Kungani amadoda athandana nobulili obufanayo engena ebudlelwaneni bothando nabesifazane futhi alungele ngisho nokubashada? Futhi uqonde kanjani ukuthi umlingani wakho ukhetha inkampani yamanye amadoda kuneyakho? Intatheli uNicole Carrington-Sima ukhulume ngokujola kwakhe nesitabane.
Indoda yami ebukekayo yayijwayele ukuvakashela ijimu nsuku zonke futhi imise ishalofu elihlukile endlini yethu yokugezela esihlanganyelwe yezimonyo zayo. Naye, ungachitha amahora uthenga, ukhuluma ngemfashini futhi ubuyekeza uchungechunge lwezocansi oluthandayo kanye neDolobha ndawonye. Futhi ngemva kwalokho, ukuya ocansini akusekho esikrinini.
Abangane bami babemsola ngomngane wami omusha. Futhi izitabane ezijwayelekile zahleba ngenjabulo endlebeni yakhe: "ungowethu." Bonke bacabanga izinto ezicatshangwayo, ngisho nomona, ngacabanga. Ngisanda kuhlangana ne-metrosexual yesimanje - indoda yohlobo olusha, lapho izici nemikhuba yowesilisa nowesifazane ihlanganiswa ngokuvumelana. Kulezi zinsuku, imigqa phakathi kobulili iyafiphala, futhi akukho lutho olungalungile ngalokho.
Ezinye izitabane zingena ngamabomu emshadweni wesintu ngoba ziphupha ngokuba nomndeni nezingane
Kodwa endaweni ethile ekujuleni komphefumulo wami ngathola isibungu. Into eyangipholisa nje yiqiniso locansi oluyimilingo: phela izitabane azenzi abantu besifazane, akunjalo? Kodwa ngesinye isikhathi, lapho inkosana yami inginikeza isipho esiphelele se-wax somzimba wayo njengesipho, angikwazanga ukuzibamba futhi ngabuza umbuzo ngokuqondile.
Ngethuka kakhulu, isoka elinamahloni ngokushesha lenza okungahleliwe (noma okuhlelwe isikhathi eside) ukuphuma. Ekugcineni, sahleka futhi sanquma ukuhlukana njengabangane. Kodwa imibuzo efanayo yazungeza ekhanda lami isikhashana. Kuthiwani ngobusuku obungasoze babukhohlwa sindawonye? Kuthiwani ngokusondelana kwethu okungokomzwelo okuseduze?..
Ngokwesazi sobulili sase-Australia uMichelle Mars, ubuhlobo bobulili phakathi kowesifazane onobulili obuhlukile kanye nongqingili noma owesilisa onobubili buyisenzakalo esivame kakhulu. “Nginesiqiniseko esingu-100% sokuthi phakathi kwabantu obaziyo kukhona abathandana nobulili obufanayo kanye nabobulili obubili … futhi awazi ngakho. Abantu abajabulela ubulili futhi abaphila ukuphila kobulili okucebile bavuleleka ngokwengeziwe ekuhloleni,” kusho uMichelle Mars. Njengoba imingcele yezigaba zobunikazi bobulili ifiphalisiwe, abantu bathola ubudlelwano bocansi obahlukahlukene.
Ku-sexology, kunegama elikhethekile elithi «pansexuality», elibhekisela ekukhangweni kwezothando noma ezivusa inkanuko kubantu, kungakhathaliseki ubulili babo.
U-63% wamadoda angongqingili ashada nowesifazane awalokothi avume lokho akuthandayo
“Kwesinye isikhathi izitabane zihlangana nabesifazane ngoba bengasiqondi kahle isimo sabo sobulili futhi behlushwa yinzondo yangaphakathi. Abanye bangena ngamabomu emshadweni wesintu ngoba bephupha benomndeni nezingane bese bephoqeleka ukuthi baphile impilo embaxambili ngenxa yokucwaswa okusabonakala emphakathini,” kuchaza udokotela ohlola ucansi.
Kwabesifazane, ubuhlobo obunjalo obusekelwe emangeni bugcwele ukucindezeleka okukhulu, ikakhulukazi uma i-epiphany ingafiki ezinyangeni zokuqala zobudlelwane, kodwa ngemva kweminyaka eminingi yokuphila komndeni.
Umbhali we "Fatal Suitors: Gay and Bisexual husbands in Traditional Marriage"1 Umeluleki womndeni waseMelika uBonnie Kaye uhlanganise uhlu lwezimpawu ezisiza ukuhlonza umuntu othandana nobulili obufanayo ngaphambi komshado. Phakathi kwazo, ukwenqaba ukusondelana ngokobulili njalo, ukubuka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile zobulili obufanayo, ukusebenzisa amathoyizi athile ocansi, izinkulumo ezicasulayo zokuzonda ongqingili, nokunye. Ngokusho kwakhe, u-63% wabesilisa abathandana nobulili obufanayo abashada nowesifazane ngeke bakuvume lokho abakuthandayo ngempela.
Funda kabanzi ku- shesaid.com.
1 U-Bonnie Kaye "Abakhwenyana Abalahliwe: Abayeni AbangamaGay kanye Nabobulili obubili emishadweni Eqondile" (CCB Publishing, 2012).