Labo abaphupha ngokusondelana badonseka kulabo okubasabisayo. Labo abavikela ngonya ukuzimela kwabo bakhangwa yilabo abahlala behlasela indawo yabo yomuntu siqu. Akuzwakali kunengqondo, kodwa kungokwemvelo kithi. Yini eyenza sithandane nozakwethu abangatholakali ngokomzwelo futhi likhona yini ithuba lokukushintsha lokhu? Kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uKyle Benson.
Okunamathiselwe kufana nenkinobho enkulu yokwethuka ebuchosheni. Lapho ukuphila kuhamba ngendlela yakho, asikho isidingo sakho. Senza amaqebelengwane e-Easter, siqoqe ama-bouquets amaqabunga, sidlale i-catch-up. Noma sihlangana nabangane, senze izinhlelo, siye emsebenzini futhi sijabulele zonke izinsuku.
Kodwa-ke kukhona okubi okwenzekayo: siyawa futhi siphule idolo lethu. Isiqhwaga sasesikoleni siyasidudula bese silahla ukudla kwethu kwasemini phansi. Umphathi usabisa ngokukuxosha. Lezi zinto ezimbi zidala ukukhathazeka nokukhathazeka, futhi ukukhathazeka kusebenzisa inkinobho yethu yesimo esiphuthumayo.
Futhi uthumela isignali: funa ukusondelana. Sithola lobo budlelwano obusisekelayo - noma kunalokho, lokho esikucabanga ngathi. Futhi lokhu kuyindida: okunamathiselwe, ngaphandle kwalokho besingeke siphile ebuntwaneni, siqala ukudlala nathi ihlaya elinonya. Uma sizihlola kabi, khona-ke sithola induduzo ebudlelwaneni nalabo abasihlolayo ngendlela efanayo.
Amasu amathathu obudlelwano
Ukunamathela esakuzwa kumama wethu ebuntwaneni kunquma elinye lamasu amathathu ebuhlotsheni.
1.
Isu elinempilo (okunamathiselwe okuvikelekile)
Ngokocwaningo lwezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo, akukho ngaphezu kuka-50% abasebenzisa leli su. Abantu abanjalo bahlangana kalula futhi baxhumane nabanye. Abazizwa bengakhululekile lapho othile encike kubo, futhi bona ngokwabo abesabi ukulahlekelwa inkululeko yabo. Babona abanye futhi nabo ngokwabo ngendlela eqondile. Uma kukhona okungahambisani nomlingani ebudlelwaneni, bahlale belungele inkhulumomphendvulwano.
2.
Isu lokukhohlisa (okunamathiselwe okukhathazayo)
Laba bantu bafuna ukusondelana okuphezulu ebudlelwaneni. Okuhle kwabo ukuhlanganisa okuphelele. Bavame ukukhathazeka ngokuthi umlingani wabo akabathandi ngokwanele, besaba ukuba yedwa.
Abantu balolu hlobo bazibukela phansi futhi babeka abanye esicongweni, benza konke ukufeza okulindelwe ngabantu okubalulekile kubo. Uthando olungajwayelekile, oluhlale lufuna ukuqinisekiswa kwangaphandle kwenani labo, ngoba bona ngokwabo abaluzwa.
3.
"Ngiyeke" isu (gwema uhlobo)
Bazizwa bengakhululekile ebudlelwaneni obuseduze, abathandi ukuncika kwabanye futhi bakhetha ukuthi kungabikho muntu othembele kubo. Ngemva kokufunda kokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo siqu ukuthi ukusondelana kuletha ukuhlupheka kuphela, balwela ukuzimela nokwaneliseka.
Abantu abanjalo bazibona bephakeme kakhulu, kanti abanye bazibona kabi. Bavame ukusebenzisa ukungazethembi kwabantu abanothando ngokweqile ukuze baqhubeke nokuqinisa ukuphakama kwabo.
Ubani okhetha ukuthi ubani futhi ngani
Uma ufunda ngokucophelela lawa maqhinga amathathu - njengoba sake safunda isimo senkinga esikoleni - kuzocaca ukuthi yonke imihlangano yethu eyengeziwe kanye nokuhlupheka "kubekwe" kuzo.
Abantu abanezinhlobo ezimbili zokugcina zokunamathisela badonseleka komunye nomunye, nakuba kusobala ukuthi ubuhlobo babo buhloselwe ukulimaza. Okubaluleke nakakhulu, bazolahla umlingani kuze kube yilapho eshintsha isimo sakhe sengqondo esihle ngabo sibe yilokho abakulindele kuye.
Kodwa kuthiwani ngabantu abanohlobo lokuqala lokunamathiselwe? Bafuna abantu abanohlobo olufanayo olunempilo, oluvikelekile lokunamathiselwe.
Kubonakala sengathi, kungani kungenakwenzeka ukuthi uhlobo lwesibili noma lwesithathu luhlangane nolokuqala? Imihlangano enjalo iyenzeka, kodwa abantu abanjalo abaheheki, isithakazelo esingabagcina bendawonye.
Okufanele ngikwenze? Okokuqala, qonda ukuthi hlobo luni lokunamathiselwe onakho. Lona ukhiye wokuthola nokugcina ubudlelwano uma ungakwazanga esikhathini esidlule. Uma uqhubeka nokuthandana “nabangalungile”, isizathu esiyinhloko sisekuwe.
Pho kungani sithandana nozakwethu abangatholakali ngokomzwelo?
1.
Abantu abanjalo bazimele ngokwedlulele, bacindezela ngempumelelo imizwelo yabo, okusho ukuthi bayakwazi kalula ukupholisa umlingani wabo futhi baqede ubuhlobo - futhi baphinde baba phakathi kwalabo abafuna umngane wabo womshado.
Abantu abanohlobo oluvikelekile lokunamathiselwe abaqali uchungechunge lwemihlangano ende nosesho. Benomuzwa wokuthi «chemistry» kakhulu, banquma ukuthi umlingani evumelana nabo, futhi tune in ubuhlobo besikhathi eside. Yingakho bekunzima kakhulu ukuzithola - abavamile ukungena emakethe yokuqomisana, futhi lapho behamba, bahlala kuyo isikhathi esifushane futhi ngokushesha "baxazulule" ebuhlotsheni obusha.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, abantu abangatholakali ngokomzwelo cishe abakaze bahlangane ngokufana nabo ngokwabo: akekho noyedwa wabo onesifiso sokutshala imali ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni.
Uma uhlanganisa zonke izingcezu zendida, kuvela ukuthi amathuba okuhlangana nozakwethu ongatholakali ngokomzwelo aphezulu kakhulu. Kodwa-ke, abakhi ubuhlobo komunye nomunye ngoba badinga indawo nokuzimela, abahlangani nabantu abanokuxhumana okuphephile okunempilo, ngoba abantu abanjalo abahlali emakethe isikhathi eside - ngakho-ke baheha bani? Maye, ozakwethu abanohlobo olukhathazayo lokunamathiselwe olufisa ukusondelana okwedlulele.
2.
Sibathola bekhanga kakhulu
Ngokuvamile asiboni ukuthi ozakwethu esizifela ngabo yibona abangaqinisa ukungabaza kwethu okujulile. Yimibono yethu yothando eheha ozakwethu abakhethekile kithi.
Esikhathini sokuqala sobudlelwane, "ozimele", umlingani ongatholakali ngokomzwelo uthumela izimpawu ezixubile: ubiza, kodwa hhayi ngaso sonke isikhathi, akafihli ukuzwelana kwakhe, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo wenza kucace ukuthi usafuna.
Ozakwethu abatholakala ngokomzwelo abadlali kanzima. Ezweni labo, akukho okushiyelwe okungaqondakali.
Leli qhinga lizuzisa kakhulu: ngokuthola umlayezo ongacacile ongqubuzanayo, uzakwethu “oswele” onohlobo olukhathazekile lokunamathiselwayo uba matasa kakhulu ngobudlelwano. Abangane, izinto zokuzilibazisa, izithakazelo kanye nemisebenzi kufiphala ngemuva.
3.
Kozakwethu abafinyeleleka ngokomzwelo, asinawo "umlilo"
Ake sicabange ukuthi sasinenhlanhla futhi sahlangana nomuntu obuncane bakhe bulula futhi buzolile, futhi umbono wakhe wezwe ulula futhi uvulekile. Ingabe siyoqaphela ukuthi siyinqobile ilotho, noma siyonquma ukuthi kukhona okushodayo ebuhlotsheni bethu nomuntu onjalo?
Ozakwethu abafinyeleleka ngokomzwelo abadlali kanzima noma bajikijele yonke into ezinyaweni zethu ukuze basinqobe. Emhlabeni wabo, akukho okushiywa ngaphandle okungaqondakali kanye nokungabaza, ukulinda okubuhlungu.
Eduze komuntu onjalo, sizolile, futhi asikholelwa ukuthi uyena yedwa, ngoba "akukho lutho olwenzekayo", ngoba imizwelo yethu ayivuthiswanga, okusho ukuthi sinesithukuthezi. Futhi ngenxa yalokhu, sidlula abantu abamangalisayo ngempela.
Ukwehla nokwenyuka, ukungabaza kanye nezinto ezithokozisayo, nokulinda njalo ebudlelwaneni nabantu abangatholakali ngokomzwelo akufanele kwenziwe iphutha njengokushiseka noma uthando. Kubukeka kufana kakhulu, kodwa ngikholwe, akuyena. Ungawavumeli akuthumbe. Futhi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kunzima kangakanani, sebenzela ukuqonda izindlela zokukhanga ezibekwe kithi ebuntwaneni bethu. Ngikholwe, kungenzeka. Futhi ubuhlobo obunempilo ngokomzwelo bungaletha injabulo eyengeziwe.
UKyle Benson uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo yomndeni kanye nomeluleki.