Emshadweni, abashadile ngokuvamile kufanele bafune ukuvumelana ekuxazululeni izinkinga zansuku zonke futhi baye komunye nomunye ezimweni eziphikisanayo ukuze balondoloze ukuzwana emndenini. Kodwa ingabe kufanelekile ukwenza lokhu lapho ukukhokhwa "kwesikweletu somshado" kuba ubudlova ngokumelene nawe?
Ucansi luyisivivinyo se-litmus sobudlelwano, esingasetshenziswa ukwahlulela ukwethembana phakathi kwabalingani, ukuhambisana kwabo kanye nekhono lokuzwana. Uma kumele uzinyathele ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuze ujabulise isithandwa sakho, ubudlelwano benu busengcupheni.
Indlela yokuthola ukuthi yiziphi izinkinga ezibangela ukungabaza ukuya ocansini? Futhi ungaqala kanjani ukuxhumana nomlingani kanye nawe?
Ubani okufanele
Cabanga ukuthi kuzokwenzekani uma wenqaba indoda yakho ocansini? Uzosabela kanjani? Mhlawumbe umlingani wakho uphikelela ngenkuthalo kulokho okufunayo, futhi wena, ngokungazi, wesaba ukulahlekelwa umusa wakhe, wenze isivumelwano?
Akuvamile ukuthi abesifazane baziphathe ngale ndlela uma kufanele bathole uthando lwabazali babo beseyingane noma behlangabezana nesimo esibuhlungu esihambisana nokwesaba ukulahlekelwa othandekayo.
Cabanga ukuthi uwutholephi umqondo wokuthi uphoqelekile ukunikeza ucansi «ngesicelo» somlingani?
Phela, lapho ushada, nasekuqaleni kobudlelwane nendoda, ilungelo lakho lemingcele yakho ngokomzimba aliphumi ndawo. Mhlawumbe le nkolelo ibekwe kuwe ngumphakathi futhi sekuyisikhathi sokuyishintsha?
Ngokwayo, inkulumo ethi "umsebenzi womshado" ibonakala ikhohlisayo, njengoba izifiso zomlingani oyedwa zibonakala zinesisindo esingaphezu kwezifiso zowesifazane wesibili. Ucansi, njengobudlelwane, luyinqubo ehambisanayo, lapho izifiso zabo bobabili abalingani kufanele zicatshangelwe ngokulinganayo.
Kukhona into ebizwa ngokuthi isiko lokuvuma, lapho ukusondelana ngaphandle kwempendulo enhle kuthathwa njengobudlova. Uma umlingani wakho ekuthanda ngempela futhi ebazisa ubuhlobo, uzozama ukuzwa izifiso zakho futhi azame ngokuthula ukuthola isisombululo senkinga nawe. Futhi ngisho nakakhulu ngeke kukufulathele.
Udinga ukulalela umzimba wakho futhi ubeke izifiso zakho kuqala - ngaphandle kwalokho ukungabaza ukuya ocansini noma ngisho nokuzonda le nqubo kungaqinisa futhi kungalimazi ubuhlobo bakho kuphela, kodwa futhi nawe ngokwakho.
Lukhona uthando kodwa alukho isifiso
Ake sithi indoda yakho izama ngobuqotho ukuthola indlela kuwe, kodwa awufuni ukuya ocansini izinyanga, naphezu kwemizwa enamandla ngomlingani wakho. Ubulili buyisidingo somzimba womzimba, ngakho-ke ukuze ungabhubhisi ubudlelwano ngenxa yokuntula ukusondelana, kufanelekile ukuba nengxoxo ethembekile nawe.
Imvamisa, abesifazane beza ekwelapheni benenkinga yokuntula injabulo ngesikhathi socansi noma abafuni nhlobo ukusondelana nabalingani babo.
Amakhasimende amaningi ayavuma ukuthi awakwazi ukwamukela ubulili bawo futhi avuleleke kowesilisa
Njengomthetho, lokhu kwenzeka ngenxa yokuthi ngesikhathi socansi owesifazane uzwa imizwa yehlazo, icala noma ukwesaba. Futhi kuleyo mizwa evela ngesikhathi socansi okudingeka usebenze.
Ukuze ufunde ukuthi ungaveza kanjani amandla akho ocansi futhi ujabulele ukusondelana nomlingani wakho, zihlole ngokubuza imibuzo elandelayo:
- Uziphatha kanjani, umzimba wakho? Ingabe uzithanda wena noma uhlale unomuzwa wokuthi awumncane ngokwanele, umuhle, ungowesifazane ngokwanele?
- Ingabe ucabanga ngawe kuqala bese kamuva ucabanga ngabanye? Noma ingabe ngenye indlela empilweni yakho?
- Ingabe uyesaba ukucasula umlingani wakho futhi waliwe?
- Ungakwazi yini ukuphumula?
- Uyazi ukuthi uthandani ngocansi futhi yini engahambisani nawe?
- Ungakwazi yini ukukhuluma ngezifiso zakho kumlingani wakho?
Lonke ulwazi lwethu ngomhlaba wangaphandle sake salufunda futhi saluthatha kwabanye abantu. Yenza ukubuyekezwa okuhlosiwe kolwazi lwakho lobudlelwano obuseduze nentokozo - manje bhala phansi konke okwaziyo ngocansi:
- Bathini ogogo, mama, baba ngocansi?
- Izwakale kanjani le timu emndenini wakho nasendaweni yangakini? Isibonelo, ucansi lubuhlungu, lungcolile, luyingozi, luyihlazo.
Ngemva kokuhlaziya la maphuzu, ungaqala ukushintsha isimo sakho sengqondo ngocansi. Yilokho kuphela esikwaziyo, esingakulungisa ezimpilweni zethu. Izincwadi, izinkulumo, izifundo, ukusebenza ne-psychotherapist, isazi sezocansi, umqeqeshi, kanye nemikhuba ehlukahlukene kungasiza kulokhu. Noma yini ehambisana nawe izofika iwusizo.