Okuqukethwe
Ukungabi namandla, ukucasuka, ukululazeka, ukudangala, amahloni… Kwesinye isikhathi sibhekana nale mizwa ngokuphendula amazwi abonakala emsulwa. Kungani lokhu kwenzeka, kuchaza uchwepheshe we-anti-manipulation.
Izibhakela ziyagoqa, igazi ligijimela ezihlathini, izinyembezi ziyazehlela, kuba nzima ukuphefumula ... Kwenzekeni? Phela, ukuphawula, ngenxa yakho konke lokhu okwenzeka kithi, kwakubonakala kumsulwa, ngisho nobungane? Futhi sizigxeka nakakhulu ngoba asikwazi ukuchaza ukusabela kwethu. Kithina kubonakala sengathi asinalo ilungelo lokuhlangenwe nakho okunjalo.
Kodwa uma lokhu kusabela kuphindwa, cishe sisebenzelana nomuntu okhohlisayo. Futhi ngokuvamile i-manipulator enjalo iphenduka i-psychopath - umuntu osimilo sakhe sibonakala ngokuhlakanipha, ukuzola, ukungabi nalunya nokomela amandla phezu kwabantu.
Uma uzwa igama elithi «psychopath», cishe ukhumbula u-Hannibal Lecter noma u-Ted Bundy. UTed Bundy ungumbulali waseMelika olandelanayo, umthumbi kanye ne-necrophile osebenza ngeminyaka yawo-1970. Isibalo esiqondile sezisulu zakhe asaziwa. Ngaphambi nje kokubulawa kwakhe, wavuma amacala angu-30 okubulala, kodwa inani langempela lezisulu zakhe lalingaba phezulu kakhulu. Kabili ugwetshwe intambo. Ngo-1989, isigwebo senziwa.
Ama-manipulators enza izinto ngamabomu ezikwenza uzizwe udidekile.
Kodwa ama-psychopaths amaningi empeleni awenzi udlame futhi awekho ejele, kodwa phakathi kwethu. Kungenzeka futhi ukuthi umbukeli ojwayelekile ubathole bengabantu abangenangqondo ngokwedlulele futhi bemnandi.
I-Psychopaths ngokuyinhloko iyizisulu zomphakathi. Basebenzisa ubuhle ukuze bathole abakufunayo kwabanye. Akukho okuhlukile. Ngokulinganayo bahlukumeza amalungu omndeni, abangani, izithandwa, ozakwabo. Sebenzisa amakhono abo emkhakheni wezenkolo nezombusazwe. Bashintsha ubuntu babo ukuze bube ngendlela abacabanga ukuthi ungase ubuthande ngayo. Futhi iyasebenza. Kungenzeka ukuthi uthole umuntu omaziyo we-psychopath okhohlisayo ezwela futhi esabela futhi unothando olujulile ngaye - inqobo nje uma engadingi lutho oluvela kuwe. Futhi lapho kudingeka, ukuziphatha kwakhe kuzoqala ngokushesha ukukuhlanyisa.
Nansi eminye yemisho evamile oyizwa kumuntu okhohlisayo ezama ukubukela phansi ukuzimela kwakho. Uma othile ethi oyedwa noma ababili kubo, lokhu akusho ukuthi ngempela uyi-psychopath. Kodwa izinkulumo ezinjalo kufanele zithathwe njengethuba lokubhekisisa ukuthi kwenzekani ebuhlotsheni benu.
1. “Unika yonke into ebalulekile kakhulu”
Yiqiniso, kunabantu ababona izincazelo eziningi ezifihliwe kunoma yisiphi isimo. Yinye kuphela indlela yokuthola ukuthi ukukhohlisa kufihliwe yini kule nkulumo - ukuhlola ngokubheka emuva ukuthi ukwesaba kwakho bekufanelekile yini.
Ngokombono womkhohlisi, bonke ababekade bebathanda, ozakwabo, nabangane bayahlanya, banomona, badakiwe, noma bathandana nabo.
Ama-manipulators enza izinto ngamabomu ezikwenza uzizwe udidekile. Isibonelo, ukudlala ngothando nomuntu othandana naye ezinkundleni zokuxhumana phambi kwawo wonke umuntu. Uma ubabuza ngakho, bazokusola ngokuthi ubheka isimo esibaluleke kakhulu. Ngemva kwenyanga, kwavela ukuthi bakukhohlise ngempela nomuntu ofanayo. Inhloso ye-manipulator iwukukwenza ungabaze intuition yakho. Bahlale bekunikeza amacebo ahlukene futhi bakwenze ukhathazeke, ukuze kamuva bakusole ngalokhu kukhathazeka.
2. "Ngiyayizonda idrama"
Futhi nokho maduze nje uzothola ukuthi kunedrama eningi eduze kwabo kunanoma ngubani omaziyo. Izikhohlisi kuqala zikubeka ngaphezu kwawo wonke umuntu, zibabaza imvelo yakho elula ngendlela emangalisayo. Kodwa ngeke kuthathe isikhathi eside ngoba bacikeka ngayo yonke into. Bangabaqambimanga be-pathological, abakhwabanisi be-serial kanye nezisulu ezingapheli. Futhi ngokushesha zonke lezi zimfanelo ziqala ukubonakala futhi zikuholele ekudidekeni okubi kakhulu.
Noma nini lapho ukhuluma ngokukhathazeka kwakho noma ukunganeliseki kwakho, abakhohlisi bazothi lona kanye idrama abayizondayo ukuze uzizwe kabi ngokusabela ekuziphatheni kwabo okubi. Futhi abafuni ukushintsha ukuziphatha kwabo.
3. "Uzwela kakhulu"
Ama-Manipulators "aletha" abanye emizweni - yebo, yilokho abakwenzayo! Njengoba sebekushayile ngempophoma yokudumisa nokuthopha, basheshe bayeke ukukunaka ukuze babone ukuthi usabela kanjani. Futhi lapho usabela, bakusola ngokuthi uzwela ngokweqile noma ufuna ngenkani. Bayokuhlambalaza, bakubukele phansi futhi bakugxeke (imvamisa njengehlaya, ukugcona), becindezela imingcele yakho siqu uze ucasuke.
Lapho-ke bazojikela okwabo ukuhlehla kuwe ukuze bakwenze ubukeke usangene. Ama-manipulators ayakwazi ukwenza umuntu angakwazi ukuzivikela futhi angavikeleki - ngenxa yalokhu adinga isikhathi kuphela.
4. "Awungiqondi kahle"
Yiqiniso, amaphutha nokungaqondi kwenzeka emibhangqwaneni enempilo. Kodwa abakhohlisi bahlela ngamabomu ukuchukuluza. Futhi uma usabela, basonta yonke into futhi bakusole (!) ngokuthola konke okungalungile. Ngokuvamile baze baphike ukuthi akukho abakushoyo.
Uma i-manipulator izama ukukwenza ungabaze intuition yakho, kusho ukuthi idala izinkinga kuye.
Lokhu kubizwa ngokuthi «i-gaslighting» — lapho besho noma benza okuthile ngamabomu, bese bebeka abanye icala ngokungaqondi (noma ukuphika ngokuphelele ukuthi abakushoyo noma abakwenzile kwenzeka nhlobo). Eqinisweni, ukuqonde kahle ukuthi bathini. Bazama nje ukukwenza ubuze ingqondo yakho.
5. "Uyahlanya/umona/udakiwe/uthandana nami"
Ukulebula ngokuvamile kuqala lapho yonke into yehla. Ngokombono womkhohlisi, bonke ababekade bebathanda, ozakwabo, nabangane bayahlanya, banomona, bacindezelekile ngokwengqondo, badakiwe, noma bayabathanda. Kungase kudideke lapho beqala ukumemeza abantu abafanayo ababebakhuze ngaphambili phambi kwakho. Bese bakujikijela kubhasikidi ofanayo “wohlanya”, beqhubeka nomjikelezo ongapheli wokuqagela kanye nokwehla kwenani lapho wonke umuntu oneshwa ongena endleleni yakhe awela kuwo.
Okuwukuphela kwendlela yokuphuma kulokhu kuguquguquka okulimazayo ukumisa konke ukuxhumana. Ayikho imilayezo, amakholi, ama-imeyili nobungane ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Uma kungenjalo, ungaqiniseka ukuthi bazokwenza konke okusemandleni futhi akunakwenzeka ukukuhlanyisa.
Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi uma i-manipulator izama ukukwenza ungabaze intuition yakho, khona-ke imbangela izinkinga. Ama-manipulators azama ukubhubhisa ngokwengqondo noma ubani ongasongela inkohliso yabo yokuphila okuvamile emhlabeni. Ngakho uma beqala ukudlala «imidlalo yengqondo» nawe, kuwukuncoma okungaqondile ekhonweni lakho lokuqaphela uma kukhona okungalungile ngabo.
Mayelana Nochwepheshe: U-Jackson McKenzie ungumsunguli we-Psychopath Free, umphakathi oku-inthanethi osekela abasindile ekubhekaneni ne-psychopaths kanye nama-manipulators.