Okuqukethwe
Akekho ongagonyiwe ezinkingeni, ekulahlekelweni kanye nokunye ukushaywa kwesiphetho, kodwa ngokuvamile thina ngokwethu asizivumeli ukuba sijabule. Umqeqeshi uKim Morgan ukhuluma ngokusebenza nekhasimende elalifuna ukuyeka ukuphazamisa impilo yalo.
Iseshini yokuqala yokuqeqesha: ukuzicekela phansi ngokungazi
“Ngiyisitha sami esikhulu. Ngiyazi engikufunayo - umlingani onothando, umshado, umndeni kanye nezingane - kodwa akwenzeki lutho. Ngineminyaka engu-33 futhi sengiqala ukwesaba ukuthi amaphupho ami ngeke afezeke. Ngidinga ukuziqonda, kungenjalo ngeke ngikwazi ukuphila impilo engiyifunayo. Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho ngihlangana nomuntu, ngizincisha amathuba ami okuphumelela, ngicekela phansi ubudlelwano obubonakala buthembisa kakhulu. Kungani ngenza lokhu? UJess udidekile.
Ngambuza ukuthi yini ngempela isitha sakhe esibi kakhulu, futhi ekuphenduleni wanikeza izibonelo eziningi. Lona wesifazane osemusha ophilayo, ojabule wakwazi okwakwenzeka kuye, futhi ehleka wangitshela ngokunye kokwehluleka kwakhe kwakamuva.
“Muva nje, ngike ngaya ocansini olungaboni futhi phakathi nobusuku ngagijima ngaya endlini yangasese ukuze ngixoxele umngane wami ngemibono yami. Ngamthumelela umlayezo othi ngiyithanda kakhulu le ndoda naphezu kwekhala layo elikhulu. Lapho ngibuyela endaweni yokucima ukoma, ngathola ukuthi akasekho. Wabe esebheka ucingo lwakhe wabona ukuthi ngephutha wayethumele umyalezo hhayi kumngane wakhe, kodwa kuye. Abangane balindele izindaba ezimayelana nenye inhlekelele enjalo, kodwa mina ngokwami angisahleki.
Ukuzilimaza kuwumzamo ongazi wokuzivikela engozini yangempela noma ecatshangwayo, ukulimala, noma imizwelo engathandeki.
Ngamchazela uJess ukuthi abaningi bethu bayazicekela phansi. Abanye bacekela phansi uthando noma ubungane babo, abanye bacekela phansi imisebenzi yabo, kanti abanye bahlushwa ukuhlehlisa izinto. Ukusebenzisa kabi imali, ukusebenzisa kabi utshwala noma ukudla ngokweqile ngezinye izinhlobo ezivamile.
Yebo, akekho ofuna ukona izimpilo zabo ngamabomu. Ukuzilimaza kuwumzamo ongazi wokuzivikela engozini yangempela noma ecatshangwayo, ukulimala, noma imizwelo engathandeki.
Iseshini Yesibili Yokuqeqesha: Bhekana Neqiniso
Ngaqagela ukuthi, ekujuleni, uJess wayengakholelwa ukuthi ufanelwe umlingani onothando, futhi wayesaba ukuthi uzolimala uma ubuhlobo buhlukana. Ukuze ushintshe isimo, udinga ukubhekana nezinkolelo eziholela ekuzicekeleni phansi. Ngacela u-Jess ukuthi enze uhlu lwamagama noma imishwana ayihlobanisa nobudlelwano bothando.
Umphumela wammangaza: imishwana ayibhala yayihlanganisa "ukubanjwa," "ukulawula," "ubuhlungu," "ukukhashelwa," ngisho "nokulahlekelwa nguwe." Sachitha isikhathi sizama ukuthola ukuthi wayezithathaphi lezi zinkolelo.
Lapho eneminyaka engu-16, u-Jess waqala ubuhlobo obunzima, kodwa kancane kancane umlingani wakhe waqala ukumlawula. UJess wenqaba ukufunda enyuvesi ngoba efuna bahlale edolobheni lakubo. Kamuva, wazisola ngokuthi akazange afunde futhi lesi sinqumo asizange simvumele ukuba akhe umsebenzi ophumelelayo.
U-Jess wagcina ephelile ubuhlobo, kodwa kusukela ngaleso sikhathi ubelokhu ehlushwa ukwesaba ukuthi omunye umuntu uzolawula impilo yakhe.
Iseshini yesithathu yokuqeqesha: vula amehlo akho
Ngaqhubeka ngisebenza noJess ezinye izinyanga ezimbalwa. Ukushintsha izinkolelo kuthatha isikhathi.
Okokuqala, uJess kwakudingeka azitholele izibonelo zobudlelwane obujabulisayo ukuze akholwe ukuthi umgomo wakhe wawungafezeka. Kuze kube manje, ikhasimende lami libheke kakhulu izibonelo zobudlelwano obuhlulekile obuqinisekisa izinkolelo zalo ezingezinhle, futhi kubonakala sengathi alinaki imibhangqwana ejabulayo, okwathi, njengoba kwavela, kwakukhona abaningi eduze kwakhe.
U-Jess unethemba lokuthola uthando, futhi ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi umsebenzi wethu naye uthuthukise amathuba akhe okufinyelela umgomo wakhe. Manje ukholelwa ukuthi injabulo othandweni ingenzeka futhi imfanele. Akukubi ekuqaleni, akunjalo?
Mayelana nombhali: UKim Morgan uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseBrithani nomqeqeshi.