Wonke umuntu uba nezinkinga ngezikhathi ezithile. Wenzani uma uhlangana nazo? Cabanga ngalesi simo bese wenza okuthile? Ingabe ukuthatha njengenselele? Ingabe ulindele yonke into ukuthi “izixazulule ngokwayo”? Indlela osabela ngayo ebunzimeni ithinta ngqo izinga lempilo. Futhi yingakho.
Abantu nezinkinga zabo
UNatalia uneminyaka engama-32. Ufuna ukuthola indoda ezoxazulula zonke izinkinga zayo. Ukulindela okunjalo kukhuluma nge-infantilism: U-Natalya ubona kumlingani wakhe umzali okhathalelayo, onakekelayo futhi oqinisekisa ukuthi izidingo zakhe ziyahlangatshezwa. Kuphela, ngokusho kwepasipoti yakhe, uNataliya akabanga yingane isikhathi eside ...
U-Oleg uneminyaka engu-53 ubudala, futhi ubhekene nokwehlukana nowesifazane othandekayo, ahlala naye iminyaka emithathu. U-Oleg akayena omunye walabo abathanda ukukhuluma ngezinkinga, futhi “wayehlala emsaha” ngokukhuluma ngezinto ezingahambi kahle kubo. U-Oleg wakubona lokhu njengokufisa kwabesifazane, wakuchitha. Umngane wakhe wehluleka ukumenza athathe isinyathelo esingathi sína kulokho okwakwenzeka ukuze ahlangane ukuze alwe nezinkinga, futhi wanquma ukubunqamula ubuhlobo. U-Oleg akaqondi ukuthi kungani lokhu kwenzeka.
U-Kristina uneminyaka engu-48 futhi akakwazi ukushiya indodana yakhe eneminyaka engu-19 ubudala. Ulawula izingcingo zakhe, alawule ngosizo lomuzwa wecala (“ingcindezi yami iphakama ngenxa yakho”), wenza konke ukuqinisekisa ukuthi uhlala ekhaya, futhi akahambi ukuyohlala nentombi yakhe. UChristina ngokwakhe akayithandi intombazane, futhi nomndeni wakhe awuyithandi. Ubuhlobo bowesifazane nomyeni wakhe buyinkimbinkimbi: kukhona ukungezwani okuningi kubo. Indodana yayiyisixhumanisi, futhi manje, lapho ifuna ukwakha impilo yayo, uChristina uyakuvimbela lokhu. Ukuxhumana kuqinile. Kubi kuwo wonke umuntu...
Inkinga "injini yenqubekelaphambili"
Uhlangabezana kanjani nezinkinga? Iningi lethu okungenani liyacasuka: “Lokhu bekungafanele kwenzeke! Hhayi nje nami!”
Kodwa ingabe othile wasithembisa ukuthi ukuphila kwethu kwakuyokuma futhi kugeleze ngokuphelele nangokushelela? Lokhu akukaze kwenzeke futhi akukaze kwenzeke kunoma ubani. Ngisho nabantu abaphumelele kakhulu babhekana nezimo ezinzima, balahlekelwe othile noma okuthile, futhi benze izinqumo ezinzima.
Kodwa uma sicabanga ngomuntu ophilayo ongenazo izinkinga, siyaqonda ukuthi kunjengokungathi uhlala ethini. Ayikhuli, ayiqini futhi ihlakaniphe, ayifundi emaphutheni futhi ayitholi izindlela ezintsha. Futhi konke ngoba izinkinga zisisiza ukuba sithuthuke.
Ngakho-ke, kukhiqiza kakhulu ukungacabangi ukuthi impilo kufanele ingabi nezinkinga futhi ibe mnandi njengesiraphu, futhi izimo ezinzima zivela kuphela ukuze zibhubhise umuntu. Kuyoba ngcono kakhulu ngathi ukubona ngamunye wabo njengethuba lokuthatha igxathu eliya phambili.
Lapho izimo eziphuthumayo ziphakama, abaningi baba nokwesaba, ukuziba noma ukuyiphika inkinga.
Izinkinga zisiza "ukusinyakazisa", zibonise izindawo ezimile ezidinga ushintsho. Ngamanye amazwi, banikeza ithuba lokukhula nokuthuthukisa, ukuqinisa ingaphakathi lakho elingaphakathi.
U-Alfried Lenglet, encwadini yakhe ethi A Life of Meaning, uyabhala: “Ukuzalwa njengomuntu kusho ukuba umuntu ukuphila okubuza kuye umbuzo. Ukuphila kusho ukuphendula: ukuphendula kunoma yiziphi izimfuno zaleso sikhathi.
Yiqiniso, ukuxazulula izinkinga kudinga imizamo yangaphakathi, izenzo, intando, okuyinto umuntu engakulungele ukuyibonisa ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngakho-ke, lapho izimo eziphuthumayo ziphakama, abaningi baba nokwesaba, bangayinaki noma bayiphika inkinga, benethemba lokuthi izoxazululwa ngokwayo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi noma othile uzobhekana nayo.
Imiphumela yokundiza
Ukungaziboni izinkinga, ukuphika ukuthi zikhona, ukungazinaki, ukungaboni ubunzima bakho futhi ungasebenzi kuzo kuyindlela eqondile yokunganeliseki ngempilo yakho, umuzwa wokwehluleka kanye nobudlelwane obubi. Uma ungathathi isibopho ngempilo yakho, kuyodingeka ubekezelele imiphumela engathandeki.
Kungakho kubalulekile ukuthi uNatalia angafuni "umsindisi" kumuntu, kodwa athuthukise izimfanelo zakhe ezingasiza ukuthembela kuye ekuzixazululeni. Funda ukuzinakekela.
U-Oleg ngokwakhe uyakhula kancane kancane emcabangweni wokuthi, mhlawumbe, akazange amlalele kakhulu umlingani wakhe wokuphila futhi engafuni ukunaka le nkinga ebuhlotsheni.
UChristina uyobe wenza kahle ngokubheka ngaphakathi nasebudlelwaneni bakhe nomyeni wakhe. Indodana isikhulile, isizondiza iphume esidlekeni futhi izophila impilo yayo, futhi izohlala nomyeni wayo. Khona-ke imibuzo ebalulekile ngeke ibe “Indlela yokugcina indodana? ”, kanye nokuthi “Yini engijabulisayo empilweni yami?” “Ngingawugcwalisa ngani?”, “Ngizifunelani mina? Isikhathi sini esikhululekile?", "Ungabuthuthukisa kanjani, uguqule ubudlelwano bakho nomyeni wakho?"
Imiphumela yesikhundla "sokungenzi lutho" - ukuvela kokungabi nalutho kwangaphakathi, ukulangazelela, ukunganeliseki
Isimo sengqondo esithi "inkinga inzima, kodwa ngifuna ukuphumula", ukugwema isidingo sokucindezeleka ukumelana nokuthuthukiswa kwemvelo. Eqinisweni, ukumelana nokuphila ngokwako nokuguquguquka kwayo.
Indlela umuntu axazulula ngayo izinkinga ibonisa indlela abhekana ngayo neyakhe, ukuphila kuphela. Umsunguli we-existential psychotherapy, uViktor Frankl, encwadini yakhe ethi The Doctor and the Soul: Logotherapy and Existential Analysis, uyabhala: “Phila njengokungathi uphila okwesibili, futhi ekuqaleni wonakalise yonke into engase yonakale.” Umcabango osangulukisayo, akunjalo?
Imiphumela yesikhundla "sokungenzi lutho" ukuvela kokungabi nalutho kwangaphakathi, ukudangala, ukunganeliseki kanye nezimo ezicindezelayo. Ngamunye wethu uzikhethela yena: ukubheka isimo sakhe kanye naye ngokwethembeka noma avale yena ngokwakhe kanye nokuphila. Futhi ukuphila kuyohlale kusinika ithuba, “siphonsa” izimo ezintsha ukuze sicabange kabusha, niyabo, siguqule okuthile.
Zethembe
Kuhlale kudingekile ukuqonda ukuthi yini esivimbela ekuxazululeni izinkinga futhi sibonise isibindi lapho sibhekene nazo. Okokuqala nje, kuwukungabaza nokwesaba. Ukungawathembi amandla omuntu, amakhono, ukwesaba ukungakwazi ukubhekana nesimo, ukwesaba ukuguquka - kuthiya kakhulu ukunyakaza empilweni nokukhula.
Ngakho-ke, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuziqonda wena. I-Psychotherapy isiza ukwenza uhambo olunjalo olungalibaleki lujule kuwena, ekuqondeni okwengeziwe ngempilo yakho kanye namathuba okuyishintsha.