano bethu bube yilokho obungeke bube yikho.
Lokhu kungqubuzana kuholela ekucindezelekeni, futhi ama-hormone okucindezeleka «injabulo» umzimba, okubangela side effects: ukukhathazeka, izinkinga zokulala, excitability anda nokucasuka. Ubudlelwano bendlela eyodwa buyabiza kakhulu-kodwa nokho buhlala isikhathi eside kunalokho obekufanele.
Cabanga ngendaba yakho yothando: ingabe iyahambisana? Uma kungenjalo, qala ukunqoba iphethini ngokwenza umsebenzi wokuhlaziya ochazwe ngezansi.
Izimpawu ezingama-20 zokuthi Ubudlelwano Bakho Buyindlela eyodwa
1. Awuzizwa uphephile kuzo.
2. Uhlala udida izisusa zangempela zokuziphatha komlingani wakho.
3. Uhlale uzizwa sengathi kukhona okushodayo.
4. Ngemva kokuxoxa nophathina, uzizwa ungelutho futhi ukhathele.
5. Uzama ukuthuthukisa ubudlelwano, ukubenza bajule, kodwa lutho.
6. Awubizi imizwa yakho yangempela nomlingani wakho.
7. Wenza wonke umsebenzi wokugcina ubudlelwano.
8. Ubona sengathi usufake imali eningi kulobu budlelwano ukuthi awukwazi ukushiya.
9. Uzwa sengathi ubuhlobo benu bufana nendlu yamakhadi.
10. Uyesaba ukucasula isithandwa sakho noma ukubangela ukungqubuzana.
11. Ukuzethemba kwakho kuncike ekutheni lobu budlelwano buqine kangakanani.
12. Awuboni ukuthi isithandwa sakho siyakwazi futhi sikuqonda kahle.
13. Ubeka izaba kumlingani wakho.
14. Wanelisekile ngezikhathi ezimfushane zokuba ndawonye, nakuba ulwela ukusondelana okukhulu.
15. Awazi kahle ukuthi niyophinde nibonane nini noma nikwazi ukukhuluma, futhi kuyakukhathaza.
16. Konke ukunaka kwakho kugxile ekuguquguqukeni kobudlelwane bakho, ngakho-ke awukwazi ukucabanga ngezinye izindawo zokuphila kwakho futhi ube khona ngokugcwele kuzo.
17. Ujabulela izikhathi zokukhulumisana nophathina wakho, kodwa ngemva kokuhlukana, uzizwa unesizungu futhi ulahliwe.
18. Awukhuli njengomuntu.
19. Awuqotho kumuntu wakho ngoba into enkulu kuwe ukuthi ujabule ngawe.
20. Uma uzwakalisa umbono wakho owehlukile kunomuntu othandana naye, uyakufulathela, uzwe ukuthi zonke izinkinga ebudlelwaneni zingenxa yakho kuphela.
Uma uzibona usezimweni eziningi kunalokho obungathanda, qala ukwephula iphethini. Ukuze wenze lokhu, zibuze le mibuzo elandelayo (futhi uthembeke kuwe ngokwakho):
- Kunini/ kaningi kangakanani uphinda le phethini yobudlelwano bendlela eyodwa?
- Ingabe wawubathanda ebuntwaneni bakho, kodwa omunye wabo akazange akubuyisele?
- Ungabucabanga ubuhlobo lapho izidingo zakho zihlangatshezwana nazo? Ubungazizwa kanjani kuzo?
- Yini ekwenza usebenze kanzima kulobu budlelwano futhi ikuvimbele ukuthi udlulele ebunyeni obunethezekile ngokomzwelo?
- Uma umgomo wakho uwukuzizwa ulondekile, cabangela ukuthi ikhona yini enye indlela yokwanelisa leso sidingo.
- Uma ubunganqamula lolo xhumo, yini engathakazelisa futhi enenjongo ukugcwalisa isikhala?
- Ingabe ubuhlobo bohlangothi olulodwa bubonisa ukuthi awunakho ukuzethemba okwanele? Ingabe ukhetha abangani nozakwethu abakugcina ungemuhle ngawe?
- Kungenzeka yini ukuthi uthi usebenzela ize, ulahlekelwe ubungqabavu bakho futhi awutholi nzuzo eningi?
- Yini engakunika imizwa eyakhayo namandla kunalobu budlelwano?
- Ingabe uyakwazi ukulandelela ngokucophelela izikhathi lapho usebenza kakhulu ukuze ume, uhlehle futhi uyeke?
Ukuphuma ebudlelwaneni obunohlangothi olulodwa akulula, kodwa kuyenzeka. Isinyathelo sokuqala ukuqaphela ukuthi ukubo. Okulandelayo wukubheka amathuba amasha okwanelisa izidingo zakho futhi uzizwe kahle kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ungubani lo mlingani.
Mayelana Nombhali: UJill P. Weber ungudokotela wezengqondo, uchwepheshe kwezobudlelwano, kanye nombhali wezincwadi okungezona izinganekwane ezikhuluma ngepsychology yobudlelwano, okuhlanganisa Ucansi Ngaphandle Kokusondelana: Kungani Abesifazane Bevumelana Nobudlelwano Bendlela Eyodwa.