Ngake ngaphila, futhi yonke into yayimbi kimi. Ngibhala ngokuqondile, ngoba wonke umuntu uyazi kakade lokhu. Ekhaya, uSarah Bernhardt wangigcona ngokudangala kwami, ozakwethu - u-Tsarevna Nesmeyana, abanye bamane bazibuze ukuthi kungani ngiphatheke kabi ngaso sonke isikhathi. Kwathi lapho ngisendleleni ngahlangana nodokotela wengqondo. Umsebenzi wakhe kwakuwukungifundisa ukuphila umzuzu ngamunye futhi ngikujabulele.
Nganamathela kusazi sokusebenza kwengqondo njengesalukazi esiyisithulu ensiza-ndlebeni yokugcina yokuzwa, futhi ngenxa yokwelashwa kwengqondo, ngaqala ukuzwa, ukubona nokuhogela konke okwenzekayo njengamanje. Njengesiguli esithile saseKashpirovsky, isibazi saso esesiphelile, ngiyamemezela: Ngelashwa, futhi isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo senze umsebenzi waso.
Futhi manje abanye abantu bayazibuza ukuthi kungani ngikhuthele kangaka, angikwazi ukuthula futhi ngihlale ngithule. Esikhundleni sokubheka ikusasa ngokukhathazeka, ngaqala ukubheka namuhla ngesithakazelo. Kodwa lokhu, izinti zomsayipuresi, kwakufanele kufundwe. Empeleni, ungaqala kuphela ukufunda ukuphumula, akukho mkhawulo kukho, mayelana nalokho kuphelela. Futhi ukuze ngizithethelele, ngizosho ukuthi ngaphambili kwakungemina kuphela, kodwa izwe lonke lalisaba ukuphumula.
Ngakho-ke, amaholide ami asehlobo ngokuvamile aphela ngesonto lokuqala lika-Agasti, lapho umama ehle kakhulu: "Maduze esikoleni." Kwakucatshangwa ukuthi isikole kufanele kube nzima ukusilungiselela. Dweba amasimu ezincwadini zokubhalela ezintsha ngokunamathisela okubomvu, phulula uthayi, phinda — oh horror! - impahla edlulisiwe.
Enkulisa, balungiselela ibanga lokuqala, esikoleni - ukukhetha okunomthwalo wemfanelo womsebenzi, enyuvesi - "impilo enkulu"
Kodwa konke lokhu kwakungeyona into eyinhloko. Okubaluleke kakhulu kwaba ukufakwa: «phumula, phumula, kodwa ungakhohlwa» futhi «udinga ukuphumula ngokuzuza.» Ngoba inhloko yanoma iyiphi indawo ngalezo zinsuku kwakuwukulungela izilingo ezizayo. Enkulisa, balungiselela ibanga lokuqala, esikoleni - ukukhetha okunomthwalo wemfanelo womsebenzi, enyuvesi - "impilo enkulu". Futhi lapho ukuphila kuqala, lapho kwakungekho lutho engangingalulungiselela futhi kwadingeka ngiphile, kwavela ukuthi ngangingaphezu kwamandla ami ngokuphelele.
Futhi ngemva kwakho konke, wonke umuntu wayevame ukwenza lokhu: babegcina okuthile, baqala izincwadi zokulondoloza imali, babeka eceleni komholo wabo wama-ruble ayikhulu ngeshwa ngosuku lwemvula (olufika ngokushesha ngakusasa). Baqoqa i-pasta uma kwenzeka impi nabaseMelika, besaba okuthile, abanye "ngokungazelelwe" futhi "awukwazi", ubunzima obuhleliwe obuhleliwe kanye namashwa abengeziwe.
Njengoba uShvonder ahlabelela ngokuvumelana efulethini elingaphezu kwekhanda likaProfesa Preobrazhensky owayethukile: “Iminyaka enzima iyahamba, tati-tat-tati-tat, eminye izolandela ngemva kwayo, futhi izoba nzima.” Uhlobo: awukwazi ukuphumula, ngoba akukho kwangaphakathi, noma ngisho nesitha sangaphandle asilali. Bakha amacebo. "Lunga!" — "Ulungile njalo!". Okokuqala sizonqoba yonke into, bese kuphela…
Ukulindela okuhlala njalo kwekusasa eliqhakazile ngamashumi ezigidi, izizukulwane eziningana zabantu azizange zihlekwe yinoma ubani, kodwa namanje akuwona wonke umuntu owaziyo ukuthi angaphila kanjani. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi izakhi zofuzo zinecala noma ubuntwana obunzima, kodwa kwabanye - mina, isibonelo - kuphela uchwepheshe oqeqeshwe ngokukhethekile kanye nenkambo ende yokwelashwa engasiza ngalo mqondo. Ngakho konke kuyasebenza.
Abakwenzayo manje: baphila ezikweletini, kodwa baphila namuhla
Nakuba abaningi benza kahle bebodwa. Ngandlela-thile bafinyelela kuyo ngokwabo, baqonda: "Manje noma ungalokothi!" Kusemoyeni wezikhathi. Ngakho-ke, abakwenzayo manje: bathatha izikweletu, bathenga konke, bese bebuyisela noma cha. Bahlala ezikweletini, kodwa baphila namuhla.
Futhi abanye basangabaza ukunemba kwalokhu kungaboni ngaso linye. Futhi futhi i-frivolity. Ukulula ngokujwayelekile. Okungukuthi, uma sithatha umuntu nje, hhayi isimo, ezempi noma isikali samasu ebhizinisi, okuyithuba lethu kuphela lenjabulo. Futhi njengoba kwenzeka, ababhali bezingane, izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo, izazi zefilosofi, ngisho nezincwadi ezingcwele bayavumelana ngalokhu. Injabulo, ukuthula, ukuzwana, injabulo, ukuphila ngokwako kungenzeka kuphela lapha futhi manje. Bese akwenzeki lutho. "Kamuva" ayikho emvelweni.
Futhi, abakhangisi (abangcono kakhulu ababala yonke into) babambe ithrendi futhi bayisebenzise ngale ndlela kuphela. Kumavidiyo ajabulisayo, ngeke nje ngikusindise ezalukazini eziyizixhwanguxhwangu, abaphathi abahloniphekile abanquma ukudlala ngokugangile, o-anti abaklebhula izithende futhi bageze emithonjeni ...
Akekho osebenzayo, wonke umuntu uyaphila, uyakujabulela, njalo nje ukuhlela amakhefu. “Izicathulo zale mpilo!”, “Phila — dlala!”, “Bungaza lesi sikhathi!”, “Susa yonke into ekuphileni!”, “Nambitha impilo”, kanye nokulula nokuhlambalaza kakhulu okuvela ephaketheni likagwayi: “Hlala okwamanje!” . Ngamafuphi, umuntu akafuni ukuphila kuzo zonke lezi zingcingo ukuze aphile.
Umuntu othile, ukuze angahlupheki, udinga ukufunda izincwadi zefilosofi, kodwa kwadingeka ngibhale isikhathi eside futhi ngokumangalisayo ngesandla sami sobunxele.
Nokho, lokho kuhlala kunjalo kimi. Kancane nje - isimo siyehla, futhi ukuphila ... cha, angifuni. Ngangingafuni. Ngangqubuzana nomphakathi owawugubha njalo, owawusuwubambile umnyombo wokukhanya okungabekezeleleki kokuba khona. UMadonna wawuphendula kanjani umbuzo oyisiphukuphuku wentatheli: “Iyini injongo yokuphila?” “Ekuhluphekeni.” Futhi kulungile.
Umuntu kuphela, ukuze angahlupheki, udinga ukufunda izincwadi zefilosofi futhi athuthukise i-squint yakhe yefilosofi, othile udinga ibhodlela le-Makhachkala vodka, kodwa kwakudingeka ngibhale isikhathi eside futhi ngokumangalisayo ngesandla sami sobunxele. Lena inqubo enjalo. Bhala ngesandla sakho sobunxele zonke izinhlobo zezinto, ngendlela evumayo. Zama ukudlula ku-subconscious. Kufana nokufunda ukubhala futhi, njengokufunda ukuphila futhi. Kubukeka njengomthandazo, njengezinkondlo. “Kuphephile kimi ukuphila”, “Ngiphephile ukuba ngijabule”, “Ngijabule lapha futhi manje”.
Ngangingakholelwa nhlobo kukho. Zonke lezi zitatimende zingabalelwa kimi kuphela ngokwengeza inhlayiyana enkulu kwenye ngayinye HHAYI: "ANGIKHULULEKI", "ANGIPHEPHILE UKUPHILA." Futhi-ke kwakubonakala sengathi iyadedela, kwaba lula kimi ukuphefumula, iphunga nemisindo yabuya, njengokungathi ngemva kokuquleka. Ngaqala ukuthanda ukudla kwami kwasekuseni, iziqholo zami, amaphutha ami, izicathulo zami ezintsha, amaphutha ami, izithandwa zami, ngisho nomsebenzi wami. Futhi abangathandi ngempela labo abathi, ngemva kokufunda "izindlela ezingu-20 zokuzenza ube muhle" engxenyeni ethi "psychology" yomagazini wabesifazane abashibhile, bakhulume ngokuzithoba ukuthi "zonke lezi ziyizinkinga zabesifazane."
Ngesizathu esithile, akukaze kwenzeke kunoma ubani ukuthi ahambe nomlenze ophukile, kodwa ukuhlala nobuchopho obuhlanjululwe kubhekwa njengento evamile.
"Ngabe ngiyahlanya, kufanele ngiye kusazi sokusebenza kwengqondo?" Ngempela! Ngesizathu esithile, akukaze kwenzeke kunoma ubani ukuthi ahambe ngomlenze ophukile, kodwa ukuhlala nobuchopho obuhlanjululwe, ubuthi obukhona wena nabanye, kubhekwa njengento evamile. Njengokuphila ekulindeni inkathazo yaphakade kanye nokungalungeli okuphakade kwenjabulo. Ngakho emva kwakho konke, kujwayeleke kakhulu: i-bristle - futhi ngeke umangale!
Abantu abashadile, izikhathi ezimnandi, ubudlelwano obuqinile. Kodwa ngeke ngibuyele kunoma yikuphi kwalokhu. Angifuni impilo yami, njengalawo maholide ehlobo, iphele ngisawajabulela, ngoba ingqondo yami ijwayele ukulungiselela okubi kakhulu.
“Ukuze ukuphila kungabonakali njengoju,” umphathi wayethanda ukuphinda, okwathi ukuze abhekane nesimo sami esihle, kwadingeka angithwese umsebenzi owengeziwe. “Le ngane ngeke ibhekane nobunzima bempilo,” kububula umama, ebuka indodakazi yami encane, engayifaki nhlobo indaba yokuthi kungenzeka ukuthi ubunzima bungafiki.
“Uhleka kakhulu namuhla, kungathi akumele ukhale kusasa,” kuphawula ugogo. Bonke babenezizathu zabo zalokhu. Anginazo.
Futhi kungcono ukubhekwa njengesiguli esingavamile sesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo bese ubhala ngesandla sakho sokunxele izinsuku eziningi, kunokuba ungezwa futhi, uphuphutheke futhi ulahlekelwe yizibikezelo zakho ezijabulisayo. Impilo kumele isetshenziswe. Futhi uma lokhu kuyimalimboleko, ngiyavumelana nanoma iyiphi inzalo.