Okuqukethwe
Kuyini iphuzu lokukhohlisa umuntu omkhokhayo ngokunaka nosizo lwakhe? Kuphambene ngokuphelele, akunjalo? Nokho, ngokocwaningo oluthile olukhulu olwanyatheliswa kuyi- Counseling Psychology Quarterly , amaklayenti angu-93% ayavuma ukuthi aqamba amanga kubelaphi wawo ngesikhathi esithile. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uSusan Kolod sixoxa ngezizathu zokuziphatha okunjalo okungenangqondo.
1. Amahloni nokwesaba ukwahlulela
Lesi yisizathu esivame kakhulu ukuthi amaklayenti aqambe amanga kumelaphi. Ngendlela, sivame ukuqamba amanga kwabathandekayo bethu ngesizathu esifanayo - ngenxa yehlazo nokwesaba ukulahlwa. Ukukopela kungase kuhlanganise ukusetshenziswa kwezidakamizwa, ukuya ocansini noma ezothando, nokunye ukuziphatha lowo muntu anomuzwa wokuthi akulungile. Kwesinye isikhathi kubhekiselwa emicabangweni nasemicabangweni eyinqaba anayo.
UMaria oneminyaka engu-35 ubudala wayevame ukukhangwa amadoda angatholakali. Waba nokuhlangana okuningana okujabulisayo nabalingani abanjalo, okungazange kuholele ebuhlotsheni bangempela futhi kushiye umuzwa wokucekelwa phansi nokudumazeka. Lapho uMaria eqoma nendoda eshadile, umelaphi wazwakalisa ukukhathazeka kwakhe, kodwa uMaria wakuthatha njengokulahla. Enganakile nokuthi wenzani, wayeka ukukhuluma ngemihlangano yakhe nalo muntu kumelaphi. Ekugcineni, kwavela okuyeqiwe, futhi uMaria nodokotela wezengqondo bakwazi ukulungisa le nkinga.
2. Ukungathembi noma ubudlelwano obunzima nomelaphi
Ukusebenza nodokotela wokusebenza kwengqondo kuvusa imizwa nezinkumbulo ezibuhlungu kakhulu. Kungaba nzima ukukhuluma ngazo kunoma ubani. Njengoba wazi, omunye wemithetho eyisisekelo yokwelapha "yisho noma yini efika engqondweni." Kodwa empeleni, lokhu kunzima kakhulu ukukwenza kunalokho kubonakala, ikakhulukazi uma isipiliyoni sokukhashelwa sisemva kwakho futhi kunzima ukuthemba abantu.
Ukwethembana kufanele kusungulwe phakathi kwakho nodokotela wezengqondo kusenesikhathi. Kufanele ube nomuzwa wokuthi uchwepheshe uyakuhlonipha futhi uvulekele ukugxekwa. Ngokuvamile ubudlelwano bokwelapha buba namandla ngokomzwelo. Ungase ubone ukuthi uyamthanda noma uyamzonda umelaphi wakho. Le mizwa enamandla kunzima ukuyiveza ngokuqondile.
Uma ubona ukuthi akulula ukuthi uvule isifuba sakho, ukuthi awumethembi lo muntu, phakamisa lolu daba ekubonisaneni kwakho okulandelayo! Sekudlule isikhathi, kodwa umuzwa waphikelela? Khona-ke kungase kudingeke ufune uchwepheshe omusha. Isizathu sangempela sezinkinga zakho kanye nesihluthulelo sesixazululo sabo sizokwambulwa kuphela ebuhlotsheni bokwethembana nomelaphi.
3. Ziqambele amanga
Ngokuvamile iklayenti lihlose ukuba neqiniso, kodwa alikwazi ukwamukela iqiniso ngaye noma ngothile osondelene naye. Sonke siza ekwelapheni sinombono osuwenzelwe thina ngokwethu. Ngesikhathi somsebenzi, lesi sithombe siyashintsha, siqala ukuqaphela izimo ezintsha esingase singafuni ukuzibona.
U-April wafika ekwelapheni ngoba wayesenezinyanga ecindezelekile futhi engazi ukuthi kungani. Ngokushesha wabe esehlanganyela nomelaphi imininingwane yobudlelwano nomyeni wakhe. Ukhale ngokuthi wayehamba njalo kusihlwa, ephindela ekhaya sekuhlwile futhi engachazanga lutho.
Ngolunye usuku, u-April wathola ikhondomu esetshenzisiwe emgqonyeni kadoti. Lapho etshela umyeni wakhe ngalokhu, waphendula ngokuthi wanquma ukuhlola ikhondomu komunye umkhiqizi ukuze abone ukuthi izongena yini. U-April wamukela le ncazelo ngaphandle kokubuza. Watshela umelaphi ukuthi wayemethemba ngokuphelele umyeni wakhe. Ebona ukungabaza kukachwepheshe, waphuthuma ukumkholisa futhi ukuthi akazange amngabaze umyeni wakhe umzuzwana. Kwaba sobala kumelaphi ukuthi umyeni ka-April wayemkhohlisa, kodwa wayengakakulungeli ukuvuma lokho—ngamanye amazwi, u-April wayeziqambela amanga.
4. Ukwehluleka ukuvumelanisa amaqiniso nokwenza ukuxhumana
Ezinye iziguli zingase zingabi neqiniso eliphelele, hhayi ngoba zifuna ukufihla okuthile, kodwa ngenxa yokuthi azizange zisebenze ngokuhlukumezeka okudlule futhi aziwuboni umthelela wazo ekuphileni. Ngikubiza ngokwehluleka ukuhlanganisa amaqiniso.
UMisha, isibonelo, akakwazanga ukungena ebuhlotsheni: wayengathembi muntu, wayehlala eqaphile. Akazange avume ku-psychotherapist ukuthi umama wakhe wahlushwa uphuzo oludakayo, wayengathembekile futhi engatholakali ngokomzwelo. Kodwa wakufihla ngaphandle kwenhloso: akazange nje abone ukuxhumana phakathi kwalezi zimo.
Lokhu akuwona amanga nge-se, kodwa ukwehluleka ukuxhuma amaqiniso nokuqedela isithombe. UMisha uyazi ukuthi kunzima kuye ukwethemba noma ubani, futhi uyazi ukuthi unina wahlushwa utshwala, kodwa uhlukanisa ngokucophelela lezi zimo komunye nomunye.
Ingabe ukwelashwa kuzosebenza uma uqamba amanga?
Iqiniso alivamile ukuba mnyama nokumhlophe. Kukhona njalo izinto empilweni esisuka kuzo, ngokuzithandela noma ngokungazithandi. Kunezigigaba nezimo ezidala amahloni, ukuphoxeka, noma ukukhathazeka esingakwazi nokuzivuma ngokwethu, ingasaphathwa eyetheraphi.
Uma ubona ukuthi kunezinto ezithile ongakakulungeli ukuxoxa ngazo, kuhle utshele uchwepheshe ngalokhu. Ndawonye ningazama ukuqonda ukuthi kungani kubuhlungu noma kunzima ngani ukukhuluma ngakho. Kwesinye isikhathi, uzozithola usukwazi ukwabelana nabanye ngalolu lwazi.
Kodwa ezinye izinkinga zithatha isikhathi. Ngokwesibonelo, endabeni ka-April iqiniso lavela ngemva kweminyaka eminingana ngisebenza nomelaphi.
Uma ubona ukuthi ucashile noma uqamba amanga kakhulu, tshela isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo ngakho. Imvamisa sona kanye isenzo sokuveza indaba siyasiza ekucaciseni nasekususeni izithiyo ezivimba ukuvuleka.
Umthombo: psychologytoday.com