Abashadikazi akusafani nakuqala. Okwake kumenyezelwe ukuthembisana umshado, kwase kuvaliwe ngomshado, umbhangqwana manje usewukuphelaukukhetha okukodwa ebekwa ngokuzumayo noma kancane kuzo zombili izinhlangothi. Akusewona umphumela wesifungo esenziwa e-altare ngezizathu ezihlukahlukene (okuhlanganisa imali noma ubudlelwano bamandla phakathi kwemindeni emibili), kodwa isiqiniseko esilula sabantu ababili ukwakha umbhangqwana, ukuhlalisana n 'ukuba yimfuneko nakakhulu ukuba babe munye. .

Umbhangqwana wakheka lapho abantu ababili bethola ukuthi banokunye a ubuhlobo obukhethekile lokho kubaphusha ukuthi bakhe ubudlelwano obuhlala njalo. Lesi simo sibonakala kubo bobabili abantu njengemvelo, engenakugwenywa futhi enamandla ngokwanele ukuphazamisa izinhlelo zomuntu ngamunye ababenazo ngaphambi kokuba bahlangane.

KuRobert Neuburger, lo mbhangqwana wakhiwa lapho “ abantu ababili baqala ukuxoxela izithandani futhi indaba yalo mbhangqwana izobatshela ngokubuyisela ”. Lokhu indaba ayisekho endizeni efanayo nengokoqobo yansuku zonke eyandulela umhlangano wabo futhi igcwele ngokushesha ” insumansumane Okuchaza ukungabi nangqondo kokuhlangana kwabo. Kuyindaba enikeza incazelo yomhlangano wabo kanye nokuqondana kwawo, kusukela ekujuleni kuya kumbhangqwana wabo: izithandani ezimbili zikholelwa kukho ngempela futhi ngamunye ubeka omunye.

Lokhu kulandisa kuqiniswa, njengakuzo zonke izinkolelo, ngu amasiko njengokugubha usuku lwesikhumbuzo somhlangano, umshado, uSuku Lwezithandani kanye nezinye izikhumbuzo ezingokomfanekiso zothando lwabo, isimo somhlangano noma ingqophamlando yombhangqwana wabo. Uma noma iyiphi yale mikhuba, ehlala iqinisa inganekwane, icindezelwa noma ikhohliwe, indaba iyanyakaziswa: " Uma ekhohlwe usuku lwethu lomshado, noma engazange angiyise ezindaweni zasenganekwaneni esasihlangana nazo minyaka yonke, ingabe kungenxa yokuthi engithanda kancane, mhlawumbe akunjalo? “. Okufanayo kuya kumakhodi wendaba: indlela yokubingelela, indlela yokubizana, ukungqongqoza emnyango, kanye nenqwaba yezimpawu ezihlukile okunzima kwabanye ukuzibona, abangaphandle endabeni. . .

"Umhlangano" akwenzeki ngempela ngesikhathi sokusebenzelana kokuqala phakathi kwabathandi ababili besikhathi esizayo: isipiliyoni sokuphuka kwesikhashana okubangela ukuthi ukusebenzisana kushintshe futhi kuphazamise ukuhleleka okukhona kwezifundo ezimbili. Ngempela, lapho imibhangqwana ilandisa ngomhlangano wayo, ngokuvamile ilahlekelwa inkumbulo yokusebenzelana kwayo kokuqala. Baxoxa indaba yokuthi kuqale nini kubo. Ngezinye izikhathi lesi sikhathi sihluke nakakhulu kubathandi ababili.

Bahlangana kanjani? Okokuqala, kufanele sivume ukuthi ukusondela, ebonisa zonke izindlela zokusondelana emkhathini, inethonya elinamandla ekukhethweni kozakwethu. Ukusondela ngokwendawo, kwamasiko, kwesakhiwo noma ukusebenza kuyivekhtha ehlanganisa ndawonye abantu abanesimo esifanayo, isitayela, ubudala, kanye nokunambitha, okudala abangaba izithandani eziningi. Ngakho ngendlela esingasho ngayo « Izinyoni zophaphe zihlangana ndawonye ". Laba bantu abasothandweni bazobe sebekholelwa endabeni ebakholisayo ukuthi bangumbhangqwana owakhiwe abantu ababili abenzelwe omunye, abafanayo, abalingani bomphefumulo.

Uma sizokholelwa ekuvoteni, ibhola, okwase kunesikhathi eside liyindawo yokuqala yokwakhiwa kwezithandani, alisekho ngempela ephathini. Futhi ama-nightclub awakaze athathe izintambo ngempela: cishe u-10% wezithandani ngabe zakheke lapho ngeminyaka yawo-2000. Imihlangano yasendaweni noma phakathi komkhaya iye yalandela indlela efanayo. Manje amaphathi angasese nabangani futhi izixhumanisi ezakhiwe ngesikhathi sokufunda, eziphakela imihlangano, ezimele ama-20% kanye no-18% alawa. Ukuthambekela kokuhlala umbhangqwana nomuntu osondelene nomphakathi kusala, kuyizindlela zokuxhumana lolo shintsho. ” Sihlangana nomuntu osezingeni elifana nelethu, esingaxoxa naye ” kuqinisekisa isazi sezokuhlalisana kwabantu uMichel Bozon.

Intshisekelo yothando eqhuba laba bantu ababili ezigabeni zokuqala zobudlelwano ayihlali unomphela. Inganyamalala njengoba ifika futhi ayihlanganise lutho nokunamathiselwe, okungabamba kuphela ekuhwebeni okuhlala njalo. Uma uthando lwabo luhlala, uma befuna luhlale njalo, banganamathela, ukuze ngamunye akwazi ukuthuthukisa isibopho esingokomzwelo esizinzile nomlingani obhekwa njengomuntu oyingqayizivele, ongashintsheki futhi esifuna ukuhlala sisondelene naye. . Kuwuhlobo lobuhlobo oludingekayo ngokwebhayoloji ukuze umuntu alawule imizwa yakhe, acabange kangcono. Uma begcina izixhumanisi zabo, futhi bezihlakulela, izithandani ezimbili zigcina zenze into enhle, yangempela, ekhonkolo, esezingeni eliphezulu. Kuleli qophelo, inkohliso yengozi, abalingani bomphefumulo kanye nezidalwa ezifanayo azisabambi. KuJean-Claude Maes, izithandani zinezinketho ezimbili “zokuhlala othandweni”:

Ukuhlangana okusho ukuthi ngamunye wabalingani bayavuma ukuthuthukisa izingxenye zabo kuphela ezihlangabezana nezidingo zomunye.

Ukuvumelana okusho ukuthi ngamunye udela izinto ezithile azithandayo, ukuze enze ukuvumelana, ngaleyo ndlela aguqule ingozi yokungqubuzana kombhangqwana ibe ingxabano yangaphakathi. Yile nketho yesibili uWilliam Shakespeare ayithuthukisayo e-Troilus naseCressida, okukhona lapha okukhishwe okucacile.

TROILUS - Yini, Nkosazana, ekuzwisa ubuhlungu?

CRESSIDA - Inkampani yami, mnumzane.

TROILUS - Awukwazi ukuzibalekela.

CRESSIDA - Ngiyeke ngihambe, ake ngizame. Nginomuntu ohlala nawe, kodwa futhi nomunye umuntu omubi ojwayele ukuzihlukanisa nokuba yinto yokudlala yomunye. Ngingathanda ukuhamba ... Isizathu sami sibalekele kuphi? Angisazi ukuthi ngithini...

I-TROILUS - Uma uziveza ngokuhlakanipha okukhulu, uyazi ukuthi uthini.

CRESSIDA - Mhlawumbe ngabonisa uthando oluncane kunobuqili, Nkosi, futhi ngenza isivumo esikhulu kangaka ukuze ngiphenye imicabango yakho; manje ngikuthola uhlakaniphile, ngakho-ke ungenalo uthando, ngoba ukuhlakanipha nothando kungaphezu kwamandla omuntu futhi kulungele onkulunkulu kuphela.

« Kuwukuthi noma yimuphi umbhangqwana, futhi lokhu kubonakala ikakhulukazi namuhla, akuyona into enye ngaphandle kwendaba esiyinika udumo, ngakho-ke iyinganekwane ngomqondo omuhle waleli gama. » Curd Philippe

“Umthetho wemvelo ngukuthi sifisa okuphambene nathi, kodwa ukuthi sizwane nabanye abantu. Uthando lusho ukwehluka. Ubungane bucabanga ukulingana, ukufana kokuthandwa, amandla nobumnene. " UFrançoise Parturier

“Empilweni, inkosana nomalusi mancane amathuba okuthi bahlangane. ” UMichel Bozon