Okuqukethwe
Sivame ukwenza njengochwepheshe ebudlelwaneni babanye abantu futhi sixazulule kalula izinkinga zempilo zabanye. Ukuziphatha kwalabo abakhuthazelela ukuxhashazwa kungase kubonakale kungenangqondo. Izibalo zithi izisulu zokuxhashazwa umlingani, ngokwesilinganiso, zibuyela kuye izikhathi eziyisikhombisa ngaphambi kokuba ekugcineni zihlukane. "Kungani engamshiyi nje?" Abaningi abasinde ekuhlukunyezweni bayawazi lo mbuzo.
“Ubudlelwano lapho umuntu oyedwa exhaphaza omunye budala ubuhlobo obusekelwe ekukhapheni. Umhlukumezi unamathela kumhlukumezi wakhe. Umthunjwa uqala ukuvikela isigebengu esimphethe. Isisulu sokulala nesihlobo sivikela umzali, isisebenzi siyenqaba ukukhononda ngomqashi ongawahloniphi amalungelo akhe,” kubhala isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Patrick Carnes.
“Ukusondelana okudabukisayo kuvame ukwenqaba noma iyiphi incazelo enengqondo futhi kunzima kakhulu ukukugqashula. Ukuze kwenzeke, izimo ezintathu zivame ukudingeka kakhulu: amandla acacile omunye wabalingani phezu komunye, izikhathi ezishintshayo ngokungalindelekile zokwelashwa okuhle nokubi, nezikhathi ezingokomzwelo ezingavamile ebuhlotsheni obuhlanganisa abalingani,” kubhala udokotela wengqondo uM.Kh. . Logan.
Ukunamathela okubuhlungu kwenzeka lapho ozakwethu bedlula kokuthile okuyingozi ndawonye okubangela imizwa enamandla. Ebudlelwaneni obungasebenzi kahle, isibopho siqiniswa umuzwa wengozi. I-"Stockholm syndrome" eyaziwayo iphakama ngendlela efanayo - isisulu sokuhlukunyezwa, ezama ukuzivikela ebuhlotsheni obungalindelekile, unamathela kumhlukumezi wakhe, kokubili kuyamethusa futhi abe umthombo wenduduzo. Isisulu sihlakulela ukwethembeka nokuzinikela okungaqondakali kumuntu omphatha kabi.
Ukusondelana okudabukisayo kunamandla ikakhulukazi ebudlelwaneni lapho ukuhlukumeza kuphindwa khona ngemijikelezo, lapho isisulu sifuna ukusiza umhlukumezi, «umsindise», futhi omunye wabalingani bayenga futhi bakhaphela omunye. Nakhu okushiwo uPatrick Carnes ngalokhu: “Uma ubheka ngaphandle, yonke into ibonakala isobala. Bonke ubudlelwano obunjalo busekelwe ekuzinikeleni kobuhlanya. Bahlala benokuxhashazwa, ukwesaba, ingozi.
Kodwa kukhona futhi amazwibela omusa kanye nezicukuthwane. Sikhuluma ngabantu abakulungele futhi abafuna ukuhlala nalabo ababakhaphelayo. Akukho okunganyakazisa ukwethembeka kwabo: noma amanxeba angokomzwelo, noma imiphumela ebuhlungu, noma ingozi yokufa. Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zibiza lokhu kunamathisela okudabukisayo. Lokhu kukhanga okungenampilo kuthuthukiswa umuzwa wengozi namahloni. Ngokuvamile ebuhlotsheni obunjalo kukhona ukukhaphela, ukukhohlisa, ukuyenga. Kuhlale kunengozi nengozi ngandlela thize.”
Ngokuvamile isisulu sibonga umlingani ononya ngeqiniso lokuthi umphatha ngendlela evamile isikhathi esithile.
Uyini umvuzo ongalindelekile, futhi iyiphi indima oyidlalayo ekunamatheleni okubuhlungu? Endabeni yobudlelwano obungasebenzi kahle, lokhu kusho ukuthi unya nokunganaki nganoma yisiphi isikhathi kungashintsha ngokuzumayo kube uthando nokunakekelwa. Umhlukumezi ngezikhathi ezithile uvuza isisulu ngokubonisa uthando, ukuncoma, noma ukupha izipho.
Ngokwesibonelo, indoda eshaye umkayo ibe isimnika izimbali, noma umama osekunesikhathi eside enqaba ukukhuluma nendodana yakhe ngokuzumayo uqala ukukhuluma nayo ngokufudumele nangothando.
Umvuzo ongalindelekile uholela eqinisweni lokuthi isisulu sihlala silangazelela ukuthola imvume yomhlukumezi, futhi unokwanele kwezenzo zomusa ezingavamile. Unethemba ngasese ukuthi konke kuzolunga njengakuqala. Njengomdlali ophambi komshini wokugembula, uba umlutha walo mdlalo wenhlanhla futhi ulungele ukunikela kakhulu ngenxa yethuba eliyisipoki lokuthola “umklomelo”. Leli qhinga elikhohlisayo lenza izenzo zomusa ezingavamile zihlabeke umxhwele.
“Ezimweni ezisongelayo, sibheke ngabomvu noma iyiphi inhlansi yethemba - ngisho nethuba elincane lokwenza ngcono. Lapho umhlukumezi ebonisa umusa omncane ngisho nakumuntu ohlukunyeziwe (ngisho noma kuyinzuzo kuye), lokhu ukubheka njengobufakazi bezimfanelo zakhe ezinhle. Ikhadi lokuzalwa noma isipho (esivame ukwethulwa ngemva kwesikhathi sokuxhashazwa) — futhi manje akaseyena umuntu omubi ngokuphelele ongashintsha esikhathini esizayo. Ngokuvamile isisulu sibonga umlingani waso ononya ngenxa nje yokuthi simphatha ngendlela evamile okwesikhashana,” kubhala uDkt. Patrick Carnes.
Kwenzekani ezingeni lobuchopho?
Ukunamathela okudabukisayo kanye nemivuzo engalindelekile kubangela ukulutheka kwangempela ezingeni le-biochemistry yobuchopho. Ucwaningo lukhombisa ukuthi uthando lusebenza ezindaweni ezifanayo zobuchopho ezinesibopho sokulutha i-cocaine. Ubunzima obuqhubekayo ebudlelwaneni, ngokuxakile, bungakwazi ukwandisa ukuncika. Le nqubo ihilela: i-oxytocin, i-serotonin, i-dopamine, i-cortisol ne-adrenaline. Ukuhlukunyezwa ngumlingani kungase kungabi buthaka, kodwa, ngokuphambene nalokho, qinisa ukunamathela kuye.
I-Dopamine iyi-neurotransmitter edlala indima ebalulekile «esikhungweni sokujabulisa» sobuchopho. Ngosizo lwayo, ubuchopho budala ukuxhumana okuthile, isibonelo, sihlobanisa umlingani nenjabulo, futhi ngezinye izikhathi ngisho nokusinda. Luyini ugibe? Imivuzo engalindelekile ikhulula i-dopamine eningi ebuchosheni kunaleyo ebikezelwe! Uzakwethu ohlale eshintsha intukuthelo ibe isihe futhi okuphambene nalokho uheha nakakhulu, ukulutheka kubonakala, ngezindlela eziningi ezifana nokulutha kwezidakamizwa.
Futhi lezi zikude nezinguquko zobuchopho kuphela ezenzeka ngenxa yokuhlukunyezwa. Cabanga nje ukuthi kunzima kanjani ngesisulu ukunqamula ubuhlobo nomhlukumezi!
Izimpawu zokunamathiselwe okubuhlungu
- Uyazi ukuthi umlingani wakho unonya futhi unobuqili, kodwa awukwazi ukumbalekela. Uhlale ukhumbula ubuqhwaga obudlule, uzisole ngakho konke, ukuzethemba kwakho nokuzihlonipha kuncike ngokuphelele kumlingani wakho.
- Uhamba ngezinzwane ukuze ungamcasuli nganoma iyiphi indlela, ekuphenduleni uthola ubuxhwanguxhwangu obusha futhi ngezikhathi ezithile kuphela umusa othile.
- Uzizwa sengathi uncike kuye futhi awuqondi ukuthi kungani. Udinga imvume yakhe futhi uphendukele kuye ukuze uthole induduzo ngemva kokuxhashazwa okulandelayo. Lezi yizimpawu zokuncika okuqinile kwamakhemikhali ezinto eziphilayo nangokwengqondo.
- Uvikela umlingani wakho futhi ungatsheli muntu ngezenzo zakhe eziyisinengiso. Uyenqaba ukufaka umbiko wamaphoyisa ngokumelene naye, ummele lapho abangani noma izihlobo zizama ukukuchazela ukuthi ukuziphatha kwakhe kungavamile kangakanani. Mhlawumbe phakathi kwabantu uzama ukuzenza sengathi wenza kahle futhi ujabule, ululaza ukubaluleka kokuhlukunyezwa komlingani wakho futhi wenze ihaba noma uthande izenzo zakhe ezihloniphekile ezingandile.
- Uma uzama ukubalekela kuye, khona-ke ukuzisola kwakhe okungaqondile, «izinyembezi zengwenya» futhi uthembisa ukushintsha njalo lapho uqinisekisa. Noma ngabe uyiqonda kahle yonke into eyenzekayo ebudlelwaneni, usenethemba elingamanga loshintsho.
- Uhlakulela umkhuba wokuzilimaza, uqale ukuzilimaza, noma uthuthukise uhlobo oluthile lokulutheka okungenampilo. Konke lokhu kuwumzamo nje wokusuka ezinhlungwini nasekuxhashazweni kanye nomuzwa onzima wehlazo obangelwa yikho.
- Usulungele futhi ukudela izimiso ngenxa yalo muntu, uvumele lokho obukuthatha njengokungamukelekile.
- Ushintsha ukuziphatha kwakho, ukubukeka, uhlamvu, uzama ukuhlangabezana nazo zonke izidingo ezintsha zomlingani wakho, kuyilapho yena ngokwakhe evame ukungakulungeli ukushintsha noma yini kuwe.
Ubususa kanjani udlame empilweni yakho?
Uma uke wahlakulela ukunamathela okubuhlungu kumuntu okuhlukumezayo (kungaba ngokomzwelo noma ngokomzimba), kubalulekile okokuqala ukukuqonda nokukuvuma lokhu. Qonda ukuthi unalokhu okunamathiselwe hhayi ngenxa yanoma yiziphi izimfanelo ezinhle kumlingani wakho, kodwa ngenxa yokuhlukumezeka kwakho kwengqondo kanye nemivuzo engalindelekile. Lokhu kuzokusiza ukuthi uyeke ukuphatha ubudlelwano bakho njengento «ekhethekile» edinga isikhathi esiningi, amandla, nokubekezela. Ama-narcissists anobudlova ngeke ashintshe kuwe noma omunye umuntu.
Uma ngesizathu esithile ungakwazi ukuqeda ubuhlobo okwamanje, zama ukuziqhelelanisa nozakwethu “onobuthi” ngangokunokwenzeka. Thola umelaphi onolwazi lokusebenza ngokuhlukumezeka. Ngesikhathi sokwelashwa, uqaphela ukuthi kwenzekeni ngempela ebudlelwaneni nokuthi ubani obhekene nakho. Akufanele usolwe ngokuxhashazwa owabhekana nakho, futhi akulona iphutha lakho ukuthi wahlakulela ukunamathela okubuhlungu kumlingani ononya.
Ufanelwe ukuphila okungenabo ubuqhwaga nokuhlukunyezwa! Ufanelwe ubuhlobo obunempilo, kokubili ubungane nothando. Bazokunika amandla, hhayi ukuqeda. Yisikhathi sokuzikhulula emaketangeni asakubophele kumhlukumezi wakho.
Umthombo: blogs.psychcentral.com