I-Psychology

Sonke sihlukile, kodwa, ngokuhlala eduze nozakwethu, siyazivumelanisa futhi sivumelane. Kungcono kangakanani ukuzwa lokho okudingwa othandekayo futhi uthole ukuzwana ebuhlotsheni? Sinikeza imisebenzi emine yegeyimu ezokusiza ukuthi uthole isilinganiso sakho sokusondelana nozakwenu futhi nihlale ndawonye ngokujabulisayo.

Ubudlelwano buwumsebenzi. Kodwa ungakwenza kube lula futhi kujabulise. Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo u-Anne Sauzed-Lagarde noJean-Paul Sauzed banikeza izivivinyo zengqondo ukuze bakusize nazane futhi niqondane kangcono.

Inombolo yokuzivocavoca 1. Ibanga elifanele

Umsebenzi uwukuzwa ibanga elifaneleka kakhulu kubalingani ngamunye kanye nabashadikazi bebonke.

  • Hlala ufulathele nozakwenu. Nethezeka futhi uvumele isifiso sokuhamba ngokukhululeka. Yimuphi "umdanso" ozokwenzeka phakathi kwakho? Umuntu uqhubeka kanjani nalo mnyakazo nomlingani wakhe? Aphi amaphuzu okusekela, futhi yini, ngokuphambene nalokho, esongela ukuwa?
  • Yimani nibhekane ubuso nobuso izigaba eziyishumi ngokwehlukana. Shintshanani buthule niye kumlingani wakho. Hamba kancane ukuze uthole ibanga elilungile uma nisondelene kakhulu. Kwesinye isikhathi isinyathelo esisodwa, esincane kakhulu esiya phambili noma sokuhlehla sanele ukuzwa ibanga lapho ukusondelana sekuvele kuwumthwalo, futhi okuphambene nalokho: isikhathi lapho ibanga likuvumela ukuthi uzwe ukwehlukana kwakho.
  • Yenza umsebenzi ofanayo, kodwa kulokhu bobabili baya komunye nomunye, uzama ukuzwa ibanga elilungile kubhangqa yakho futhi ukhumbule ukuthi leli banga libonisa isimo sakho ncamashi "lapha futhi manje".

Inombolo yokuzivocavoca 2. Umugqa wokuphila kokubili

Ephepheni elikhulu, dweba, ngamunye ngamunye, umugqa wempilo wombhangqwana wakho. Cabanga ngesimo osinika lona lo mugqa.

Iqala kuphi futhi iphelelaphi?

Bhala ngenhla kwalo mugqa izehlakalo ezenzeka emlandweni wezithandani zenu. Ungasebenzisa futhi isithombe, igama, ibala lombala ukumelela amaphuzu ahlukahlukene onomuzwa wokuthi aqondise (noma akuphazamisile) ukuphila kwakho ndawonye.

Bese uzinika isikhathi sokuqhathanisa imigqa yempilo yabashadikazi bakho eniyidwebe ngokwehlukana, futhi manje zama ukudweba lo mugqa ndawonye.

Inombolo yokuzivocavoca 3. Umbhangqwana ophelele

Imuphi umbhangqwana wakho okahle? Ubani kuwe embuthanweni wakho oseduze noma emphakathini osebenza njengesibonelo sombhangqwana ophumelelayo? Imuphi umbhangqwana ongathanda ukufana nawo?

Kulawa mapheya, bhala phansi ephepheni izinto ezinhlanu ozithandayo noma ezinhlanu ongazithandi. Thatha isikhathi sokukhuluma nozakwethu ukuze usebenzise le modeli (noma imodeli ephikisayo). Futhi ubone ukuthi ukwazi kanjani ukukufanisa.

Ukuzivocavoca inombolo 4. Ukuhamba ngokungaboni

Omunye wabalingani uvalwe amehlo. Uvumela owesibili ukuba ahambe naye engadini noma endlini. Uzakwethu oholayo anganikeza umlandeli imisebenzi yokubona izinzwa (ukuthinta izitshalo, izinto) noma ukunyakaza (ukugibela izitebhisi, ukugijima, ukugxuma, ukuqhwanda endaweni). Nikeza isikhathi esifanayo kuwo wonke umuntu endimeni yomsizi, imizuzu engama-20 iyona engcono kakhulu. Kunconywa ukwenza lo msebenzi ngaphandle.

Ekupheleni kwalo msebenzi, qiniseka ukuthi ukhuluma ngalokho omunye nomunye wenu ahlangabezane nakho futhi wazizwa. Lona umsebenzi wokwethemba uzakwethu, kodwa futhi nasemcabangweni wethu walokho omunye akulindele kithi noma lokho akuthandayo. Futhi ekugcineni, lesi yisikhathi sokuqaphela imibono onayo mayelana nomlingani wakho: "Umyeni wami unamandla, okusho ukuthi ngizomenza agijime noma anqamule ehlathini." Nakuba empeleni umyeni wethukile, futhi uyahlupheka ...

Lezi zivivinyo zinikezwa ama-psychoanalysts u-Anne Sauzed-Lagarde noJean-Paul Sauzed encwadini ethi «Creating a Lasting Couple» (A. Sauzède-Lagarde, J.-P. Sauzède «Créer un couple durable», InterÉditions, 2011).

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