Ngo-August 2, 2018, odade abathathu baseKhachaturian, uMaria oneminyaka engu-17 ubudala, u-Angelina oneminyaka engu-18 noKrestina oneminyaka engu-19 ubudala, baboshwa ngokubulala uyise, owayebashaye futhi ebadlwengula iminyaka. Lolu hlelo, olusaqhubeka, luhlukanise phakathi umphakathi: abanye bafuna ukujeziswa kanzima kwamantombazane, abanye bakhalela ukuhawukelwa. Umbono we-systemic umndeni psychotherapist Marina Travkova.
Abasekeli babo nabasekeli bafuna ukuthi odade bakhululwe. Isiphakeli sami sigcwele ukuphawula okucatshangelwayo okuvela kwabesilisa nabesifazane mayelana nokuthi "sizokuthethelela kanjani ukubulala." Ukuthi “bangabaleka” uma eklolodela. Ungabavumela kanjani ukuba bahambe, futhi unikeze nokuvuselelwa kwengqondo.
Sesiside isikhathi sazi ukuthi «kungani bengahambi» kungumbuzo ongaphenduleki. Hhayi ngokushesha futhi kaningi kuphela ngosizo lwangaphandle noma ngemva “kotshani bokugcina”, lapho ungashayiwe, kodwa ingane yakho, abesifazane abadala abanesizinda somndeni esiphumelelayo bashiya abadlwenguli babo: abazali abanothando nokuzimela ngaphambi komshado.
Ngoba akunakwenzeka ukukholelwa ukuthi umuntu wakho othandekayo, owathi uyamthanda, uphenduka ngokuzumayo abe yilowo ohamba ngesibhakela ebusweni bakho. Futhi lapho isisulu, ngokushaqeka, sifuna impendulo yombuzo wokuthi lokhu kwakungenzeka kanjani kuye, umhlukumezi uyabuya futhi anikeze incazelo ehambisana kahle nomphefumulo olimele: wena ngokwakho unecala, ulethe. mina phansi. Ziphathe ngendlela ehlukile futhi konke kuzolunga. Ake sizame. Futhi ugibe luyavaleka.
Kulowo ohlukunyeziwe kubonakala sengathi une-lever, udinga nje ukusisebenzisa ngendlela efanele. Futhi nokho, emva kwakho konke, izinhlelo ezivamile, amaphupho, indlu, izikweletu zezindlu kanye nezingane. Abahlukumezi abaningi bavula umlomo lapho bebona ukuthi banamathele ngokwanele. Futhi, yiqiniso, kunabantu abaningi abaseduze abazonikela "ukulungisa" ubuhlobo. Kuhlanganisa, maye, izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo.
“Amadoda anemizwa, azwakalisa intukuthelo ngoba awazi ukuthi angakuveza kanjani ukuba sengozini nokungabi nakuzisiza” — uke wahlangana nalokhu? Maye, kuwukuhluleka ukubona ukuthi ukulondoloza ubuhlobo kuhlanganisa, ngaphezu kwakho konke, ukuzibophezela ekunqandeni ubudlova. Futhi ngisho noma kunezingxabano kubabhangqwana ezingase zibizwe ngokuthi zivusa inkanuko, umthwalo wenqindi ebusweni ukulowo oshayayo. Uhlala nomuntu wesifazane ekubhebhayo ukuthi nishaywe? Suka kuye. Kodwa lokhu akukuthetheleli ukushaywa nokubulala. Qala umise udlame, bese kulandela okunye. Imayelana nabantu abadala.
Ucabanga ukuthi izingane azizange ziqonde ukuthi ngubani onamandla? Awubonanga ukuthi usizo alufiki futhi ngeke lufike?
Manje faka ingane kule ndawo. Amakhasimende amaningi angitshele ukuthi afunda eneminyaka engu-7, 9, 12, lapho eqala ukuvakashela umngane, ukuthi akudingeki amemeze noma ashaye emndenini. Okusho ukuthi, ingane ikhula futhi icabanga ukuthi kuyafana kuwo wonke umuntu. Awukwazi ukuzikhohlisa, kukwenza uzizwe kabi, kodwa ucabanga ukuthi kunjalo yonke indawo, futhi ufunda ukuzivumelanisa nezimo. Ukusinda nje.
Ukuzivumelanisa nezimo, udinga ukuzidela, emizweni yakho, ekhala ngokuthi konke lokhu akulungile. Ukuhlukaniswa kuyaqala. Uke wezwa inkulumo evela kubantu abadala: "Akukho lutho, bangishaya, kodwa ngakhula njengomuntu"? Laba ngabantu abahlukanise ukwesaba kwabo, ubuhlungu babo, nokucasuka kwabo. Futhi ngokuvamile (kodwa lokhu akulona icala likaKhachaturian) umdlwenguli nguye kuphela okukhathalelayo. Iyashaya, iyahabula. Futhi lapho kungenandawo, uzofunda ukuqaphela okuhle futhi ushanele okubi ngaphansi kokhaphethi. Kodwa, maye, akuyi ndawo. Emaphusheni amabi, i-psychosomatics, ukuzilimaza - ukuhlukumezeka.
Umhlaba "olungile": kungani silahla izisulu zodlame?
Ngakho-ke, owesifazane omdala onabazali abanothando abamangalisayo "emlandweni", onendawo ethile, akakwazi ukwenza lokhu ngokushesha. Umuntu omdala! Ubani owayenempilo ehlukile! Izihlobo nabangane abamtshela ukuthi: "Hamba." Amakhono anjalo angavela kanjani ngokuzumayo ezinganeni ezikhulayo, ezibona ubudlova futhi zizame ukuzivumelanisa nazo? Omunye ubhale ukuthi esithombeni ugone uyise bese emamatheka. Ngiyakuqinisekisa, nawe uzokwenza okufanayo, ikakhulukazi uma bewazi ukuthi uma wenqaba, uzondiza. Ukuzigcina.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, emhlabeni wonke. Okuthi, ngokuthula noma ukubheka eceleni, kukwenza kucace ukuthi «ngokwakhe». Izindaba zomndeni. Umama wamantombazane wabhala izitatimende ngokumelene nomyeni wakhe, futhi akuzange kuphele lutho. Ucabanga ukuthi izingane azizange ziqonde ukuthi ngubani onamandla? Awubonanga ukuthi usizo alufiki futhi ngeke lufike?
Ukuvuselelwa kwengqondo kuleli cala akuyona into yokunethezeka, kodwa isidingo esiphelele.
Unogwaja ugijima empisini ngangokunokwenzeka, kodwa, ushayelwa ekhoneni, ushaya ngezidladla zawo. Uma uhlaselwa emgwaqweni ngommese, ngeke ukhulume phezulu, uzozivikela. Uma ushaywa futhi udlwengulwa usuku nosuku futhi uthembise ukwenza okufanayo kusasa, kuyofika usuku lapho "ukushanela ngaphansi kukakhaphethi" kungeke kusebenze. Akukho lapho kungaya khona, umphakathi usuvele ujikile, wonke umuntu uyamesaba uyise, akekho olokotha aphikisane. Kusele ukuzivikela. Ngakho-ke, leli cala kimi liwukuzivikela okusobala.
Ukuvuselelwa kwengqondo kuleli cala akuyona into yokunethezeka, kodwa isidingo esiphelele. Ukubulala omunye umuntu kuyisenzo esingavamile. Ehlukaniswe iminyaka eminingi, ubuhlungu nokucasuka kwafika futhi kwamboza, futhi umuntu wayengakwazi ukubhekana nalokhu eyedwa. Akekho kithi owayengaphumelela.
Kufana nomakadebona ebuya endaweni yempi: kodwa umakadebona wayenempilo enokuthula, kwase kuba impi. Lezi zingane zikhulele empini. Basadinga ukukholelwa empilweni enokuthula futhi bafunde ukuthi bangaphila kanjani. Lena inkinga enkulu ehlukile. Uqala ukuqonda ukuthi kungani emazweni amaningi abahlukumezi bephoqeleka ukuthi baye emaqenjini okusiza ngokwengqondo. Abaningi babo bakhulela "empini" futhi abazi ukuthi bangaphila kanjani "emhlabeni." Kodwa le nkinga akufanele ixazululwe yilabo ababashayayo, hhayi amakhosikazi abo, futhi ngokuqinisekile hhayi nezingane zabo. Izikhungo zikahulumeni zazinezindlela eziningi zokusindisa impilo kaKhachaturian.
Lapho ebuzwa ukuthi kungani lokhu kungenzeki, mhlawumbe kubi kakhulu ukuphendula kunokusola izingane nokufuna kuzo imizamo engenabuntu yokuzisindisa. Impendulo eqotho yalo mbuzo isishiya singenakuzivikela futhi sesabisa. Futhi “iphutha lakhe siqu” kusiza ukukholelwa ukuthi bekufanele uziphathe ngendlela ehlukile, futhi bekungeke kwenzeke lutho. Futhi yini esiyikhethayo?