Inkolo yomshado emphakathini iphenduka imishado eminingi engajabulisi noma ebhidlikayo. Ummeli wezomthetho wemindeni u-Vicki Ziegler uthi kungcono ukubamba izinkinga zobudlelwane ngaphambi komshado kunokuba uhlupheke kamuva. Nansi imibuzo engu-17 aphakamisa ukuyiphendula uma ungabaza ngaphambi komshado wakho.
Ukushada akusona isinqumo esilula. Mhlawumbe usuhlale ndawonye isikhathi eside, uthanda zonke izingxenye zomyeni wakho wesikhathi esizayo, unokuningi okufanayo, uthanda ukuzilibazisa okufanayo. Kodwa naphezu kwakho konke lokhu, uyangabaza ukukhetha okulungile komlingani noma umzuzu womshado. Njengommeli womndeni, ngingakuqinisekisa ukuthi awuwedwa.
Ngisebenza nabashadile asebehlukanisile noma abazama ukusindisa imindeni yabo. Lapho ngikhuluma nabo ngokwengeziwe, kulapho ngizwa kaningi ukuthi umngane womshado oyedwa noma bobabili baba novalo ngaphambi komshado.
Abanye babekhathazwa ukuthi usuku lomshado lwalungeke luphelele ngendlela ababecabanga ngayo. Abanye babengabaza ukuthi imizwa yabo yayiqine ngokwanele yini. Kunoma ikuphi, ukwesaba kwabo kwakungokoqobo futhi kunesizathu.
Mhlawumbe ukwesaba kuwuphawu lwenkinga enkulu futhi ejulile.
Yiqiniso, akuwona wonke umuntu ongalondekile ngaphambi komshado ozayo. Kodwa uma ubhekene nokungabaza nokukhathazeka, kubalulekile ukuthatha isinyathelo emuva futhi ucabange. Hlaziya ukuthi kungani ungakhululekile.
Mhlawumbe ukwesaba kuwuphawu lwenkinga enkulu futhi ejulile. Imibuzo engu-17 ebalwe ngezansi izokusiza ukuthole lokhu. Baphendule ngaphambi kokuthi uthi yebo.
Ukuze umshado ujabule, kudingeka imizamo kubo bobabili abashadile. Gcina lokhu engqondweni lapho uphendula imibuzo. Sebenzisa indlela ekabili: qala uzibuze le mibuzo, bese uvumela umlingani wakho enze okufanayo.
Nikezanani isikhathi sokufunda imibuzo ngokucophelela futhi niyiphendule ngokwethembeka. Bese nixoxa niqhathanise imiphumela yenu. Umgomo wethu uwukuqala inkhulumomphendvulwano mayelana nokuthi ungabuqinisa kanjani ubuhlobo futhi wakhe umshado ojabulisayo iminyaka eminingi ezayo.
Ake sifinyelele emibuzweni:
1. Kungani umthanda umlingani wakho?
2. Kungani ucabanga ukuthi uyakuthanda?
3. Buqine kangakanani ubudlelwano bakho manje?
4. Kukangaki ninezingxabano nokungezwani?
5. Uzixazulula kanjani lezi zingxabano?
6. Ukwazile ukuxazulula izinkinga zobudlelwano obudala ukuze uqhubeke nokwakha umfelandawonye oqinile?
7. Ingabe ubhekana nanoma yiluphi uhlobo lokuhlukumeza ebudlelwaneni bakho: ngokomzimba, ngokomzwelo, nangokwengqondo? Uma kunjalo, ubhekana kanjani nakho?
8. Ngemva kokuxabana, ubona sengathi umuntu wakho akakwazi ukuzibamba?
9. Umbonisa kanjani umlingani wakho ukuthi ubaluleke kakhulu kuwe?
10. Kukangaki ukhuluma ngenhliziyo nenhliziyo? Ingabe kwanele ngawe?
11. Ungalilinganisela kanjani izinga lezingxoxo zakho esikalini soku-1 kuye ku-10? Kungani?
12. Yini oyenzile ukuqinisa ubudlelwano kuleli sonto? Wenzeni umlingani wakho?
13. Yiziphi izici ezakuheha kumuntu othandana naye kusukela ekuqaleni?
14. Yiziphi izidingo ozama ukuzifeza ebudlelwaneni? Ingabe umlingani wakho uyasiza ukubanelisa?
15. Yiziphi izinkinga zesikhathi esidlule okudingeka uzixazulule ukuze ubudlelwano bamanje bungapheli?
16. Ucabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho kufanele ashintshe kanjani ukuze kuthuthukiswe ubudlelwano?
17. Yiziphi izimfanelo ongenazo kumlingani wakho?
Thatha lo msebenzi ngokungathi sína. Khumbula umgomo oyinhloko — ukwakha ubudlelwano phezu kokwethembana nokuhloniphana. Izimpendulo eziqotho zizosula ukungabaza kwakho. Ngosuku lwakho lomshado, uzokhathazeka kuphela mayelana nokunambitheka kwekhekhe lomshado.
Kodwa uma usenokungabaza, udinga ukuziqonda wena. Ukumisa umshado kulula kakhulu kunokuhlala emshadweni ongajabulisi noma ukuhlukanisa.
Mayelana Nombhali: U-Vicki Ziegler ungummeli wezomthetho womndeni kanye nombhali wencwadi ethi Plan Before You Marry: The Complete Legal Guide to the Perfect Marriage.