7 Izimiso Zengxoxo Ezizowusindisa Umshado Wakho

Lapho uSteven ebuya emsebenzini, umkakhe uKatie uyabuza, "Belunjani usuku lwakho, sithandwa?" Ingxoxo elandelayo ihamba kanje.

- Emhlanganweni wamasonto onke, umphathi wabuza ulwazi lwami ngomkhiqizo futhi watshela i-CEO ukuthi ngangingafaneleki. I-Hysterical!

“Nakhu futhi. Uthatha konke enhliziyweni futhi usole umphathi wakho. Ngambona - ephile saka. Awuqondi, ukhathazekile ngomnyango wakhe! (Ukuzihlanganisa nesitha.)

“Yebo, uhlala enamathele kimi.

“Kuyindida nje. Funda ukuzibamba. (Ukugxeka.)

— Yebo, konke, khohlwa.

Ucabanga ukuthi ngalesi sikhathi uStephen unomuzwa wokuthi umkakhe uyamthanda? Cishe ngeke. Esikhundleni sokuba umuntu ongemuva onokwethenjelwa futhi amlalele, u-Katie wandisa ukungezwani.

Uprofesa wezengqondo uNeil Jacobson waseYunivesithi yaseWashington wenza ucwaningo futhi wathola ukuthi ukuze umshado uphumelele ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kudingeka ufunde indlela yokubhekana nezingcindezi zangaphandle nokungezwani okuvela ngaphandle kobuhlobo benu.

Indlela elula, esebenzayo yokuthi abashadile bagcwalise i-akhawunti yabo yasebhange ethinta inhliziyo ukukhuluma ngokuthi usuku luhambe kanjani. Inegama: «ingxoxo yokucindezeleka».

Imibhangqwana eminingi, njengoSteven noKatie, ixoxa ngosuku, kodwa le ngxoxo ayibasizi ukuba bakhululeke. Ngokuphambene nalokho, ukucindezeleka kwanda kuphela: kubonakala kuwo wonke umuntu ukuthi omunye akamuzwa. Ngakho-ke, udinga ukulandela imithetho embalwa.

Umthetho 1: Khetha Isikhathi Esilungile

Abanye baqala ingxoxo ngokushesha nje lapho bewela umbundu wendlu. Abanye badinga ukuba bodwa isikhashana ngaphambi kokuba balungele inkhulumomphendvulwano. Kubalulekile ukuxoxa ngaleli phuzu kusengaphambili. Bekani isikhathi esinisebenzela nobabili. Ingalungiswa noma intante: isibonelo, nsuku zonke ngo-7pm noma imizuzu eyi-10 ngemva kokuba nobabili nibuyile ekhaya.

Umthetho 2: Vumela isikhathi esengeziwe sengxoxo

Eminye imibhangqwana idonsa kanzima ngoba ayichithi isikhathi esanele ndawonye. Lokhu kuvimbela ukukhula kothando. Thatha isikhathi sokuhlangana ngempela phakathi nengxoxo: ingxoxo kufanele ithathe okungenani imizuzu engama-20-30.

Umthetho 3: Ungaxoxi ngomshado

Phakathi nengxoxo, ningaxoxa ngakho konke okufikayo engqondweni, ngaphandle kwezinkinga zomshado nezobuhlobo. Ingxoxo ihilela ukulalela okukhuthele: kuyilapho umuntu ethulula umphefumulo wakhe, owesibili umlalela ngokuqonda, ngaphandle kokwahlulela. Njengoba izindaba okuxoxwa ngazo zingahlobene nomshado, kulula kakhulu ukusekela umlingani wakho kokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe futhi ubonise ukuthi uyamqonda.

Umthetho 4: Yamukela imizwa

Ingxoxo ikuvumela ukuthi ukhulule umthwalo wokucasuka, ususe ubunzima bezinkinga ezinkulu nezincane. Uma ungakhululekile ngomlingani wakho ezizwa edangele, esaba, noma ethukuthele, yisikhathi sokuthola ukuthi kungani. Ngokuvamile, ukungakhululeki kuhlotshaniswa nokuvinjelwa kokubonakaliswa kwemizwelo emibi, evela ebuntwaneni.

Ungakhohlwa mayelana nemizwa eyakhayo. Uma uzuze okuthile okubalulekile emsebenzini noma ekukhuliseni izingane, yisho kanjalo. Ekuphileni ndawonye, ​​udinga ukwabelana hhayi kuphela usizi, kodwa futhi injabulo. Yilokhu okwenza ubudlelwano bube nenjongo.

Izimiso eziyisi-7 zengxoxo ephumelelayo

Sebenzisa amasu okulalela asebenzayo ukuze ukhulule ingcindezi futhi uxhumane nophathina wakho.

1. Shintsha izindima

Tshelani nilalelane ngokushintshana: isibonelo, imizuzu eyi-15.

2. Veza uzwela

Kulula ukuthi uphazamiseke futhi ulahleke emicabangweni yakho, kodwa umlingani wakho angase abe nomuzwa wokuthi akukho ukuxhumana phakathi kwakho. Gxila kulokho akushoyo, buza imibuzo ukuze ukuqonde kangcono, ugcine umbheka emehlweni.

3. Unganikezi iseluleko

Kungokwemvelo ukuthi uzame ukuxazulula inkinga futhi ujabule umlingani wakho lapho ebhekene nobunzima. Kodwa ngokuvamile kudingeka akhulume futhi azwele. Ungazami ukuxazulula inkinga, jabula noma uhlenge, ngaphandle uma uceliwe. Yiba eceleni kwakhe nje.

Abesilisa benza leli phutha kaningi kunabesifazane. Kubo kubonakala sengathi ukonga kuwumsebenzi wabo. Nokho, imizamo enjalo ngokuvamile iya eceleni. Uprofesa wezengqondo uJohn Gottman uphawula ukuthi lapho inkosikazi ixoxa ngezinkinga zayo, isuke ifuna ukulalelwa futhi iqondwe.

Lokhu akusho ukuthi asikho isidingo sokuxazulula izinkinga nhlobo - into esemqoka ukuthi ukuqonda kwandulela iseluleko. Lapho umlingani ezwa ukuthi uyamqonda, uyobe ekulungele ukwamukela iseluleko.

4. Bonisa umlingani wakho ukuthi uyamqonda futhi wabelane ngemizwa yakhe

Mazise owakwakho ukuthi uyamqonda. Sebenzisa imishwana efana nalena: «Akumangalisi ukuthi ucasuke kangaka», «Kuzwakala kubi», «Ngivumelana nawe ngokuphelele», «Nami bengizokhathazeka», «Bengizocasuka nami ukube benginguwe».

5. Thatha uhlangothi lomlingani wakho

Sekela umlingani wakho, ngisho noma kubonakala sengathi akayona inhloso. Uma uthatha uhlangothi lomuntu okonile, umngane womshado uyocasuka. Lapho umlingani eza kuwe ukuze uthole ukwesekwa ngokomzwelo, kubalulekile ukuzwakalisa uzwela. Manje akusona isikhathi sokuthola ukuthi ubani olungile nokuthi yini okufanele yenziwe.

6. Thatha isimo sokuthi “thina ngokumelene nawo wonke umuntu”

Uma umlingani wakho ezizwa enesizungu ekulweni nobunzima, bonisa ukuthi ukanye naye futhi ndawonye nizoxazulula yonke into.

7. Veza uthando

I-Touch ingenye yezindlela ezizwakalayo zokukhombisa uthando nokusekela. Khombisa ukuthi usukulungele ukweseka umlingani wakho osizini nasentokozweni.

Nansi indlela ingxoxo kaKatie noStephen eyayizoshintsha ngayo uma belandela lesi siqondiso.

Belunjani usuku lwakho sithandwa?

- Emhlanganweni wamasonto onke, umphathi wabuza ulwazi lwami ngomkhiqizo futhi watshela i-CEO ukuthi ngangingafaneleki. I-Hysterical!

Wayengakwazi kanjani! (Simelene nawo wonke umuntu.) Umphendule wathini? (Intshisekelo eqotho.)

— Wathi uhlala enamathela kimi futhi lokhu akulungile. Ngingumthengisi ongcono kakhulu esitezi sokuhweba.

— Futhi kufanele! Ngiyaxolisa ukuthi wenza kanje nawe. (Uzwela.) Kudingeka sibhekane naye. (Simelene nawo wonke umuntu.)

"Ngiyavuma, kodwa uzimbela umgodi wakhe." Umqondisi akathandi ukuthi usola wonke umuntu ngokungafaneleki.

Kuhle ukuthi uyazi. Ngokushesha noma kamuva uzothola okumfanele.

"Ngithemba kanjalo. Yini esinayo ngesidlo sakusihlwa?

Uma unezingxoxo ezinjalo njalo kusihlwa, ngokuqinisekile zizowuqinisa umshado wakho, ngoba ukuqiniseka ukuthi umlingani wakho useceleni kwakho kungenye yezisekelo zobuhlobo besikhathi eside.