"Yebo, ngizokutshela manje!": kungani ungeke uphakamise isandla sakho enganeni. Ungalokothi

"Ukushaya noma ukungashayi" - kubonakala sengathi impendulo yalo mbuzo yatholakala kudala, okungenani endaweni yobuchwepheshe. Kodwa abanye ochwepheshe abacacile kangako, bathi leli bhande lisengabhekwa njengethuluzi lokufundisa.

Kodwa-ke, iningi lezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo kanye ne-psychotherapists likholelwa ukuthi ukushaya izingane kusho ukungafundisi, kodwa ukusebenzisa ubudlova obungokomzimba, imiphumela engaba mibi kakhulu ngenxa yezizathu eziningana.

"Ubudlova obungokomzimba buthiya ukuthuthukiswa kwengqondo"

Zoya Zvyagintseva, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo

Kunzima kakhulu ukuvimba isandla sakho ekushayeni ingane lapho iziphethe kabi. Ngalesi sikhathi, imizwa yabazali iya ngokuya ikhula, intukuthelo igajwe yigagasi. Kubonakala sengathi akukho lutho olubi oluzokwenzeka: sizoshaya ingane egangile, futhi izoqonda ukuthi yini engenzeka nokuthi yini engekho.

Kodwa izifundo eziningi zemiphumela yesikhathi eside yokushaywa (hhayi ukushaya, okungukuthi ukushaya!) - kakade kunezifundo ezingaphezu kwekhulu ezinjalo, futhi inani lezingane ezibambe iqhaza kuzo lisondela ku-200 - kuholela esiphethweni esisodwa: ukushaya. ayinawo umphumela omuhle ekuziphatheni kwezingane.

Ubudlova obungokomzimba busebenza njengendlela yokuyeka ukuziphatha okungafunwa kuphela ngesikhathi esifushane, kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi kubulala ubudlelwano bomzali nengane, kuthinta ukuthuthukiswa kwezingxenye zokuzithandela nezingokomzwelo ze-psyche, kuvimbela ukuthuthukiswa kokuhlakanipha, kwandisa ingozi. zokuthuthukisa izifo zengqondo, zenhliziyo, ukukhuluphala kanye nesifo samathambo.

Yini okufanele uyenze lapho ingane iziphatha kabi? Indlela yesikhathi eside: ukuba ngasohlangothini lwengane, ukukhuluma, ukuqonda izimbangela zokuziphatha futhi, okubaluleke kakhulu, ukungalahlekelwa ukuxhumana, ukwethembana, ukuxhumana kudla isikhathi esiningi futhi kudla izinsiza, kodwa kuyakhokha. ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Ngenxa yalokhu, ingane ifunda ukuqonda nokulawula imizwelo, ithola amakhono okuxazulula izingxabano ngokuthula.

Lokhu akusho ukuyekelela, imingcele yokuziphatha efiselekayo kufanele ibekwe, kodwa uma ezimweni eziphuthumayo abazali kufanele basebenzise amandla (isibonelo, ukumisa ngokwenyama umntwana olwayo), khona-ke la mandla akufanele alimaze ingane. Ukugona okuthambile, okuqinile kuyokwanela ukunciphisa ijubane lomlwi kuze kube yilapho ehlisa umoya.

Kungase kube okulungile ukujezisa ingane—ngokwesibonelo, ngokumphuca amalungelo kafushane ukuze ubonise ukuhlobana phakathi kokuziphatha okubi nemiphumela engathandeki. Kubalulekile ngesikhathi esifanayo ukuvumelana ngemiphumela ukuze ingane nayo ibone ukuthi ilungile.

Cishe akunakwenzeka ukusebenzisa lamacebiso lapho abazali ngokwabo besesimweni esingokomzwelo kangangokuthi abakwazi ukubhekana nentukuthelo nokuphelelwa ithemba. Kulokhu, udinga ukumisa isikhashana, uthathe umoya ojulile bese ukhipha umoya kancane. Uma isimo sivuma, kungcono ukubekela eceleni ingxoxo ngokuziphatha okubi nemiphumela bese usebenzisa leli thuba ukuze uthathe ikhefu, uziphazamise, futhi uzole.

Igunya labazali alincikile ekwesabeni izingane ezikuzwayo ngakubo, kodwa ezingeni lokwethembana nokusondelana, ekhonweni lokukhuluma ngisho nasezimweni ezinzima kakhulu ukubala usizo lwabo. Asikho isidingo sokuyibhubhisa ngobudlova obungokomzimba.

“Ingane kufanele yazi ukuthi umzimba wayo awunakonakala”

Inga Admiralskaya, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo

Esinye sezici ezibalulekile okufanele sicatshangelwe esihlokweni sokujeziswa ngokomzimba yindaba yobuqotho bomzimba. Sikhuluma kakhulu ngesidingo sokufundisa izingane kusukela zisencane ukuthi “cha” kulabo abazama ukuzithinta ngaphandle kwemvume, ukuqaphela futhi bakwazi ukuvikela imingcele yomzimba wabo.

Uma ukujeziswa ngokomzimba kwenziwa emndenini, konke lokhu kukhuluma mayelana nezindawo kanye nelungelo lokuthi "cha" liyancipha. Ingane ayikwazi ukufunda ukuthi "cha" kubantu abangabazi uma ingenalo ilungelo lokungahloniphi emndenini wayo, ekhaya.

“Indlela engcono kakhulu yokugwema ubudlova ukubugwema”

Veronika Losenko, uthisha wasenkulisa, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo umndeni

Izimo lapho umzali ephakamisela ingane isandla zihluke kakhulu. Ngakho-ke, akukho impendulo yombuzo othi: "Kanjani futhi?" Noma kunjalo, le fomula elandelayo ingatholakala: "Indlela engcono kakhulu yokugwema ubudlova ukubunqanda."

Isibonelo, ubhaxabula ingane encane ngokugibela esitolo okweshumi. Faka ipulaki — namuhla kulula ukuyithenga. Ungenza okufanayo namabhokisi ayingozi kumadivayisi wengane. Ngakho-ke uzosindisa izinzwa zakho, futhi ngeke kudingeke uthuke izingane.

Esinye isimo: ingane ihlukanisa yonke into, iphule. Zibuze, "Kungani enza lokhu?" Mbuke, ufunde ngezici zezingane kule minyaka. Mhlawumbe unesithakazelo ekwakhekeni kwezinto nomhlaba wonkana. Mhlawumbe ngenxa yalesi sithakazelo, ngelinye ilanga uyokhetha umsebenzi wokuba usosayensi.

Ngokuvamile, lapho siqonda incazelo yesenzo sothandekayo, kuba lula ngathi ukusabela kuso.

"Cabanga ngemiphumela yesikhathi eside"

U-Yulia Zakharova, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emitholampilo, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kwengqondo-yokuziphatha

Kwenzekani lapho abazali beshaya izingane zabo ngenxa yezenzo ezimbi? Kuleli qophelo, ukuziphatha okungathandeki kwengane kuhlotshaniswa nokujeziswa, futhi esikhathini esizayo, izingane ziyalalela ukuze zigweme isijeziso.

Uma uthi nhlá, umphumela ubukeka uphumelela - impama eyodwa ithatha indawo yezingxoxo eziningi, izicelo kanye neziyalezo. Ngakho-ke, kunesilingo sokusebenzisa isijeziso sokushaywa kaningi.

Abazali bathola ukulalela ngokushesha, kodwa ukushaywa komzimba kunemiphumela emibi eminingana:

1. Isimo lapho othandekayo esebenzisa inzuzo engokomzimba ukuze amise amandla asifaki isandla ekukhuleni kokuthembana phakathi kwengane nomzali.

2. Abazali babekela izingane zabo isibonelo esibi: ingane ingase iqale ukuziphatha ngokwenhlalo — ukubonisa ulaka kulabo ababuthakathaka.

3. Umntwana uyobe ekulungele ukulalela noma ubani obonakala enamandla kuye.

4. Izingane zingafunda ukuphatha intukuthelo yabazali ukuze zibuke umzali ehluleka ukuzibamba.

Zama ukukhulisa ingane yakho ngokugxila isikhathi eside. Ingabe ukhulisa umhlaseli, isisulu, umkhohlisi? Ingabe uyabukhathalela ngempela ubuhlobo bokwethembana nengane yakho? Ziningi izindlela zokuba umzali ngaphandle kokushaywa, cabanga ngakho.

"Ubudlova buhlanekezela umbono weqiniso"

UMaria Zlotnik, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emitholampilo

Umzali unikeza ingane umuzwa wokusekela, ukuzinza nokulondeka, uyifundise ukwakha ukwethembeka nobudlelwano obuseduze. Umndeni uthonya indlela izingane eziyozibona ngayo esikhathini esizayo, indlela eziyozizwa ngayo lapho sezikhulile. Ngakho-ke, ubudlova obungokomzimba akufanele bube yinsakavukela.

Ubudlova buhlanekezela umbono wengane ngokoqobo kwangaphandle nangaphakathi, kulimaza ubuntu. Izingane ezihlukunyeziwe zivame ukuba nokucindezeleka, ukuzama ukuzibulala, ukuphuza utshwala nokusebenzisa izidakamizwa, kanye nokukhuluphala kanye nesifo samathambo njengabantu abadala.

Ungumuntu omdala, ungakwazi futhi kufanele umise udlame. Uma ungeke ukwazi ukukwenza ngokwakho, udinga ukufuna usizo kuchwepheshe.

"Ukushaya kulimaza ingqondo yengane"

Svetlana Bronnikova, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emitholampilo

Ngokuvamile kubonakala kithi ukuthi ayikho enye indlela yokuthulisa umntwana, ukumenza alalele, futhi ukuthi impama yesandla sakhe ayilona ubudlova, ukuthi akukho okubi okungehlela umntwana kulokhu, esasiseyikho. engakwazi ukuma.

Konke lokhu kuyizinganekwane nje. Zikhona ezinye izindlela, futhi ziphumelela kakhulu. Kungenzeka ukuyeka. Ukushaya kuyonakalisa ingqondo yengane. Ukuthotshiswa, ubuhlungu, ukubhujiswa kokuthembela kumzali, okuyinto ingane eshaywayo ebhekana nayo, kamuva kuholela ekuthuthukisweni kokudla ngokweqile ngokomzwelo, isisindo esiningi kanye neminye imiphumela emibi.

"Udlame luholela ingane ogibeni"

Anna Poznanskaya, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo umndeni, psychodrama Therapist

Kwenzekani lapho umuntu omdala ephakamisela isandla enganeni? Okokuqala, ukwephula ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo. Kuleli qophelo, ingane ilahlekelwa umthombo wokusekela nokuvikeleka kumuntu womzali. Cabanga nje: uhlezi uphuza itiye, ugoqe ngengubo ngokunethezeka, kungazelelwe kushabalala izindonga zendlu yakho, uzithole usemakhazeni. Yilokhu okwenzeka enganeni.

Okwesibili, ngale ndlela izingane zifunda ukuthi kungenzeka ukushaya abantu - ikakhulukazi labo ababuthakathaka nabancane. Ukubachazela kamuva ukuthi umfowethu omncane noma izingane ezinkundleni zokudlala ngeke zicasuke kuyoba nzima kakhulu.

Okwesithathu, ingane iwela ogibeni. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uyabathanda abazali bakhe, ngakolunye uhlangothi, uthukuthele, wesaba futhi ucasulwe yilabo abalimazayo. Ngokuvamile, intukuthelo iyavinjwa, futhi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, eminye imizwa iyavinjwa. Ingane ikhula ibe umuntu omdala ongayiqapheli imizwa yakhe, engakwazi ukuyiveza ngokwanele, futhi ayikwazi ukuhlukanisa ukuqagela kwakhe kokungokoqobo.

Ekugcineni, uthando luhlotshaniswa nobuhlungu. Njengomuntu omdala, umuntu owahlukunyezwa esemncane uthola umlingani ozolimaza, noma yena ngokwakhe uhlala ecindezelekile futhi elindele ubuhlungu.

Kufanele senzeni thina bantu abadala?

1. Khuluma nezingane ngemizwa yakho: ngentukuthelo, ukucasuka, ukukhathazeka, ukungabi namandla.

2. Vuma amaphutha akho futhi ucele intethelelo uma ungakwazanga ukuzibamba.

3. Vuma imizwa yomntwana ekuphenduleni izenzo zethu.

4. Xoxa ngezijeziso nezingane kusengaphambili: hlobo luni lwemiphumela izenzo zabo ezizobandakanya.

5. Xoxisana “ngezinyathelo zokuphepha”: “Uma ngithukuthela ngempela, ngizoshaya isibhakela sami phezu kwetafula futhi uzoya ekamelweni lakho imizuzu engu-10 ukuze ngehlise umoya futhi ngingazilimazi wena noma mina.”

6. Vuza ukuziphatha okufiselekayo, ungakuthathi kalula.

7. Cela usizo kwabathandekayo lapho uzwa ukuthi ukukhathala sekufinyelele izinga lapho kakade kunzima ukuzibamba.

"Udlame lubhubhisa igunya lomzali"

U-Evgeniy Ryabovol, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sezinhlelo zomndeni

Kuyaxaka ukuthi ukujeziswa okungokomzimba kwehlisa isithunzi somzali emehlweni omntwana, futhi akuliqinisi igunya, njengoba kubonakala kwabanye abazali. Maqondana nabazali, ingxenye ebalulekile njengenhlonipho iyanyamalala.

Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho ngikhuluma nemindeni, ngibona ukuthi izingane zizizwa zinomusa nesimo sengqondo esingenamusa ngakuzo. Izimo zokwenziwa, ezivame ukudalwa abazali abanolaka: «Ngikushaya ngoba ngikhathazekile, futhi ukuze ungakhuli ube yisiqhwaga,» azisebenzi.

Ingane iphoqeleka ukuba ivumelane nalezi zingxabano futhi, lapho ihlangana nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, ngokuvamile ibonisa ukwethembeka kubazali bayo. Kodwa ekujuleni, wazi kahle ukuthi ubuhlungu abubuhle, futhi ukubangela ubuhlungu akukona ukubonakaliswa kothando.

Futhi-ke konke kulula: njengoba besho, khumbula ukuthi ngolunye usuku izingane zakho zizokhula futhi zikwazi ukuphendula.