Okuqukethwe
“Siyakhetha, sikhethiwe”… Kungani sivame ukukhetha “abangalungile” futhi, ngenxa yalokho, sibhekane nokudumala nobuhlungu obukhulu? Futhi ungazisiza kanjani wena - noma othile osondelene nawe - ukudlula ukwehlukana? Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Elena Sidorova uyatshela.
Abesifazane bavame ukuza kimi bezolulekwa ngezinkinga ezimpilweni zabo. Kwabanye, kukhona inkinga ebuhlotsheni nomlingani, kwabanye, "ukukhanya", umhlangano obuhlungu neqiniso, kanti abanye babhekana nokuhlukana nobuhlungu bokulahlekelwa.
Kulesi simo, kunzima ukuqonda ukuthi kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isimo sibuhlungu kangakanani, sidinga into eyodwa kuphela kithi - ukukhula nokuguqulwa. Kudingeka ukuhamba endleleni enzima kusukela ekuthukutheleni komlingani kuya ekubongeni. Akubona bonke abaphumelelayo: abaningi babambeka esigabeni sokuqala sokwehlukana futhi baqhubeke nokucasuka kanye nentukuthelo. Ungakwazi ukuguqula kuphela ngokusebenza ngokwakho - ngokwakho noma nge-psychotherapist, ukuqeda ubuhlungu, imizwa ephilayo ngaphandle komkhondo.
Noma ngabe yiziphi izicelo amaklayenti eza kimi nazo, iningi lihlangabezana nokudumala okukhulu kozakwethu. Kungani lokhu kwenzeka? Kungani iminyaka yomshado iphela ngalomuzwa onzima?
Ukwesaba okuxubene nesifiso sothando
Ngokuvamile impendulo itholakala ebuntwaneni. Uma intombazane ikhulele endaweni ephephile nothando, yayisiza ukuba ifunde ukulalela izidingo zayo futhi iqonde izifiso zayo. Kulula kumantombazane anjalo ukuzwa izwi lawo langaphakathi, enze izinqumo, athi "cha" futhi enqabe labo abangahambisani nabo. Bafundiswa into esemqoka - ukuhlonipha nokuzikhethela - futhi bakhetha kancane, ngokucabangela, lowo obafanele ngempela.
Futhi kwenzekani kulabo abakhulele emkhayeni ongaphelele, noma kusukela ebuntwaneni babona izinyembezi zikanina, noma bezwa ukuklabalasa, ukuhlambalaza, ukugxeka, ukulahlwa, ukwenqatshelwa? Amantombazane anjalo aye alulaza ukuzethemba, ukuzethemba okuphansi kakhulu, akukho ukusekelwa kwangaphakathi okwenziwe, akukho zindinganiso, akukho imibono mayelana nendoda efanelekayo nendlela yokwakha imingcele yomuntu siqu. Banezifundo eziningi ezinzima okufanele bazifunde.
Owesifazane ohlukumezekile akakwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo obuvumelana nendoda kuze kube yilapho ephulukisa intombazane yakhe yangaphakathi.
Ngokuvamile amantombazane anjalo aphupha ukukhula ngokushesha, ukushada futhi ekugcineni athole indawo ephephile. Kodwa owesifazane ohlukumezekile akakwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo obuvumelana nendoda - okungenani aze aphulukise intombazane yakhe yangaphakathi. Kubonakala kuye ukuthi umlingani angaba yinsindiso yakhe, kodwa empeleni udumala kuphela futhi uhamba emibuthanweni aze abone ukuthi isizathu sokwehluleka kwakhe asikho emadodeni, kodwa kuye ngokwakhe, emaphethini akhe angaphakathi, imizwa nemizwelo. . Yena uqobo uheha amadoda athile.
Umuntu ophile kahle ngokwengqondo ungena ebuhlotsheni kakade esesimweni sokuchichima, ukugcwala, injabulo. Isifiso esingokwemvelo kulesi simo ukwabelana ngenjabulo yakho nomuntu ofanayo, ukumnika uthando nokukwamukela ngokubuyisela. Ebunyeni obunjalo obuvumelanayo, injabulo iyanda. Abantu abahlukumezekile, abanesizungu, abakhungathekile, abangajabule bancike komunye nomunye ngokomzwelo, okusho ukuthi banezinkinga nokuhlupheka okusha.
Ingabe kuyadingeka ukubheka "oyedwa"
Ngokuvamile, siphuthuma ngokushesha ekufuneni uthando, siyakhohlwa ngesikhathi esibalulekile sobudlelwane bangaphambi kobudlelwane. Into eyinhloko kithi ngalesi sikhathi ukuba sibe umuntu ojabulayo futhi ovumelanayo. Thola uthando ngaphakathi kwakho, ukhule kuze kube usayizi okwanele wena nomlingani wakho wesikhathi esizayo.
Phakathi nalesi sikhathi, kuhle ukuqeda bonke ubudlelwano obudlule, thethelela abazali, wena, abangani, abakwa-ex, thatha umthwalo wemfanelo ngakho konke okwenzekile, futhi ufunde ukujabulela ukuphila futhi.
Indlela yokuqeda ukuhlukana
Ngemva kokuhlukana, abaningi bazihlupha ngokufuna imbangela yalokho okwenzekile, bezibuza ngokuphindaphindiwe lo mbuzo: “Yini engalungile ngami?”. Lapho sihlukana, asilahlekelwa kuphela umlingani, kodwa futhi nokuphila komphakathi, isimo senhlalo kanye nathi, yingakho kubuhlungu kakhulu. Kodwa kulobu buhlungu lapho ukuphulukiswa kuqamba amanga.
Kubalulekile ukuyeka ukuchitha isikhathi ubheka izizathu zokuhlukana futhi uzisize uthole izikhala empilweni yakho futhi ugcwalise ngayinye yazo. Kungaba:
- izikhala ekuziboneni kwakho njengomuntu (ukuthi ngingubani, kungani ngiphila),
- izikhala emisebenzini yomphakathi (nobani futhi ngixhumana kanjani),
- amagebe emkhakheni wezobuchwepheshe kanye nezezimali.
Ngemva kokuhlukana, ngokuvamile siqala ukwenza kahle umlingani wangaphambili: sikhumbula ukumamatheka kwakhe, ukuthinta, uhambo oluhlanganyelwe, sizenza sibe sibi kakhulu. Kudingeka futhi sikhumbule okubi - ukuthi kwakunzima kangakanani kithi ngezinye izikhathi.
Kudingekile ukwamukela iqiniso lokuhlukana nomlingani futhi uyeke kaninginingi ukufuna izizathu zalokho okwenzekile
Ukulahlekelwa uthando, ngokuvamile siqala ukuvula amanxeba ngokwethu: siya kuphrofayela yomlingani wangaphambili ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, sibheke izithombe, sibhale i-SMS, sixoxe nabangane amahora amaningi mayelana nokuhlukana, sikhalela umculo odabukisayo ... isimo futhi kubambezele ukululama.
Kuyadingeka ukwamukela iqiniso lalokho okwenzekile futhi uyeke ukufuna izizathu.
Uma othandekayo wakho edlula ekuhlukaneni okubuhlungu, msekele: kunzima ukusinda kulokhu kuhlukumezeka okukhulu kwengqondo ngokwakho. Ngokuvamile kuhambisana nokuqwasha, ukunciphisa ukuzivikela, imicabango ecindezelayo, kwezinye izimo, isimo singaphela ekucindezelekeni komtholampilo. Futhi lapho othandekayo ezizwa engcono kancane, msize aqonde ukuthi okwenzekile kwakungelona «iphutha elibi» — kwaba okuhlangenwe nakho okuyingqayizivele ekuphileni okuzosiza nakanjani ukuba namandla futhi kuyoba usizo esikhathini esizayo.