Okuqukethwe
Labo abaye babhekana nokuhlukana kobudlelwane bayazi ukuthi inqubo yokululama ingaba nzima futhi iyinde kangakanani. Lesi sigaba sibuhlungu futhi sinzima kuwo wonke umuntu, kodwa abanye abantu banamathela kuso. Yiziphi izici ezithinta isivinini sokululama futhi yini evimbela abaningi bethu ukuthi baqhubekele phambili?
1. Ukucindezelwa, ukukhohlwa isizathu segebe
Phakathi nenqubo yokululama ngemva kokuhlukana, nakanjani kufika isikhathi lapho siqala ukukhumbula kuphela izinto ezinhle ngobudlelwano obudlule. Sibhekana nosizi kanye nentukuthelo njengoba sihlupheka ngalokho esilahlekelwe. Ikhono lokukhumbula izikhathi ezinhle libalulekile ngempela: lisisiza ukuthi sibone ukuthi yini ebalulekile kithi lapho sithintana nomunye. Ngale ndlela, siziqonda kangcono izidingo zethu futhi, ngokusekelwe kulolu lwazi, singabheka umlingani ofanelekayo esikhathini esizayo.
Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ukukhumbula izinto ezinhle kakhulu, asiboni isithombe esigcwele, kodwa uma konke kwakumangalisa, ukuhlukana kwakungeke kwenzeke. Ngakho-ke, lapho imizwa idonselwa esigxotsheni esithi "yonke into yayiphelele", kubalulekile ukuzama, ngaphandle kokulingisa, ukuthatha isikhundla phakathi nendawo, sikhumbule ubunzima esihlangabezane nabo ngokungenakugwenywa, kanye nemizwa nokuhlangenwe nakho okwavela ekuphenduleni bona.
2. Ukugwema ukuthintana nawe kanye nokuzithuthukisa
Ngokuvamile, omunye umuntu uba “isikrini” sethu, lapho siveza khona lezo zimfanelo esingazazi futhi esingazamukeli kithi ngokwethu. Yiqiniso, lezi zici nazo zingase zibe isici somlingani ngokwakhe, kodwa iqiniso lokuthi zidonse ukunaka kwethu likhuluma ngokubaluleka kwazo okukhethekile kithi. Isifiso sethu sangaphakathi sokuthintana nalezi zimfanelo siyakhululwa lapho sihlangana nomuntu onazo. Siyabonga kuye, sithinta lezo zingxenye zethu ezibe "kwimodi yokulala" isikhathi eside noma zivinjelwe.
Lapho ubuhlobo buphela, ukulahlekelwa kwalokhu kuthintana nezingxenye ezifihliwe zethu kusiletha ubuhlungu obukhulu. Ukuze sikuthole futhi, sizama kaningi ukubuyela ebudlelwaneni, kodwa lutho.
Ungafika esithombeni sakho esivumelanayo nesinelisayo, esikhundleni sokuzama ukusidala ngosizo lomlingani wakho.
Ungazithola kanjani lezi zingxenye ezibalulekile ezifihliwe kithina? Yenza isilingo: khumbula isigaba sokuqala sokuxhumana nomlingani wangaphambili, isikhathi lapho uthandana naye. Wayebukeka enjani-ke kuwena? Bhala phansi zonke izimfanelo zakhe, bese uzisho ngokuzwakalayo, wengeze ngayinye: "... futhi nginakho lokhu." Ngokuqala ukuzinaka nokuzithuthukisa: ngokwesibonelo, ngokuzinakekela noma ukungavimbeli inhloso yakho, ungathola isithombe sakho esivumelanayo nesigcwalisekile, esikhundleni sokuzama ukusidala ngokungazi. uzakwethu.
Wena ngokwakho ungabonisa kanjani ngokucacile nangokucacile lezo zimfanelo owawukhanga kakhulu kuzo owawushade naye noma umlingani wakho wangaphambili?
3. Ukugxeka kwangaphakathi
Imvamisa inqubo yokuhlukana iba nzima umkhuba wokuzigxeka - ikakhulukazi ngokungazi. Ngezinye izikhathi le micabango iyaphakama futhi inyamalale ngokushesha, cishe ngaso leso sikhathi, kangangokuthi asinaso isikhathi sokuqonda ukuthi kwenzekeni, yini eyafaka ubuthi emoyeni wethu. Ngokungazelelwe siqaphela ukuthi sicindezelekile, kodwa asikwazi ukuthola incazelo yalesi simo. Uma uba nokuguquguquka kwemizwa kungazelelwe, zama ukukhumbula owawucabanga ngakho ngaphambi “kokwehla”.
Kubalulekile ukuthi sifunde hhayi kuphela ukulungisa amaphutha ethu, kodwa nokubona amandla angokwemvelo kithi.
Lapho silulama ekuhlukaneni, sisebenzisa inani elikhulu lamandla ekuphileni ngenxa yentukuthelo, ubuhlungu, umuzwa wecala, ukucasuka, ukudabuka, kanye nokucubungula okuhlangenwe nakho kobudlelwane bangaphambilini. Ukuzigxeka kwenza isimo sibe sibi. Kubalulekile ukuhlala unomusa futhi wamukele kuwena. Njengomama oqotho ongeke athethise ingane ngedeuce uma yena ecasukile. Kubalulekile ukufunda hhayi kuphela ukulungisa amaphutha ethu, kodwa ukubona amandla angokwemvelo kithi: singaphezu kwesehluleki, siyakwazi ukusinda futhi sibhekane nemiphumela.
4. Ukugwema imizwa kanye nokungakwazi ukubhekana nakho
Ngemva kokwehlukana nalabo esasibathandayo, sidlula ochungechungeni lwezigaba ezingokomzwelo - ukusuka ekushaqekeni kuya ekwamukelweni. Futhi uma sibhekana nobunzima ngokuphila lokhu noma lowomuzwa, khona-ke sizifaka engcupheni yokunamathela esigabeni esihambelanayo. Ngokwesibonelo, labo abakuthola kunzima ukuthukuthela, abagwema lo muzwa, bangakwazi «ukubambeka» esimweni sokucasuka nokucindezeleka. Ingozi yokubambeka iwukuthi inqubo yokutakula ibambezelekile: okuhlangenwe nakho kwesikhathi esidlule kanye nemizwa engaqediwe ithatha indawo ekuphileni okungenzeka iye ebuhlotsheni obusha nenjabulo kusukela namuhla.
Uma uzibona kule ncazelo, kungase kube isikhathi sokuqala ukusebenza ezintweni ezikuvimbela ukuba uphume ogibeni lomzwelo futhi uthathe isinyathelo sokuya kokuthile okusha.