Indlela yokuguqula izinguquko ezingazelelwe zibe insiza?

Sivame ukuhlukaniswa yimizwa ephikisanayo - isifiso soshintsho futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo ukwesaba kubo, ngoba akwaziwa ukuthi kuzokwenzekani ngokulandelayo. Umuntu akakwazi ukunquma kunoma yini: “Angiwuthandi lo msebenzi, kodwa ngesaba ukushiya omunye, ngoba …”. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi izinguquko zikhethwa kithi, ziqhume empilweni ngaphandle kokucela. Indlela yokujwayela nokusebenzisa inzuzo ngisho nasesimweni esibonakala singesihle?

Phakathi kwesimiso nolwazi

Umlobi wokuhlaziywa kokuthengiselana, u-Eric Berne, uthe abantu baqhutshwa yilokhu noma leso sidingo, esibiza ngokuthi "indlala". Uveze izinhlobo ezintathu eziyinhloko zayo (inqobo nje uma izidingo eziyisisekelo zaneliswa - ezokuvikela, ukudla neziphuzo, ukulala): ukulambela izikhuthazo, ukuqashelwa kanye nesakhiwo. Futhi yinhlanganisela yalezi zidingo noma ukungalingani okusiqhubezela ekushintsheni.

UClaude Steiner, umlandeli kaBern, encwadini yakhe wachaza lokho okubizwa ngokuthi ukushaywa unhlangothi njengendlela ebalulekile yokwanelisa ukulambela izisusa, ngaphandle kwalokho ukuphila kwanoma yimuphi umuntu, omncane noma omdala, okungenakwenzeka.

Ingane idinga imivimbo ngomqondo ongokoqobo - ukuthintwa, ukuqabula, ukumamatheka kukamama, ukwanga. Ngaphandle kwabo, ngokwezifundo eziningi, izingane zisilela emuva ekukhuleni. Njengoba sikhula, siyaqhubeka nokwanelisa indlala yethu yokuvuselela amandla, kodwa manje sishintsha noma senezela imivimbo engokomzimba ngemivimbo yomphakathi.

Yingakho "ukuthandwa" ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, izincomo ezivela kubantu esibaziyo nabantu esingabazi, amazwi akhuthazayo abathandekayo kubaluleke kakhulu kithi. Sifuna ukuzwa komunye: "Ngiyakuqaphela." Ngisho noma igama lethu likhulunywa enkampanini entsha noma esimweni, sizokwanelisa kancane ukulambela kwethu ukuqashelwa.

Uke waqaphela yini ukuthi abasanda kungena ezinkampanini bathatha isinyathelo ngazo zonke izindlela, bazame ukunaka wonke umuntu, futhi bajahe ukusiza? Njengoba sesisebenze eqenjini iminyaka eminingi, sesivele sathola isabelo sethu "sokuthandwa", akudingeki sibonise ukubaluleka kwethu, futhi kwabaqalayo lokhu kuwumsebenzi obalulekile.

Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ukuntuleka kwezikhuthazo ezintsha okusenza siqhubeke sizingela izinto ezintsha. Ukulamba kwe-stimulus kusigcina enkambisweni ehlala njalo kanye nokuhlukaniswa. Indawo evamile yokusebenza, ukusebenza okujwayele ukugedla amazinyo, izinto zokuzilibazisa ezifanayo ngolunye usuku ziphenduka zisuka endaweni yokunethezeka zibe indawo yokungakhululeki egcwele isizungu.

Ukuze sithole umoya omusha, sizimisele ukuzifaka engozini. Kubalulekile ukuthi sizizwe siphila, futhi ukuminza esimisweni, silahlekelwa yilo muzwa. Yilapho isifiso soshintsho sivela khona!

Kodwa noma sesilungele ukuqala ukuguqula izimpilo zethu, indlala yesithathu ifaka isikhulumi emasondweni ethu - ukulambela ukwakheka. Ngokuvamile asazi ukuthi senzeni ngesikhathi sethu esikhululekile. Uma lungekho uhlelo, lungekho uhlu lwezinto okufanele zenziwe, silahlekelwa ukuma kwethu. Sifuna ukubikezelwa, sifuna ukwazi ukuthi yini esilindele esikhathini esizayo.

Sula ikusasa lakho

Ukuze ikusasa lingasithusi, ukuze sibheke phambili futhi siqhubeke, kudingeka sithathe izinyathelo ezimbalwa.

Isinyathelo 1. Setha umgomo olungile. Yini esiyilindele ekushintsheni? Yakha umgomo. Uma ingeyomhlaba wonke futhi igcwele, ihlukanise ibe yimigomo nezinjongo eziphakathi nendawo. Lapho izinguquko - zombili ezihleliwe nezingalindelekile - ziphela, sifuna ukubuyela ekuzinzeni, sifinyelele izinga elisha - lezezimali noma elingokomoya, sifuna ukuthola izinzuzo namabhonasi. Phela akulona ize ukuthi bathi yonke into ilungile.

Isinyathelo sesi-2. Bonga futhi uyeke esedlule. Lapho izinguquko zisithinta, siqala ukuxoxisana nathi, sihlole okwedlule. “Bekufanele ngenze okuhlukile”, “Eh, ukube ngibuyele emuva manje, bengizo…”, “Futhi ukube angenzanga lesi sinqumo?”, “Kungani ngingamlalelanga yena noma yena ngaleso sikhathi?” , “Kungani kufanele ulithenge lelo thikithi noma ithikithi?

Abaningi bama kwasekuqaleni, babheke ngokungapheli abanecala futhi balungise izixazululo ezingase zibe khona esikhathini esidlule. Kodwa impilo akuwona umdlalo wekhompiyutha, asikwazi ukubuyela ezingeni langaphambilini futhi sidlule kukho futhi. Kodwa singakwamukela okwenzekile futhi sicabange ukuthi singabhekana kanjani nakho manje. Singazenzela ngokugcwele ushintsho.

Futhi okwedlule kumele kubongwe futhi kuvaleliswe kukho. Kwesinye isikhathi okubonwayo kuyasiza. Woza nezakho futhi ukhulule ngokubonga.

Isinyathelo sesi-3. Hlola umgomo wokuhambisana nemvelo, Ingabe iyangqubuzana nezindinganiso zakho? Ake sithi inhloso yakho ukuthatha isikhundla esiphezulu, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo intombi yakho izoxoshwa kuso. Bathi kuwe: “Noma kunjalo sizomxosha, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ubani othatha isikhundla sakhe.” Uma leli kuyibhizinisi lakho futhi kungekona okomuntu siqu, cishe umgomo wakho uwubungani bemvelo kuwe. Uma ungeke ukwazi ukuthatha indawo yomngane, ilitshe liwubuthi kuwe.

Noma unquma ukwethula iphrojekthi ngenzuzo ye-ruble eyizigidi ezingu-1 ngenyanga ezinyangeni eziyisithupha, kodwa kukhona okukutshela ukuthi umgomo awunangqondo. Kodwa uyakufuna ngempela. Ngokubona ukuthi umgomo awufinyeleleki, uzohlehlisa ngayo yonke indlela ukuqaliswa kwephrojekthi. Ngakho-ke, mhlawumbe udinga nje ukuhambisa izinsuku zokugcina noma ukunciphisa usayizi wenzuzo oyifunayo ekuqaleni?

Kuyingozi nakakhulu ukuthunga okubili noma ngaphezulu endaweni eyodwa ngesikhathi esisodwa. Futhi lezi zinhloso ziyangqubuzana futhi zidonse ngezindlela ezihlukene, njengedada, umdlavuza kanye ne-pike. Ngokwesibonelo, omunye wesifazane wathi: “Ngizozala umntwana kuqala, futhi ngemva kwalokho ngiyobe sethula owami umbukiso.”

Mhlawumbe wayengakakulungeli ukukhulelwa futhi endaweni ethile ekujuleni kwakhe wayeqonda ukuthi wayesewulungele kakhulu lo mbukiso. Kodwa bonke abangane bakhe baqala imindeni, futhi umama, cha, cha, yebo, uzothi sekuyisikhathi sokunikeza abazukulu bakhe. Ngenxa yalokho, awuzange ufezeke umgomo owodwa noma omunye.

Ingxoxo eqotho nawe kwesinye isikhathi yenza izimanga. Zibuze ukuthi yini oyifunayo ngempela. Futhi ningenzi izinhloso zenu zincike komunye nomunye.

Isinyathelo sesi-4. Qaphela futhi ubambe amathuba amasha. Uma umgomo ukhethwe ngendlela efanele, khona-ke kungazelelwe, izenzakalo ezidingekayo, ulwazi oludingekayo, abantu abadingekayo abazokuholela kuyo bazoqala ukubonakala empilweni yakho. Ayikho imfihlakalo. Uqala nje ukugxila kulokho okubalulekile kuwe. Futhi uzoqala "ukukhipha" ohlwini lwedatha lezo ezihambisana nawe.

Kodwa akwanele ukubona ithuba - udinga ukuqaphela. Futhi uma ithuba lakho likudlula, ungakugeji.

Isinyathelo 5 Qoqa ulwazi. Ukushintsha kwethusa okungaziwa. Futhi indlela engcono kakhulu yokunqoba ukwesaba iwukuqeda ukungakwazi ukufunda nokubhala. Senza ngendlela yabantu abadala, ngaphandle kwezibuko ezinemibala e-rose. Nakuba, yiqiniso, ngezinye izikhathi ngifuna ngempela ukuba ngu-Assol, lapho uGrey, owabhukuda ngephutha emkhunjini, uzokwenza konke.

Ungalutholaphi ulwazi? Kusukela emithonjeni evulekile futhi okungcono ethembekile. Futhi, thola labo abaye badlula endleleni efanayo. Ingabe usuzothola umsebenzi omusha? Khuluma nalabo asebekwenzile. Kungcono ukuxoxisana nabantu abambalwa, khona-ke isithombe sizoba sikhulu kakhulu. Ngakho, ulwazi luqoqwe, umgomo usethiwe. Isikhathi sokwenza uhlelo.

Isinyathelo sesi-6. Bhala uhlelo bese uhlola izinsiza. Uma ufuna izimanga ezimbalwa ngangokunokwenzeka endleleni, yenza uhlelo lwesu. Futhi ngento ngayinye - icebo lamaqhinga.

Kwadingeka uthuthele kwelinye idolobha. Udinga ifulethi, umsebenzi, isikole kanye nenkulisa yezingane. Misa izikhathi eziwumnqamulajuqu nezinto eziza kuqala - yini engalinda futhi yini ephuthumayo. Yiziphi izinsiza ezidingekayo ukuze kusetshenziswe? Ubani ongasiza? Kuzodingeka uxoxisane nesikole ngokwakho, kodwa abangani noma izihlobo zizokusiza uthole isikole esifanele endaweni efanele. Futhi ngakho zonke izibalo.

Landela uhlelo kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani. Isilingo sikhulu ukuyilayisha ngamaphuzu. Wena, njenganoma ubani omunye, uyazazi - ijubane lakho, ubuthakathaka bakho, ubuthakathaka bakho, amandla akho. Khetha ijubane elingokoqobo. Zibekele amaphuzu ambalwa kodwa angokoqobo.

Isinyathelo 7. Zizungeze nabantu abalungile. Kunzima kakhulu ukusinda ezinguqukweni, ukuzivumelanisa nazo ngokushesha, ukubona izindawo ezincane zodwa. Ngisho noma ungumuntu ongeyena owangempela, lesi yisikhathi sokucela usizo nokwesekwa. Futhi kungcono ukukwenza embuthanweni wabantu abanomqondo ofanayo.

Dala iqembu lokusekela lalabo abakholelwa kuwe namandla akho, abakulungele ukusekela ngezwi nangesenzo. Nquma abathintwayo abangadingekile. Uma izinto zishintsha, sidinga imodi yokonga amandla. Wonke amandla ethu kufanele siwasebenzise ekufinyeleleni umgomo nasekuzisekeleni thina, insiza yethu.

Maye, umzamo omkhulu uya ekunciphiseni labo abangabazayo, abadonsela ukunaka kubo. Noma uvele uphazamise ngokuzenzakalelayo emgomweni oyinhloko. Isibonelo, ubuyilungu lekomiti labazali, kodwa manje, ngobusuku bangaphambi kokuthuthela kwelinye idolobha, yeka umsebenzi wezenhlalakahle noma uzitholele omunye ozongena esikhundleni sakho. Futhi ngisho nangaphezulu, yeka ubudlelwano nokuxhumana nalabo abalulaza ukholo lwakho kuwena.

Isinyathelo 8. Hlola izindima zakho. Umama / ubaba, unkosikazi / umyeni, uchwepheshe, indodakazi, intombi / umngane, umphathi, isisebenzi. Iyiphi kulezi ndima egqamayo enkathini yoshintsho? Ingabe ingane iyagula? Okokuqala indima kamama. Bonke abanye bayafiphala ethunzini. Esimeni esiphuthumayo, lokhu kuvamile. Ngokushesha noma kamuva, isigaba esibucayi sizodlula, futhi ezinye izindima zizosebenza kancane kancane.

Kodwa lokhu akubonakali ngaso sonke isikhathi kumlingani, futhi ngezinye izikhathi kithi. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuqaphela nokwamukela lokhu. Nomlingani, umphathi, umama, abangane, ngokuthula xoxa futhi uchaze ukuthi kwenzekani empilweni yakho manje, ukuthi kuzoshintsha kanjani indima yakho njengesisebenzi, umphathi, ongaphansi, unkosikazi, umyeni, indodakazi, indodana. Futhi ngakho - kuzo zonke izindima.

Bona lapho udinga ukwesekwa nokuqonda - ngayiphi indima? Iyiphi indima yakho enkulu manje ecebile futhi ingaqiniswa futhi isekelwe kanjani? Isibonelo, ukuvumelana nabaphathi nokusebenza ekhaya ukuze ube seduze nendodana noma indodakazi egulayo okokuqala. Ukuphumula kakhulu, ukukhuthazwa amandla, ukuhamba, ezemidlalo. Lala kakhulu futhi udle ngendlela efanele.

Isinyathelo 9. Zikholelwe kuwe. Lokhu mhlawumbe kuyinto ebaluleke kakhulu. Ngisho noma kubonakala kuwe ukuthi njengamanje awazi ukuthi kufanele uye kuphi, uqale kuphi, awazi ukuthi usuka kanjani kumnyama uye kwabamhlophe, zitshele ukuthi uthini uScarlett O'Hara: “Ngizocabanga. kokuthile. Kuzofika ukusa, futhi kusasa kuyoba usuku oluhluke ngokuphelele!”