Okuqukethwe
Izinkulumo ezigxilile, ezikhohlisayo zenza inkulumo ingabi nambala futhi ibe mbi. Kodwa, okubi nakakhulu, ngezinye izikhathi sibheka ama-clichés njengokuhlakanipha futhi sizame ukulungisa ukuziphatha kwethu kanye nombono wezwe kubo. Yebo, izitembu ziqukethe uhlamvu lweqiniso futhi - kodwa lokho nje okusanhlamvu. Ngakho kungani sizidinga nokuthi singayishintsha kanjani?
Izitembu ziye zagxila kulolu limi ngokunembile ngenxa yokuthi ekuqaleni zaziqukethe uhlamvu lweqiniso. Kodwa zaziphindaphindwa izikhathi eziningi futhi izikhathi eziningi kangangokuthi iqiniso "lasulwa", amagama kuphela ahlala okungekho muntu owacabanga ngempela. Ngakho-ke kuvela ukuthi isitembu sifana nesitsha okwafakwa kuso igremu kasawoti, kodwa asizange sibe nosawoti ngenxa yalokhu. Izitembu zikude neqiniso, futhi uma zisetshenziswa ngokungacabangi, zidida imicabango futhi zicekele phansi noma iyiphi ingxoxo.
Izitembu "Ezikhuthazayo" ezibangela ukulutheka
Abantu abaningi basebenzisa izitembu ukuze bazijabulise, bazihlelele usuku olusha, futhi babakhuthaze ukuba bafeze. Phakathi kwezidume kakhulu kukhona le misho elandelayo.
1. “Yiba yingxenye yento enkulu”
Kungani sidinga amazwi anjalo akhuthazayo, ingabe ayasiza ngempela ukufeza okuthile? Namuhla, amabinzana akhathele athatha ingxenye enkulu yesikhala se-inthanethi futhi abe iziqubulo zokukhangisa, ngakho-ke akufanele abukele phansi ukuncika kwabantu kulolu hlobo lokugqugquzela. Ithelevishini, ukuphrinta, kanye nenkundla yezokuxhumana kugxile ekukhonzeni labo okuthiwa abantu abaphumelele esikhathini esizayo kanye nokugcina inkolelo yabo empumelelweni esheshayo.
2. “Yiba nombono oqondile, sebenza kanzima, futhi konke kuzolunga”
Ngezinye izikhathi kubonakala sengathi ibinzana elikhuthazayo, iseluleko yilokho kanye esikudingayo. Kodwa isidingo esinjalo singahlotshaniswa nokungabaza nokungavuthwa kokwazi, ngesifiso sokuthola konke ngesikhathi esisodwa futhi uzuze impumelelo ngokushesha. Abaningi bethu bafuna othile asitshele ukuthi kufanele senze kanjani futhi senzeni. Bese siba nokholo lokuthi kusasa sizokwenza into emangalisayo futhi siguqule izimpilo zethu.
Maye, lokhu ngokuvamile akwenzeki.
3. “Umuntu kufanele aphume endaweni yokunethezeka kuphela - bese …”
Akunakwenzeka ukusho ngokungananazi ukuthi yini ekulungele, yini “ekusebenzelayo” nokuthi yini engasebenzi. Wazi kangcono kunanoma ubani ukuthi kufanele usuke nini endleleni eqondile, ukuthi ungayishintsha nini impilo yakho, nokuthi kufanele ulale nini futhi ulinde. Inkinga ngezitembu ukuthi ezawo wonke umuntu, kodwa awuyena owabo bonke.
Ngakho-ke yisikhathi sokuqeda ukuluthwa umthamo wansuku zonke wemisho ekhuthazayo. Kunalokho, funda izincwadi ezinhle futhi uthathe imigomo yakho ngokungathi sína.
Izitembu “Ezikhuthazayo” ezisidukisayo
Khumbula: ezinye izitembu azizuzi nje kuphela, kodwa futhi ziyalimaza, ziphoqa ukuba ulwele lokho okungenakwenzeka noma okungadingekile ukufeza.
1. “Naka izindaba zakho futhi ungabi nandaba ukuthi abanye bacabangani”
Ungathola ukuhlukahluka okuningi kwale nkulumo, egcwele ukuzethemba okubukisayo. Imvamisa kulabo abasebenzisa lesi sisho, kuba nje ukumisa. Uma uthi nhlá, leli gama lihle, liyakholisa: ukuzimela kufanele ukudunyiswa. Kodwa uma ubhekisisa, ezinye izinkinga ziba sobala.
Iqiniso liwukuthi umuntu ongayinaki imibono yabanye futhi amemezele lokhu ngokukhululekile nje unesithakazelo esikhulu ekuthathweni kokuzimela nokuzimela. Noma ubani owenza isimangalo esinjalo uphambana nokuthambekela kwakhe okungokwemvelo noma uqamba amanga nje. Thina bantu sikwazi kuphela ukusinda futhi sithuthuke ngaphakathi kweqembu elihleleke kahle. Kumelwe sicabangele lokho abanye abakucabangayo, ngoba sincike ebuhlotsheni nabo.
Kusukela ekuzalweni, sincike ekunakekelweni nasekuqondeni abantu abadala ababalulekile abasinika kona. Sikhuluma ngezifiso nezidingo zethu, sidinga inkampani nokuxhumana, uthando, ubungane, nokusekelwa. Ngisho nokuzicabangela kwethu siqu kuncike endaweni ezungezile. Isithombe sethu ngathi sizalwa ngeqembu, umphakathi, umndeni.
2. “Ungaba yinoma ngubani omfunayo. Ungakwenza konke”
Akunjalo Empeleni. Ngokuphambene nalokho esikuzwa kubalandeli balesi sitembu, akekho ongaba omunye, azuze yonke into ayifunayo, noma enze noma yini ayifunayo. Ukube lesi sisho besiyiqiniso, besiyoba namakhono angenamkhawulo futhi singabi namingcele nhlobo. Kodwa lokhu akukwazi nje: ngaphandle kwemingcele ethile kanye nesethi yezimfanelo, abukho ubuntu.
Ngenxa yofuzo, indawo ezungezile kanye nendlela esikhuliswe ngayo, sithola ukusabela okuthile okungavamile kithi kuphela. Singathuthuka “ngaphakathi” kwazo, kodwa asikwazi ukweqa. Akekho ongaba ijokhi esezingeni lokuqala kanye nomshayisibhakela ongumpetha we-heavyweight ngasikhathi sinye. Noma ubani angaphupha ngokuba ngumongameli, kodwa bambalwa ababa izinhloko zombuso. Ngakho-ke, kufanelekile ukufunda ukufuna okungenzeka futhi ulwele ukufeza imigomo yangempela.
3. “Uma imizamo yethu isiza ukusindisa okungenani ingane eyodwa, ifaneleka”
Uma uthi nhlá, lesi sitatimende sibonakala sikhuluma ngobuntu. Yiqiniso, yonke impilo iyigugu, kodwa iqiniso lizenzela izinguquko zalo: ngisho noma isifiso sokusiza asikwazi umkhawulo, izinsiza zethu azinamkhawulo. Uma sitshala imali kuphrojekthi eyodwa, abanye “bayawohloka” ngokuzenzakalelayo.
4. “Konke kuhamba kahle lokho kugcina kahle”
Ingxenye yobuntu bethu inesibopho salapha namanje, futhi ingxenye yezinkumbulo, ukucubungula kanye nokuqongelela ulwazi. Ngengxenye yesibili, umphumela ubaluleke kakhulu kunesikhathi esichithwa kuwo. Ngakho-ke, okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu okude okwaphela enjabulweni “kungcono” kithi kunesiqephu esifushane esibuhlungu esiphele kabi.
Kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, izimo eziningi eziphela kahle, empeleni, azithwali lutho oluhle ngokwazo. Ingxenye yethu enesibopho senkumbulo ayifaki isikhathi esilahlekile ngokungenakulungiseka. Sikhumbula okuhle kuphela, kodwa phakathi naleso sikhathi ezimbi zathatha iminyaka engenakubuyiswa. Isikhathi sethu silinganiselwe.
Ngokwesibonelo, indoda ethile yadonsa iminyaka engu-30 ngecala engalenzanga, futhi lapho iphuma, yathola isinxephezelo. Kwakubonakala njengesiphetho esijabulisayo sendaba engajabulisi. Kodwa iminyaka engu-30 isinyamalele, awukwazi ukuyibuyisela.
Ngakho-ke, okuhle kusukela ekuqaleni kuhle, futhi isiphetho esijabulisayo asikwazi ukusenza sijabule ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngokuphambene, ngezinye izikhathi lokho okuphetha kabi kuletha okuhlangenwe nakho okuyigugu kangangokuthi bese kubhekwa njengento enhle.
Imisho yokuyeka ukuphindaphinda ezinganeni
Abazali abaningi bangakhumbula imishwana ababeyitshelwe beseyizingane ababeyizonda kodwa baqhubeke beyiphindaphinda lapho sebebadala. Lawa ma-clichés ayacasula, ayadida, noma azwakala njengomyalelo. Kodwa, lapho sikhathele, sithukuthele noma sizizwa singenamandla, le misho ebanjwe ngekhanda ingeyokuqala ukufika engqondweni: “Ngoba ngishilo (a)!”, “Uma umngane wakho egxuma esuka esitezi sesishiyagalolunye, ingabe nawe uzogxuma?” nabanye abaningi.
Zama ukushiya i-cliché - mhlawumbe lokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi uthole ukuthintana nengane.
1. “Belunjani usuku lwakho?”
Ufuna ukwazi ukuthi ingane yayisenzani sonke lesi sikhathi ungekho ngoba ukhathazekile ngayo. Abazali babuza lo mbuzo kaningi, kodwa kuyaqabukela ukuthola impendulo eqondakalayo kuwo.
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emitholampilo uWendy Mogel ukhumbula ukuthi ingane yayivele iphile osukwini olunzima ngaphambi kokuba ibuye ekhaya, futhi manje kufanele ilandise ngakho konke ekwenzile. “Mhlawumbe ziningi izinkinga ezenzekile, ingane ayifuni nhlobo ukuzikhumbula. Izivivinyo zesikole, ukuxabana nabangane, izixhwanguxhwangu egcekeni - konke lokhu kuyakhathaza. “Ukubika” kubazali ngokuthi usuku luhambe kanjani kungabhekwa njengomunye umsebenzi.
Esikhundleni sokuthi “Belunjani usuku lwakho”? uthi, “Bengicabanga ngawe nje ngenkathi…”
Amazwi anjalo, ngokumangazayo, azosebenza kakhulu, azosiza ukuqala ingxoxo nokufunda okuningi. Ubonisa lokho obukucabanga ngengane lapho ingekho, yakha isimo esifanele futhi ikunikeze ithuba lokuhlanganyela okuthile okubalulekile.
2. “Angithukuthele, ngiphoxekile nje”
Uma abazali bakho bekutshela lokhu useyingane (ngisho noma ngezwi elipholile nelipholile), nawe uyazi ukuthi kubi kangakanani ukuzwa lokhu. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kunentukuthelo eningi efihlwe kulesi sisho kunokukhala okukhulu kakhulu. Ukwesaba ukudumaza abazali bakho kungaba umthwalo osindayo.
Esikhundleni sokuthi “Angithukuthele, ngimane ngiphoxekile,” yithi, “Kunzima kimi nakuwe, kodwa ngokubambisana singakwenza.”
Ngalesi sisho, ubonisa ukuthi uyaqonda ukuthi kungani ingane yenza ukukhetha okungalungile, uyazwelana naye, ukhathazeke ngaye, kodwa ufuna ukuthola yonke into naye. Amazwi anjalo azosiza ingane ukuba ivuleke, ngaphandle kokwesaba ukuba necala lakho konke.
Umnikeza uhlelo olusebenzayo lwesenzo esihlanganyelwe, umkhumbuza ukuthi niyiqembu, hhayi ijaji nommangalelwa. Ufuna ukuthola isisombululo, futhi ungayihlehlisi inkinga, ucwiliswe intukuthelo nobuhlungu, okungeke kuzuze wena noma ingane.
3. “Ngeke ulishiye itafula uze udle yonke into!”
Isimo sengqondo esingalungile ngasohlangothini lwabazali ezindabeni zokudla okunomsoco singaholela kuzo zonke izinhlobo zezinkinga ezinganeni ezikhulile: ukukhuluphala, i-bulimia, i-anorexia. Ukuziphatha kokudla okunempilo ezinganeni kuwumsebenzi onzima kubazali. Bona, ngokungazi, banikeza ingane imiyalelo engalungile: bafuna ukuqeda konke okusepuletini, badle inani elithile lama-calories, bahlafune ukudla izikhathi ezingu-21, esikhundleni sokuvumela ingane ukuba izilalele yona nomzimba wayo.
Esikhundleni sokuthi: "Uze udle yonke into, ngeke ushiye itafula!" athi: “Usuthi? Ufuna okwengeziwe?”
Nikeza ingane yakho ithuba lokufunda ukunaka izidingo zayo. Khona-ke, lapho esekhulile, ngeke adle ngokweqile noma azilambele, ngoba uzojwayela ukuzilalela nokulawula umzimba wakhe.
4. “Imali ayikhuli ezihlahleni”
Izingane eziningi zihlala zicela okuthile: i-Lego entsha, uphaya, ifoni yakamuva. Ngesitatimende esinqunyiwe, uvimba indlela yenkhulumomphendvulwano, uzincishe ithuba lokukhuluma ngokuthi imali itholwa kanjani, ungayilondoloza kanjani, kungani kufanele yenziwe.
Esikhundleni sokuthi “Imali ayimi ezihlahleni,” yithi, “Tshala imbewu, uyinakekele, futhi uyothola isivuno esicebile.
Isimo sengqondo ngemali sikhuliswa emndenini. Izingane zikubuka uphatha imali bese uzikopa ngemuva kwakho. Chaza ukuthi uma ingane yenqaba idonadi manje, ingafaka le mali endaweni yokugcina izingulube bese igcinela ibhayisikili.
5. “Wenze kahle! Umsebenzi omuhle!”
Kubukeka sengathi, yini engalungile ngokudumisa? Futhi iqiniso lokuthi amagama anjalo angakha emntwaneni umuzwa wokuthi muhle kuphela lapho ephumelela, futhi afake kuye ukwesaba noma yikuphi ukugxekwa, ngoba uma ugxekwa, khona-ke abakuthandi.
Ngesikhathi esifanayo, abazali bangasebenzisa kabi lolu hlobo lokudumisa, futhi izingane ngokuvamile zizoyeka ukunaka, zibheka njengamazwi avamile.
Esikhundleni sokuthi: “Wenze kahle! Umsebenzi omuhle!” khombisa nje ukuthi ujabulile.
Ngezinye izikhathi injabulo eqotho ngaphandle kwamagama: ukumamatheka okujabulisayo, ukwanga kusho okuningi. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esinguchwepheshe uKent Hoffman sithi izingane zinekhono lokufunda ulimi lomzimba nesimo sobuso. UHoffman uthi: “Izinkulumo eziphindaphindwayo, ezivamile azisho ukutuswa kwangempela, futhi izingane ziyakudinga. Ngakho-ke sebenzisa umzimba ukuze ubonise ukuncoma, ukuziqhenya, nenjabulo, futhi uvumele ingane ihlobanise umzwelo nawe, hhayi nesimo.
Ngokungangabazeki, ngezinye izikhathi ama-clichés nama-clichés ayasiza: isibonelo, lapho sikhathazekile, asazi ukuthi singaqhubeka kanjani nombiko noma siqale ingxoxo. Kodwa khumbula: ngaso sonke isikhathi kungcono ukukhuluma, uma kungenjalo ngokushelela, kodwa ngokusuka enhliziyweni. Lawa ngamazwi angathinta labo abakulalelayo.
Unganciki emazwini agqoke kahle - zicabangele wena, bheka ugqozi kanye nogqozi ezincwadini, izihloko eziwusizo, izeluleko ezivela kochwepheshe abanolwazi, hhayi emishwaneni evamile neziqubulo ezingenalutho.