Okuqukethwe
“Uphule impilo yami”, “ngenxa yakho angizuzanga lutho”, “ngichithe iminyaka engcono kakhulu lapha” … Kukangaki usho amazwi anjalo ezihlotsheni, ozakwethu, ozakwenu? Banecala lani? Futhi ingabe yibona kuphela?
Cishe eminyakeni engu-20 edlule ngezwa ihlaya elinjalo ngongoti bengqondo. Indoda itshela isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo iphupho layo: “Ngiphuphe sihlangene nomndeni wonke esidlweni sakusihlwa sakusihlwa. Konke kuhamba kahle. Sikhuluma ngempilo. Manje ngifuna ukucela umama angidlulisele amafutha. Esikhundleni salokho, ngiyamtshela ukuthi, "Umoshile impilo yami."
Kule-anecdote, eqondwa ngokugcwele yizazi zokusebenza kwengqondo kuphela, kuneqiniso elithile. Njalo ngonyaka, izigidi zabantu zikhalaza kuma-psychotherapists ngezihlobo zabo, ozakwabo, abangane. Basho ukuthi baphuthelwe kanjani ithuba lokushada, ukuthola imfundo ehloniphekile, ukwenza umsebenzi futhi babe abantu abajabulayo. Ubani okufanele asolwe ngalokhu?
I-1. Abazali
Ngokuvamile abazali basolwa ngakho konke ukwehluleka. Ukukhetha kwabo kuyinto elula futhi esobala kakhulu. Sixhumana nabazali kusukela ekuzalweni, ngakho ngokobuchwepheshe banamathuba amaningi nesikhathi sokuqala ukona ikusasa lethu.
Mhlawumbe, ngokukuphoqa, bazama ukuvala amaphutha abo esikhathini esidlule?
Yebo, abazali bethu basikhulisa futhi basifundisa, kodwa mhlawumbe abazange banikeze uthando olwanele noma bathande kakhulu, basonakalisile, noma, ngokuphambene, benqabela kakhulu, basincoma kakhulu, noma abazange basisekele nhlobo.
2. Ogogo nomkhulu
Zingaba kanjani imbangela yezinkinga zethu? Bonke ogogo nomkhulu engibaziyo, ngokungafani nabazali babo, bathanda abazukulu babo ngokungenamibandela futhi ngaphandle kwemibandela. Banikela ngaso sonke isikhathi sabo samahhala kubo, bebabaza futhi babazise.
Nokho, yibona abakhulisa abazali bakho. Futhi uma bengaphumelelanga ekukhuleni kwakho, khona-ke leli cala lingadluliselwa kogogo nomkhulu. Mhlawumbe, ngokukuphoqa, bazama ukuvala amaphutha abo esikhathini esidlule?
3. Othisha
Njengothisha wangaphambili, ngiyazi ukuthi othisha banomthelela omkhulu kubafundi. Futhi eziningi zazo ziqondile. Kodwa kukhona abanye. Ukungakwazi kwabo amakhono, isimo sengqondo sokuzicabangela ngabafundi kanye nokuhlola okungafanele kubhidliza izifiso zomsebenzi wezigceme.
Akuvamile ukuthi othisha basho ngokuqondile ukuthi umfundi othile ngeke angene enyuvesi ekhethiwe ("akukho lutho ongazama ngisho nokuzama") noma akasoze abe, isibonelo, udokotela ("cha, awunaso isineke esanele futhi ukulalela"). Ngokwemvelo, umbono kathisha uthinta ukuzethemba.
4. Umelaphi wakho
Ukube bekungeyena, ubungeke ucabange ukusola abazali bakho ngazo zonke izinkinga zakho. Khumbula ukuthi kwakunjani. Ukhulume ngokunganaki ngomama wakho. Futhi i-psychoanalyst yaqala ukubuza mayelana nobuhlobo bakho ebuntwaneni nasebusheni. Uyichithile, uthi umama akahlanganise lutho nayo. Futhi lapho uphika ukuthi unecala, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sangena sijule kule nkinga. Phela umsebenzi wakhe.
Uchithe amandla amaningi kubo, waphuthelwa umsebenzi omuhle ngoba ufuna ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi nabo.
Futhi manje usufinyelele esiphethweni sokuthi abazali banecala kuyo yonke into. Ngakho-ke akungcono yini ukusola isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo yakho? Ingabe uveza izinkinga zakhe nomndeni wakhe kuwe?
5. Izingane zakho
Uchithe amandla amaningi kubo, waphuthelwa umsebenzi omuhle, ngoba ubufuna ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi nabo. Manje abasazisi nhlobo. Bakhohlwe nokufona. Icala lakudala!
6. Umlingani wakho
Umyeni, unkosikazi, umngane, okhethiwe - ngezwi, umuntu onikezwe iminyaka engcono kakhulu futhi ongazange abonise amakhono akho, amathuba alinganiselwe, njalonjalo. Uchithe iminyaka eminingi naye, esikhundleni sokuthola uthando lwakho lweqiniso, umuntu ozokukhathalela ngempela.
7. Wena ngokwakho
Manje phinda ufunde wonke amaphuzu angenhla futhi uwabheke ngokucophelela. Vula indida. Siyajabula ukuthethelela ukwehluleka kwethu, ukuthola izizathu zakho futhi sisole abanye abantu ngazo zonke izinkinga.
Yeka ukubuka abanye, gxila ezifisweni zabo nokuthi bakubona kanjani
Kodwa okuwukuphela kwesizathu ukuziphatha kwakho. Ezimweni eziningi, wena ngokwakho unquma ukuthi yini ongayenza ngempilo yakho, ukuthi iyiphi inyuvesi ongangena kuyo, ozochitha naye iminyaka yakho engcono kakhulu, usebenze noma ukhulise izingane, usebenzise usizo lwabazali bakho noma uhambe ngendlela yakho.
Kodwa okubaluleke kakhulu, akukephuzi kakhulu ukushintsha yonke into. Yeka ukubuka abanye, ugxile ezifisweni zabo nokuthi bakubona kanjani. Thatha isinyathelo! Futhi ngisho noma wenza iphutha, ungaziqhenya ngalo: ngemva kwakho konke, lokhu kuyisinqumo sakho sokuqaphela.
Mayelana Nombhali: U-Mark Sherman unguSolwazi Emeritus Wezengqondo e-State University of New York eNew Paltz, kanye nochwepheshe kwezokuxhumana phakathi kobulili obuhlukile.