Okuqukethwe
Eminye imibhangqwana ithola ukuvumelana, eminye ixabana ngayo yonke into encane. Ucwaningo luye lwabonisa ukuthi isizathu ukuhlakanipha okuphansi kwemizwa yamadoda.
Iqembu lososayensi abavela eNyuvesi yaseWashington, eliholwa nguJohn Gottman, lenze ucwaningo lwesikhathi eside ngobuhlobo bomndeni ngesibonelo semibhangqwana engu-130, ebabheka iminyaka engu-6 kusukela emshadweni. Isiphetho: imibhangqwana lapho amadoda ehlangana khona nomkayo inamandla.
Cabanga ngombhangqwana oshadile: uMaria noVictor. Ngamazwi, uVictor uyavuma ukuthi ukulingana kuyisihluthulelo somshado ojabulisayo futhi omude, kodwa izenzo zakhe zibonisa okuphambene.
Victor: Mina nabangane bami siyodoba. Siyahamba namhlanje ebusuku.
UMaria: Kodwa abangani bami bazongivakashela kusasa. Uthembise ukusiza ukuhlanza. Usukhohliwe? Awukwazi ukuhamba kusasa ekuseni?
UMnqobi: Ukhohliwe ngokudoba! Ngeke ngikwazi ukuhamba kusasa. Sizohamba emahoreni ambalwa.
Uthukuthele uMaria. Ubiza uVictor ngokuzithanda bese endiza ephuma ekamelweni. UVictor uzizwa edangele, uthela i-whisky futhi avule ibhola. UMaria uyabuya bazoxoxa, kodwa uVictor akamnaki. UMary useqala ukukhala. UVictor uthi udinga ukuya egaraji ahambe. Izingxabano ezinjalo zigcwele ukumangalelana, ngakho-ke kunzima ukuthola isizathu esiyinhloko. Kodwa kunento eyodwa ecacile: UVictor akafuni ukwenza isivumelwano.
Ukungafuni ukuvuma
Emshadweni kukhona ukukhononda, ukuqhuma kwentukuthelo, ukugxekana. Kodwa uma abashadile bengazami ukuxazulula ukungqubuzana, kodwa beyivutha kuphela, bephendulana ngokubi ngokubi, umshado usengozini. UJohn Gottman uyagcizelela: Amaphesenti angama-65 amadoda abhebhethekisa ukungqubuzana ngesikhathi sokuxabana.
Ukusabela kukaVictor kusikisela ukuthi akazizwa izimangalo zikaMaria. Esikhundleni salokho, uthatha isimo sokuzivikela futhi enze izimangalo eziphikisayo: angakhohlwa kanjani ngezinhlelo zakhe. Ukugxeka, ukuziphatha kokuzivikela, ukungahloniphi, ukunganaki - kubonisa ukuthi umyeni akafuni ukwenza isivumelwano.
Lokhu kuziphatha kuvamile kwabesilisa. Yiqiniso, ukuze umshado ujabulise, bobabili abantu kudingeka basebenzele ebuhlotsheni. Kodwa amakhosikazi amaningi ayakwenza. Bangase bathukuthelele abayeni babo noma babonise indelelo, kodwa bavumela abayeni babo ukuba bathonye izinqumo zabo, bacabangele imibono nemizwa yabayeni babo. Kodwa amadoda awavamile ukuwaphendula ngendlela efanayo. Ngenxa yalokho, amathuba okuhlukanisa imibhangqwana lapho umyeni engakakulungeli ukwabelana ngamandla nomkakhe akhuphukela ku-81%.
Umehluko kusukela ebuntwaneni
Konke kuqala ebuntwaneni. Uma abafana bedlala bodwa, bagxila ekuwineni, abanandaba namava abanye abadlali. Uma umuntu ephuka idolo, abanye abanaki. Kunoma yikuphi, umdlalo uyaqhubeka.
Emantombazaneni, imizwa iyona ebaluleke kakhulu. Uma intombazane eyodwa ithi: "Angiyena umngane wakho," umdlalo uyama. Amantombazane aqala kabusha umdlalo kuphela ngemuva kokuhlanganisa. Imidlalo yamantombazane ilungiselelwe kangcono impilo yomndeni kunemidlalo yabafana.
Yiqiniso, kukhona abesifazane abangawazi kahle ama-nuances omphakathi, namadoda azwa ngobuqili okuhlangenwe nakho kwabanye. Kodwa-ke, ngokwesilinganiso, amaphesenti angama-35 kuphela amadoda anesiphiwo sobuhlakani obuthuthukile bemizwa.
Imiphumela emndenini
Amadoda angenakho ukuhlakanipha okungokomzwelo ayakwenqaba ukuvuma ukuba omkawo. Besaba ukuphelelwa amandla. Ngenxa yalokho, amakhosikazi nawo ayenqaba ukuhlangana nabayeni abanjalo.
Indoda ene-EI ethuthukisiwe icabangela imizwa yomkayo ngoba iyayazisa futhi iyamhlonipha. Uma umkakhe edinga ukukhuluma, uyalivala ibhola futhi amlalele. Ukhetha «thina» esikhundleni «yena». Ufunda ukuqonda izwe langaphakathi lomkakhe, uyamhlonipha futhi ubonise inhlonipho ngokuya phambili. Ukwaneliseka kwakhe kusuka ocansini, ubudlelwano kanye nempilo ngokujwayelekile kuzoba phezulu kakhulu kunomuntu onobuhlakani obuncane bomzwelo.
Uzoba futhi ubaba ongcono kakhulu, ngoba akesabi imizwa, uzofundisa izingane ukuhlonipha imizwa yazo kanye neyabanye abantu. Inkosikazi iyonamathela ngokujulile endodeni enjalo. Uyophendukela kuye lapho ecasukile, ejabule kakhulu, noma evukwe inkanuko yobulili.
Ungakuthuthukisa Kanjani Ubuhlakani Bomzwelo Bomyeni Wakho
U-Anastasia Menn, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo
Uma indoda inobuhlakani obuncane obungokomzwelo, cishe ayiboni imiphumela elimazayo ebuhlotsheni futhi ayikubheki lokhu njengenkinga. Ungamfaki ingcindezi. Kungcono ukwenza ngendlela ehlukile. Khuluma ngemizwa yakho: "Ngicasukile," "Ngijabule kakhulu," "lokhu kungase kucasule."
Qaphela futhi uqaphele imizwa yakhe: "uphatheke kabi", "ujabule kakhulu ngenkathi ...".
Naka umyeni wakho imizwelo yabantu abavela endaweni yakho: "ubonile ukuthi u-Sonya wajabula kanjani lapho ...", "UVasily udabukile kangangokuthi ...".
Ungesabi ukukhombisa imizwa eqotho. Khala uma ufuna. Hleka. Ngale ndlela umyeni wakho uzofunda kuwe. Imizwa iyingxenye ebaluleke kakhulu yokuphila kwethu. Ngeshwa, kasibanaki ngaso sonke isikhathi, kodwa kusemandleni ethu ukukulungisa lokhu.