Muva nje ngithole i-imeyili enokuqukethwe okulandelayo:
“… Amahlumela okuqala okucasuka nokucasuka amila kimi ngesikhathi sokukhulelwa, lapho umkhwekazi wami evame ukuphindaphinda: “Ngiyethemba nje ukuthi ingane izofana nendodana yami” noma “Ngethemba ukuthi izohlakanipha njengoyise. .” Ngemva kokuzalwa komntwana, ngaba into ehlala igxeka futhi iphikisa, ikakhulukazi maqondana nemfundo (okufanele, ngokusho komamezala, igcizelelwe kakhulu ekuziphatheni kusukela ekuqaleni), ukwenqaba kwami ukudla ngenkani, isimo sengqondo esizolile ezenzweni zengane yami ezimvumela ukuba azi ngokuzimela ukuze azi umhlaba, nakuba kubiza imihuzuko eyengeziwe namaqhubu. Umkhwekazi uyangiqinisekisa ukuthi, ngenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe neminyaka yobudala, ngokwemvelo ukwazi ukuphila kangcono kakhulu kunathi, futhi senza okungalungile, singafuni ukulalela umbono wakhe. Ngiyavuma, kaningi ngiyenqaba isipho esihle ngenxa nje yokuthi senziwe ngendlela yakhe evamile yobushiqela. Umkhwekazi wami ubheka ukwenqaba kwami ukwamukela eminye yemibono yakhe njengokungathandi komuntu siqu nendelelo.
Akazithandi izithakazelo zami (ezingayibonisi neze imisebenzi yami), ezibiza ngokuthi ziyize futhi ziyize, futhi usenza sizizwe sinecala lapho simcela ukuba agade izingane kabili noma kathathu ngonyaka ngezikhathi ezikhethekile. Khona manjalo uma ngithi bekumele ngiqashe umzanyana uvele acasuke kakhulu.
Ngezinye izikhathi ngifuna ukushiya ingane nomama, kodwa umamezala ufihla ubugovu bakhe ngaphansi kwesigqoko sokupha futhi akafuni ngisho nokuzwa ngakho.
Amaphutha alo gogo avele abonakale kangangoba angeke uze ukubone kufanele ukuxoxisana ngawo. Kodwa isimo esishubile senza kube nokwenzeka ukubona ngokushesha lezo zici ukuthi endaweni elula zingase zingabonakali zisobala. Yinye kuphela into ecacile: lo gogo akayena nje "ubugovu" noma "umashiqela" - unomona kakhulu.
Ngaphambi kokuba siqhubeke nengxoxo yethu, kumele sivume ukuthi sesijwayelene nesimo seqembu elilodwa kuphela eliphikisanayo. Angiyeki ukumangala ukuthi ishintsha kanjani ingqikithi yokungqubuzana kwasekhaya ngemva kokulalela kolunye uhlangothi. Kodwa-ke, kulokhu, ngiyangabaza ukuthi umbono kagogo wawuthinta kakhulu umbono wethu. Kodwa uma singabona bobabili abesifazane ngesikhathi sokukhafula, khona-ke ngicabanga ukuthi sizoqaphela ukuthi umama osemusha ngandlela-thile unesandla ekungqubuzaneni. Kudingeka okungenani abantu ababili ukuqala ukuxabana, ngisho noma kucacile ukuthi ubani umshoshozeli.
Angilokothi ngithi ngazi kahle ukuthi kwenzekani phakathi kwalo mama nogogo, ngoba, njengani, ngingahlulela inkinga kuphela ngesisekelo sencwadi. Kodwa kwadingeka ngisebenze nomama abaningi abasebasha, inkinga yabo enkulu kwakuwukungakwazi ukuphendula ngomoya ophansi ekungeneleleni kogogo ezindabeni zomkhaya, futhi eziningi zalezi zimo kunokuningi okufanayo. Angicabangi ukuthi ucabanga ukuthi ngiyawuvuma umbono wokuthi umbhali wencwadi awuyeke kalula. Ukubeka kucace ukuthi kwezinye izimo ume eqinile ezikhundleni zakhe - lokhu kuthinta ukunakekelwa, ukuphakelwa, ukwenqaba ukuvikela ngokweqile - futhi akukho lutho olungalungile ngalokho. Kodwa kusobala ukuthi usezingeni eliphansi endabeni yomzanyana. Ngokubona kwami, ubufakazi obungangabazeki balokhu ithoni yakhe, lapho isihlamba nokucasuka kubonakala khona. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyakwazi ukuvikela ingxabano yakhe noma cha, usazizwa eyisisulu. Futhi lokhu akuholeli kunoma yini enhle.
Ngicabanga ukuthi umnyombo wenkinga ukuthi umama onjalo uyesaba ukuzwisa ugogo wakhe ubuhlungu noma ukumthukuthelisa. Kulokhu, izici eziningana ziyavela. Umama usemncane futhi akanalo ulwazi. Kodwa, ngemva kokuzala ingane eyodwa noma ezimbili ngaphezulu, ngeke esaba namahloni. Kodwa uvalo lukamama osemusha alunqunywa nje ukungabi nalwazi kwakhe. Kusukela ocwaningweni lodokotela bengqondo, siyazi ukuthi ebusheni, intombazane iyakwazi ukuncintisana cishe ngokulingana nomama wayo. Unomuzwa wokuthi manje sekuyithuba lakhe lokuba muhle, aphile impilo yothando futhi abe nezingane. Unomuzwa wokuthi sesifikile isikhathi lapho umama okufanele amnikeze khona isikhundla sokuhola. Intokazi enesibindi ingaveza lemizwa yokuncintisana lapho ibhekene ngokukhululekile—esinye sezizathu ezenza ukungathobeki, phakathi kwabafana namantombazane ngokufanayo, kube inkinga evamile ebusheni.
Kodwa ngenxa yokubangisana kwayo nonina (noma uninazala), intombazane noma intombi ekhuliswe ngokuqinile ingase izizwe inecala. Ngisho ebona ukuthi iqiniso liseceleni kwakhe, uphansi noma kancane kunembangi yakhe. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kunohlobo oluthile lombango phakathi kukamalokazana nomamezala. Umalokazana untshontsha indodana yakhe eyigugu kumamezala wakhe. Owesifazane osemusha ozethembayo angazizwa enelisekile ngokunqoba kwakhe. Kodwa umalokazana othambile futhi onobuhlakani, lokhu kunqoba kuzosibekela icala, ikakhulukazi uma enezinkinga zokukhulumisana nomamezala ongathandeki futhi ongabazayo.
Isici esibaluleke kakhulu uhlamvu lukagogo wengane - hhayi kuphela izinga lenkani yakhe, imperiousness kanye nomhawu, kodwa futhi ubuhlakani ekusebenziseni amaphutha kamama osemncane ahambisana nemizwa yakhe kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe. Yilokhu ebengikusho uma ngithi kudingeka abantu ababili ukuze baxabane. Angiqondile ukuthi umama ongithumelele incwadi unomlingiswa onolaka, oyihlazo, kodwa ngifuna ukugcizelela ukuthi umama ongaqiniseki ngokuphelele ngezinkolelo zakhe, osengozini kalula emizweni yakhe, noma owesaba ukuthukuthelisa ugogo wakhe, uyisisulu esiphelele sikagogo ozikhukhumezayo owazi ukwenza abantu abaseduze kwakhe bazizwe benecala. Kukhona ukuxhumana okucacile phakathi kwezinhlobo ezimbili zobuntu.
Ngempela, bayakwazi ukukhulisa kancane kancane ukushiyeka komunye nomunye. Noma ikuphi ukuvumela umama ezifisweni eziphikelelayo zikagogo kuholela ekuqinisweni okwengeziwe kokubusa kukanina. Futhi ukwesaba kukamama ukucasula imizwa kagogo kuholela eqinisweni lokuthi, ngawo wonke amathuba, ngokuhlakanipha ubeka ngokusobala ukuthi uma kwenzeka ecasukile. Ugogo encwadini ethi "akafuni ukulalela" mayelana nokuqasha umzanyana, futhi ubheka imibono ehlukene "njengenselele yomuntu siqu."
Uma umama ethukuthele kakhulu ngobuhlungu obuncane kanye nokuphazanyiswa kukagogo wakhe, uyesaba nakakhulu ukukubonisa. Lesi simo siyinkimbinkimbi yiqiniso lokuthi akazi ukuthi angaphuma kanjani kulesi simo esinzima, futhi, njengemoto egijima esihlabathini, uya ngokuya ejula ezinkingeni zakhe. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kufika entweni efanayo sonke esifika kuyo lapho ubuhlungu bubonakala bungenakugwenywa - siqala ukuthola ukwaneliseka okuphambene nakho. Enye indlela iwukuzidabukela, ukujabulela ubudlova obenziwa kithi futhi sijabulele intukuthelo yethu. Enye iwukuhlanganyela ukuhlupheka kwethu nabanye futhi sijabulele ukuzwelana kwabo. Kokubili kuthunaza ukuzimisela kwethu ukufuna ikhambi langempela lenkinga, esikhundleni senjabulo yeqiniso.
Indlela yokuphuma enkingeni kamama osemusha owawela ngaphansi kwethonya likagogo onamandla onke? Akulula ukwenza lokhu ngesikhathi esisodwa, inkinga kufanele ixazululwe kancane kancane, ukuthola isipiliyoni sokuphila. Omama kufanele bahlale bezikhumbuza ukuthi yena nomyeni wakhe banomthwalo wemfanelo ongokomthetho, wokuziphatha nowezwe ngengane, ngakho-ke kufanele bathathe izinqumo. Futhi uma ugogo enokungabaza ngokunemba kwabo, ake aphendukele kudokotela ukuze acaciselwe. (Labo mama abenza okulungile bayohlale besekelwa odokotela, njengoba sebecasulwe kaningi abanye ogogo ababezethemba benqaba iseluleko sabo sochwepheshe!) Ubaba kufanele akubeke kucace ukuthi ilungelo lokuthatha izinqumo lingelakhe kuphela. kubo, futhi ngeke esakubekezelela ukungenela komuntu wangaphandle. Yiqiniso, engxabanweni yabo bobathathu, akufanele nanini aphumele obala aphikisane nomkakhe, athathe uhlangothi lukagogo wakhe. Uma ekholelwa ukuthi ugogo uqinisile ngokuthile, kufanele axoxe yedwa nomkakhe.
Okokuqala, umama wethukile kufanele aqonde ngokucacile ukuthi umuzwa wakhe wecala nokwesaba ukuthukuthelisa ugogo wakhe okumenza abe yisisulu se-chicanery, ukuthi akukho lutho anamahloni noma ukwesaba, futhi, ekugcineni, ukuthi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi kufanele kuthuthukiswe ukuvikeleka ekuhlabeni kusuka ngaphandle.
Ingabe umama kufanele axabane nogogo wakhe ukuze athole ukuzimela? Kungase kudingeke ukuthi ayithathe kabili noma kathathu. Abantu abaningi abathonywa kalula abanye bayakwazi ukuzibamba baze bazizwe becasukile ngokuphelele - kungaleso sikhathi kuphela lapho bengaveza khona intukuthelo yabo efanele. Umsuka wenkinga uwukuthi ugogo oqisayo unomuzwa wokuthi ukubekezela kukanina okungesona okwemvelo nokuqhuma kwakhe kokugcina ngokomzwelo kuyizimpawu zokuthi unamahloni ngokweqile. Zombili lezi zimpawu zikhuthaza ugogo ukuthi aqhubeke nokucosha i-nit kaningi. Ekugcineni, umama uzokwazi ukuma futhi agcine ugogo ekude lapho efunda ukuvikela ngokuzethemba nangokuqinile umbono wakhe ngaphandle kokukhala. (“Lesi yisixazululo esingcono kakhulu kimi nesengane…”, “Udokotela watusa le ndlela…”) Iphimbo elipholile, elinokuzethemba ngokuvamile liyindlela ephumelela kakhulu yokuqinisekisa ugogo ukuthi umama uyayazi into ayenzayo.
Ngokuqondene nezinkinga ezithile umama abhala ngazo, ngikholelwa ukuthi, uma kunesidingo, kufanele asebenzise usizo lukanina kanye nomzanyana oqeqeshiwe, ngaphandle kokwazisa umkhwekazi wakhe ngalokhu. Uma umkhwekazi ekwazile lokhu bese esusa umsindo, umama angabonisi icala noma ahlanye, enze sengathi akwenzekanga lutho. Uma kungenzeka, noma yiziphi izingxabano mayelana nokunakekelwa kwezingane kufanele zigwenywe. Uma kwenzeka ugogo ephikelela engxoxweni enjalo, umama angase abonise isithakazelo esisesilinganisweni kuye, agweme ingxabano futhi ashintshe isihloko sengxoxo ngokushesha nje lapho ukuthobeka kuvuma.
Lapho ugogo ezwakalisa ithemba lokuthi ingane elandelayo izoba ehlakaniphile futhi ibe muhle, njengezihlobo ezisemgqeni wakhe, umama angakwazi, ngaphandle kokubonisa ukucasuka, ukuveza ukuphawula kwakhe okugxeka ngale ndaba. Zonke lezi zinyathelo zehlela ekwenqatshweni kokuzivikela okungenzi lutho njengendlela yokulwa, ekuvimbeleni imizwa yokweyisa kanye nokugcina ukuzola komuntu siqu. Ngemva kokufunda ukuzivikela, umama kufanele athathe isinyathelo esilandelayo - ukuyeka ukugijima kugogo wakhe futhi asuse ukwesaba ukulalela ukuhlambalaza kwakhe, njengoba womabili la maphuzu, ngezinga elithile, abonisa ukungathandi kukamama uvikele umbono wakhe.
Kuze kube manje, ngigxile ebuhlotsheni obuyisisekelo phakathi kukamama nogogo futhi ngingakunaki umehluko oqondile emibonweni yabo bobabili besifazane ezindabeni ezinjengokondla ngenkani, izindlela nezindlela zokunakekela, ukugcinwa kwengane encane, ukuyinikeza ilungelo. ukuhlola umhlaba eyedwa. Yebo, into yokuqala ongayisho ukuthi lapho kunokungqubuzana kobuntu, umehluko wemibono cishe awupheli. Ngempela, abesifazane ababili ababezonakekela ingane cishe ngendlela efanayo ekuphileni kwansuku zonke bayophikisana ngalo mbono kuze kube sekupheleni kwekhulu leminyaka, ngoba noma iyiphi inkolelo-mbono yokukhulisa ingane ihlale inezinhlangothi ezimbili - okuwukuphela kombuzo ukuthi yimuphi umuntu okufanele awamukele. . Kodwa uma uthukuthelele othile, ngokwemvelo wenza ihaba ngokwahlukana phakathi kwemibono bese ugijimela empini njengenkunzi egqoke indwangu ebomvu. Uma uthola isizathu sesivumelwano esingase sibe khona nombangi wakho, uyakugwema.
Manje kufanele sime futhi sivume ukuthi izindlela zokunakekela izingane zishintshe kakhulu kule minyaka engamashumi amabili edlule. Ukuze azamukele futhi avumelane nazo, ugogo kudingeka abonise ukuguquguquka okukhulu kwengqondo.
Mhlawumbe ngesikhathi ugogo ezikhulisela yena izingane zakhe, wafundiswa ukuthi ukudla ingane ngesikhathi esimisiwe kuholela ekutheni ingagayeki kahle esiswini, ihudo futhi impase, ukuthi ukuhlala njalo kwendle kuwukhiye wempilo futhi kugqugquzelwa ukutshala ngesikhathi ebhodweni. Kodwa manje kudingeka ngokuzumayo ukuba akholelwe ukuthi ukuguquguquka ohlelweni lokuphakela akwamukeleki nje kuphela kodwa kuyafiseleka, ukuthi ukuhlala njalo kwendle akunasizo olukhethekile, nokuthi ingane akufanele ifakwe ebhodweni ngaphandle kwentando yakhe. Lezi zinguquko ngeke zibonakale ziqine kangako komama abasebasha banamuhla abazazi kahle izindlela ezintsha zemfundo. Ukuze aqonde ukukhathazeka kukagogo, umama kumelwe acabange ngento engakholeki nhlobo, njengokufunza usana olusanda kuzalwa ingulube ethosiwe noma ukumgeza ngamanzi abandayo!
Uma intombazane yakhuliswa ngomoya wokungamukeleki, khona-ke kungokwemvelo ukuthi, ngemva kokuba ngumama, izocasulwa izeluleko zogogo bayo, ngisho noma zihlakaniphile futhi zinikezwa ngendlela ehlakaniphile. Eqinisweni, cishe bonke omama abasanda kubeletha bayintsha yayizolo elwela ukuzitholela ngokwabo ukuthi okungenani bavulekele iseluleko esingacelwanga. Ogogo abaningi abanomqondo wokungacunuli nozwela komama bayakuqonda lokhu futhi bazame ukubakhathaza ngezeluleko zabo kancane ngangokunokwenzeka.
Kodwa umama osemusha obenakekela indlu kusukela ebuntwaneni uyakwazi ukuqala impikiswano (mayelana nezindlela zokukhulisa izingane eziyimpikiswano) nogogo wakhe ngaphandle kokulinda izimpawu zokungavunyelwa nguye. Ngangazi izimo eziningi lapho umama enza izikhawu ezinde kakhulu phakathi kokuphakelayo nokutshala ebhodweni, evumela ingane ukuba yenze ukungcola kwangempela ngokudla futhi ayizange imise i-gu.e.sti yayo eyeqisayo, hhayi ngoba ikholelwa ekuzuzeni izenzo ezinjalo, kodwa ngenxa yokuthi ngokunganaki nganginomuzwa wokuthi lokhu kwakuzomcasula kakhulu ugogo wami. Ngakho-ke, umama wabona ithuba lokubulala izinyoni eziningana ngetshe elilodwa: ehlala egcona ugogo wakhe, amkhokhele ngakho konke ukukha i-nit-picking, afakazele ukuthi imibono yakhe iyisidala kangakanani futhi ayinalwazi, futhi, ngokuphambene nalokho, bonisa ukuthi kakhulu yena ngokwakhe uqonda izindlela zesimanje zemfundo. Yiqiniso, ezingxabanweni zomndeni mayelana nezindlela zesimanje noma zakudala zokukhulisa izingane, iningi lethu - abazali nogogo nomkhulu - liphendukela ezingxabano. Njengomthetho, akukho lutho olungalungile ngezingxabano ezinjalo, ngaphezu kwalokho, amaqembu alwayo aze ajabulele. Kodwa kubi kakhulu uma izingxabano ezincane zikhula zibe impi engapheli engapheli iminyaka eminingi.
Umama ovuthiwe kuphela futhi ozethembayo angakwazi ukufuna iseluleko kalula, ngoba akesabi ukuncika kugogo wakhe. Uma enomuzwa wokuthi lokho akuzwile akumfanele yena noma enganeni, angasenqaba ngokuhlakanipha iseluleko ngaphandle kokubanga umsindo omkhulu ngaso, ngoba akanqotshwa imizwa yokucasuka evalelwe noma yecala. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ugogo uyajabula ngokuthi ucelwe iseluleko. Akazihluphi ngokukhulisa ingane, ngoba uyazi ukuthi ngezikhathi ezithile uzothola ithuba lokuveza umbono wakhe ngalolu daba. Futhi nakuba ezama ukungakwenzi kaningi, akesabi ukunikeza izeluleko ezingaceliwe ngezikhathi ezithile, ngoba uyazi ukuthi unina ngeke amcasule lokhu futhi angakwenqaba njalo uma engathandi.
Mhlawumbe umbono wami ulungele kakhulu ukuphila kwangempela, kodwa kimi kubonakala sengathi ngokuvamile uhambisana neqiniso. Noma kungaba njalo, ngithanda ukukugcizelela lokho ikhono lokucela iseluleko noma usizo kuwuphawu lokuvuthwa nokuzethemba. Ngiyabeseka omama nogogo emzamweni wabo wokuthola ulimi oluvamile, njengoba kungebona bodwa, kodwa nezingane zizozuza futhi zanelise ebudlelwaneni obuhle.