Okuqukethwe
Ubudlelwano obunjalo bunencazelo enembe kakhulu: sizizwa sibi ngokomzimba kubo. Okwamanje, sivame ukuzibekela eceleni izimpawu ezishaqisayo futhi sidideke kakhulu. Udokotela wengqondo uNancy Carbon ubala izimpawu ezinikeza umlingani onobuthi.
Ubudlelwano nomlingani baqala ukuwohloka, futhi, okubi nakakhulu, ufuna isizathu kuwe? Uma behlala bekhuluma amazwi ahlabayo ngawe futhi bengayicabangeli imizwa yakho, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo bethi konke kungenxa yakho nokuthi udala izinkinga, akumangazi ukudideka. Ubudlelwano obunobuthi buthatha isikhathi ukukhula, futhi kaningi, asiboni nokuthi sibanjiwe.
Akunzima ukukhohliswa, ngoba ngaphandle yonke into ibonakala ihloniphekile, ikakhulukazi ekuqaleni. Nokho, ekujuleni kwenhliziyo sihlala sinomuzwa wokuthi kukhona okungalungile. Ngeshwa, sivala izwi lokucabanga kaningi ukuze singabhekani neqiniso elibuhlungu. Uma ubona lezi zimpawu eziyisishiyagalombili, ungazinaki: kungenzeka ukuthi udonseleka ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi.
1. Impumelelo yakho inomona
Umlingani uziphatha ngokuzithoba, kodwa empeleni, awuwuvimbi umona nentukuthelo? Ngokusobala akujabulisi kuye ukuthi ujabule futhi ujabule? Mhlawumbe bakubona njengembangi noma baqhathanise impumelelo yabo neyakho. Abantu abaningi abanganelisekile ngabo ngokwabo bacasulwa impumelelo yabanye abantu nezindaba ezinhle.
Abantu abanobuthi ngasese bahlushwa i-inferiority complex, kodwa bakhashelwa ukumomotheka okuphoqelelwe, ukuthula, noma ibinzana eligxekayo. Ngakho bazama ukunciphisa ukukhungatheka ukuze bazivikele ekushayweni ukuze bangazethembi. Ukuphumelela kothile kumenza azizwe eyizehluleki, aphinde amkhumbuze ukuthi akazange afeze lokho ayekulindele.
Kubo kubonakala kungalungile uma abanye bephumelela — lona umqhudelwano waphakade noma umjaho wokuba ngumpetha. Awunalo ilungelo lokuba ngcono kunabo, kungenjalo uzochotshozwa umona wokubulala.
2. Uyagxekwa noma wehliswe isithunzi sakho
Uma "unenhlanhla" yokuxhumana nomuntu ophethwe yi-narcissistic personality disorder, qaphela ukuthi abantu abanjalo bayakujabulela ukululaza abanye. Ngokwesibonelo, bazama ukonakalisa ukunqoba noma ukwenza ukuphawula okwehlayo ukuze baziphakamise.
Izimpawu ezi-5 zendoda engazinzile emoyeni ezophula inhliziyo yakho
Abazizwa belulazekile noma benephutha: badinga ukugxeka abanye ukuze babuyisele ukuzethemba kwabo okuntekenteke. Bayayazisa i-megalomania yabo, bekholisa abanye ukuthi abalingani nabo. Njengoba bekholelwa ekuzikhetheleni kwabo, abanqeni ukugxeka abanye obala.
3. Usolwa ngamaphutha akho.
Abantu abanobuthi basola abanye ngamaphutha abo futhi bathole izindlela zokuwabalekela. Abagcini nje ngokuphuma, kodwa futhi baqoke abanecala. Bazama ukugwema ukulahlwa okuhlazisayo futhi basonte iqiniso ukuze bagweme umthwalo wemfanelo. Ngakho-ke, bazama ukuthola ugongolo esweni lomuntu ongasolwa ngokwehluleka kwabo.
Baphelelwa umsebenzi ngoba umphathi uyakhetha. Owayengumyeni wabo wayehlanya. Babekopela ngoba umlingani wabo wayehlale enqaba ucansi uma belufuna. Bathi nguwe odala izinkinga, zixazulule ngokwakho. Bahlale benomunye umuntu abangamsola, kodwa abanasici.
4. Umbono wakho awubhekwa
Abantu balolu hlobo baphila ngomgomo wemibono emibili: "eyami nengalungile." Ungakwazi ukunqekuzisa ikhanda ngendlela othanda ngayo ukuze uvumelane ngokuthi bahlale beqinisile, kodwa lokhu akwanele - bafuna ukuqashelwa kwegunya labo elingangatshazwa. Ozakwethu abanobuthi nabahlukumezi bahlale bazi yonke into kangcono futhi bajabulela ukuphakama kwabo. Ukufaka othile egaloshi akukhona nje ukwaneliseka kuye: umuzwa obuhlungu wokungabi nalutho kwabo siqu uyadamba.
5. Usetshenziselwa ukuzizuzisa wena
Abakhulekeli abanjalo benza sengathi abaphelele ukuze bathole umuntu ongabathandazela. Kodwa qiniseka ukuthi, ngokushesha nje lapho unezidingo zakho, uzoxoshwa ngokushesha noma uthotshiswe. Akubabizi lutho ukucekela phansi umoya wakho omuhle nokusho izinto ezimbi. Udingeka kuphela ukunikeza abakudingayo: imvume, imali, ubulili, uthando, ukusekelwa kokuziphatha, njalonjalo.
Abantu abanobuthi baveza imizwa yabo yokungabi nalutho kwabanye futhi baqaphele amaphutha kuphela.
Zivame ukunyamalala ngemva kosuku futhi ziphinde zivele uma kukhona okudingekayo. Unentshisekelo ncamashi inqobo nje uma ungathola okuthile kuwe. Isibonelo, namuhla kuyadingeka ukuthi othile abathande noma asize ukubuyisela i-ego enyakaziswayo.
Kusasa bakha udonga olungangeneki noma “bahambe ngaphansi komhlaba” ukuze bangakhahli ukungapheleli kwabo. Akumangalisi ukuthi abantu abaningi kangaka abazazi ukuthi bangobani ngempela. Bazazisa bona kuphela, bazicabangela bona kuphela futhi baqale ubudlelwano ukuze kuzuze bona.
6. Ngaphambili uyindoda egqoke imaskhi
Esinye sezibonakaliso eziyinhloko zobudlelwane obunobuthi umuzwa wokungaqiniseki, uhlobo lwe-vacuum, ngoba abantu abanjalo abasho lutho ngabo. Benza sengathi konke kuhamba kahle ngabo, besaba ukubonakala besengozini. Ngakho-ke, abantu be-narcissistic bavame ukuqagela ukuthi yini abafuna ukuyizwa kubo, futhi badlale ngekhono imizwa ehambisanayo ukuze bafeze izinhloso zabo. Iqiniso liyavela lapho beba izithulu ngokomzwelo ezidingweni zabanye.
7. Umaqondana akanawo unembeza noma uzwelo
Abakwazi ukuzwela noma ukuphenduka ekuziphatheni kwabo, ngoba bazibheka njengabanelungelo lokwenza ngokuthanda kwabo, ngaphandle kokubheka abanye. Uma othile engahlangabezani nezidingo zabo, ngomoya ophansi bathethelela ukuvukela umbuso noma ubudlelwano ohlangothini. Banikeza umbono wokuba nomusa noma ukuzenza sengathi banozwela ukuze bazuze okuthile. Ungazikhohlisi, udinga kuphela ukwanelisa ukuthanda kwabo, imizwa yakho ayinandaba nanoma ubani.
8. Wonke umuntu mubi
Abantu abanobuthi badlulisela umuzwa wokuzithoba kwabo kwabanye, babasole ngokukhohlisa futhi baqaphele ukushiyeka kuphela, ngaleyo ndlela bazivikele ekugcwalisekeni kwengqikithi yabo engathandeki. Basemandleni okuqagela ngakho-ke babuka umhlaba njengesibuko esihlanekezelwe. Kubo kubonakala sengathi wonke umuntu ufana nabo, noma kunalokho, engxenyeni abayifihla ngenkuthalo.
Eduze kukhona amambuka, ama-parasites, ama-egoists noma ama-scammers. Uzohlaselwa futhi ucasulwe okuthile okungezona nhlobo izici zakho - bavele babone kanjalo. Uma uqaphela umlingani wakho kulezi zincazelo, kodwa ungafuni ukugqashula ubudlelwano, lena indlela enhle yokufunda ukuthi ungakuthatheli ukugxeka, kodwa ukuthola ukuthi usebenzelana nobani.
Khumbula ukuthi ubuthi akuyona ikhwalithi yokuzalwa. Kungenzeka ukuthi uphathina uthole abazali abanomona ababehlala bemthethisa futhi bemhlazisa, ngakho kwadingeka afihle ubuyena bangempela. Mhlawumbe waphoqeleka ukuba ahambisane nezindinganiso zabo, enze lokho ababekufuna, ukuze azuze udumo. Futhi uma lokho okwakulindelwe abazali kwakungafaneleki, wayezizwa eyisehluleki. Wake watshelwa ukuthi akuthetheleleki ukwenza amaphutha, futhi umhlaba wakhe waphendukela phansi unomphela.
Uma uqaphela izimpawu eziyisixwayiso, ungavele uhambe futhi wakhe ubudlelwano obunempilo.
Abantu abanobuthi abakwazi ukuvele bazidonsele ndawonye futhi bavume ukuthi badlala indima yabo ebudlelwaneni obunzima. Lapho kuphakama izinkinga, baqala ukwethuka, ngakho bagxumela umlingani, bemthela ngezinhlamba nezimangalo. Uyahlehla edangele futhi uyazinikela, nakuba eqonda ukuthi waphathwa ngendlela engenabulungisa.
Qaphela lapho ukuthuka kundiza ngakuwe. Ngokunokwenzeka, awuhlangene nakho, kodwa ukuzethemba kungahlupheka kakhulu. Uma ukwazi ukuzihlukanisa nomhlukumezi, uzokwazi ukuzivikela emoneni obhubhisayo nokuphathwa kabi. Uma uqonda ukuthi unomuntu ohlukumezekile phambi kwakho, funda ukuzikhulula emacaleni abekwe wona kanye nomuzwa wokuzibophezela ngalokho okungafanele ukwenze.
Uma ungakwazi ukuveza imizwa yakho bese ubuza ngokungananazi ukuthi kungani uthukwa emhlabeni, kungase kube yisikhathi sokucabanga ukuthi kungani uvumela ukuphathwa ngale ndlela futhi uzame ukuzithanda futhi. Futhi enye into: uma ubona lezi zimpawu eziyisixwayiso, ungavele uhambe futhi wakhe ubudlelwano obunempilo nomunye umuntu.
Mayelana Nombhali: U-Nancy Carbone uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esigxile ekuthuthukiseni ukuzethemba nokwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo kwabashadile.