Kungani singabathembi abantu

“Ngeke ungikhohlise? Uzongisekela kuze kube nini?” Ukungathembi isandulela esingemnandi sosongo lwangaphandle, okungukuthi, into esicabanga ukuthi ingalimaza.

“Sikhuluma ngokuziphatha ngokuvamile okungalingani nesimo sangempela futhi okungasivimba, kusikhubaze, kusivimbele ukuba siphile ukuphila okugcwele,” kuchaza uMaura Amelia Bonanno, uchwepheshe wesayensi yesintu. — Umuntu ongathembekile ugcina ebuza okuhle ukuze angakhulumisani nezwe. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ugcwele ubandlululo.”

Kuzalwa kuphi ukungathembani futhi ngani?

Izimpande ebuntwaneni

Impendulo inikezwa isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseMelika u-Eric Erickson, okwathi ekuqaleni kwawo-1950 wethula imiqondo ethi «ukwethenjwa okuyisisekelo» kanye “nokungathembeki okuyisisekelo” ukuqoka isikhathi sokukhula komuntu kusukela ekuzalweni kuya eminyakeni emibili. Ngalesi sikhathi, ingane izama ukuthola ukuthi izizwa kanjani ithandwa futhi yamukelwe.

UFrancesco Belo, isazi se-psychoanalyst saseJungian, kuvuma uFrancesco Belo, ukuthi: “Ukholo nokungathembeki kwakheka kakade ebuntwaneni futhi kuncike kakhulu ebuhlotsheni bobuhlobo nomama kunasenanini lokubonakaliswa kothando.

Ngokuka-Erickson, inhlanganisela yezinto ezimbili izosiza ekwenzeni izingane zithembele kumama: ukuzwela izidingo zengane kanye nokuzethemba njengomzali.

UMaria oneminyaka engu-34 uthi: “Umama wayehlale ecela usizo kubangane bakhe, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi wukusiza endlini noma ukungisiza. “Lokhu kuzingabaza kugcine kudlulele kimina kwashintsha kwaba wukungakholwa.”

Into eyinhloko ukuzwa ukuthi uyathandwa, ngakho ukholo kuwe lukhula futhi esikhathini esizayo luba yikhono lokunqoba ubunzima bempilo nokudumazeka. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma ingane izwa uthando oluncane, ukungathembeki kwezwe, okubonakala kungenakulinganiswa, kuzowina.

Ukuntula ukuzethemba

Uzakwethu okhohlisayo, umngane osebenzisa kabi ukupha, othandekayo okhaphelayo… Abantu abangathembekile “banombono ofanele ngobudlelwano,” kusho u-Belo. Balindele okukhulu kakhulu kwabanye futhi babone ukungqubuzana okuncane neqiniso labo njengokukhaphela.

Kwezinye izimo, lo muzwa uphenduka ube yi-paranoia ("Wonke umuntu ungifisela okubi"), futhi ngezinye izikhathi kuholela ekungacabangeni ("I-ex yami yangishiya ngaphandle kwencazelo, ngakho-ke, wonke amadoda angamagwala namagwala").

U-Belo uyanezela: “Ukuqala ubuhlobo nothile kuwukuzifaka engozini. "Futhi lokhu kungenzeka kuphela kulabo abazethemba ngokwanele ukuthi bangaphatheki kabi uma bekhohlisiwe." Ukungamethembi omunye umuntu ngokuvamile kusho ukungazethembi.

Umbono olinganiselwe weqiniso

“Ukwesaba nokungathembani yibo abalingiswa abayinhloko bomphakathi wanamuhla, futhi sonke, esihlezi ekhaya, sibuka umhlaba wangempela ngefasitela futhi singabambi iqhaza ngokugcwele ekuphileni, sihlanganyela isimo sengqondo sokugxeka ngakho futhi siyaqiniseka ukuthi kunezitha ezizungezile. ,” kusho uBonanno. "Imbangela yanoma yikuphi ukungakhululeki kwengqondo ukukhathazeka kwengqondo kwangaphakathi."

Ukuze okungenani kube nezinguquko ezithile, ukholo oluyimpumputhe luyadingeka ukuthi kunoma yikuphi konke kuzoxazululwa ngendlela engcono kakhulu futhi ekugcineni konke kuzoba kuhle.

Kusho ukuthini ukuthola ukwethenjwa nokuzethemba? “Kusho ukuqonda ukuthi siyini ngempela imvelo yethu nokuqaphela ukuthi ukuzethemba kuzalelwa kithina kuphela,” kuphetha lo chwepheshe.

Okufanele ukwenze ngokungathembeki

1. Buyela emthonjeni. Ukwehluleka ukwethemba abanye kuvame ukuhlotshaniswa nezenzakalo ezibuhlungu zokuphila. Uma usutholile ukuthi isipiliyoni bekuyini, uzobekezelela futhi uvumelane nezimo.

2. Zama ukungenzi okuvamile. Akuwona wonke amadoda acabanga ngocansi kuphela, akubona bonke abesifazane abathanda imali kuphela, futhi akubona bonke abaphathi abanobudlova. Lahla ubandlululo unike abanye abantu ithuba.

3. Kwazise okuhlangenwe nakho okuhle. Impela uhlangane nabantu abaqotho, hhayi nje abakhohlisi nezixhwanguxhwangu. Khumbula isipiliyoni esihle sempilo yakho, awunqunyelwe endimeni yesisulu.

4. Funda ukuchaza. Ingabe lowo osikhapheleyo uyazi ukuthi wenzani? Zama futhi ukwenza izimpikiswano zakho ziqondakale. Kubo bonke ubudlelwano, ukwethembana kutholwa ngezingxoxo.

5. Ungeqisi. Akudingekile ukuthi uhlale ubonisa wonke umuntu ukuthi wena ngokwakho uthembekile futhi uthembekile kangakanani: amanga amancane - futhi manje usuyisisulu somuntu ongenalo umusa kangako. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, akulungile futhi ukunganaki imizwa yakho, ukuziphatha sengathi akwenzekanga lutho futhi inzondo ngesintu sonke ayizalwanga ngaphakathi kuwe. Kungaba kanjani? Khuluma!

Khuluma ngemizwa yakho futhi ubuze ngabantu ongabazi, isibonelo: «Angifuni ukukucasula, ngitshele ukuthi uzizwa kanjani wena. Futhi ungakhohlwa ukuthi into efanayo kwenzeka kwabaningi njengoba kwenzeka kuwe, futhi kungaba kuhle ukubakhumbuza ukuthi uyakwazi ukubaqonda, kodwa hhayi ukweqisa.