Indoda Engenangqondo: Umhlahlandlela omfushane Wokubhekana Nabantu Abanzima

Kunabantu abaningi abangenangqondo kunalokho okubonakala ekuqaleni. Futhi ngeziningi zazo uphoqeleka ukuthi wakhe ukuxhumana, ngoba awukwazi ukuvele uzibe noma uhambe ngokunyakazisa isandla sakho. Nazi izibonelo zokuziphatha okungalungile kwabantu okufanele uxhumane nabo nsuku zonke:

• umlingani othethisayo noma owenqaba ukuxoxa ngenkinga
• ingane ezama ukuthola indlela yayo ngokufutheka;
• umzali osekhulile ocabanga ukuthi awunandaba naye;
• uzakwenu ozama ukusola izinkinga zakhe kuwe.

UMark Goulston, udokotela wezifo zengqondo waseMelika, umbhali wezincwadi ezidumile zokuxhumana, wakha uhlobo lwabantu abangenangqondo futhi wahlonza izinhlobo eziyisishiyagalolunye zokuziphatha okungenangqondo. Ngokombono wakhe, bahlanganiswe izici eziningana ezivamile: ezingenangqondo, njengomthetho, abanalo isithombe esicacile sezwe; basho futhi benze izinto ezingenangqondo; bathatha izinqumo ezingezona izithakazelo zabo. Uma uzama ukubabuyisela endleleni yengqondo, basuke bengabekezeleleki. Ukungqubuzana nabantu abangenangqondo kuyaqabukela kube imibukiso ethatha isikhathi eside, engapheli, kodwa ingaba njalo futhi ikhathale.

Izinhlobo eziyisishiyagalolunye zabantu abangenangqondo

1. Okungokomzwelo: ukufuna ukuqhuma kwemizwa. Bazivumela ukuba bamemeze, bashaye umnyango futhi balethe isimo esimweni esingabekezeleleki. Laba bantu cishe akunakwenzeka ukuba behlise umoya.
2. Okunengqondo: Kubukeka kubanda, kuncisha imizwa, phatha abanye ngokuzithoba. Konke abakubona kungenangqondo akunakwa, ikakhulukazi ukubonakaliswa kwemizwelo yomunye umuntu.
3. Ukuncika ngokomzwelo: bafuna ukuncika, bashintshele abanye umthwalo wemfanelo wezenzo zabo nokukhetha kwabo, bacindezele umuzwa wecala, babonise ukungabi nakuzisiza kwabo kanye nokungakwazi kwabo ukusebenza. Izicelo zosizo azipheli.
4. Ethukile: hlala ngokwesaba. Izwe elibazungezile libonakala kubo njengendawo enobutha lapho wonke umuntu efuna ukubalimaza.
5. Themba: Lahla ithemba. Kulula ukulimaza, ukucasula, ukucasula imizwa yabo. Ngokuvamile isimo sengqondo esibi sabantu abanjalo siyathelelana.
6. Martyr: ungalokothi ucele usizo, noma ngabe uludinga kakhulu.
7. Ulaka: busa, thoba. Ukwazi ukusongela, ukululaza nokuhlambalaza umuntu ukuze athole amandla phezu kwakhe.
8. Yazi-Konke: Zibone njengochwepheshe kuphela kunoma yisiphi isihloko. Bathanda ukuveza abanye njengabangcolile, ukuze banciphise ukuzethemba. Bathatha isikhundla «kusuka phezulu», bayakwazi ukululaza, ukugcona.
9. I-Sociopathic: bonisa ukuziphatha kwe-paranoid. Bafuna ukwesabisa, ukufihla izisusa zabo. Siyaqiniseka ukuthi wonke umuntu ufuna ukubheka emiphefumulweni yakhe futhi asebenzise ulwazi oluphikisana nabo.

Iziphi izingxabano?

Into elula kakhulu ekubhekaneni nokungenangqondo ukugwema izingxabano ngazo zonke izindlela, ngoba umphumela omuhle esimweni sokuwina-win cishe akunakwenzeka lapha. Kodwa okulula kakhulu akuhlali kuhle kakhulu.

Ubaba ongumsunguli we-conflictology, isazi sezokuhlalisana kwabantu saseMelika kanye nesazi sezingxabano u-Lewis Koser wayengomunye wabokuqala ukuphakamisa ukuthi ukungqubuzana kunomsebenzi omuhle.

“Ukungqubuzana, njengokubambisana, kunemisebenzi yomphakathi. Izinga elithile lokungqubuzana akulona neze ukungasebenzi, kodwa lingaba yingxenye ebalulekile kokubili inqubo yokubunjwa kweqembu kanye nokuba khona kwalo okusimeme, ”kubhala uKozera.

Izingxabano phakathi kwabantu azinakugwenywa. Futhi uma zingaxazululwa ngokusemthethweni, bese zigeleza ezinhlotsheni ezihlukahlukene zokungqubuzana kwangaphakathi. Izingxabano ezingaxazululiwe zilimaza ukuzethemba, futhi ngezinye izikhathi ngisho nomuzwa oyisisekelo wokulondeka.

Ukugwema ukungqubuzana nabantu abangenangqondo kuwumgwaqo ongayi ndawo. Abangenangqondo abafisi ukungqubuzana ezingeni lokuqaphela. Bona, njengabo bonke abanye abantu, bafuna ukuqiniseka ukuthi bayaqondwa, bayazwiwa futhi bacatshangelwa nabo, nokho, "ukuwela" ekuqaleni kwabo okungenangqondo, ngokuvamile abakwazi ukwenza isivumelwano esizuzisayo.

Imibono ihluke kanjani kokungacabangi?

UGoulston ugomela ngokuthi ngamunye wethu kukhona isimiso esingenangqondo. Nokho, ubuchopho bomuntu ongenangqondo busabela ekungqubuzaneni ngendlela ethe ukuhluka kunobuchopho bomuntu onengqondo. Njengesisekelo sesayensi, umbhali usebenzisa imodeli emithathu yobuchopho eyakhiwa isazi sezinzwa uPaul McClean ngeminyaka yama-60s. NgokukaMcClean, ubuchopho bomuntu buhlukaniswe izingxenye ezintathu:

• phezulu - i-neocortex, i-cerebral cortex enesibopho sokucabanga nokunengqondo;
• ingxenye ephakathi - i- limbic system, inesibopho semizwa;
• ingxenye engezansi - ubuchopho besilwane esihuquzelayo, yibo obhekene nemizwelo eyisisekelo yokuphila: "ukulwa noma ukundiza."

Umehluko phakathi kokusebenza kobuchopho bongqondongqondo kanye nokungenangqondo kulele eqinisweni lokuthi ekungqubuzaneni, izimo ezicindezelayo, umuntu ongenangqondo ulawulwa yizigaba eziphansi neziphakathi, kuyilapho umuntu onengqondo ezama ngawo wonke amandla akhe ukuze ahlale ngaphakathi. indawo yobuchopho obungaphezulu. Umuntu ongenangqondo ukhululekile futhi ujwayele ukuba sesimweni sokuzivikela.

Isibonelo, uma uhlobo oluthinta imizwa lumemeza noma lushaya iminyango, luzizwa luyinjwayelo ngaphakathi kwalokho kuziphatha. Izinhlelo eziqulekile zohlobo lwemizwa zimkhuthaza ukuba amemeze ukuze azwakale. Nakuba okunengqondo kunesikhathi esinzima kulesi simo. Akaliboni isixazululo futhi uzizwa ebambekile.

Ungasivimbela kanjani isimo esibi futhi uhlale esiqalweni esinengqondo?

Okokuqala, khumbula ukuthi umgomo womuntu ongenangqondo uwukuletha endaweni yakhe yethonya. “Ezindongeni zomdabu” zobuchopho bezilwane ezihuquzelayo nobungokomzwelo, umuntu ongenangqondo uzijwayeza njengempumputhe ebumnyameni. Lapho okungenangqondo ekwazi ukukuholela emizweni enamandla, njengokuthukuthela, ukucasuka, icala, umuzwa wokungabi nabulungisa, khona-ke umfutho wokuqala "ukushaya" ekuphenduleni. Kodwa yilokho kanye umuntu ongenangqondo akulindele kuwe.

Akudingekile, nokho, ukufaka amademoni abantu abangenangqondo noma ukubabheka njengomthombo wobubi. Amandla abashukumisela ukuba baziphathe ngendlela engafanele futhi ngisho nangokulimaza ngokuvamile ngokuvamile isethi yemibhalo engaqondakali abayithola ebuntwaneni. Ngamunye wethu unezinhlelo zakhe. Kodwa-ke, uma okungenangqondo kunqoba okunengqondo, izingxabano ziba indawo yenkinga kwezokuxhumana.

Imithetho emithathu yokungqubuzana nomuntu ongenangqondo

Qeqesha ukuzithiba kwakho. Isinyathelo sokuqala inkhulumomphendvulwano yangaphakathi lapho uzitshela ukuthi, “Ngiyakubona okwenzekayo. Ufuna ukungicasula.” Uma ungabambezela ukusabela kwakho emazwini noma esenzweni somuntu ongenangqondo, donsa umoya kancane futhi ukhiphe, uzuze ukunqoba kokuqala phezu komzwelo ongokwemvelo. Ngale ndlela, uphinda uthole ikhono lokucabanga ngokucacile.

Buyela ephuzwini. Ungavumeli umuntu ongenangqondo akudukise. Uma ikhono lokucabanga ngokucacile liyingcweti, kusho ukuthi ungakwazi ukulawula isimo ngemibuzo elula kodwa ephumelelayo. Zibone ngeso lengqondo uxabana nomuntu odakwayo omemeza ngezinyembezi: “Ungumuntu onjani! Uyahlanya uma ungitshela lokhu! Kuyini lokhu kimi! Ngenzeni ukuze ngiphathwe ngale ndlela!” Amagama anjalo adala kalula ukucasuka, umuzwa wecala, ukudideka kanye nesifiso sokubuyisela ngendlela efanayo. Uma uvumela umuzwa wemvelo, impendulo yakho izoholela emfuleni omusha wezinsolo.

Uma ungumuntu ogwema ukungqubuzana, uzofuna ukuyeka futhi ushiye izinto zinjengoba zinjalo, uvumelane nalokho okushiwo umphikisi wakho ongenangqondo. Lokhu kushiya insalela enzima futhi akuxazululi ukungqubuzana. Kunalokho, lawula isimo. Bonisa ukuthi uyamuzwa umkhulumeli wakho: “Ngiyabona ukuthi uphatheke kabi ngesimo samanje. Ngifuna ukuqonda lokho ozama ukungitshela kona." Uma lowo muntu eqhubeka nokudinwa futhi engafuni ukuzwa kuwe, yinqande ingxoxo ngokucela ukubuyela kuye kamuva, lapho esezokwazi ukukhuluma nawe ngomoya ophansi.

Lawula isimo. Ukuxazulula ukungqubuzana nokuthola indlela yokuphuma, omunye wabaphikisi kufanele akwazi ukuzibambela mathupha. Ngokwenza kanjalo, lokhu kusho ukuthi ngemva kokunquma ingqikithi, lapho uzwa i-interlocutor, ungamqondisa ngendlela enokuthula. Buza oxoxa naye ukuthi usibona kanjani isixazululo salesi simo. Obuza umbuzo ulawula isimo. “Ngokuqonda kwami, awuzange unginake. Yini esingayenza ukuze siguqule isimo?” Ngalo mbuzo, uzobuyisela umuntu esifundweni esinengqondo futhi uzwe ukuthi yini ngempela ayilindele. Mhlawumbe iziphakamiso zakhe azihambisani nawe, bese ungakwazi ukubeka eyakho. Nokho, lokhu kungcono kunezaba noma ukuhlasela.