Okuqukethwe
Impilo ayihlali ikulungele ukusinika esikulindele kuyo. Nokho, kwabanye kunzima ukukwamukela lokhu. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uClifford Lazarus sikhuluma ngezinto ezintathu esizilindeleyo ezisenza singajabuli.
UBonnie wayelindele ukuthi ukuphila kwakhe kube lula. Wazalelwa emndenini ocebile, wafunda esikoleni esincane esizimele. Akazange abhekane nobunzima obukhulu, futhi kwakungadingeki azinakekele. Lapho engena ekolishi futhi eshiya umhlaba wakhe ophephile futhi obikezelwayo, wayedidekile. Kwakufanele aphile yedwa, azimele, kodwa wayengenawo amakhono okuzinakekela, noma isifiso sokubhekana nezinkinga.
Okulindelwe ekuphileni kuhambisana nemisho emithathu: "Konke kufanele kuhambe kahle kimi", "Abantu abaseduze kwami kufanele bangiphathe kahle", "Ngeke ngibhekane nezinkinga." Izinkolelo ezinjalo ziwuphawu lwabaningi. Abanye bakholelwa ukuthi abasoze babhajwa esiminyaminyeni, balinde isikhathi sabo kuze kufike isikhathi sabo, babhekane neziphathimandla, futhi bathukwe.
Ikhambi elingcono kakhulu lalokhu okulindelekile okunobuthi ukuyeka izinkolelo ezingenangqondo nezimfuno kuwe, kwabanye, kanye nomhlaba wonkana. Njengoba uDkt. Albert Ellis asho, “Nami, futhi, ngivame ukucabanga ukuthi bekungaba kuhle kanjani uma ngiziphatha kahle, labo abaseduze kwami bebengenzeleli kimi, futhi umhlaba ubulula futhi umnandi. Kodwa lokhu akwenzeki neze. ”
Abanye abantu bacabanga ukuthi kufanele bathole abakufunayo ngokushesha nangokuzikhandla.
U-Ellis, umsunguli we-rational-emotional-behavioral therapy, wakhuluma ngokulindelwe okuthathu okungenangqondo okuyimbangela yezinkinga eziningi ze-neurotic.
1. "Konke kufanele kuhambe kahle kimi"
Le nkolelo isikisela ukuthi umuntu ulindele okukhulu kakhulu kuye. Ukholelwa ukuthi kufanele ahambisane nombono. Uzitshela ukuthi: “Kumelwe ngiphumelele, ngifinyelele izinga eliphakeme ngangokunokwenzeka. Uma ngingayifinyeleli imigomo yami futhi ngingenzi ngokuvumelana nalokho engikulindele, kuyoba ukwehluleka ngempela.” Ukucabanga okunjalo kubangela ukuzehlisa, ukuzincisha, nokuzizonda.
2. “Abantu kufanele bangiphathe kahle”
Inkolelo enjalo ibonisa ukuthi umuntu akababoni ngendlela efanele abanye abantu. Ubanqumela lokho okufanele babe yikho. Uma sicabanga ngale ndlela, siphila ezweni esizenzele lona. Futhi kuwo wonke umuntu uthembekile, unobulungisa, uyavinjelwa futhi unesizotha.
Uma lokho okulindelekile kwephulwa ngokoqobo, futhi othile ohahayo noma omubi ebonakala emkhathizwe, siyacasuka kangangokuthi siqala ukuzonda ngobuqotho umbhubhisi wamaphutha, ukuzwa intukuthelo ngisho nokufutheka kuye. Le mizwa inamandla kangangokuthi ayikuvumeli ukuba ucabange ngento eyakhayo nenhle.
3. "Ngeke ngibhekane nezinkinga nobunzima"
Labo abacabanga kanjalo bayaqiniseka ukuthi izwe libazungezile. Ngakho-ke, indawo ezungezile, izimo, izenzakalo nezinto azinalo ilungelo lokuzidumaza nokuzicasula. Abanye bayaqiniseka ukuthi uNkulunkulu, noma omunye umuntu abakholelwa kuye, kufanele abanike konke abakufunayo. Bakholelwa ukuthi kufanele bathole abakufunayo ngokushesha nangokuzikhandla. Abantu abanjalo badumala kalula, bathambekele ekuboneni izinkinga njengenhlekelele yomhlaba wonke.
Zonke lezi zinkolelo nezilindelwe zikude namaqiniso. Naphezu kweqiniso lokuthi ukususa kubo akulula, umphumela uthethelela ngokugcwele isikhathi nomzamo.
Indlela yokuyeka ukuphila ngemibono ukuthi thina ngokwethu, labo abasizungezile, izimo namandla aphakeme kufanele siziphathe ngendlela ethile? Okungenani, shintsha amagama athi “kufanele” nelithi “kufanele” ufake elithi “ngingathanda” nelithi “ngingathanda.” Izame futhi ungakhohlwa ukwabelana ngemiphumela.
Mayelana Nochwepheshe: UClifford Lazarus ungumqondisi weLazarus Institute.